important message for all brothers

[LoveofAllah]

What is happening to Muslim men?
I have seen too many examples of horrible abusive husbands. I cannot sit here and tell you all the stories i have experienced and seen. As my mother suffered, as many of her friends suffered, as my very own sister suffered.

My father recently went back to our country and married again. Eventhough his marriage to my mother is still valid.

Dear brothers, dont become men like our fathers. A woman is so precious and beautiful. If i were a man, i would be the best man in the world.

My dear brothers, a woman should be taken care of. Love is something so beautiful between husband and wife. Children are blessings. Please do not put others through what i and many other women go through. Fear Allah
For you will not enter jannah until those who you wronged willl frogive you.

If you have a sister or mother, coudl you imagine any man hurting them? Please brothers, when you are married....promise me that you will respect and love your wives as the prophet Muhammad did.

I cannot bear to see people hurt through such situations. It hurts so much....I wish you all could know....How can anyone bring tears to someones eyes?

Please, follow the Prophets and treat woman as they did.

 

[Robab]

keep attention on it

dear brother and sister.u share major fitna in our society.when i read it i disturbed and i only say that our muslim women should to show off their beauty before men(namahram)and men should to keep eys down and do not see momen.the major fact is that women should to avoid any act which create fitna.from this factor many problems create not only women life but also made life difficult of men. plz seriously keep attention on this comments. and pure ur eyes.because allah does not like this fitna it is a big sin in light of islam.:astag:

 

[fada_all]

salam alikom everybody

i agree with sister Rabab , but i think that happens if the society where we live in, follow the instruction of islam ,and oblige people to do it ;unless they will be punished, but as u see no one do this of course , if so women will wear their hijab and will never show off their beauty, except from their husbands , and all men will not look at other women -ghad al basar-and also men will never see any thing that attract their attention as everyone konws , the satan ashtaghfiro allah ,beauties other woman and makes her seems very beautifull in the eyes of other man rather than the eyes of her husband,
lahawla wala qowata illa bi allah .

salam alikom

ur sis khadija

 

[a_stranger]

The Importance of Manners

Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners #271, Abu Dawud, Tirmidhi, Ahmad, and Ibn Hibban.

...Abu Darda' reported that the Prophet of Allah, upon him be peace, said, "Nothing is weightier on the Scale of Deeds than one's good manners."

Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners #286 and Ahmad

Abu Huraira, r.a., said, "I heard Abu al Qasim (the Prophet saaws), say, 'The best among you in Islam are those with the best manners, so long as they develop a sense of understanding.' "

Hadith - At-Tabaraanee collected it, and Albani authenticated it in Silsilatul-AHaadeethis-Saheehah (#432).

The Prophet (saaws) said: "The most beloved of Allah's servants to Allah are those with the best manners."

Hadith - Sahih Bukhari, Muslim, and Tirmidhi

... 'Abd Allah ibn 'Amr said, "The Prophet of Allah, upon him be peace, was never obscene or coarse. Rather, he used to tell us that the best among us were those with the best manners."

Hadith - Sahih Bukhari, Muslim and Ahmad

... Anas said, "I served the Prophet of Allah, upon him be peace, for ten years. During that time, he never once said to me as much as 'Oof' if I did something wrong. He never asked me, if I had failed to do something, 'Why did you not do it?,' and he never said to me, if I had done something wrong, 'Why did you do it?' "

Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners # 285, Hakim, and Abu Dawud

... Abu Huraira, r.a., said that the Prophet of Allah, saaws, said, "If one has good manners, one may attain the same level of merit as those who spend their nights in prayer."

Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners # 290, Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah, and Ahmad

... Abu Hurairah reported that the Prophet of Allah (saaws) said, "And what is most likely to send people to Paradise? Being conscious of Allah and good manners."

Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners # 296, Muslim, Tirmidhi, Darimi, Abu 'Awanah, Hakim, and Ibn Hibban.

... Nawas ibn Sam'an reported that the Prophet of Allah, saaws, was asked about doing good and evil. He replied, "Doing good is having good manners. Doing evil is what troubles you inside and what you would not like others to know about."

Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners #360, Abu Dawud, Tirmidhi, and Hakim

The Prophet of Allah, saaws, said, "He who does not show mercy to our young or show esteem for our elders is not one of us."


Copied from:

http://muttaqun.com/manners.html

 

[a_stranger]

The sin of finding faults in others

Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners #313, Ahmad, Ibn Hibban, and Hakim

... 'Abd Allah reported that the Prophet of Allah, upon him be peace, said, "A believer is not a fault-finder and is not abusive, obscene, or course."

Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners #329

... Ibn 'Abbas said, "If you wish to mention the faults of your friend, mention your own faults first."

Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners #330

... Ibn 'Abbas said on the following verse of the Qur'an, "Nor defame one another" (49:11), "Do not spend your time finding fault with one another."

Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners #545

Jubayr ibn Nufayr reported that Mu'adh ibn Jabal said, "If you love someone, do not quarrel with him and do not annoy him. Do not ask others about him, for the one you ask might be his enemy and thus tell you things about him that are not true and thus break you apart."

Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners #889 and Ibn Hibban

'Amr ibn al 'As said, "...I am amazed at one who spots an impurity in the eye of another but is unable to detect it in his/her own eye, or who attempts to remove a grudge from another's heart while making no attempt to remove grduges from his/her own heart. I have never blamed anyone for the confidences of mine that they have betrayed. How could I, when already they have given me reason for pause?"

Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners #1295

Bilal ibn Sa'd al Ash'ari reported that Mu'awiyah wrote to Abu Darda' "Write to the wrongdoers of Damascus." So he asked, "What do I have to do with the wrongdoers of Damascus? How will I know them?" Abu Darda's son, Bilal said, "I will write to them," which he did. Then Abu Darda' said [to Bilal], "How did you know to whom to write? You could not have known they were wrongdoers unless you were one of them. Begin with yourself!" So he did not address the letter in anyone's name.*

*i.e. he didn't single out a specific person as a wrongdoer, but spoke about wrongdoings in general, to come as a reminder (of Quran and Sunnah) to the people.

Copied from:

http://muttaqun.com/manners.html

 

[a_stranger]

Beware of Suspicion

Hadith - Sahih Bukhari, Muslim, Abu Dawud, Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah, Ahmad, and Ibn Hibban

Abu Huraira, r.a., reported that the Prophet of Allah, upon him be peace, said, "Be careful of suspicion, for it is the most mistaken of all speech. Do not spy on others, compete* among yourselves, envy one another, or despise one another. Rather, be servants of Allah and brothers!"

*There is nothing wrong with healthy competition, particularly in doing good deeds. This hadith refers to competion that destroys team play and equality, etc.)

Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners #1294

'Abd Allah said, "Sometimes a victim of robbery will become so suspicious [of everyone around him] that he will become worse than the thief."*

*In other words, his suspicions will lead him to doubt everyone until he has destroyed every one of his relationships.

It is permissible to call over a person and inform them of the facts, so that they will not be suspicious, as we see in the following hadith (narration).

Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners #1293, Muslim and Abu Dawud

Anas reported that a man passed by while the Prophet of Allah, upon him be peace, was with one of his wives. The Prophet called the man and said, 'O So and so. This is my wife, so and so." The man replied, What I might have thought about another, I would never think about you." The Prophet, upon him be peace, said, "Shaytan [satan] will circulate through a person just like blood circulates [through one's veins]."


copied from:

http://muttaqun.com/manners.html

 

[a_stranger]

The sin of Pride

Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners #550

Abu Huraira, r.a., reported that the Prophet of Allah, upon him be peace, said, "Whoever eats with his servant, or rides a donkey in the marketplace, or who ties up his goat and milks it will no be guilty of the sin of pride.

Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners #556, Abu Dawud and Tirmidhi

Abu Huraira, r.a., reported that a handsome man went to the Prophet of Allah, upon him be peace, and said, "I love beauty, and I have been given what you see, even to the extent of my hating to be bested. Is that pride?" The Prophet replied, "No. Rather, pride is to disdain the truth and to treat others with contempt."

copied from:

http://muttaqun.com/manners.html

 

[a_stranger]

Praying for Good Manners

Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners #308 and Bayhaqi

... 'Abd Allah ibn 'Amr reported that the Prophet of Allah, upon him be peace, used very often to pray in the following manner, "O Allah! I ask You for good health, for trust, for self-control, for good manners, and to be satisfied with the divine decree."

copied from:

http://muttaqun.com/manners.html

 

[Amir_of_spain]

Asalam wailkium.

