Is it halaal

[Globalpeace]

Asslamo Allaikum Brother,

I meant compromise in the sense of you are looking for a practising Muslimah but you compromise for someone who is NOT as practising as you would like; hoping that she would change and so on...Sometimes its hard for people to change you know

Off course marraige is about compromise and we Should!

Hope it clears it up for you.

Though I have not experienced such relations of marriage and I can understand how painful it is to get throught such a process you mentioned in the post. But my thoughts are a bit pulled by you above statement. I had been thinking that successful marraige under the command of Allah is to compromise with the ups and downs of marital life. This compromise is the way to bow your head in front of the fate chosen for you by Allah. Ofcourse there is a limit of tolerance for everything, and I understand that you must have tolerated the sad situation till you reached your limit and broke away.
But above statement given by you simply advising the Muslims to remain 'idealistic'.

I expect that you being from such a culture where most of marriages are arranged marraiges, know that arranged marraiges were more successful because the people who bow their ego in front of their parents they infact have more ability of tolerating the cons of their mariatal life too.

Wassalaam,
VirtualEye.

 

[Globalpeace]

Arranged vs. FORCED Marriages!

Arranged vs. FORCED Marriages!

I like arranged marriages because it involves other people and they know you and the other person. Sometimes when you court or date someone your mind is hazy and you are driven by passions and unable to analyse a problem from all angles. You need an extra perspective sometimes.

An arranged marriage in my mind is someone (family, friends, community) simply introducing 2 people and they themselves take it from there; off course you consult others and do Istikhara but the ultimate decision is yours.

I am against FORCED marriages & so is Islam. People often misinterpret arranged marriages to be FORCED ones and that is an error…Forced marriage is when something is thrust upon against your will and there is a lot of pressure (emotional black-mail) to comply.

 

[Globalpeace]

Asslamo Allaikum Bro,

We all have our own coping mechanisms...There is no right answer to finding the right person brother; use all facilities at your disposal...

Think of it as a Project and in a Project you use all tools available to you.

The choice of a revert or a born-Muslim Sister is also very personal and depends on the person;


Below is just my opinion for all brothers who want to maary and off course everyone has a right to disagree...

You need to do a lot of thinking and come with a plan on how you are going to achieve what-ever you are going to acheive (marry Revert, Born-Muslimah, Arab, Asian etc.) your plan should include time-frames, resources, choices, the lot; and then as I have said because your plan is a result of sound thinking and it is pragmatic don't comprise but tweak it where necessary; my "reclusion" was also part of the plan and seemed right at the time not because of shame of divorce but because there were many things at the time which were not clear in my own mind. In Hind-sight it was not perfect (needed fine tuning) but that was the plan that I came up with & I can say that at least it worked because my life continued and came out the other end of a dark tunnel

This is turning out to be quite interesting. Brother Daud McGuire is right. She's not my wife anymore. However the laws of this land in some matters are very strange indeed.

To Brother GP though; I have told my family about the divorce and never did I turn into a recluse. I don't think a divorce is anything to be ashamed of. However I haven't asked my family to look for a suitable match. I don't plan it that way, for a number of reasons. Some of these reasons are personal. Anyway coming back to the point regarding marraige; how do you find the right person, is what I want to know. I personally think I would want to marry a good revert sister. Again the reasons are personal. I could discuss them with the right person at the right time. However suffice this to say that I believe in the principles of marraige laid down in Islam. The ideal marraige was that of Khadija RA to the Prophet SAW. Those are the principles I believe every marraige should be based on and what we should all strive for. InshAllah. So the question remains. Where and how?
PS: I'm not a great fan of internet based marraige sites.