Is the muslim woman just a puppet??

Discussion in 'Women, Family, and Marriage' started by Laura, Apr 28, 2007.

  1. Laura
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    Laura New Member

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    Assalamu Alaikum,
    bros and sisters........

    As a new muslimah I've obviously got much to learn and when I came into Islam it was because the basic principles seemed to make so much more sense than Christianity.......

    I don't claim to be perfect and I don't claim that my thoughts are correct I simply don't understand so I ask you all not to assue I am attacking islam as I too am muslim.

    The priniciples relating to women just appaul me. I've been told, don't worry if you are patient you will understand......so I've been patient, I've questioned everyone I can, read every book I can find on the subject.....the last of which left me crying in anger.

    Below are a few examples of these

    Women should be obedient to their husbands
    For example, I love my husband dearly but in my eyes we are equals.......and whilst I respect him and listen to him.......I stop short of being 'obedient' to him. If we truley are equals how could that work?

    A woman should join her husband in bed as he wishes
    I work hard during the day and then I come home and do homely things in the evening.... but is a muslim women if my husband calls me to bed I should go to him. And sometimes I'm just not in the mood.

    A muslim woman should not go out of the house without her husband's permission
    Our dog does not go out of the house wihtout my husbands permission.

    A woman should cover all her body bar hands and face because she is entirely awrah.
    I may be wrong (please feel free to correct me if I am) but I have been told the arabic translation of awrah is 'sexual organs'-the very idea that a woman's hair or arms may be equated to her private parts I find quite insulting.

    A woman should not refuse her husbands request to take additional wives
    I would like to ask any brothers reading this how they would feel should their wife have 1,2,or 3 other husbands.

    A woman must not pray when she has her menses?
    Is she really dirty because of something natural she has been durdened with

    I am told islam is 'perfect' and that Allah is fair in all things. If this is true (I'm i'm not cliaming it isn't) why does it appear that the woman are mere objects or obedience and pleasure for men? The woman a puppet and the man the puppeteer?
  2. junaid hasan
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    junaid hasan Banned

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    what sister? marry 2,3 or 4 wives?

    i am not even ready to marry only one girl because i know how many rights there are which i should give to my wife.
    and i am really afraid about that i am not able to marry even one girl before i am ready to give her rights which she has as my wife.
  3. UmmOf3
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    UmmOf3 Junior Member

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    Salaam aleikum

    I had the same issues 13 yrs ago as a new muslimah. I was not married back then, but still questioned the same issues.

    I think the word "obedience" is a too strong word. Its too harch, in some ways. A marriage is a thing for two. It takes a couple to be a marriage. Obedience is, atleast to me, as a non-native english speaker, very strong. Same with the equal word in Norwegian language. I would rather see it as "cooperate" or something similar.

    I can find, if you like, many articles showing that all these things you are thinking about, is fair things from Allah. He is the All-knowing, the One who understands us humans the best. He know what is better for us. If he said we are not to pray during menses, something he infested in us, then so be it. We are not impure, but the blood itself is impure and contains bacteria. How can we be pure for Salah with blood? Wudhu has no point, because it cant take it away.
  4. True
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    True New Member

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    :salam2:

    Islam IS perfect and Allah IS fair but I hope you will get your answer and understand!!
  5. IbnAlAawam
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    IbnAlAawam Junior Member

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    :salam2:

    These topics have already been covered many times sister.
    If you make some research on TTI you'll see wht I mean (use the search option and enter keywords).

    In Islam Men and Women are equals but that does not mean we are the same. As the wife has the right to be treated kindly, fed and clothed, the husband has the right to be respected as long as he does not go against Islam.



    It is true that the wife should however it is also true that the husband should be good to his wife.
    What do you mean by permission? The important is that the woman does not go where her husband does not want her to go.
    Awrah, islamically, this refers to the area of a human being that is considered private, though related to the private part, in arabic you have other words for private parts.

    How would you feel if there was no social benefits and you were a widow with young children and no one wanted to marry you because all men were only taking one wife?
    Poor, isolated and living a hard life.

    It is up to Allah to decide, also you can stil make dhikr while in that state.

    It seems you forget that men are supposed to act according to the shariah, to be good sons, brothers and husbands. It seems as if you consider men as tyrants?


