I think my Mother may be Commiting Zina!!! Help!

[Keen4Deen]

Assalamu alaykum.

I wonder if this thread can be deleted. It is just sick.

I am unable to digest the idea that a Muslim man can expose the sins of his mother on the internet, speak about her in such a disrespectful way and even have the audacity to put a spy camera in her room to prove that he is right in his assumptions about her.

True Muslims cover up the faults of others with the hope that Allah will on the Day of Judgment will cover up theirs.

First of all, I think you need to calm down and stop flaming me. Exposing someone's sins means you tell someone about someone's sins without a justification.

For example, if you are warning against staying away from a particular individual, "stay away from so and so he does drinks and does drugs" then this is permissible according to the sharia. If you need me to give you a reference I will.

In my case which is a little different, I am asking for advice from my muslim brothers and sisters here. You don't know who I am in real life. Both my mothers identitiy and mine are completely anonymous. It is not like I said, My mother named "X" living in "Y" country at the address "Z" is doing something.

How can you ask someone for their advice but at the same time, not tell them the issue. I understand that the thread title is a little provocative. I intended this on purpose in order to recieve many replys to see who could give me some really good advice. If you took offence to the topic then don't read it, but dont go bashing people because you lack knowledge. If you disagree with someone tell them in a simple manner you don't have to have an aggressive tone, which I can tell by simply reading your comments.

:salam2:

 

[msmoorad]

Assalamu alaykum.

I wonder if this thread can be deleted. It is just sick.

I am unable to digest the idea that a Muslim man can expose the sins of his mother on the internet, speak about her in such a disrespectful way and even have the audacity to put a spy camera in her room to prove that he is right in his assumptions about her.

True Muslims cover up the faults of others with the hope that Allah will on the Day of Judgment will cover up theirs.

salaams to all

i agree that the part about the hidden camera is NOT correct.

other than that, there are no names or any identifications given.

we have absolutely no way of knowing who this person, his mother or this man are.

they could all walk past us in the street & we would not know it.

so, i dont think theres anything really wrong with this thread.
it may be offensive as most of us cant even imagine our mothers involved in this sort of thing.

tell me, what would you do if this was you in this situation?
how would you handle it without even mentioning the actual problem?

i would find it more embarassing to go to an aalim/sheikh & personally have to tell him this story.
its more anonymous on the internet.

here, the brother is asking for our help as he also loves his mother very much & is very concerned about this issue.

and Allah ta'ala knows best
jazakallah

 

[ShyHijabi]

:salam2:

Brother, have you posted about this before?

 

[Keen4Deen]

:salam2:

Brother, have you posted about this before?

Yes sister I have posted about this before and I have not recieved satisfactory answers.

 

[Keen4Deen]

I have gotten so many different answers, that I am even more lost than before. Some say, knock the man out, others say its your mother and you can't do anything, others say move out. Other say be patient and make dua. Some say, do what you have to do.

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

It is the sensitivity of the issue that is difficult. The author has determined that his mother has committed zina. That is the title of the thread. He has told us of his speculation. He has told us that he had a brief conversation with his mother that he did not find satisfactory. His siblings are not in agreement with him.

It is difficult for any sister and especially sisters whose pride is motherhood to be seen in this light.

I responded earlier..should my sons ever accuse me or something of this nature and I happen to come across it..I will whop their behinds even if I have to pull them out of their wedding beds.

The line has been crossed.

This is your mother...I do not care if you are anonymous. Do you not realize the angles of Allah are recording this. Hello.

You will not be pleased until we agree she has sinned. And I know I am correct on that. You have reposted. Several of us recognized the thread. So all that time has passed and you are still listening to the noises from your mothers bedroom? Please think about the sanctity of the relationship between mother and son. She did her job..you are grown..if I were your mother I would have packed your bags and escorted you to the door with bus fare.

Pray to Allah and seek forgiveness. That is your mother.

Forgive me dear members..but that is the one who did not eat so he could eat..did not sleep so he could sleep..She prays and keeps her business to herself.

