Is the muslim woman just a puppet??

Discussion in 'Women, Family, and Marriage' started by Laura, Apr 28, 2007.

  1. ilovemyhusband07
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    ilovemyhusband07 New Member

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    sister i am now going through the same things. but i have read what some brothers and sisters have sent u. one said that the husband has the right to be respected if he dosen't go against islam. well my husband is muslim,and he is not doing the right things, we argue over what he does and his family blames me for it not knowing what we argue about. i don't know what to do about that. but as far as praying while on the mences, u can't. and i get frustrated because i am not allowed to go to the store,my brothers,spend time with my sister in law,i am a prisinor in my own home. i have to argue with my fater in law just to be able to see my mom.
  2. Optimist
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    Optimist قل هو الله أحد

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    Dear sister Laura

    This is my first post in this forum which I found today being led here from youtube. I have read some of the responses to your questions and they were mashallah excellent. However, I do feel that most of the responses are wide winged and my feeling that questions like yours usually need to the point answers so I'll try to put my 2 pence worth here .... Please note that I'm presenting my own point of view and understanding. I'm not by any standards knowledgable in the rulings of religion. I was born a muslim and raised in the middle east and been in the UK for few years. I'm married and expecting a boy in July !! I hope this brief background will put my answers in context.

    >> Women should be obedient to their husbands. For example, I love my husband dearly but in my eyes we are equals.......and whilst I respect him and listen to him.......I stop short of being 'obedient' to him. If we truley are equals how could that work?

    Well, men are equal to their mothers in terms of humanity and in front of Allah, still Islam order sons to be "obedient" to their mothers. Just by being obedient does not mean inequality. As you can see, being obedient here is clearly not a gender issue or men will always be superior to women otherwise. Obedience here comes in the context of a relationship based on mutual love and understanding as a method of resolving conflict when dialogue fails. Resolving conflicts within the family will always need someone who have the final saying otherwise the family as a unit will be dysfunctional and will lose its leadership. Islam states that the default position is that the man has the final say because Islam sees the man as the provider for the family (an obligation similar to the one put on the mother regarding her children, hence they should be obedient). This is not to say that it is always the case. The woman can take things into different routes if she feels so strongly about her point of view - all well established. The worst scenario would be to leave things chaotic which I think you will agree it is not an option.

    >> A woman should join her husband in bed as he wishes. I work hard during the day and then I come home and do homely things in the evening.... but is a muslim women if my husband calls me to bed I should go to him. And sometimes I'm just not in the mood.

    Fair point. Islam will oblige your husband to provide you if you decide to stop working and dedicate yourself to your home. In return, you will only have to "enjoy yourself" and this does not sound like a bad deal to me !

    Who said that a muslim man have no obligation towards his wife WRT desires ? Ibn Taimeyah puts her right in intercourse above that of providing food. He does not specify and limit rather make it "up to what she feels is sufficient".

    I think you will agree that man's needs are rather simplistic and instaneous (hence the way the hadith is worded), while women are sophisticated and usually need longer and more step wise approach. I guess in terms of satisfying each other, men have the hardest task but then this is my own impression.

    >> A muslim woman should not go out of the house without her husband's permission. Our dog does not go out of the house wihtout my husbands permission.

    Islam puts your husband in the position of responsibility towards you. As your carer I guess he has the right to know where you have been (think about the mother and son again and forget about the dog). One of the sisters has already addressed this point well.

    >> woman should cover all her body bar hands and face because she is entirely awrah. I may be wrong (please feel free to correct me if I am) but I have been told the arabic translation of awrah is 'sexual organs'-the very idea that a woman's hair or arms may be equated to her private parts I find quite insulting.

    My understanding is that "awrah" represnets what should be covered. This is one of the fixed aspects which I dont think we can move around with.

    >> A woman should not refuse her husbands request to take additional wives I would like to ask any brothers reading this how they would feel should their wife have 1,2,or 3 other husbands.

    Well, it is all down to demographics. If you have more women than men in the society then you will inevitably need a similar mechanism to polygamy. Historically -and currently- it has always been the case (especially that men used to die in wars .. etc). The western life style has no answer to this problem but a life of sluttiness which is the most demeaning to the woman ever. The other option is to be a celibate which is unfair and unnatural. I'm sure you know stories about women who had to go through lots of humiliation while chasing a relationship simply due to the fact they were in the lowest 10% in terms of desirability. Polygamy create a condition where the woman is always a wanted commodity (the word is not meant to be degratory) and always in a "buyer" rather than a "seller" position. It is a mechanism that enables women to get into stable relationships without having to humiliate themselves.

    How would the 1st wife feel ? well, in the western setup, if a married man wanted another woman then what option his wife has got ? She either tries to convince him to change his mind or get a divorce. These two options are still open to the muslim woman. If anything, polygamy will empower her with another option which -although not ideal- might be the best option available.


    >> A woman must not pray when she has her menses? Is she really dirty because of something natural she has been durdened with.

    This question has already been addressed well.
  3. sunnahwarrior
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    sunnahwarrior New Member

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    These articles were copied from www.abdurrahman.org

    The Rights of the Wife upon her Husband

    The wife is naturally entitled for food, clothing, housing and other related items with expenses to be born by the husband. This natural right has been given by Allah, the almighty, to the wife based on the verse from the glorious Quran:

    “ The mothers shall give suck to their offspring for two whole years, if the father desires to complete the term. But he shall bear the cost of their food and clothing on equitable terms.” 2 : 233

    Moreover , Allah’s Apostle , PBUH said: “ (Wives) are entitled for food and clothing from their husbands in equitable terms.” Also the prophet, PBUH was once asked: “ What is the right of the wife unto her husband?” He, PBUH said: “ she is entitled for the same food you eat , offer her clothing whatever you buy yourself clothes, do not hit her on the face , do not insult her and do not abandon her unless you do so in the same house ( under the same roof). “ This Hadith is reported by Abu Dawood.