    The prophet :saw: said:



    Remember the words of Allah’s Messenger (صلي الله عليه وسلم): “The best of you are those who treat their families the best. And I am the best amongst you to my family.”

    also during the last sermon:

    O People, it is true that you have certain rights over your women, but they also have rights over you. Remember that you have taken them as your wives only under God's trust and with His permission. If they abide by your right then to them belongs the right to be fed and clothed in kindness. Treat your women well and be kind to them, for they are your partners and committed helpers. It is your right and they do not make friends with anyone of whom you do not approve, as well as never to be unchaste...
  6. Proud2BeHumble
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    Proud2BeHumble Seek Truth, Be Happy

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    Your doubts can be cleared one by one.

    Hijab does not degrade a woman, rather it uplifts her status and protects her modesty and chastity. Even though it is you who has to take the desicion for your deeds and there is no compulsion if you dont follow. In Islam you are responsible for your deeds, good or bad.

    The status of women in Islam is often the target of attacks in the secular media. The ‘Hijab’ or the Islamic dress is cited by many as an example of the ‘subjugation’ of women under Islamic law. Before we analyse the reasoning behind the religiously mandated ‘hijab’, let us first study the status of women in societies before the advent of Islam

    1.In the past, women were degraded and used as objects of lust: The following examples from history amply illustrate the fact that the status of women in earlier civilizations was very low to the extent that they were denied basic human dignity:

    a. Babylonian Civilization: The women were degraded and were denied all rights under the Babylonian law. If a man murdered a woman, instead of him being punished, his wife was put to death.

    b. Greek Civilization: Greek Civilization is considered the most glorious of all ancient civilizations. Under this very ‘glorious’ system, women were deprived of all rights and were looked down upon. In Greek mythology, an ‘imaginary woman’ called ‘Pandora’ is the root cause of misfortune of human beings. The Greeks considered women to be sub-human and inferior to men. Though chastity of women was precious and women were held in high esteem, the Greeks were later overwhelmed by ego and sexual perversions. Prostitution became a regular practice amongst all classes of Greek society.

    c. Roman Civilization: When Roman Civilization was at the zenith of its ‘glory’, a man even had the right to take the life of his wife. Prostitution and nudity were common amongst the Romans.

    d. Egyptian Civilization: The Egyptian considered women evil and as a sign of a devil.

    e. Pre-Islamic Arabia: Before Islam spread in Arabia, the Arabs looked down upon women and very often when a female child was born, she was buried alive.

    2. Islam uplifted women and gave them equality and expects them to maintain their status: Islam uplifted the status of women and granted them their just rights 1400 years ago. Islam expects women to maintain their status.

    3. Hijab for men: People usually only discuss ‘hijab’ in the context of women. However, in the Glorious Quran, Allah first mentions ‘hijab’ for men before ‘hijab’ for the women. The Quran mentions in Surah Noor: “Say to the believing men that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty: that will make for greater purity for them and Allah is well acquainted with all that they do.” [Al-Quran 24:30] The moment a man looks at a woman and if any brazen or unashamed thought comes to his mind, he should lower his gaze.

    4. Hijab for women: The next verse of Surah Noor, says: “ And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what (must ordinarily) appear thereof; that they should draw veils over their bosoms and not display their beauty except to their husbands, their fathers, their husbands’ fathers, their sons...” [Al-Quran 24:31]

    5. Six criteria for Hijab: According to the Quran and the Sunnah, there are basically six criteria for observing hijab:

    * Extent: The first criterion is the extent of the body that should be covered. This is different for men and women. The extent of covering obligatory on the male is to cover the body at least from the navel to the knees. For women, the extent of covering obligatory is to cover the complete body except the face and the hands upto the wrist. If they wish to, they can cover even these parts of the body. Some scholars of Islam insist that the face and the hands are part of the obligatory extent of ‘hijab’. All the remaining five criteria are the same for men and women.
    * The clothes worn should be loose and should not reveal the figure.

    * The clothes worn should not be transparent such that one can see through them.

    * The clothes worn should not be so glamorous as to attract the opposite sex.

    * The clothes worn should not resemble that of the opposite sex.

    * The clothes worn should not resemble that of the unbelievers i.e. they should not wear clothes that are specifically identities or symbols of the unbelievers’ religions.


    Hijab includes conduct and behaviour among other things: Complete ‘hijab’, besides the six criteria of clothing, also includes the moral conduct, behaviour, attitude and intention of the individual. A person only fulfilling the criteria of ‘hijab’ of the clothes is observing ‘hijab’ in a limited sense. ‘Hijab’ of the clothes should be accompanied by ‘hijab’ of the eyes, ‘hijab’ of the heart, ‘hijab’ of thought and ‘hijab’ of intention. It also includes the way a person walks, the way a person talks, the way he behaves, etc.