 

[hayat84]

brother,I can only advice you to be yourself.the Quran recommends to the sons to be respectful towards their parents,even if they're wrong in someway.you're muslim,demonstrate your pure intentions.if your mother is really doing what she does,it doesn't mean that she doesn't love you as her son.if you're so sure,involve her into a conversation in which yuo can know why she's making this thing.maybe she's really married to that man and you didn't know it.As I read"the Paradise is at the feet of the mothers".try to be kind with her.Allah will guide you.don't feel confused,the answer is in front of your eyes but you don't recognize it

 

[Riham]

salaams to all

i agree that the part about the hidden camera is NOT correct.

other than that, there are no names or any identifications given.

we have absolutely no way of knowing who this person, his mother or this man are.

they could all walk past us in the street & we would not know it.

so, i dont think theres anything really wrong with this thread.
it may be offensive as most of us cant even imagine our mothers involved in this sort of thing.

tell me, what would you do if this was you in this situation?
how would you handle it without even mentioning the actual problem?

i would find it more embarassing to go to an aalim/sheikh & personally have to tell him this story.
its more anonymous on the internet.

here, the brother is asking for our help as he also loves his mother very much & is very concerned about this issue.

and Allah ta'ala knows best
jazakallah

:salam2:

You are right.

I think I got a little carried away.

I just hope our brother realizes that there are some things that he should just leave alone.

There are no quick-fix solutions if that's what he's looking for.

There may not be much he can do about what his mother or anyone else may be doing. But he can certainly control his own response to the situation.

Let him try patience.

 

[strive-may-i]

Okay that happens usually more confusion when you ask a public forum. You get advice, you also get reactions.. Now one this is clear, a big no to spying. And no accusing, you are accusing, you are passing a judgement. you chose a thread title, that can give you back strong reactions.

When a person who has sinned seeks repentance, Almight might forgive the person. But the person who spread the news about the sin, he might not get forgiven, thats the danger we are trying to point out to you

They are not different answers, but opinions for you to choose from, I will order it down for you...
0. Seek Almighty Allahs guidance and help in this matter. Seek every means to increase your patience.
1. Stop being in next room.
2. No rash reactions, keep your patience and sanity, if that impossible in that house, then you could step out or stay away from house when you feel uncomfortable, but you would have to be ready and be there for your mother when she needs you.
3. Take help from relative/imam, who can keep the honor of your family and is experienced in family matters.
(you can be really subtle about how you take help, the intention is to explore the possibility of getting them married, only if your mother wishes to)
4. Talk calmly to your siblings/mother or that man, and ask why marriage is not an option.
5. Not everybody has the same strength of faith, all throughout their life, you will have to show patience, and pray sincerely for change of mind.

What you would have to do is, keep focus on maintaining your sanity. You are seeming to get into a trap mode, your eyes are seeing nothing else but what you are accusing of., you love your mother, you want her to also win in Almighty's eyes, we understand. . But sometimes, some matters are not resolved straight and quickly. Its a test. So you will have to be sensible, speak sense, and not add salt to injury....

 

[Riham]

First of all, I think you need to calm down and stop flaming me. Exposing someone's sins means you tell someone about someone's sins without a justification.

For example, if you are warning against staying away from a particular individual, "stay away from so and so he does drinks and does drugs" then this is permissible according to the sharia. If you need me to give you a reference I will.

In my case which is a little different, I am asking for advice from my muslim brothers and sisters here. You don't know who I am in real life. Both my mothers identitiy and mine are completely anonymous. It is not like I said, My mother named "X" living in "Y" country at the address "Z" is doing something.

How can you ask someone for their advice but at the same time, not tell them the issue. I understand that the thread title is a little provocative. I intended this on purpose in order to recieve many replys to see who could give me some really good advice. If you took offence to the topic then don't read it, but dont go bashing people because you lack knowledge. If you disagree with someone tell them in a simple manner you don't have to have an aggressive tone, which I can tell by simply reading your comments.

:salam2:

:salam2:

Brother, I apologize. I will admit that I got very aggressive there. I hope you will forgive me if I have hurt you in any way.

A brother here asked.... "What would you do if you were in his situation?"

To that, here is my answer:

I would not tell anyone about the situation. I would not even do that on the internet where I get to be anonymous. People may not know who I am. But Allah certainly does. And this is all that I care about.

I could never ever expose the sins of another human being to anyone. Ever.

 

[Riham]

Assalaam walaikum,

It is the sensitivity of the issue that is difficult. The author has determined that his mother has committed zina. That is the title of the thread. He has told us of his speculation. He has told us that he had a brief conversation with his mother that he did not find satisfactory. His siblings are not in agreement with him.

It is difficult for any sister and especially sisters whose pride is motherhood to be seen in this light.

I responded earlier..should my sons ever accuse me or something of this nature and I happen to come across it..I will whop their behinds even if I have to pull them out of their wedding beds.

