I MISSSSSSSS YOU????!!!!

[Ahzar]

salam everybody
i havent postes before but i have a serious question and i want to know the islamic point of view i guess i can say.
i am not muslim but my mom is and so is my stepdad.
a couple months ago my aunt was here visiting and she was on the computer and saw something and tried to tell my mom about it. i remember my mom getting upset and telling her don't tell me i don't want to know. i had know idea what they were talking about because i was just hanging around and not really listening. plus it was not my business. i remember my mom being very sad the next day when my nanny(my aunt) left. she was crying alot. i didn't ask her what happened.
i just found out something by accident and it has something to do with that day. i figured it out. i feel bad because it is none of my business and i should not listen to other peoples convrsations but i could not help it because they were talking in front of me kind of.

i heard my nanny asked my mom if she ever confronted my stepdad about that email. my mom said no and my aunt said a whole bunch of things. my mom started to cry again.
basically, i found out they were talking about my stepdad and some emails he had with somebody. a girl. i heard my nanny say that she is from singapore and that made me think of some things he said one time about a friend of his, he wasnt talking to me but my mom about that friend. i just remember he said it. i was thinking is this was that friend? if it is, she is pakistani like him too.
from what i heard about his friend from his mouth in the past is he had a friend who was very pious and studying in islam and all kinds of things. a very good person. i didn't knwo it was a girl though.
and the emails that my nanny was talking about must have been from that friend. and that girl wrote to my stepdad that she misses him so much

like this

I MISSSSSSSSSSSSSSS YOUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!

and she wrote some other things about him. giving him complimemts.
he wrote her back saying I MISSSS YOU TOOOOO!!! and also gave her nice compliments.

from what i have learned about islam from watching and listening to my mom is that this is not allowed. i am mad now and i have lost some repsect for my stepdad because my mom has been through too much sad in her life. too many bad things and for the first time i saw her happy in years and now she is sad a lot. she cries a lot. i hear her say things to my stepdad about him leaving her or talking to people and all that. i think my stepdad is a good muslim but i think he is not a good enough muslim for my mom. if he was than my mom would not be sad and not worry about those things. if he was than he would not tell another girl he misses her. right?

i don't know what to do. i am thinking to say something to him but i don't know where to start and i don't want to get my mom mad at me. she doesn t know i know. i feel guilty for that but i feel like i need to protect her
she doesn't pray anymore or at least i don't see her. she has changed a lot in the past two months. something happened and i think it is because of my stepdad but i am not sure. i know she loves him and he makes her happy but he also makes her very sad and always worried.

i want to know what a good muslim should be like so that maybe i can tell him something. i am not muslim yet but maybe one day. i want to remind him that how he needs to be. do you think this is a good idea?

i am sorry for so much. i never wrote so much in my whole life. not even on my essays for school lol
i am really worried about my mom and really sad for her and i am kind of a little mad at my stepdad for talking to another girl. and also that if that girl is such a pious girl then why is she writing a guy and telling him she misses him? maybe she needs to listen when she is taking her islam lessons cuz she must have missed the part about girls and boys talking to each other.

 

[ShahnazZ]

Firstly, this woman has some nerve contacting a married man (I'm assuming she knows he's married) because someone like that is a homewrecker and I don't see how her "Islamic studies" are helping her piety level if she's going after a married man. I think that you should sit down with your mother and tell her that you know. I really do believe she could use your support right now as she seems very distraught and has a right to feel that way. Let her know that you are there for her and that she will always have you. Then I suggest that the two of you confront your stepfather. As a unit, he will have no choice but to respond to the two of you. If you ask separately, he won't take it as seriously. Therefore I think you and your mother should confront him together. Tell him that if he wants to maintain his family, he has to respect your mother and her wishes and cut off contact with this woman. It's haram for a man to keep any kind of relationship with a strange woman who is not his relative anyway. And if he's a good muslim like you said, he will take this into account and realize he is not doing right by his wife. InshAllah, this will be a reality check for him and inshAllah I hope everything turns out well for you and your family.

 

[mahdi]

she doesn't pray anymore or at least i don't see her. she has changed a lot in the past two months. something happened and i think it is because of my stepdad but i am not sure

look i don't know how could someone stop praying when he get's angry with his partner. or when his partner does something bad, she shouldn't judge islam by the musilms,.
and your stepdad is wrong, although he is allowed to have four wives he should talk to his wife if he is looking to have another wife.
i don't have much to say because i don't have the knowledge, i hope someone will answer your question, in a better way.

