Salam aliakum all. I need help. I keep committing the sin of backbiting. Mainly its about one person at work who ABSOLUTELY DRIVES ME CRAAAAAAAAAZYYYYY. She talks incessantly, lies about doing particular jobs at work, is lazy, etc. etc. See, here I go again. Unfortunately, I have to ask forgiveness every prayer for my sins. I try but every time she opens her mouth or just doesnt work while the rest of us do.....I get myself in trouble. I really am good about watching my backbiting about others but I cant stop when it comes to her. How do I get through this? I try and stay away from her, I ask for strength every day to get through it, I am just so scared and frustrated because of my actions. Any ideas? In the meantime, make duas for me. :tti_sister:
I need help
- Thread starter ummsami89
- Start date
ahmed_indian
to Allah we belong
:salam2:,
praise be to Allah that He opened ur heart to dislike backbiting which many take it very very lightly.
yes, keep praying to Allah to help u overcome this habit. sometimes it takes time to change the habit. just keep working for your noble aim! (ie not to backbit)
when u feel to speak against her, u may recall Allah's words: And spy not neither backbite one another. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? You would hate it (so hate backbiting). And fear God, verily, God is the one who accepts repentance, Most Merciful. (49: 12)
see, Allah says that He accepts repentance and He is Most Merciful.
praise be to Allah that He opened ur heart to dislike backbiting which many take it very very lightly.
yes, keep praying to Allah to help u overcome this habit. sometimes it takes time to change the habit. just keep working for your noble aim! (ie not to backbit)
when u feel to speak against her, u may recall Allah's words: And spy not neither backbite one another. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? You would hate it (so hate backbiting). And fear God, verily, God is the one who accepts repentance, Most Merciful. (49: 12)
see, Allah says that He accepts repentance and He is Most Merciful.
muslimsista234
New Member
Assalam alaykum :muslim_child:
Back biting
i kinda know wat ya mean like when a person annoys you and you have to tell some1 becouse wen ya don't ya feel like ya gonna expload i kinda know wat ya mean, however no1 is perfect and jus try to think if ya can not say it infront of that person then jus pause and think Allah is wachin u and u don't want the angel to write it down on ur record. watch baba ali ummah films on yourube hes got a gud vid on backbiting he gives gud advice lol and he is sooooooooooo funny lol
Allah also mentions about this in quran that it is wrong and it is as if you are eatin the felsh of ur dead brother its serious
i know how ya feel but it is better to avoid it. some people jus do drive u crazzzzzzyy!!!! but jus b pateint and let Allah deal wiv them jus pray Allah gives them guidance
i hpe I've been a help masalam
Back biting
i kinda know wat ya mean like when a person annoys you and you have to tell some1 becouse wen ya don't ya feel like ya gonna expload i kinda know wat ya mean, however no1 is perfect and jus try to think if ya can not say it infront of that person then jus pause and think Allah is wachin u and u don't want the angel to write it down on ur record. watch baba ali ummah films on yourube hes got a gud vid on backbiting he gives gud advice lol and he is sooooooooooo funny lol
Allah also mentions about this in quran that it is wrong and it is as if you are eatin the felsh of ur dead brother its serious
i know how ya feel but it is better to avoid it. some people jus do drive u crazzzzzzyy!!!! but jus b pateint and let Allah deal wiv them jus pray Allah gives them guidance
i hpe I've been a help masalam
Ok, this what you should do. You should get her to forgive you and give you a blank check so to speak.
You do NOT have to tell her that "I was backbiting and bad mouthing you". The way to do it, is very easy and actually you have a golden chance. Tell her that, You have plans to go to Haj in 3 months and before going there you need to seek forgiveness from all your friends and co-workers (like how AA members do it) for all and any mistake (intentional and other wise). Do that first to other friends and co-worker in front of here and than ask her for forgiveness so she does not become suspicious.
You see, for mistake like backbiting asking forgiveness from God is not enough. You should also do your best to get the other party to forgive you.
You do NOT have to tell her that "I was backbiting and bad mouthing you". The way to do it, is very easy and actually you have a golden chance. Tell her that, You have plans to go to Haj in 3 months and before going there you need to seek forgiveness from all your friends and co-workers (like how AA members do it) for all and any mistake (intentional and other wise). Do that first to other friends and co-worker in front of here and than ask her for forgiveness so she does not become suspicious.
You see, for mistake like backbiting asking forgiveness from God is not enough. You should also do your best to get the other party to forgive you.
palestine
Servant of Allah
She would be lying if she said she is going to hajj and she isn't. are you sis? anyways, she should just confront her, tell the woman what she's doing wrong and how it is irritating her and ask her for forgiveness. if she can't confront the person due to fear that she may make them more angry or harmful, then there's a dua to read asking Allah for the forgiveness of that person and to bring them closer to him on judgement day. no need to lie. wasalamu alaykum.
palestine
Servant of Allah
Upon the thought of a bad omen
If for no reason the thought of a bad omen comes to mind, then recite:
اللَّهُمَّ لَا يَأْتِي بِالْحَسَنَاتِ إِلَّا أَنْتَ وَلَا يَذْهَبُ بِالسَّيِّئَاتِإِلَّا أَنْتَ وَلَا حَوْلَ وَلَا قُوَّةَ إِلَّا بِكَ
"O Allah, you bring into existence the good and only you can remove any bad condition, as the power to do good and prevent from evil is in Your control".
