Intermarriage paradox

Discussion in 'Islamic Discussion' started by fabs, Feb 11, 2007.

  1. fabs
    Offline

    fabs Guest

    Ratings Received:
    +0 / 0
    Why is it that Muslim men can marry women that are People of the Book, but that Muslim women can't marry non-Muslim men?

    The former fascinated me, the latter baffled me and could give credence to the idea that Islam is a sexist faith.
  2. UmmOf3
    Offline

    UmmOf3 Junior Member

    Joined:
    Feb 11, 2007
    Messages:
    270
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Norway
    Ratings Received:
    +0 / 0
    Salaam aleikum

    Its all about peace in the family... :D
  3. umm hussain
    Offline

    umm hussain Junior Member

    Joined:
    Dec 19, 2006
    Messages:
    788
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Ratings Received:
    +1 / 0
    Question:
    My Christian wife is asking: Why is it not permissible for a Muslim woman to marry someone from among the people of the Book – Christians and Jews – whilst that is permitted to Muslim men?.

    Answer:
    Praise be to Allaah.

    One of the names of Allaah in which we believe – and we do not think that anyone who believes that he has a Lord will doubt that – is al-Hakeem (the All-Wise). In this manner the noble angels praised Him, because they understood His wisdom in His command to them to prostrate to Adam:

    “They (angels) said: ‘Glory is to You, we have no knowledge except what you have taught us. Verily, it is You, the All-Knower, the All-Wise’”

    [al-Baqarah 2:32]

    He has also testified to this, as have His angels and the people of knowledge:

    “Allaah bears witness that Laa ilaaha illa Huwa (none has the right to be worshipped but He), and the angels, and those having knowledge (also give this witness); (He always) maintains His creation in justice. Laa ilaaha illa Huwa (none has the right to be worshipped but He), the All‑Mighty, the All-Wise”

    [Aal ‘Imraan 3:18]

    Thus He has established proof against His creation, as He says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “Say: ‘With Allaah is the perfect proof and argument, (i.e. the Oneness of Allaah, the sending of His Messengers and His Holy Books, to mankind); had He so willed, He would indeed have guided you all’”

    [al-An’aam 6:149]

    Thus it is known that the All-Wise does not do anything in vain, and He does not do anything that is inappropriate. He does not issue any command but that which is better for His creation than any other, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “Allaah has sent down the Best Statement, a Book (this Qur’aan), its parts resembling each other (in goodness and truth) (and) oft‑repeated. The skins of those who fear their Lord shiver from it (when they recite it or hear it). Then their skin and their heart soften to the remembrance of Allaah. That is the Guidance of Allaah. He guides therewith whom He wills; and whomever Allaah sends astray, for him there is no guide”

    [al-Zumar 39:23]

    Just as this is implied by His being All-Wise, it is also implied by His being the only Creator. The one who makes a thing knows best what is suited for it, so how about the All-Knowing Creator?

    “Should not He Who has created know? And He is the Most Kind and Courteous (to His slaves), All‑Aware (of everything)”

    [al-Mulk 67:14]

    With regard to the wisdom behind the matter that you are asking about, perhaps you know that Islam is the last religion that was revealed from Allaah, hence it abrogates all other religions, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “It is He Who has sent His Messenger (Muhammad) with guidance and the religion of truth (Islam), to make it superior over all religions even though the Mushrikoon (polytheists, pagans, idolaters, disbelievers in the Oneness of Allaah) hate (it)”

    [al-Tawbah 9:33]

    “And never will Allaah grant to the disbelievers a way (to triumph) over the believers”

    [al-Nisa’ 4:141]

    The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said; “Islam prevails and is not prevailed over.” Narrated by al-Daaraqutni and others; classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’ (2778).

    It is well known that the husband is in charge of his wife (qawaamah) and his status within the family is higher than that of his wife. Perhaps this higher position may make him force his wife to leave her religion and follow his, or it may influence her to do that, and this is something that Islam cannot accept.

    The higher status held by the husband may also cause the children of this woman to follow their father’s religion, which is a great error, if these offspring grow up and do not follow the final religion of Allaah.