    Similarly , other rights to which the wife entitled is to be treated justly and fairly incase of multiple marriages. In such case the husband must be fair and just to both wives , treat them fairly in terms of expenditure , housing , time and all other items of which the husband is capable . Being biased or even inclinated and preferring one wife over the other is considered one of the major sins in Islam in the sight of Allah , the Almighty. Allah’s Apostle , PBUH said: “ If a man married two wives and preferred one over the other , he will come on the Day of the Judgment with a distinctly slanted side of his body.” This Hadith is reported by Imam Ahmed and reporters of the book of Sunan.

    Man , as the husband , however , will not held responsible or accountable for things that he has no control over, such as love , affection and self comfort . Allah , the Almighty stated in the glorious Quran:

    “ Ye are never able to be fair and just as between women , even if it is your ardent desire: But turn not away ( from a woman) altogether, so as to leave her ( as it were) hanging ( in the air). “ 4:129

    It is also reported that Allah’s Apostle , PBUH used to divide things amongst his wives fairly and equally , then saying: “ O Allah! This is the fair distribution that I can do best in accordance to my abilities . O Allah! Please blame me not for what you own and I do not own( i.e. the acts of the hear in terms of love and affection.”) This Hadith is reported by Abu Dawood , Tirmithe , Ibn Majah and Nasaiee.

    However , if a husband preferred one wife over another in terms of spending the night with, based on the approval and acceptance of the other wife , then in such a case , there is no harm. That, in fact , was the case with Aishh and Swadah , two of his wives , may Allah be pleased with them , when Sawdah agreed to grant her night to Aisha, RAA toward the end of the life of the prophet, PBUH. Yet , when the prophet , PBUH , became very ill , he continuously asked : “ Where shall be tomorrow (i.e in whose house)?” All his wives agreed to let him stay at the house of Aisha m where he wanted to be until his death, PBUH.” This Hadith was reported by both Bukhari and Muslim.


    And below is the right of husband upon wife

    The rights of the husband upon his wife are greater than the rights of the wife upon her husband for the simple reason that Allah, the Almighty , stated in the glorious Quran:

    “ And women shall have rights similar to the rights against them, according to what is equitable ; but men have a degree.” 2:228

    Man is the care-taker of his wife and house hold. He is responsible for all the affairs. He is responsible for training, direction and discipline in needed. Allah , the Almighty stated in the glorious Quran:

    “ Men are the protectors of women , because God has given the one more ( strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means.” 4:34

    It is an essential right of man over his wife to be obeyed so long as his commands don not conflict or contradict the commands of Allah , the Almighty, Allah’s Apostle, PBUH, and the general teachings and codes of ethics of Islam. A Muslim wife must also protect her husband ‘s secrets and privacies . She also must protect his wealth , finance and belongings as much as possible. Allah’s Apostle ,PBUH said :” If I were to command a single person to bow in prostration to an other person, I could have commanded a women to bow down ( in obedience and respect , not in worship) to her husband.” Furthermore , Allah’s Apostle , PBUH, said : “ If a husband calls his wife to his bed , but the latter refused to fulfill the call ( for any reason other than a lawful one), which drives the man become upset with his wife, then angles will curse such a wife until she gets up in the morning.” Both Hadith are reported by both Bukhari and Muslim.

    An other right of the husband over his wife is that husband ask his wife not to do something, including , but not limited to voluntary acts of worship , other than obligatory , which cause her to lesson the time that her husband may have to enjoy her. Allah’s Apostle , PBUH stated :” A wife is not allowed to observe fast ( other than fasting in the month Ramadan , the prescribed month for fasting) in the presence of her husband, unless she has his permission, She may not allow any one to come into his house , unless he permits.” This Hadith is reported by Tirmithee, who said: “ It is a sound and fair Hadith.”

    Moreover , Allah’s Apostle , PBUH placed the satisfaction and pleasure of a husband to be one of the reasons to enable the wife to enter paradise . Tirmithee reported from Ummu Salamah , the mother of the believers , RAA, that Allah’s Apostle , PBUH said: “ Any woman whose husband dies while he is pleased , happy and satisfied with her ( acts , attitudes and behavior) will enter Jannah”.

    There are but few items of the many rights that Islam , the religion of truth , imposes upon those who commit themselves to follow and practices it as a way of life.

    We vividly see that such rights , if maintained properly , will lead a society to peace, happiness and tranquility. A husband becomes caring , affectionate , loving and responsible , yet directing and capable and discipline when needed to improve a trouble some situation, regardless of his tender care and love for his wife , so that vise and wickedness will not spread in the society, A wife becomes more respected , adored , cared for , highly needed and appreciated if she respects the rights of her husband and equally given the rights she is entitled for by Islam.

    In such a coherent way , the religion of truth , goodness , justice , equity, and all fairness coincide with basic requirements of life including harmony between all the members of the society , especially between husband and the wife.


    I suggest sister laura to pray to Allah so that He gives upon you His Mercy and gives you patience in undergoing your life as a wife as well as mother.

    Verily Allah is with people who are patient.

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