If any brother or sister could help

[TiffanyM]

:salam2:

I am a revert muslim. I became muslim alhumdiAllah last september. I have been knowing a muslim brother for 4 years. The past two years he has helped me with learning about Islam. Our relationship has turned to more of a relationship than friendship. We are not physical in anyway but we do go out to dinner and hangout a lot. We have talked about marriage and we have both realized that we have a lot of similarites in what we want for our future. Both of our parents are supportive of our relationship. But now I feel like we have grown comfortable with our situation and we are not moving forward. I would like to be married because I know it is Haram for us to be hanging out together and not married. I would really appreciate any feedback from brothers or sisters on how I should handle the situation.

:tti_sister:

 

[Khalil2u]

STOP

Asalaamu alaykum,
Tell him you will no longer speak to him until he is your husband.
Khalil2u4ever

 

[saffanah]

Wa'alaikumussalam warahmatullah

Dear sister,
first, what if you tell him to marry you soon?
explain to him that it's not allowed to have this kind of relationship. I you're both feel comfortable be hanging out together like this, it's the whispers of shaitan (devils), so be careful sister.
second, if he isn't ready to marry you soon, then it's better for you both to stop meeting and hanging around together.

May it helps. Barakallah sis.

 

[Munawar]

:salam2: Sister Tiffany,

You are among the most lucky ones. Normally parents of a revert don't want to do anything with marrying a Muslim, and here your parent are supportive, :mashallah:, you know him and really like him, he knows you and really likes you. :mashallah:
So what is the problem?

Sister you need to get married as soon as possible. You should be married before Eid al-Adha, which will be in December. You guys will also save some money in taxes too when you file jointly. See... Another benefit !!!

How to handle it? Hmmmm... Do what sister Khalil2u has suggested.

 

[Anwa]

Salam sister,
I think it's very good that you want to get married to him as soon as possible so that you stop commiting sin. It seems that you are very close with the brother and both of you have a good understaning of each other, and if you've gone as far as talking about getting married to him then you just need to take the next step and tell him that you are ready to marry him, im sure he feels the same way but maybe he's waiting for you to say something. So just go ahead and ask him and insha'allah it will all work out for you, infact i am positive everything will be fine because you have everything in your favour, both your family and his family are supportive of your relationship, you've talked about marriage to him, you both want the same things in the future, you've known him for a long time!!! There's nothing that can go wrong, so just go ahead and tell him about it.

 

[Anwa]

Oh yeh, i just remembered to ask something...

Is it mandatory/fard for a muslim to get married??
For example, a friend of mine *ahem* doesn't want to get married....ever. He is also a 100% sure he wont be involved in any kind of 'unmarried' relationship.
So is it okay for him to live his whole life with out being married?? Is there any sin in not getting married?

Thanks

 

[Munawar]

Oh yeh, i just remembered to ask something...

Is it mandatory/fard for a muslim to get married??
For example, a friend of mine *ahem* doesn't want to get married....ever. He is also a 100% sure he wont be involved in any kind of 'unmarried' relationship.
So is it okay for him to live his whole life with out being married?? Is there any sin in not getting married?

Thanks

:salam2:
I don't think a person who never married intentionally will be thrown into hell-fire just because of that, but I do believe however that if he does get married then he will get a lot of ajar, and if he has children then he will get even more ajar.

 

[TiffanyM]

:salam2:

Thank you brothers and sisters for your responses. I have told the brother that I am very interested in marrying him, he said he wants to get married, but he is not sure why doesn't take the next step. I told him that it is not fair to be keeping me tied to him without making me his wife. Like the sister said I will have to leave him alone until he is ready to make our relationship halal and get married. I don't want to be pressuring someone to marry me. but I don't feel comfortable staying in this haram type of relationship. InshAllah everything will work out. I just don't understand how he says he wants to get married to me but he wont take the next step. Alhumdillah that both of our families are supportive that is a blessing.