The line has been crossed.

This is your mother...I do not care if you are anonymous. Do you not realize the angles of Allah are recording this. Hello.

You will not be pleased until we agree she has sinned. And I know I am correct on that. You have reposted. Several of us recognized the thread. So all that time has passed and you are still listening to the noises from your mothers bedroom? Please think about the sanctity of the relationship between mother and son. She did her job..you are grown..if I were your mother I would have packed your bags and escorted you to the door with bus fare.

Pray to Allah and seek forgiveness. That is your mother.

Forgive me dear members..but that is the one who did not eat so he could eat..did not sleep so he could sleep..She prays and keeps her business to herself.

:salam2:

Forgive me sister. I did not see this beautiful post of yours.

Masha'allah! I agree! You are right. The angels are recording our deeds and we must be very mindful about whatever it is that we do..... even if we get to be anonymous.

Jazakallah khair for this brilliant observation. :ma:

 

[Riham]

Okay that happens usually more confusion when you ask a public forum. You get advice, you also get reactions.. Now one this is clear, a big no to spying. And no accusing, you are accusing, you are passing a judgement. you chose a thread title, that can give you back strong reactions.

When a person who has sinned seeks repentance, Almight might forgive the person. But the person who spread the news about the sin, he might not get forgiven, thats the danger we are trying to point out to you

They are not different answers, but opinions for you to choose from, I will order it down for you...
0. Seek Almighty Allahs guidance and help in this matter. Seek every means to increase your patience.
1. Stop being in next room.
2. No rash reactions, keep your patience and sanity, if that impossible in that house, then you could step out or stay away from house when you feel uncomfortable, but you would have to be ready and be there for your mother when she needs you.
3. Take help from relative/imam, who can keep the honor of your family and is experienced in family matters.
(you can be really subtle about how you take help, the intention is to explore the possibility of getting them married, only if your mother wishes to)
4. Talk calmly to your siblings/mother or that man, and ask why marriage is not an option.
5. Not everybody has the same strength of faith, all throughout their life, you will have to show patience, and pray sincerely for change of mind.

What you would have to do is, keep focus on maintaining your sanity. You are seeming to get into a trap mode, your eyes are seeing nothing else but what you are accusing of., you love your mother, you want her to also win in Almighty's eyes, we understand. . But sometimes, some matters are not resolved straight and quickly. Its a test. So you will have to be sensible, speak sense, and not add salt to injury....

:salam2:

Very good advice brother.

Jazakallah khair.

 

[Ahsen]

Assalaam walaikum,

It is the sensitivity of the issue that is difficult. The author has determined that his mother has committed zina. That is the title of the thread. He has told us of his speculation. He has told us that he had a brief conversation with his mother that he did not find satisfactory. His siblings are not in agreement with him.

It is difficult for any sister and especially sisters whose pride is motherhood to be seen in this light.

I responded earlier..should my sons ever accuse me or something of this nature and I happen to come across it..I will whop their behinds even if I have to pull them out of their wedding beds.

The line has been crossed.

This is your mother...I do not care if you are anonymous. Do you not realize the angles of Allah are recording this. Hello.

You will not be pleased until we agree she has sinned. And I know I am correct on that. You have reposted. Several of us recognized the thread. So all that time has passed and you are still listening to the noises from your mothers bedroom? Please think about the sanctity of the relationship between mother and son. She did her job..you are grown..if I were your mother I would have packed your bags and escorted you to the door with bus fare.

Pray to Allah and seek forgiveness. That is your mother.

Forgive me dear members..but that is the one who did not eat so he could eat..did not sleep so he could sleep..She prays and keeps her business to herself.

This guy is worried about his mother.So according to you the sons have no right to stop thier mother from doing something bad.Just imagine that a son notices it all happening and wonders"Oh that's fine they might be married".Is it really possible for that thought to come in a persons mind?

He wants to stop his mother from doing it because he cares for her,not because he wants to hurt her.parents also do and say the same,don't they.They force many things on us but they say that it's for your own good.I am not going into what he does to stop this thing from happening.But what i felt from your post was that let the mother do anything,it's not your business.Then the son can also do anything.It's not the mother's business.Atleast the mother should have some respect for her children that not to do such things at home in the presence of HER OWN kids.

 

[ShahnazZ]

:salam2:

Forgive me sister. I did not see this beautiful post of yours.