    7. Hijab prevents molestation: The reason why Hijab is prescribed for women is mentioned in the Quran in the following verses of Surah Al-Ahzab: “O Prophet! Tell thy wives and daughters, and the believing women that they should cast their outer garments over their persons (when abroad); that is most convenient, that they should be known (as such) and not molested. And Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.” [Al-Quran 33:59]. The Quran says that Hijab has been prescribed for the women so that they are recognised as modest women and this will also prevent them from being molested.

    8. Example of twin sisters: Suppose two sisters who are twins and who are equally beautiful, walk down the street. One of them is attired in the Islamic hijab i.e. the complete body is covered, except for the face and the hands up to the wrists. The other sister is wearing western clothes, a mini skirt or shorts. Just around the corner, there is a hooligan or ruffian, who is waiting for a catch to tease a girl. Whom will he tease? The girl wearing the Islamic Hijab or the girl wearing the skirt or the mini? Naturally, he will tease the girl wearing the skirt or the mini. Such dresses are an indirect invitation to the opposite sex for teasing and molestation. The Quran rightly says that hijab prevents women from being molested.

    9. Capital punishment for the rapists: Under the Islamic Shariah, a man convicted of having raped a woman, is given capital punishment. Many are astonished at this ‘harsh’ sentence. Some even say that Islam is a ruthless, barbaric religion! I have asked a simple question to hundreds of non-Muslim men. Suppose, God forbid, someone rapes your wife, your mother or your sister, you are made the judge and the rapist is brought in front of you. What punishment would you give him? All of them said they would put him to death. Some went to the extent of saying they would torture him to death. To them I ask, if someone rapes your wife or your mother you want to put him to death. But if the same crime is committed on somebody else’s wife or daughter, you say capital punishment is barbaric. Why should there be double standards?

    10. Western society falsely claims to have uplifted women: Western talk of women’s liberalisation is nothing but a disguised form of exploitation of her body, degradation of her soul, and deprivation of her honour. Western society claims to have ‘uplifted’ women. On the contrary, it has actually degraded them to the status of concubines, mistresses and society butterflies who are mere tools in the hands of pleasure seekers and sex marketeers, hidden behind the colourful screen of ‘art’ and ‘culture’. Most of the men enthusiasts to Miss Universe/World Pageant do not like their daughter or sister to participate there.

    11. USA has one of the highest rates of rape: United States of America is supposed to be one of the most advanced countries of the world. It also has one of the highest rates of rape in any country in the world. According to a FBI report, in the year 1990, every day on an average 1756 cases of rape were committed in USA alone. Later another report said that on an average everyday, 1900 cases of rapes are committed in USA. The year was not mentioned. May be it was 1992 or 1993. May be the Americans got ‘bolder’ in the following years. Consider a scenario where the Islamic hijab is followed in America. Whenever a man looks at a woman and any brazen or unashamed thought comes to his mind, he lowers his gaze. Every woman wears the Islamic hijab, that is the complete body is covered except the face and the hands upto the wrist. After this, if any man commits rape he is given capital punishment. I ask you, in such a scenario, will the rate of rape in America increase, will it remain the same, or will it decrease?

    12. Implementation of Islamic Shariah will reduce the rate of rapes: Naturally, as soon as Islamic Shariah is implemented, positive results will be inevitable. If Islamic Shariah is implemented in any part of the world, whether it is America or Europe, society will breathe easier. Hijab does not degrade a woman, but uplifts a woman, and protects her modesty and chastity. Then why it cannot be implemented? Simple... men do not want to miss anything in this Material World.
  7. IbnAlAawam
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    IbnAlAawam Junior Member

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  8. Proud2BeHumble
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    Proud2BeHumble Seek Truth, Be Happy

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    Question:
    Why is a man allowed to have more than one wife in Islam? i.e. why is polygamy allowed in Islam?

    Answer:
    1. Definition of Polygamy
    Polygamy means a system of marriage whereby one person has more than one spouse. Polygamy can be of two types. One is polygyny where a man marries more than one woman, and the other is polyandry, where a woman marries more than one man. In Islam, limited polygyny is permitted; whereas polyandry is completely prohibited.

    Now coming to the original question, why is a man allowed to have more than one wife?

    2. The Qur’an is the only religious scripture in the world that says,“marry only one”.
    The Qur’an is the only religious book, on the face of this earth, that contains the phrase ‘marry only one’. There is no other religious book that instructs men to have only one wife. In none of the other religious scriptures, whether it be the Vedas, the Ramayan, the Mahabharat, the Geeta, the Talmud or the Bible does one find a restriction on the number of wives. According to these scriptures one can marry as many as one wishes. It was only later, that the Hindu priests and the Christian Church restricted the number of wives to one. Many Hindu religious personalities, according to their scriptures, had multiple wives. King Dashrat, the father of Rama, had more than one wife. Krishna had several wives.