The thing which puzzles me when it comes to the issue of men beating their wive's is that what happen to the advice and teaching of the mother on that man when he was a child. Where was it? It's very simple, sister's should teach their son's from early as possible that men have a duty to protect and fight to defend women not the opposite, and as a child growing up, i'm sure this principle will stay into adulthood. The fault is our own culture, and the use of hadiths seems to turning into slogans, we must take practical steps in bringing up our future sons and daughters.

Amir.

 

[slaveofAllah88]

aslam o alikum
sister your totally right, I cant believe some of the guyz they have totally ruined our religion islam they act like they own women ... its one thing that western media focuses on so much

 

[rtbour]

Asalam wailkium.

The thing which puzzles me when it comes to the issue of men beating their wive's is that what happen to the advice and teaching of the mother on that man when he was a child. Where was it? It's very simple, sister's should teach their son's from early as possible that men have a duty to protect and fight to defend women not the opposite, and as a child growing up, i'm sure this principle will stay into adulthood. The fault is our own culture, and the use of hadiths seems to turning into slogans, we must take practical steps in bringing up our future sons and daughters.

Amir.

I completely agree with you on this. I have been to my husbands country and I saw how they treat the girls and boys differently in the home where he was raised. It's appalling. The girls are cleaning and learning to cook, and helping the younger girls with their homework and everything else, while the boys watch tv, play around and go out to hang out with friends. This is the reason. If the parents held their sons accountable for their actions and made them do the things the girls had to do, the boys would be more respectful. I am having some serious problems with my husband right now because of the way his parents raised him. He thinks he can cuss and be rude and hurtful and then just say sorry and that makes it all better. I'm glad the person who posted this decided to post, because this is a HUGE problem that we women are dealing with right now.

 

[sazk]

what the hell is wrong with you people? agreeing that muslim men do this ! saying yes yes yes.

even non-muslim men do this sort of thing

the west wants you to believe that only muslim men do these things like non-muslims are pure angels. non-muslim men get drunk and beat their wives. this has nothing to do with religion or being muslim or non-muslim. the western media is making your minds twisted.

 

[slaveofAllah88]

aslam o alikum
alot of mothers are teaching their childs well but men learn far more from their father, and if they see that that their father is getting everything by being disrespectful then they will do the same i dont think its the women fault i think its the men that have become really arrogant and think that women dont have equal value, they should be forced to stay at home, not work, not being able to drive and stuff which is totally wrong.

 

[slaveofAllah88]

what the hell is wrong with you people? agreeing that muslim men do this ! saying yes yes yes.

even non-muslim men do this sort of thing

the west wants you to believe that only muslim men do these things like non-muslims are pure angels. non-muslim men get drunk and beat their wives. this has nothing to do with religion or being muslim or non-muslim. the western media is making your minds twisted.

:salam2:
brother your not understanding the problem, ive seen so many muslim men that dont respect their wives, one of my best friends pointed this out to me too, that most of the muslim men always walk infront of girls like arrogent people and let the women do all the work carry kids, take care of them.

NOn-muslims can do w/e they want I think we shudn't be compared to them just cuz someone else does something wrong we shudn't
I have seen my dad, he totally doesn't follow the islamic way of teaching a wife or a women and I know many other people that do the same

Alhumdulilah, my mom helped me realize the role of women and respect Islam gives them and i see many muslim men that dont do that ALhumdulilah Inshallah I wont be one of them NEVER :astag:

 

[sazk]

this is called slave mentality. you have been psychologically defeated by the western media.


you say you have seen many muslim men dont respect their wives, i say i have seen so many non-muslim men who don't respect their wives. men are men, muslim men are not lower than non-muslims.
there are many non-muslim men who get drunk and beat their wives.
mostly non-muslim men cheat on their wives.
many non-muslims have the highest divorce rates.
many non-muslim men commit adultery and are not faithful to their wives

 