Masha'allah! I agree! You are right. The angels are recording our deeds and we must be very mindful about whatever it is that we do..... even if we get to be anonymous.

Jazakallah khair for this brilliant observation. :ma:

Well I disagree and I have disagreed on issues of anonymity before. I've literally had enough with this type of mentality.

I'm going to avoid reposting the same thing but I would really like someone WITH KNOWLEDGE to tell me if requesting naseehah about a situation without mentioning specific names or locations of the stated individuals is indeed "inflaming" them. I would also like to know if Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala will indeed punish someone who is asking a question anonymously.

Not only do I disagree COMPLETELY with that, I think it's ridiculous to even state such a thing.

Let me ask a question. I'm sure many individuals here have been to lectures or discussions with shuyookh who speak about certain topics. Is it not true that at the end of many of these lectures, audience members are permitted and even encouraged to write down their questions on a piece of paper that is later on passed up to the sheikh? Isn't the purpose of writing these questions down on a piece of paper to ensure anonymity? I have seen individuals ask some of the most outrageous questions ONLY because they could do so without being known and I've seen the shuyookh answer with the utmost consideration and proper etiquette WITHOUT reprimanding anyone for asking certain types of questions.

So tell me (those of you that are so sure that this brother and many like him who post their questions in anonymity are sinning):

Are you more God-fearing than the Islamic scholars and learned men we have teaching us our deen today?

Because if you are, I suggest you contact almost every single imam and sheikh in the country and tell them that they are sinning and encouraging others to sin.

Brother Keen4Deen, I would recommend speaking to an 'alim about this.

 

[Ahsen]

I agree with shahnazz.Speak to a religious scholar about it.

 

[islamerica]

:salam2:


This is getting a bit out of hand. No one here is qualified to give you advice on such a serious issue. As I stated before and as few others have suggested as well, it's important that you talk to a scholar or alim on this and seek their counsel. Only advice you will find here is emotion charged personal opinions.

If you need contact information for online then I suggest the following inshallah.


http://www.islamqa.com
http://www.islamweb.com
http://www.fatwa-online.com
http://www.requestfatwa.org - (916) 239-6233 - This one is in California

 

[Keen4Deen]

Assalaam walaikum,

It is the sensitivity of the issue that is difficult. The author has determined that his mother has committed zina. That is the title of the thread. He has told us of his speculation. He has told us that he had a brief conversation with his mother that he did not find satisfactory. His siblings are not in agreement with him.

It is difficult for any sister and especially sisters whose pride is motherhood to be seen in this light.

I responded earlier..should my sons ever accuse me or something of this nature and I happen to come across it..I will whop their behinds even if I have to pull them out of their wedding beds.

The line has been crossed.

This is your mother...I do not care if you are anonymous. Do you not realize the angles of Allah are recording this. Hello.

You will not be pleased until we agree she has sinned. And I know I am correct on that. You have reposted. Several of us recognized the thread. So all that time has passed and you are still listening to the noises from your mothers bedroom? Please think about the sanctity of the relationship between mother and son. She did her job..you are grown..if I were your mother I would have packed your bags and escorted you to the door with bus fare.

Pray to Allah and seek forgiveness. That is your mother.

Forgive me dear members..but that is the one who did not eat so he could eat..did not sleep so he could sleep..She prays and keeps her business to herself.

I would just like to say that you are not in my position and cannot know what it is like for a young man to know that something like this is going on.

Let's be honest with ourselves, things like this happen in the muslim community and what you are baisically saying (and I can read between the lines) is that I should just plug my ears, close my eyes and pretend nothing is happening. I love my mother which is why I am concerned, if I wasn't, I would have never posted this, ever.

You are a mother , I get it, you would feel betrayed if one of your sons accused you, but don't make it seem like every mother out there is an angel.

You said that this is the mother that did not eat so that I could eat, how do you know this? you are making assumptions, you don't know my mother nor do you know what my childhood was like.

Let's be serious and enough with the rhetoric. There are some parents who put their kids into micro waves or try to sell them, so don't assume you know what my mother has or has not done.

 

[sabina isa]

:salam2:

Brother I feel for you. You wouldn't insist in such topic if nothing is boiling under the lid. My only advice is, if you can leave her house and leave in your means do so as soon as you can, without much story. This would help you and your mom one day. You will hardly be satisfied neither with your mom's reaction nor with public. Your mom has said her option. You are a man, is easier for you. Were you a female situation would be much less favorable. At times distance speaks louder than words. May Allah swt guide you and help you in the matter.