    In earlier times, Christian men were permitted as many wives as they wished, since the Bible puts no restriction on the number of wives. It was only a few centuries ago that the Church restricted the number of wives to one.

    Polygyny is permitted in Judaism. According to Talmudic law, Abraham had three wives, and Solomon had hundreds of wives. The practice of polygyny continued till Rabbi Gershom ben Yehudah (960 C.E to 1030 C.E) issued an edict against it. The Jewish Sephardic communities living in Muslim countries continued the practice till as late as 1950, until an Act of the Chief Rabbinate of Israel extended the ban on marrying more than one wife.

    (*Interesting Note:- As per the 1975 census of India Hindus are more polygynous than Muslims. The report of the ‘Committee of The Status of Woman in Islam’, published in 1975 mentions on page numbers 66 and 67 that the percentage of polygamous marriages between the years 1951 and 1961 was 5.06% among the Hindus and only 4.31% among the Muslims. According to Indian law only Muslim men are permitted to have more than one wife. It is illegal for any non-Muslim in India to have more than one wife. Despite it being illegal, Hindus have more multiple wives as compared to Muslims. Earlier, there was no restriction even on Hindu men with respect to the number of wives allowed. It was only in 1954, when the Hindu Marriage Act was passed that it became illegal for a Hindu to have more than one wife. At present it is the Indian Law that restricts a Hindu man from having more than one wife and not the Hindu scriptures.)

    Let us now analyse why Islam allows a man to have more than one wife.

    3. Qur’an permits limited polygyny
    As I mentioned earlier, Qur’an is the only religious book on the face of the earth that says ‘marry only one’. The context of this phrase is the following verse from Surah Nisa of the Glorious Qur’an:
    “Marry women of your choice, two, or three, or four; but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one.” [Al-Qur’an 4:3]

    Before the Qur’an was revealed, there was no upper limit for polygyny and many men had scores of wives, some even hundreds. Islam put an upper limit of four wives. Islam gives a man permission to marry two, three or four women, only on the condition that he deals justly with them.

    In the same chapter i.e. Surah Nisa verse 129 says:
    “Ye are never able to be fair and just as between women....”
    [Al-Qur’an 4:129]


    Therefore polygyny is not a rule but an exception. Many people are under the misconception that it is compulsory for a Muslim man to have more than one wife.

    Broadly, Islam has five categories of Do’s and Don’ts:
    (i) ‘Fard’ i.e. compulsory or obligatory
    (ii) ‘Mustahab’ i.e. recommended or encouraged
    (iii) ‘Mubah’ i.e. permissible or allowed
    (iv) ‘Makruh’ i.e. not recommended or discouraged
    (v) ‘Haraam’ i.e. prohibited or forbidden

    Polygyny falls in the middle category of things that are permissible. It cannot be said that a Muslim who has two, three or four wives is a better Muslim as compared to a Muslim who has only one wife.

    4. Average life span of females is more than that of males
    By nature males and females are born in approximately the same ratio. A female child has more immunity than a male child. A female child can fight the germs and diseases better than the male child. For this reason, during the pediatric age itself there are more deaths among males as compared to the females.

    During wars, there are more men killed as compared to women. More men die due to accidents and diseases than women. The average life span of females is more than that of males, and at any given time one finds more widows in the world than widowers.

    5. India has more male population than female due to female foeticide and infanticide
    India is one of the few countries, along with the other neighbouring countries, in which the female population is less than the male population. The reason lies in the high rate of female infanticide in India, and the fact that more than one million female foetuses are aborted every year in this country, after they are
    identified as females. If this evil practice is stopped, then India too will have more females as compared to males.

    6. World female population is more than male population
    In the USA, women outnumber men by 7.8 million. New York alone has one million more females as compared to the number of males, and of the male population of New York one-third are gays i.e sodomites. The U.S.A as a whole has more than twenty-five million gays. This means that these people do not wish to marry women. Great Britain has four million more females as compared to males. Germany has five million more females as compared to males. Russia has nine million more females than males. God alone knows how many million more females there are in the whole world as compared to males.

    7. Restricting each and every man to have only one wife is not practical
    Even if every man got married to one woman, there would still be more than thirty million females in U.S.A who would not be able to get husbands (considering that America has twenty five million gays). There would be more than four million females in Great Britain, 5 million females in Germany and ninemillion females in Russia alone who would not be able to find a husband.