    This is the important reason which Allaah mentioned when He forbade Muslim women to marry non-Muslim men. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “And give not (your daughters) in marriage to Al‑Mushrikoon till they believe (in Allaah Alone) and verily, a believing slave is better than a (free) Mushrik (idolater), even though he pleases you. Those (Al-Mushrikoon) invite you to the Fire, but Allaah invites (you) to Paradise and forgiveness by His Leave, and makes His Ayaat (proofs, evidences, verses, lessons, signs, revelations, etc.) clear to mankind that they may remember”


    [al-Baqarah 2:221]

    Moreover, if a kitaabi woman (a Jewish or Christian woman) marries a Muslim man, she is marrying someone who believes in her Prophet and all the Prophets of Allaah, because he cannot be a Muslim otherwise, and it is not permissible for him to differentiate between them. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “The Messenger (Muhammad) believes in what has been sent down to him from his Lord, and (so do) the believers. Each one believes in Allaah, His Angels, His Books, and His Messengers. (They say,) ‘We make no distinction between one another of His Messengers’”

    [al-Baqarah 2:285]

    Whereas the kitaabi – whether Jewish or Christian – does not believe in Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) or that he is the Seal of the Prophets, so how can the two matters be equal, and how can Muslim women marry men who do not believe in their Prophet?

    But we should point out here that although it is permissible for a Muslim man to marry a kitaabi woman, because of the interests that it is hoped may be served by that, and to avoid burdening people with too many restrictions, it is blameworthy, as Imam Maalik (may Allaah have mercy on him) said. (Tafseer al-Qurtubi, 3/67).

    This permission serves as a hint to the people of the Book, so that they might realize that Islam has made exceptions for the people of the Book in some rulings that it has not made for other kuffaar. Allaah has permitted us to eat meat slaughtered by the people of the Book, and He has permitted us to marry their women out of respect for the origin of their religions which were based on Tawheed, and out of respect for the Messengers of those religions in whom we are commanded to believe and respect, and to demonstrate the difference between the attitude of the followers of Judaism and Christianity towards our Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and the attitude of our religion towards their Prophets.

    Finally, this ruling should not be strange for other religions, and it is not something odd that is applied by Islam alone. Why should some of those who attack our religion find it strange that Islam forbids our women to marry non-Muslim men, when they do not marry one another even though they are followers of one religion? A Catholic cannot marry a Protestant woman and if he does so he is punished by the church, and vice versa.

    According to the canon of the Egyptian Orthodox Coptic Church published in 1938 CE, article 6 states that “difference in religion is an impediment to marriage.”

    And Allaah knows best.
  4. UmmOf3
    Offline

    UmmOf3 Junior Member

    Joined:
    Feb 11, 2007
    Messages:
    270
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Norway
    Ratings Received:
    +0 / 0
    Salaam aleikum

    The more stories I hear, from desperate muslimahs married to non-muslim men, the more I understand Allahs wisdom behind prohibiting it.

    Like, sisters being pushed into not wearing headscarf (hijab), or pushed to removing hijab. Sisters being forced to participate on parties, with drinking, some forced to drink to "not be a partypooper". Other sisters having problem with raising their children, men refusing their kids to be brought up muslim, and refusing circumcision of their sons... List is endless...
  5. umm hussain
    Offline

    umm hussain Junior Member

    Joined:
    Dec 19, 2006
    Messages:
    788
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Ratings Received:
    +1 / 0
    A 'marriage' of a muslim woman to a kafir man isn't considered a marriage but it is Zina and the children are illegitimate. I will look for the evidence now inshallah and will post it as soon as I get it and in the mean time if someone else can post it that will be great.
  6. UmmOf3
    Offline

    UmmOf3 Junior Member

    Joined:
    Feb 11, 2007
    Messages:
    270
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Norway
    Ratings Received:
    +0 / 0
    Salaam aleikum

    I read that too, just recently while searching for fatwahs about it. I think it was on islamqa-page.