If for no reason the thought of a bad omen comes to mind, then recite:
اللَّهُمَّ لَا يَأْتِي بِالْحَسَنَاتِ إِلَّا أَنْتَ وَلَا يَذْهَبُ بِالسَّيِّئَاتِإِلَّا أَنْتَ وَلَا حَوْلَ وَلَا قُوَّةَ إِلَّا بِكَ
"O Allah, you bring into existence the good and only you can remove any bad condition, as the power to do good and prevent from evil is in Your control".
palestine
Servant of Allah
Repentance (tawbah) involving backbiting (gheeba) and whether the person offended must be informed
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I have committed backbiting involving a person or a group of people, or have unjustly slandered some people regarding things with which they didn't have anything to do. Is it a condition of repentance that I should inform them and seek their pardon? And if this is not required then how do I repent? --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The answer will depend on the nature of the interests of the people involved. If the case is such that if he were to inform them of what he had once said about them, it would not be likely to increase their anger, then, he should do that and seek their forgiveness. He may then tell them - in general terms, and without offering details - that he had wronged them in the past by expressing such sentiments about them that were not right and just, and that now he has repented and seeks their forgiveness.
But if the case is the opposite, that is, the fear is that if he told them of the previous backbiting or slander, they will - and in most cases that is most likely to happen - be angry with him, or will not be satisfied with the general terms, rather, will demand to know all the details, which is sure to provoke them to anger, them, in such a case, it is not obligatory on him to let them know and seek their forgiveness. For the shari'ah does not order adding insult to injury. And informing a person who was in a happy mood, of things that will evoke feelings of distress or anger, is something against the purpose of the shari'ah, which enjoins the spread of happiness and brotherliness. In fact, sometimes such action may give place to animosity where there was love. In such situations it is enough to repent in the following manner.
Evoke in oneself the feeling of regret, and seek forgiveness from Allah accompanied by the conviction that it was an abominable and unlawful thing in which he had indulged. Try and make up for what he had said earlier before others by denying the presence of things and qualities he had alleged were in them and clear the person or persons involved. Follow up by mentioning and asserting good qualities of those he had spoken ill of in the presence of the same people in whose company he had slandered them. Defend the people he had slandered when they are slandered in his presence. Pray to Allah in private to forgive the sins and shortcomings of those he had wronged. (See Madaarij Al-Salikin, and Al-Mughni with explanatory notes for further elucidation).
You must note, dear brother Muslim or sister Muslima, that there is a difference between the material rights of the people and non-material rights, between backbiting and defamation. When the material rights are returned to the people, they are put to some use and cause increase in happiness, and therefore they must not be put under the mattress. Whereas non-material rights, such as those concerning a man's honor, when returned to the people can only cause increase in distress.
Excerpts from the book "I would like to repent BUT..."
*i got this from islamqa.com*
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I have committed backbiting involving a person or a group of people, or have unjustly slandered some people regarding things with which they didn't have anything to do. Is it a condition of repentance that I should inform them and seek their pardon? And if this is not required then how do I repent? --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The answer will depend on the nature of the interests of the people involved. If the case is such that if he were to inform them of what he had once said about them, it would not be likely to increase their anger, then, he should do that and seek their forgiveness. He may then tell them - in general terms, and without offering details - that he had wronged them in the past by expressing such sentiments about them that were not right and just, and that now he has repented and seeks their forgiveness.
But if the case is the opposite, that is, the fear is that if he told them of the previous backbiting or slander, they will - and in most cases that is most likely to happen - be angry with him, or will not be satisfied with the general terms, rather, will demand to know all the details, which is sure to provoke them to anger, them, in such a case, it is not obligatory on him to let them know and seek their forgiveness. For the shari'ah does not order adding insult to injury. And informing a person who was in a happy mood, of things that will evoke feelings of distress or anger, is something against the purpose of the shari'ah, which enjoins the spread of happiness and brotherliness. In fact, sometimes such action may give place to animosity where there was love. In such situations it is enough to repent in the following manner.
Evoke in oneself the feeling of regret, and seek forgiveness from Allah accompanied by the conviction that it was an abominable and unlawful thing in which he had indulged. Try and make up for what he had said earlier before others by denying the presence of things and qualities he had alleged were in them and clear the person or persons involved. Follow up by mentioning and asserting good qualities of those he had spoken ill of in the presence of the same people in whose company he had slandered them. Defend the people he had slandered when they are slandered in his presence. Pray to Allah in private to forgive the sins and shortcomings of those he had wronged. (See Madaarij Al-Salikin, and Al-Mughni with explanatory notes for further elucidation).