    Suppose my sister happens to be one of the unmarried women living in USA, or suppose your sister happens to be one of the unmarried women in USA. The only two options remaining for her are that she either marries a man who already has a wife or becomes 'public property'. There is no other option. All those who are modest will opt for the first.

    Most women would nto like to share their husband with other women. But in Islam when the situation deems it really neccessary Muslim women in due faith could bear a small personal loss to prevent a greater loss of letting other Muslim sisters becoming 'public properties'.

    8. Marring a married man preferable to becoming 'public property'
    In Western society, it is common for a man to have mistresses and/or multiple extra-marital affairs, in which case, the woman leads a disgraceful, unprotected life. The same society, however, cannot accept a man having more than one wife, in which women retain their honourable, dignified position in society and lead a protected life.

    Thus the only two options before a woman who cannot find a husband is to marry a married man or to become 'public property'. Islam prefers giving women the honourable position by permitting the first option and disallowing the second.

    There are several other reasons, why Islam has permitted limited polygyny, but it is mainly to protect the modesty of women.
  9. nyerekareem
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    nyerekareem abdur-rahman

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    :salam2:

    Words from Sheikh al Albaani
    may Allah have mercy on him


    Words of Advice to the Husband and the Wife
    by: Sheikh al Albaani



    The husband and wife need to be compliant, cooperative and conciliatory toward one another, and to advise each other and urge each other toward obedience to Allah subhana wa ta'ala, following all of His ruling which have been clearly established in the Qur'an and the Sunnah. These must never be superceded by blind following of any religious or other figures, or any custom or school of thought which has predominated among the people. Allah aza wa jal says "It is not for a believer, man or woman, when Allâh and His Messenger have decreed a matter that they should have any option in their decision. And whoever disobeys Allâh and His Messenger, he has indeed strayed in a plain error. " [al ahzab:33-36]

    Each of them should fully carry out the duties and responsibilities with which Allah has obligated them toward the other...thus, the wife should not try to have all of the same rights as her husband, and the husband must never exploit the role of leadership and authority to which he has been assigned in the marriage relationship to oppress her, strike her or to be otherwise unfair to her.

    Allah said: "And women shall have rights similar to the rights against them, according to what is equitable; but men have a degree of advantage over them. And Allah is Exalted in Power, Wise. [al baqarah:228]

    Allah also said "Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allâh has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allâh and to their husbands), and guard in the husband's absence what Allâh orders them to guard (e.g. their chastity, their husband's property, etc.). As to those women on whose part you see ill*!conduct, admonish them (first), (next), refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful), but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance). Surely, Allâh is Ever Most High, Most Great. " [an-nisaa:34]

    Mu'awiya ibn Haida radi Allahu anhu said "O rasulullah, what rights do our wives have over us?" Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wa sallam said "That you should feed them as you feed yourselves, clothe them as you clothe yourselves, never invoke ugliness upon them, (referring to the custom of the Arabs when they are angry they say 'May Allah make your face ugly) never strike them in the face, and in boycotting the marital bed, do not go outside of the house to sleep. How (could you do any of these things) after you have entered into one another, so do only that which is allowed with regard to her (for valid reasons). [ahmed/sahih]

    In another hadith rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said "The doers of justice will be on thrones of light at Allah's right Hand and both of Allah's hands are right hands- whose who were just in their ruling, with their families and in all that over which there were given authority." [Muslim]

    When they both know and practice this, Allah subhana wa ta'ala grants them a good life and they will live for as long as they remain together- in the bliss of happiness. Allah said "Whoever works righteousness, man or woman, and has Faith, verily, to him will We give a new Life, a life that is good and pure, and We will bestow on such their reward according to the best of their actions." [an nahl:97]


    A couple may stipulate in the marriage contract that he will not take on an additional wife, only under the agreement that if he does this, they will get divorced.

    As a muslimah, this is not necessarily to your benefit to make such a stipulation. For instance, you could become paralyzed from the waist down, and if your husband were to want a second wife, he would have to divorce you, but Allah swt in His Infinite Wisdom, has made provisions that would allow you to remain secure and his wants still be fulfilled. Not that he must find another wife under such a circumstance, but it is his right, and you may love him so much that you want him to take on another wife, but at the same time you very likely may not want a divorce. This is only one such example. Recognize that you cannot fortell the future and trust Allah's provisions for up to four wives as a blessing for you and not a bad thing. No-one is saying that the man should have up to four wives, but that under certain conditions, there is a great wisdom and benefit in this arrangement. Allahu Alam.