    In this modern day and age, where people travel more, and use internet more, such inter-religious marriage will continue to be more and more popular. And also women will choose non-muslims over muslims, because sometimes they see only the bad examples of muslim men... Sad, but true.
  7. fabs
    Offline

    fabs Guest

    Ratings Received:
    +0 / 0
    My response

    Thank you for the long and detailed answer. I can tell that you obviously know your holy book well enough to hold a proper theological debate.
    You went to an effort to provide me with an answer and I'm grateful.
    My comments:

    “And give not (your daughters) in marriage to Al‑Mushrikoon till they believe (in Allaah Alone) and verily, a believing slave is better than a (free) Mushrik (idolater), even though he pleases you. Those (Al-Mushrikoon) invite you to the Fire, but Allaah invites (you) to Paradise and forgiveness by His Leave, and makes His Ayaat (proofs, evidences, verses, lessons, signs, revelations, etc.) clear to mankind that they may remember”

    -It's clear to me that Jews and Christians are not idolaters as thus we would be breaking the 1st(or for the Jews the 2nd) commandment of the 10 (Thou shalt not make for thyself an idol)given to Moses on Mount Sinai to the Israelites and one of the pinnacles to the entire Christian faith.

    "With regard to the wisdom behind the matter that you are asking about, perhaps you know that Islam is the last religion that was revealed from Allaah, hence it abrogates all other religions."

    -Thats your belief, as a Christian one believes that the last Prophet was Jesus Christ.

    "A Catholic cannot marry a Protestant woman and if he does so he is punished by the church, and vice versa. "

    - You base that on some religious Catholic 16th Century dogma which probably no-one follows anymore. The truth is the former Pope came out against inter-faith marriage with Muslims. PERIOD. Marrying other Christian denominations is tolerated.


    Anyway I got the answer I was looking for. Basically you're saying: A long time ago husbands were masters over their wives and non-muslim husbands could thus force their wives to convert as well as/or bring the children up as non-Muslims. But isn't such the case for the children of the non-Muslim wife who essentially gives birth to children that have to become Muslims afterwards. Of course for you who believe that Islam is the one true faith, such isn't even an issue.
  8. visionusman
    Offline

    visionusman being content

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2007
    Messages:
    220
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Hospital Doctor
    Location:
    Wales
    Ratings Received:
    +0 / 0
    Well fabs Islam is the only religion which gives paramount importance to the rights of women and to their protection. That debate is lengthyand I propose at present not to enter it. However I can tell you this for a fact that it has nothing to do with who is whose master; rather it protects women from a difficult relationship. to be part of a stressful relationship as we all know can be very difficult, however if the man has married a non muslim woman then by virtue of the rights that he gives to her she is more likely to respect and understand his faith. That is because the rights of a wife are such that she is empowered, protected, and honoured. that status practically elevates her to such a position that she is automatically protected. However on the other hand if a muslim woman marries a non muslim she will not have the same level of protection and thus that will cause her problems.

    As for the other comment regarding jews and christains not being idolators; allow me to clarify islam's position. The cross is an idol as is the statue of the christ. The belief that David PBUH was the son of God or that Jesus was the son of God both takes the follower to a path of polytheism. There is none like Him. He is the one and the only refuge, protector, cherisher and sustainer of all that exists. I do hope that helps.
  9. NewMuslim
    Offline

    NewMuslim Slave of Allah

    Joined:
    Nov 5, 2006
    Messages:
    789
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    United States of America (Massachusetts)
    Ratings Received:
    +0 / 0
    The verse was speaking about the Pagans of Arabia, though now it seems (somehow) to be understood as all non-Muslims.

    Christians believe that there are still prophets today.


    That proves that Christians don't follow their faith. Also, who gave the pope authority to make laws as if he was a god?


    The man has physical strength over woman unless in extremely rare cases (which usually comes because of the woman using steroids or something else unnatural). Men are hot-tempered a lot. Should a man follow his religion like he is supposed to, he would have to convert his wife to his religion. Given that he has the upper hand, he'll succeed.

    Men are the same. They are weak, also. That's why in the Qur'an, Allah warns us not to get extremely intimate with the non-believers. If I marry a Christian woman for love ONLY, then she'll probably convert me. Women can seduce men easily, making both sexes weak.

    Anyways, you are correct. Man is physically more strong than woman. Know that Allah never said that ALL the time a non-Muslim man would force convert his wife, but Allah is warning us. So, He's saying that it's best not to let the woman marry the non-Muslim man because there is a high chance that the man may forcely convert his weaker wife to his own religion.