You must note, dear brother Muslim or sister Muslima, that there is a difference between the material rights of the people and non-material rights, between backbiting and defamation. When the material rights are returned to the people, they are put to some use and cause increase in happiness, and therefore they must not be put under the mattress. Whereas non-material rights, such as those concerning a man's honor, when returned to the people can only cause increase in distress.
Excerpts from the book "I would like to repent BUT..."
*i got this from islamqa.com*
She can say that she is thinking of going or she might go. I don't think that she would be laying. This is not a lie. Common,
Why are you so rigid, are you a sis?
Isra
aka Tree2008
Wa alaikome salam.........
When I read your post it could have been ME writing it. I have this EXACT same problem with one girl in my morning job. We are cashiers in a supermarket and when we dont have a customer in our lane (sometimes in the morning there are not alot of customers) we are supposed to stand at the end of our lane so the customers will notice us and come to our lane for check out. Anyway this one particular girl is NEVER at the end of her lane and instead is far off her lane talking to other co-workers. I had a problem with her for some other reason a long time ago so ever since then I dont speak to her and she doesnt speak to me. For that reason I think her actions about the job irritate me even more than they normally would. I would rather be busy than just standing around so really her actions are helping me because the customers come to my lane instead of hers but still when I see her talking to co-workers and I am working it irritates me.
I have prayed about my actions and my thoughts towards this girl and it seems like every time I pray about my attitude towards her Allah puts her right in the lane beside mine the following day (smile) so I decided that Allah must be giving me chances to find a way to at least work with her. I have been doing my best not to talk about her to my co-workers and the way I do that is when she really irritates me I will count inside my head to 10 and take deep breaths to stop my anger towards her. Then when I finish counting to 10 I tell myself "she is one of Allah's creations and deserves my respect for Allah's sake" usually that works and I calm myself down. It has been keeping me from talking about her but it hasnt completely solved the problem of not liking her and I still wont speak to her. Maybe someday soon I will get past this.
I hope that maybe just knowing you are not the only one who has this same situation can help you. Inshallah we will both find a way to work with these people or maybe Allah will give us better jobs. <smile>
IHearIslam
make dua 4 ma finals
Asslamu Alaikum 
this is a problem for me too....but I must say you are better than me,,,,,for me it's not just one particuler person I do it offen...Iam tryingmy hardest to not do it...may Allah make it easy on us. sister Isra, your method works, I should try it.....inshaAllah you're reflecting on Allah and thus INTENDING to leave something for HIS sake, which He will InshaAllah reward you for, JazakaAllah khairan for the answer, it has helped me too
take care, and may Allah help us all!!AMEN
Allah hafiz now and alwaysss
this is a problem for me too....but I must say you are better than me,,,,,for me it's not just one particuler person
I do it offen...Iam tryingmy hardest to not do it...may Allah make it easy on us. sister Isra, your method works, I should try it.....inshaAllah you're reflecting on Allah and thus INTENDING to leave something for HIS sake, which He will InshaAllah reward you for, JazakaAllah khairan for the answer, it has helped me too take care, and may Allah help us all!!AMEN
Allah hafiz now and alwaysss
cookiedough-123
Junior Member
salam alikum
this is a natural thing that i think everyone experience in their life.
i dont think in my heart its to make bad of anyone but the way u are the way they act etc...... we cant control our feelings... the thing i do when i feel like i want to say something about someone i actually sit on my bed and i talk to ALLAH surely he hears i tell him that this situaltion is makin me angry and i tell him my feelings . ALLAH created our feelings so its natural its just up to us to control them,. this is my little output when i feel like im angry or in a hate mood when i know it wont last forever. even though sometimes we are angry or not even showin it our mouths can sometimes overtake what we dont really meen to say which this leads to of course the backbitting and its horrible. ive heard that backbittin removes ones gd and gives it to the person you are bk bitting. inshALLAH il find a hadith on that or one of the sisters.
and what i do as well i make dua for that person that him/her get better and they follow the right path.
'a muslim isnt a muslim unless a brother wishes for his brother what he wishes for himself'. i always bear this in mind. we surely want as much people in heaven then rather satan taken them. we dont want satan winnin n
:tti_sister:
this is a natural thing that i think everyone experience in their life.
i dont think in my heart its to make bad of anyone but the way u are the way they act etc...... we cant control our feelings... the thing i do when i feel like i want to say something about someone i actually sit on my bed and i talk to ALLAH surely he hears i tell him that this situaltion is makin me angry and i tell him my feelings . ALLAH created our feelings so its natural its just up to us to control them,. this is my little output when i feel like im angry or in a hate mood when i know it wont last forever. even though sometimes we are angry or not even showin it our mouths can sometimes overtake what we dont really meen to say which this leads to of course the backbitting and its horrible. ive heard that backbittin removes ones gd and gives it to the person you are bk bitting. inshALLAH il find a hadith on that or one of the sisters.
and what i do as well i make dua for that person that him/her get better and they follow the right path.
'a muslim isnt a muslim unless a brother wishes for his brother what he wishes for himself'. i always bear this in mind. we surely want as much people in heaven then rather satan taken them. we dont want satan winnin n
:tti_sister: