a long way to find the true religion
Salaam, thank you for your replies - this is such a hard time for me - your replies are keeping me strong
This will be my attempt to explain why - of all religions - Islam is the true one. My modest and humble attempt because of all there is to know I know nothing nothing at all.
I was brought up in an environment where you are supposed to be "modern" and believing in God is old-fashioned thinking, most people don't practice religion but if you talk to them about it they will come up with sentences like "well yeah, at the end of the day... I do believe in God but not in organized religion" and because we are influenced by the environment around us then... I would say that too...
But then things happen to you and without proper guidance ... you sin. Things happen that are consequential and that have meaning - the world, everything has meaning and it is impossible not to feel the presence of Allah. So you think, well I will believe but I will keep it to myself, pray God at night in the darkness once in a while and that's it, but even if you strive to do good, without a proper guidance... you sin again. And it maybe that when you sin you feel good about it but there's always the after effect - which it could be feeling 'dirty', feeling sick, feeling ashamed, feelig extremely depressed, having all sorts of bad things happening to you and it's like you cannot escape from it, you are completely lost and you think you can sort yourself out with material things but that is again... just a quick fix.
and then I kept praying to God when it was convenient when everything was collapsing then I would turn to God....... and that's so hypocritical I thought - why would you do your own business when everything is good and then when you are alone paying the consequences of your bad behaviour you turn to God for forgiveness?
While non-believers keep changing the rules, making new ones, inventing a new morality every day that doesn't need to be changed- all of the guidance for human kind for every aspect of our lives is already there, no-nonsense, in the Quran, unchanged, uncorrupted, original.
When I was first told (by chance) about Islam, the history, the Quran, prophet Mohammed (peace be upon him) two years ago my eyes opened, I was shoked, everything made sense, everything that I didnt understand or accept about other religions made sense and I thought, right, why didn't I know about this? then every single thing after that it's been signs given to me, signs and the proof that that guidance is necessary and only Islam can give true guidance. so I feel lucky that I was given these signs even though they involved experiencing a lot of bad things and making so many mistakes, to which now for the first time I am able to say with confidence I AM NOT GOING TO TALK ABOUT ANYMORE BECAUSE THEY ARE PART OF MY PAST LIFE
MashaAllah I am at this stage now, it's hard to change my ways, especially ways of thinking and acting VERY HARD, but now I have fully accepted the faith and cannot give up - I am tested every day but I don't want to give up..
Feeling so lonely because my family is upset with me, some are mocking me because of my choice, they think I am being closed minded, they say to me "you are more intelligent than that", they tell me "how can you believe in "dogma"" when in reality for the first time in my life I feel truly open-minded - open to the Truth, which has led me to make a lot of changes and hard choices but the reward is ever lasting for those people that choose the right path, work hard and do good.
Please let me know what you think
PS: I cannot wait to make muslim friends online and offline, here on TTI I was welcomed so warmly and I already was invited to the houses of some from the mosque and I am so thankful I dont know if I could do it if I was completely alone
to ISLAM Sis, i'm pretty sure you are on the right path. i'm soo happy for you sis and its good to hear that you have sisters helping you. masha ALlah you are soo lucky sis. hope you enjoy your way through islam.
You have to take small tiny steps into Islam, and that is the way that the Sahabi (companions) of Rasulallah (SAW) did, they'd go to him, listen to 10 Ayat, Try to understand, Reflect upon, and Memorize, and then they'd go act out on it, Alhamdulillah! 