    It's "Preventative Health", so to speak.
  10. ibn azem
    Offline

    ibn azem Super Moderator Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jul 27, 2006
    Messages:
    1,257
    Likes Received:
    6
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    muslim
    Location:
    The small Earth
    Ratings Received:
    +20 / 0
    Hi Fabs,

    May ask you whether ou have read the Qur'an yet?! I propose you to read the Qur'an and the Muslim Creed first so you will undertand a lot more about Islam.

    As it is very hard to understand by trying to know the secondary issues when you do not know the primary ones that the Qur'an speaks about - like the fundamental belief in Allah (the arab christians use the name also to identify the Creator and the Sustainer of the worlds)!

    Just a proposal! :)

    Thanks.
  11. fabs
    Offline

    fabs Guest

    Ratings Received:
    +0 / 0
    2nd response

    Some Christians mostly fringe groups but the concensus is that Jesus was the last great messenger from God.


    The Catholics (are supposed to) believe in the authority of the Pope, thus there he is the highest member and has the final say. Protestants dispute this and obey the bible directly. I know very well that the Protestants are closer to the truth in this respect, however Catholicism is more centralised and orderly albeit authoritarian. Either way, its God will that matters ultimately.
  12. fabs
    Offline

    fabs Guest

    Ratings Received:
    +0 / 0
    3rd response


    I have a translation of the Koran which I have read to an extent. I still have a lot to learn but most of what I know comes from the mouths of other believers.
  13. NewMuslim
    Offline

    NewMuslim Slave of Allah

    Joined:
    Nov 5, 2006
    Messages:
    789
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    United States of America (Massachusetts)
    Ratings Received:
    +0 / 0
    As Salaamu Alaykum
    The Qur'an says:

    O ye who believe! If a wicked person comes to you with any news, ascertain the truth, lest ye harm people unwittingly, and afterwards become full of repentance for what ye have done. (Qur'an 49:6)

    So verify it for yourself by looking in your Qur'an, and don't take what we say for granted. HOWEVER, don't interpret it on your own! I would suggest following a School of Thought.

    Go here: http://imaanstar.com to download a free English Qur'an and a free English Hadith (sayings of Muhammad :)saw:)) book.
  14. saqlawi
    Offline

    saqlawi Muslim Student

    Joined:
    Feb 9, 2007
    Messages:
    73
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    student
    Location:
    iraqi in USA
    Ratings Received:
    +1 / 0
    "If you want to learn Islam, study Islam, don't study the Muslims"
    -Ali from the ummahfilms website.


    On another note:

    Several things have been said about Christianity here that you say don't apply anymore, or only apply to some Christians. The reason for that is that we can't all Christians and label them as one religion that is Christianity, everyone does things differently. Some people follow the religion's original teachings (or what was left of them), some follow their own modified versions, some adhere to rulings from a Pope, and some people call themselves Christian but don't do anything (there are Muslims like this too unfortunately).

    The difference is that Islam is a set-in-stone religion. If you add something to Islam, it is not Islam anymore. If you take something away from Islam, it is not Islam anymore. There are people who deviate from this straight and set path, but the religion is all there.

    Allah is our creator, surly he knows our nature better than we do. His law is unquestionable for that reason. We can try to find reasons for a specific law if we want to, but we cannot always see clearly. Our feeble human perception is limited. It is limited in space and time, it is limited in our own brain's processing of the five senses. Our perception will not always be enough to understand Allah's law, and our knowledge is too little to gain a complete understanding of the reason behind every law. Allah has given man sufficient intellect to reason out his existence and the message of Mohammed (pbuh).

    I second ibn azem's proposal. If you study Islam in search of guidance, Allah will guide you. If you study Islam in search of contradictions and flaws, you will become blinded to all else.

    I mean no offense to your methods, that is just the way the Quran seems to work.

    I hope you find what you are looking for.
    -alsalamualaykum
  15. fabs
    Offline

    fabs Guest

    Ratings Received:
    +0 / 0
    still grateful

    Thank you everyone. I know for a fact that if I ever any questions this board is the best place to start looking for the answers. Peace be upon you all.
  16. Noor to shine
    Offline

    Noor to shine Junior Member

    Joined:
    Nov 16, 2006
    Messages:
    455
    Likes Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Ratings Received:
    +2 / 0
    And peace be with you as well.....I think the most important lesson Islam teaches humans is how to turn to their creator with sincerity ......Islam can purify hearts with Tawheed( Oneness of God) a lesson: we all are in need.