    What is agreed upon in the marriage contract, on any halal matter, stands - unless the two come to a mutual agreement to change this stipulation, so long as there is nothing haram they agree to do, etc. So, she can waive that right - upon mutual agreement only - keeping in mind that the original marriage contract takes precedence over arguements or disputes later in the marriage.


  10. UmmOf3
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    UmmOf3 Junior Member

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    Salaam aleikum

    MashaAllah, this is making my translation-mood turn on hehe, i want soo much of this to my norwegian website about muslim women :D
  11. Muhammad Jehanze
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    Muhammad Jehanze New Member

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  12. Muhammad_A
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    Muhammad_A Penguin fancier

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    Yes, but, consider this. In Islam the only outlet for ones "urges" is intercourse with ones legally wedded spouse. Also the husband is obliged to provide for his wife. How would you feel if you were a man and your wife constantly refused to do "it", yet she still expected you to provide for her needs? Of course that's no reason for the man to demand his "rights" when the wife is ill or fatigued, for whatever reason, but it's equally unreasonable for a woman to spurn her husbands legitimate request for consumation if she isn't.
  13. muharram23
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    muharram23 New Member Staff Member

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    Laura,

    salaamu alaykum sister and welcome to the family. If you have time, please check out this video at lightuponlight.com. This is a video on 60 way that a husband needs to fullfill to have the love of his wife. It is 60 ways what a men must do in order that his wife is happy. And there is a lecture for women what they have to do to make their husbands happy. And guess what , it's all about 27 points. So take a look at this video, and sister be patient because shaytan (satan) is trying to misguide you from the truth. Take ur time to learn more about the religion. May Allah reward you and give us all understanding of our religion. ameen



    http://www.lightuponlight.com/islam/modules.php?name=Stream2&file=index&lid=431

    Muharram
  14. mahdi
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    mahdi Junior Member

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    . And We have commended unto man kindness toward parents. His mother beareth him with reluctance, and bringeth him forth with reluctance, and the bearing of him and the weaning of him is thirty months, till, when he attaineth full strength and reacheth forty years, he saith: My Lord! Arouse me that I may give thanks for the favour wherewith Thou hast favoured me and my parents, and that I may do right acceptable unto Thee. And be gracious unto me in the matter of my seed. Lo! I have turned unto Thee repentant, and lo! I am of those who surrender (unto Thee).
    (quran)


    And whoso saith unto his parents: Fie upon you both! Do ye threaten me that I shall be brought forth (again) when generations before me have passed away ? And they twain cry unto Allah for help (and say): Woe unto thee! Believe! Lo! the promise of Allah is true. But he saith: This is naught save fables of the men of old: (quran)
    And if ye fear that ye will not deal fairly by the orphans, marry of the women, who seem good to you, two or three or four; and if ye fear that ye cannot do justice (to so many) then one (only) or (the captives) that your right hands possess. Thus it is more likely that ye will not do injustice.

    4. And give unto the women (whom ye marry) free gift of their marriage portions; but if they of their own accord remit unto you a part thereof, then ye are welcome to absorb it (in your wealth). (quran)


    Unto the men (of a family) belongeth a share of that which parents and near kindred leave, and unto the women a share of that which parents and near kindred leave, whether it be little or much - a legal share. (quran)
    . These are the limits (imposed by) Allah. Whoso obeyeth Allah and His messenger, He will make him enter Gardens underneath which rivers flow, where such will dwell for ever. That will be the great success. (quran
    humans like to follow what they desire, and when god orders something they complain and say why and how. but what they don't know is that if it' good for them or bad,
  15. mahdi
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    mahdi Junior Member

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    [.

    A woman should cover all her body bar hands and face because she is entirely awrah.
    I may be wrong (please feel free to correct me if I am) but I have been told the arabic translation of awrah is 'sexual organs'-the very idea that a woman's hair or arms may be equated to her private parts I find quite insultingi
    am sory if u fel insaulted, but if u ask me if the hair and the arms are sexuall argans, i would say yes, i don't know if u are a man, but when a man see's a women's hair or arms he feels something, but as you know Godknows best,
    if i were to get married i would like to see my wife covered, i don't wanna see some guys looking at her and talking about her, '' oo boy shee looks beutifull, did u see her hair man,and her arms'' i don't want that to happen , but if she is covered no man will even think about her. that is a wife everyman desires not someone who dresses anyhow and does anything,. and u said the man and the women should rule the house equally, first there cannot be two rulers in one place one has to be eliminated, that is a promblem the west are facing too many divorces, we don't want that to happen, so allah gave the man the duty to provide shelter and clothing for the family and the women to to take care of the kids and the house, or do u think God give the man the beter job,, i would like my wife to work and i to saty at home and take care of the kid.kk
  16. revertmuslimah
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    revertmuslimah Junior Member

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    Wa alaikum asalaam sister

    Sister,
    I am a new muslimah myself and initially when I first thought of converting a few years ago this issue about the status of woman in Islam is what put me off. I am so proud to be a muslimah and have this beautiful deen which protects me and gives me so many rights. Let me attempt to answer your concerns. may Allah (subhana wa ta'ala) forgive me for my mistakes they are from me alone and shaytan. These statements are far too literal a context must be applied.