[islamisthesolution]

aslam o alikum
alot of mothers are teaching their childs well but men learn far more from their father, and if they see that that their father is getting everything by being disrespectful then they will do the same i dont think its the women fault i think its the men that have become really arrogant and think that women dont have equal value, they should be forced to stay at home, not work, not being able to drive and stuff which is totally wrong.

totally agree with you brother like father like son
a sister came and she complained to me about how bad her son treat her so i asked about how her husband treats her she said very bad
so i guess men are infulenced by their fathers
any one can correct me if i am wrong
:salam2:

 

[ShyHijabi]

Salaam,

While I agree that this problem is universal to all societies and socio-economic levels, but our concern is the ummah on this board. I don't expext non-Muslim men to be held to the same standard as Muslim men. Why? Because they do not have Mohammed (peace be upon him) as a role model. Islam is about guiding toward the right and discouraging the wrong.

The cultures that tend to dominate in regions where Islam is the prevalent religion also carry a lot of sexist attitudes. As someone pointed out earlier, the females are being trained very young but the males are being treated like little Princes that can do no wrong. This is unfair to both the females and males of the ummah. We are in effect, turning out weak men who think their genatalia give them rights over women without the responsibilities.

Remember that Prophet Mohammed (peace be upon him) said in his last sermon that the best Muslim men treat their wives well. We should not excuse Muslim men from being the best men they can be, and treated their wives like queens should be par for the course. INshallah, each of us will raise out sons and daughters with the correct teachings, how to pray, how to fast, and how to treat each member of the ummah with gentleness and kindness.

Wasalaam

 

[sazk]

sometimes i feel like islam just remains in the books now. people who practise it, take some things and leave others, as they like.

a friend of mine put this very succinctly:

"islam came to change people's lives, and people changed islam (according to their wishes)."

 

[ShyHijabi]

Also just wanted to point out that in one of the hadiths below the prophet muhammad peace and blessings be upon him permitted men to beat thier wives(lightly)

Salaam,

I spoke to a scholar about this passage and he said there is huge debate over the word. I can't remember the word exactly but he said it could mean to "leave abruptly." Once when a companion asked Mohammed (peace be upon him) what he should he strike his wife with, the Prophet held up a miswak and said, "With this." I think we need to ask ourselves, who would appear to be the foolish one in this case? The women being hit or the man hitting her with a twig? What was Mohammed (peace be upon him) trying to convey? That it is permissible to strike a wife or that it would be foolish of the man make the man look poorly?

Men are physically stronger and we need to remember that. I've never seen a man "hit a woman lightly" as a matter of fact, any time I've seen a woman struck it has been brutally. I don't think any man today has the restraint to "hit lightly" and thus shouldn't raise his hand whatsoever. Furthermore, let's remember Kadijah (ra) who was the Mohammed's (peace be upon him) first love was a working woman and was not constrained to be singularly a housewife. She was strong and intelligent, I think we could do much worse than try and be like her.

In the end the absolute best thing to do would be to follow the Sunnah and the Quran, yes? Did Mohammed (peace be upon him) ever hit any of his wives? No? Then not one Muslim man should either. Hitting a wife will accomplish nothing but to put anger, humilation and possibly hatred towards her husband in her heart. The moment my husband lays a violent hand on me is the moment he signs our divorce papers. Period. It is my right in Islam to be treated with respect and dignity. If I wanted to be treated less I would marry a non-Muslim.

Wasalaam

 

[Asja]

Asslamu Allaicomu

Thank you dear sister for shaaring this very useful thread,and advices to Muslim brothers.May Allah guide us all to the right path,and may He Inshallah be pleased with us.
Our beloved Prophet Mohammed s.a.w.s is the best example of kind,nice,pure,polite way of threating his wifes and womens.Beloved Prophet Mohammed s.a.w.s. said "And the best among you are those who are the most kind towerd thier wifes".
Every women deserve respection espacily Muslim women becuase of her purity,chasity,character ,and her faith in Allah subhan we telala SubhanAllah.

Every women is like jewlery but the most beautiful jewlery is Muslim women and she deserves the most dedicated love and care.

May Allah guide us all to the right path,and may He Inshallah be pleased with us.