:tti_sister:


Sister Tiffany

 

[xSharingan01x]

Asalaamu alaykum,
Tell him you will no longer speak to him until he is your husband.
Khalil2u4ever

:salam2:
HAHAHAH, excellent advice :lol:

 

[mmnoorulhaque]

ASSALAMOALIKUM SISTER...

hey sisiter...u should tell him to marry and befor doing so i would like to request u for offering two rakah of salah...and seek help from ALLAH....infact he is the one who can help any body and give u the solution of the problem which he has sent to u....and dont worry...INSHALLAH ALLAH will help u....if he denies to marry u then dont be diSheart...it will be ok and ask ALLAH he will give u the best man...INSHALLAH....MAY ALLAH KEEP MY SISTER HAPPY IN HERE N HEREAFTER AS WELL...AAAMMEEEN

 

[Optimist]

I'd suggest you don't push things any further as this can trigger the wrong response. I know this from personal experience. Simply try to walk away and make your desire of marriage explicit. Men do like the tough ones.

Do istakhara and remember that only what Allah (glorified He may be) ordained will happen. Whatever the outcome, it will be for the best insha'Allah.

I pray that Allah (glorified He may be) grants you happiness in both worlds. Amin.

 

[TiffanyM]

:salam2:

Thank you all brothers and sisters for your responses. InshAllah I will pray to Allah the only one who can help me.


:tti_sister:

 

[sal12]

You can do your nikah but if you're not able to live together yet for whatever reason then you don't have to. At least you'll be able to see each other lawfully. I know a few people who have done that and it's worked out best for them! You can hang out with him as much as you want because you'll be married to him!

 

[Aapa]

Salaam,


You have an excellent sense of Islam. You seem to have a great head on your shoulders. Men run at the prospect of marriage. He will get over it. My question to you now becomes why not let the parents handle the marriage getting ready stuff. Let the old folks handle the arrangments. It will serve as a bonding experience. This way your husband to be will not feel that he has the responsibility end. Marriage is blending of families. I will make dua and please send me a slice of the wedding cake. I love wedding cakes.

 

[shaheeda35]

:salam2:

Alhamdullilah you want to make this union halal. Why would he want to have it any other way? Marriage is a big step, it should be discussed fully to know if the both of you are ready inshallah. Tell him it is wrong the way you are living and you want to do right by Allah.

Pray istikhara sis, and may Allah guide you both to what is right.

 

[palestine]

well all the advices have been given. mine would be of no use right now. but all i can say is "i'm happy for you my ukhti". and i love you for the sake of Allah. sometimes i wonder, why i can't find people like you around my area. i wanna have friends who are worth being friends with. i'm a sister by the way. asalamu alaykum wrwb.

 

[TiffanyM]

:salam2:

Palestine I love you too for the sake of Allah. I as well wish I had close sisters that could support me here in Georgia. MashAllah brothers and sisters for your help. The only thing with our parents working together on the marriage is that I am the only muslim in my family. My family has a christian view on marriage. We talked last night and I think we are going to do the Nikah as Sal12 suggested this way we will be in a halal relationship. May Allah give you all the best of blessings for helping out your fellow sister.


:tti_sister:

 

[xSharingan01x]

You can do your nikah but if you're not able to live together yet for whatever reason then you don't have to. At least you'll be able to see each other lawfully. I know a few people who have done that and it's worked out best for them! You can hang out with him as much as you want because you'll be married to him!

:salam2:
Really I didn't know you can do that. Even without the presence of guardian a couple can hang out as much as they want?
Can anyone elaborate on this matter? Perhaps with some evidence.

Sister Tiffany, Insha Allah it will work out for you. Your sincere intention to do things the proper way is very admirable. Perhaps, you guys discuss the matter or at least hint it toward him. Sometimes the brothers can be very shy, and need little encouragement.

 

[TiffanyM]

:salam2:

Thank you sister I will InshAllah talk to the brother about all that we have discussed. InshAllah everything will workout for us. xSharingan01x thank you again for all your support. I am talking to another revert muslim sister and she is getting a nikah soon InshAllah and they are not going to live together for a while. So I would like to know more about this to make sure that would be okay for me too.


Sister Tiffany

:tti_sister:

 

[Maryam Sayyidina]

just marry, don't be too long having relation which is not halal.
Allah make the easiest way to you sis, because you have a good intention insha Allah . Ameen