    A woman has to be obedient to her husband. Right ok as a former feminist and man-hater I can say I agree with this one as a woman who does not do what her husband wants her to do is going to upset him and he may then find another woman who will please him. This is logic. Also this does not mean that he has the right to tyrannize her as in Islam we are talking about a good muslim husband who will only want her to obey him because he has the best intentions. Therefore she will not feel like she is obeying him rather pleasing him. It is not a what I say goes kind of thing. Rememeber our beloved Prophet (sallahu alayhi wa salaam) in fact turned to his wives for advice at times. Men and women are equals in Islam in the eyes of Our Lord. Also as its the man that provides for his family he should have a certain amount of respect in return from his wife. The way you are seeing the word obey is in fact a negative one in which you think that women are forced to do something they dont want to, I re-iterate a good muslim husband would not make his wife feeling like she was obeying him.

    A woman should join her husband in bed when he wishes. I cannot understand why this would be a problem, of course a man wants to have relations with his wife, it is in Islam the only way for him to relations with the opposite sex which is halal. Every other option is haram. If a wife does not have relations with her husband when he wants he may seek other ways to satisfy these desires. men are wired differently to women, we can do without, whereas a man may find it difficult to control these urges. This is a fact. Think about it this way how would a woman feel if she found out that her husband had an affair because she wouldnt have relations with him. Regret comes to mind. Also lets not pretend women dont enjoy these relations.

    A muslim woman should not go out the house without her husbands permission. This does not mean everytime I step out the house I have to ask my husbands permission to do so. It is more of a informative thing so that he knows when you are not in the house for example if he has to make his own dinner. You do not have to say "may I have permission to go shopping...." A good muslim husband would not expect his wife to ask permission everytime she steps out the house. But he would expect to be informed this is just respect and courtesy. He has not been given the right to keep you housebound!!! Also there is a safety aspect to consider

    The whole woman's body is awrah except her hands and face, I agree with this entirely, women are the fairer sex, Allah (subhana wa ta'ala) has blessed us with beauty and has commanded that we save it only for our husbands. Beauty is a blessing, think of it like money if you had lots of money would you flash it about tempting people to rob you or keep it safe and out of sight. Women are by nature more vunerable and covering yourself is a form of protection and protects the heart of vanity and arrogance/pride in oneself. Your beauty is so much more precious to your husband because he is the only one who can see it, like a precious pearl the hijab as your shell. Also it sends subconcious signals to predatory men that you are not available. Men also repsect you more as they can see that by covering yourself you are making the statement I am not to be judged for my physical appearance. The concept of Awrah as I understand is related to private parts, but not private in just the sense of the sexual organs but parts of the body which are private to you and your husband. The idea that a woman's hair or arms is the same as the sexual organs is a big mistake. The idea is that a womans arms and hair are just as precious and private as those other parts, not equal to at all, I wouldnt equate a man seeing my hair as equal to a man seeing my busom. Also certain people are allowed to see your hair and arms such as other females and Mahrem, this does not mean they are allowed to see your sexual organs.

    A woman cannot refuse her husbands request to take other wives. First of all he cannot just take other wives as he pleases this permissible only with certain conditions. The reasons he gives must be valid ones and justifiable not just for the sake of having another women to have sex with or other such ridiculous ideas. Not all muslim men want more than one wife most are perfectly satisfied with one especially if she is a pious wife. There is wisdom behind the permissibleness of having more than one wife, we need to remember that.

    A woman must not pray when she is in menses. This is a blessing from Allah (subhana wa ta'ala) he has taken away the burden of prayer when we are in this state. Most women do not feel clean when they are on their period anyway, I would not feel like im in a pure enough state to pray to my Lord. Also very practical reason, how can you keep wudu on your period?, you have to clean away blood from your body to perform wudu for example if you cut yourself or had a wound. Menses is very similar to blood. It is not really considered dirty.

    A woman is not puppet of man she has rights over her husband too, he must treat her with kindness and care and respect her, for she is precious to him. In fact before Islam women had no rights in certain countries and were treated like second class citizens. Personally Islam gave me the confidence to demand the respect and rights I had always wanted and strived for. Allah (subhana wa ta'ala) is fair in fact he gives women many privileges which he does not give to man. Islam our deen is without a doubt perfect. Do not fall into a trap of using extremes or not thinking about the logic of Islam.

    May Allah (subhana wa ta'ala) have mercy on me for my mistakes they are mine alone from me and shaytan. Also they are my opinions as well.

    Allah (subhana wa ta'ala) knows best

    May Allah (subhana wa ta'ala) keep us on the straight path and have mercy on us all.

    Your sister in Islam

    revertmuslimah :hijabi:
  17. act now
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    act now New Member

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    Asalaam 'aleikom dear Sister,

    Firstly, it is good to ask questions to clear doubts.

    I would recommend you read this first:

    http://www.islam-qa.com/special/index.php?ref=40405&subsite=16&ln=eng

    Secondly, I would liek to remind us all to have taqwa of Allah.

    If it will benefit you, then read my advice to your points (by number):

    1) It is good that you love your husband, but if a matter of family interest came to dispute, then who would have the final word? The man is indeed the head of the household- a ship cannot have two captains. But this is a heavy responsiblity from Allah, not an excuse to act as a tyrant.

    2) With regard to women working, then that is the exception to the rule. Any woman who knew the nature of men would not question the wisdom of answering his call (no offence). And by providing for you, that is the main right he has over you- you don't get maintenance for nothing. Marriage is a partnership, with each member having certain rights.

    3) With regards to leaving the house, then why don't you think what is in your husbands interests? Men are naturally protective, and as the protectors and maintainers of women it is their obligation to look after them. Futhermore, one should not be immature and want to go out for the sake of going out- think what is in the interests of the wider society.

    4) 'Awrah means Islamically that that area should not be exposed. I find quite insulting that women are exposed- it is in fact a cause of fitnah for men.

    5) Firstly, MEN ARE DIFFERENT THAN WOMEN! How much brainwashing does it take for one to ignore what is common sense. Actually, women are not allowed more than one husband (an obvious degree of wisdom behind this). It is not haraam for the women to feel jealous of co-wives, and she is not obliged to like it. It is hoped that the husband would consult his wife.

    6) The period is something that all the daughters of Adam go through- yes it is natural, and there is no sin involved. The women is not punished for missing the prayers, so where is the issue. But menstrual blood is dirty- just like faeces and urine (though no-one seems to deabte that). How is it a burden when she doesn't need to make up prayers?

    Sorry for sounding harsh sister, but please read the link again.
    Furthermore, I advise you that if you thought that when you (alhamdulilaah) entered Islaam, that it was going to be a religion which its followers change according to their desires (as the christians and jews have done), then you are mistaken.
  18. Noor to shine
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    Noor to shine Junior Member

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    :salam2: sister

    The message of Islam plants Taqwa (“God-consciousness.” ) in the first place in hearts of both men and women ....This is the essance of Islam to make people fear Allah and behaive in the best manner hopping for Allah`s rewards ...so you can`t understand those teachings outside this heartly frame(Taqwa).

    "O ye who believe! Have taqwa of Allah and let every soul look to what provision he has sent forth for the morrow." [Al-Hashar, 59:18].

    Quran
  19. IslamIsLight
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    IslamIsLight Islam is my life Staff Member

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    salam
    Dear sister ,about covering the entire body...u have to know something
    Look,the woman is a dimond.Imagine if u leave the dimond unprotected,everybody will want to still it .
    Woman should know that she is a dimond and that she should know that she is very expencive.She has a value.And the more she covers ,the more value she has.This is my opinion as I'm a woman also.
    There is nothing wrong to be obedient to your husband.He is your husband and you obedient to him out of respect first.
    About having 4 wives.
    Imagine for example if the man has a wife and she is handicapped,he cannot leave her or divorce her for that,he will have to take care of her.But if he wants to have children and family,he can marry the second one and support them both,if they accept.
    Allah knows best.We will never explain.And the more we question ,the more we get confused ,because only Allah knows,because He created us and He knows us,how can we question our Greatest Creator?How can We doubt?
    He is Allah ,He and only He knows...
    Don't put yourself down with all those questions....
    salam
  20. Daud McGuire
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    Daud McGuire Say he is one

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    salam

    if you enter a marriage stating you do not want your husband to marry more women, then this is the contract your husband has agreed on. I remember Sheik yusuf estes saying it on a video... Im not gonna tell you which one, Il let you find it,lol.

    May Allah(swt) guide you

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