 

[dunno]

from what i heard about his friend from his mouth in the past is he had a friend who was very pious and studying in islam and all kinds of things. a very good person. i didn't knwo it was a girl though.
and the emails that my nanny was talking about must have been from that friend. and that girl wrote to my stepdad that she misses him so much
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you dont know if its that girl for sure so dont attack people with out being sure

 

[ShahnazZ]

from what i heard about his friend from his mouth in the past is he had a friend who was very pious and studying in islam and all kinds of things. a very good person. i didn't knwo it was a girl though.
and the emails that my nanny was talking about must have been from that friend. and that girl wrote to my stepdad that she misses him so much
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
you dont know if its that girl for sure so dont attack people with out being sure

Well how many guys do you know that would write "I Misssssssss youuuuuuu???!!!" to another guy? lol

 

[dunno]

i didnt say it was a guy i just said maby its not the same girl that was studying islam

 

[warda A]

hey

Well how many guys do you know that would write "I Misssssssss youuuuuuu???!!!" to another guy? lol

i didnt say it was a guy i just said maby its not the same girl that was studying islam

my dear brothers and sisters, it appears like an aurgument will brak out, but speculating is wrong in islam.
and furthermore the young man needs guidance.
please we should stick to the topic.

the brother should tell his mother that he knows and talk to his step dad in a respectable manner.

i would like to point out that we as humans are fickle and we fall into doing undesirable things but when that happens people jugde islam and i say it is wrong beacuse islam is perfect, people are not.
so when someone does something wrong they should not be judged by their religion rather by their character, and they should be told so in a good manner.

 

[Imad]

Thank you for your post Ahzar,

In islam it's not allowed to have a girlfriend or boyfriend. Exchanging letters with them is also not allowed. I don't know the whole picture about your stepdad, but maybe you can ask him in a nice manner about the email. Insha Allah you will get the whole picture.

If he says it's a girlfriend of him let him know that your mother saw the letter and she has pain, because she loves him so much. Let him also know that in islam having a girlfriend is not allowed.

I think you have also to talk to your mother about the prayers. Say to her in a respectable manner that praying is very important in the live of a muslim. I know you are not a muslim yet, but insha Allah it will help her. Prayers is very important and it will help ease her pain.

may Allah help you all

Thanks,

Imad

 

[palestine]

Asalamu alaykum. i know this is off topic, but as muslims we are to convey the message of islam. Death keeps no calendar and so we don't know when we'll die. everyone has an appointed time of death. I invite you to accept Islam as your way of life despite the example your stepdad has set. Dont become Muslim because of someone you want to please, but become a muslim in order that you may find peace, and tranquility, and in order that you may know your creator- Allah. Please accept the invitation and learn more about Islam, you'll find the truth because the truth always prevails. May you be guided and may you be blessed by Allah almighty and may you and your family live a life of happiness and joy. peace.

 

[Aapa]

Salaam,

Young man this is not meant to be harsh but it is not your concern. Your mother and step-father have a relationship outside of you. Let them take care of it. You do not know the details of the issues. You need to be careful about judgements about your step-father. Couples forgive each other, over and over again. Please do not take sides or assume something is wrong. Give your mother credit for being an adult.
Secondly, you a judging a person's faith. We are not able to do that. Only Allah subhana talla has that right. Why are you reading e-mails that are not yours? In a sense you are humiliating your mother.
Should your father want a second wife he will talk to your mother. It is their decision and theirs alone.
You have come to a Muslim website..do you wish to revert to Islam. This would be the path for you to take. There are many young people who would be willing to work with you.
Please understand I am not trying to be rude. I am trying to help you see a bigger picture.

 

[Sonia88]

i know you probz feel sorry for your mam, i wud 2 if i found out ma dad had dun sumit lyk that... maybe you should talk 2 ur mother about this, because after all he is your step father, and this affects you too. encourage her 2 start praying agen, or just mention it 'lyk isnt it asr time' etc.
you need 2 mek sure sumit is being done or your mother might just fall deeper into sadness, and your step-dad needs to stop tlkin 2 this frend, becoz 2 miss someone isnt something little, you can only miss someone, when you know them very well, and feel lost wivout their presence..you can get your aunty to sort things out maybe as she alredy knows..however if you think your mother would mind you sharing this with her then dont. hopefully things will work out, maybe its a misunderstanding.