    :SMILY259: :SMILY259: :SMILY259:
  17. Globalpeace
    Offline

    Globalpeace Banned

    Joined:
    Nov 27, 2006
    Messages:
    2,037
    Likes Received:
    4
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Consultant
    Location:
    Renting a place from HM, Elizabeth the Second of U
    Ratings Received:
    +9 / 0
    Is it a Paradox?

    I am glad that you are happy about the explaination given by the Brothers/Sisters...but would like to add:

    paradox:
    noun [C or U]
    a situation or statement which seems impossible or is difficult to understand because it contains two opposite facts or characteristics:

    The Qur'aan is very clear about this; hence by definition this is NOT a paradox...

    A person can choose to disagree with the Qur'aan or Islam but that doesn't make the issue a "Paradox"....

    The guidence and evidence is crystal clear.

    It is not my intention to insult you or anyone else; just making a point that the issue is clear in Islam.



  18. queenmuslimah
    Offline

    queenmuslimah New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 16, 2007
    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Ratings Received:
    +0 / 0
    asalamu calykum

    asalamu calykum..............the reason why muslim women are not allowed to marry a non muslim guy i because we women are so gullible........we believe everything very so so easily.............but if we married a christian man he will lead us to his religion and make our children of his religion.........u see the man can make a change in the women.........so therefore if a muslim man marries a non muslim women she is more likely to become muslim than a non muslim man to become muslim.........hope u see where i am coming from.....anything good i have said is from allah and anything bad i have said id from the shayatan and myself...........please do forgive
  19. Globalpeace
    Offline

    Globalpeace Banned

    Joined:
    Nov 27, 2006
    Messages:
    2,037
    Likes Received:
    4
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Consultant
    Location:
    Renting a place from HM, Elizabeth the Second of U
    Ratings Received:
    +9 / 0
    Asslamo Allaikum,

    Men are just as gullible therefore...

    In my humble view even though MEN are ALLOWED to marry women of Poeple of the Book (Jews, Christians); they should be VERY careful

    I base my opinion after seeing many families in North, South & Central America of Arab origin where men married Catholic women & the future generations are toast (history!)

    Furthermore...

    With Masha'allah so many good Sisters around of different backgrounds, ethnicity etc and who want to get settle down & get married. WHY would a Muslim man want to go marry someone who is NOT a Muslim??? that makes no Islamic or logical sense whatsoever...If someone wants to marry a Sister of particular ethnicity marry a MUSLIMAH & Allah (SWT) will reward you for it!

    I recently advised a brother who was dating a Philina girl in London to STOP this Haram & travel to Phillipines & marry a Muslimah & I told him that I would personally help me in anyway that I can to marry a Philina Muslim Sister (if thats what he wants!)...OR

    Give her Shahadah & marry her!

    This girl is a staunch Catholic & says that there is NO way she would become a Muslim (she uses harsh words about Islam) so why would a Muslim man in his right mind marry someone with such STRONG sentiments about/against Islam???) I know that Allah (SWT) gives guidence but we have to base our decisions on sound judgements

    Alhum do lillah he has stopped after endless discussions...Praise be to Allah (SWT) alone

    Please NOTE that I am not refuting the Qur'aan (Astaghfirullah) just advising all Muslim Men to tread with Caution!
  20. bayareabilal
    Offline

    bayareabilal makakilo

    Joined:
    Feb 11, 2007
    Messages:
    47
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    pleasing allah
    Location:
    Islamistan
    Ratings Received:
    +0 / 0
    It is like this

    The way it was explained to me is that in Islam the children are ALWAYS the religion of the father...so therefore every single muslim man on the face of the earth will have muslim children (regardless of whom they decide to marry), and likewise since muslim women are forbidden to marry a nonmuslim, they too will only have muslim babies.....make sense??? Allah is hakeem & the best of all planners.
    :salah:

Share This Page