We salam

 

[Noor El-Huda]

I truly believe we should be more sensitive to what the brother is going through. I know that if my son (who is his age), was in this brother's position, he would be in an extreme state of panic and grief, tearing his hear out. Let’s not underestimate this issue.

There needs to be a balance between thinking of the mother and of the son. Focusing on one side only would be unfair. It is important that he is given guidance on how to approach the issue with his mother as best as he could because of a mother’s position in Islam, it's equally important that any criticisim is constructive and respectful.

He needs to gain the strength to deal with what he has, which is a very big issue that will test the strongest of people. He needs to Protect the boundaries of Allah swt at the same time keep within the boundaries of Islam towards his mother. The issue entails many challenges; some of which are his deen, his relationship with his mother, his manhood, accomodation to name a few..

Brother, make use of phone calls to sheikhs rather than visits, to reserve privacy re topic . Also, depending on your relationship with your mother, and how difficult it is to speak 1:1, you could consider emailing her your stance, feelings and islamic viewpoint , provide links of videos regarding topic. Watch them first and be selective as to what you think would have a better impact inshallah.

Moving out needs to be weighed up.
Advantages could be that if you have a valued position in the family, then your mother could feel the loss and think about how she is driving you away.

Disadvantage/s are if shaitan is too strong to make her realise that, and if your siblings don't share your stance on topic, then then leaving could mean that matters continue. In this instance your presence could prove vital to protect your family. Do istikhara and consult a sheikh.

May Allah be with you. Remember we are tested in life in all sorts of ways, and this happens to be one of them for you. Sometimes we are tested withthe closest people to us. Our parents can be our tests too! Ibrahim PBUH was tested with his father Azar, Noah with his son, Asia R.a with husband pharoun, Lut PBUH with his wife. it's worth looking into how they met these calamities and following their examples.

Al-Tirmidhi (2398) narrated that Sa’d ibn Abi Waqqaas (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: I said: “O Messenger of Allaah, which of the people are most sorely tested?” He said: “The Prophets, then the next best and the next best. A man will be tested in accordance with his level of religious commitment. If his religious commitment is strong, he will be tested more severely, and if his religious commitment is weak, he will be tested in accordance with his religious commitment. Calamity will keep befalling a person until he walks on the earth with no sin on him.” Classed assaheeh by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 143.

As tough as this is, try and deal with it the best way and you will be getting reward from Allah SWT To help you do that seek scholarly advice so you know you are on the right path inshallah and not get too confused with all the opinions. Make dua for Allah swt to change this situation.

The Prophet PBUH expressed this in a saheeh hadeeth in which he said: “How wonderful is the situation of the believer, for all his affairs are good. If something good happens to him, he gives thanks for it and that is good for him; if something bad happens to him, he bears it with patience, and that is good for him. This does not apply to anyone but the believer.” (Narrated by Muslim, no. 2999).

 

[Noor El-Huda]

QUOTE=ShahnazZ Let me ask a question. I'm sure many individuals here have been to lectures or discussions with shuyookh who speak about certain topics. Is it not true that at the end of many of these lectures, audience members are permitted and even encouraged to write down their questions on a piece of paper that is later on passed up to the sheikh? Isn't the purpose of writing these questions down on a piece of paper to ensure anonymity? I have seen individuals ask some of the most outrageous questions ONLY because they could do so without being known and I've seen the shuyookh answer with the utmost consideration and proper etiquette WITHOUT reprimanding anyone for asking certain types of questions.

I agree with Shahanz. Also, these online fatawa websites such as Islam QA have questions relating to relationships with and all sorts of interactions. e.g. husband/wife issues such as domestic violence, etc. The poster doesn't get told "how bad of you to speak about your spouse / mother etc." We don't know who these people are but they are for the public to learn from the fatawa which Sheikh Mohmamad Al-Munajid, well known scholar answers.

I know the difference in asking a sheikh than in forums is you get a clear cut answer, whereas in forums it is more of personal opinions advice, but in terms of posting questions relating to another muslim that is anonymous, what is the difference between posting in forums and in fatawa websites or Islamic conferences?

I think before we disagree with something we need to state our evidence for disagreeing otherwise we could be unnecessarily discouraging others from posting and learning.

I urge brothers and sisters that if they know of clear reference to post them so we avoid speculation as this matter keeps arising and we need to be certain about it.