It doesn't seem that I am able to save her

Discussion in 'TurnToIslam Lounge !' started by Al Qassimi, Feb 26, 2008.

  1. Al Qassimi
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    Al Qassimi Junior Member

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    :salam2:

    I have this female friend of mine, who says shes a Muslim(Never heard her say that but I know from her family background). But doesn't pray; drinks, chases guys, and forth on.(Yes, I know I'm not suppose to talk to females; shes a long childhood friend. I want to save her from herself, please do read all of this first).

    I tell you this first that she loves this world way too much, that she thinks she should be playing and having fun. I know she has forgotten about Allah.

    In the past, two guys tried to save her from her self and told her to stop doing these kind of stuff. However, she went and labeled them Hypocrites and liars(They weren't perfect, but they were average Muslims). Also, she refuses to listen to anyone who speaks of Islam

    I was thinking in trying to speak a little about Islam but in an INDIRECT way. For example, I'd say I have to go to take a shower then pray or talking about Islam when having dinner(I want to come off as not trying to get her to think that I'm trying to get her to pray and remeber Allah) However, would this way be HARAM?

    Advice to her doesn't seem to work so don't suggest that or anything involves talking to her face to face about her problems. She refuses to listen.

    Please any suggestion or is it too late to save those who have forgotten about Allah(swwt)

    :wasalam:
  2. OsMaN_93
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    OsMaN_93 Here to help

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    im speechless :eek:

    may Allah giude her!!
  3. abubaseer
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    abubaseer tanzil.info Staff Member

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    As Salaam Alaykum Akhee,

    Its is really good to knowthat you have so concerned about her...

    But, we need to remeber that our job and responsibilty is just to convey the message and pray to Allah. Hidayah is not in our hands it was not there even n the hands of Prophet SAWS.
  4. Asiya-sparkles
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    Asiya-sparkles Junior Member

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    Brother, my heart goes out to you and may Allah bless your good intentions, but being lured into territory that is forbidden for you is no good for you.

    Instead of aiming to be the one who 'makes her see sense'...remember that it is only Allah who can guide her. What you can do though is never leave her out of your duas and pray for her. Also, aside form a greeting, to safeguard yourself, don't become involved...when you speak of taking a shower, praying, eating a meal and having an indirect chat...which of those actions is truly acceptable to Allah? We are all accountable for our own actions, guard yourself from falling into wrongdoing as a consequence of a good intention.

    To be a good example to this sister (inshAllah) demonstrate the best example...keep away from the forbidden brother but don't reject her utterly.

    May Allah be your guide :)
  5. Al Qassimi
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    Al Qassimi Junior Member

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    I know being in the territory of the forbidden is no good for me, even though thanks for the reminder.
  6. saad80
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    saad80 New Member

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    Look to the hadith about the two boys who made up a fib about how to properly perform wudu so that they could get the old man to learn wudu properly. Then consider whether this situation is right for you to be alone with this girl, Weigh your choces carefully. Inshallah you will come to a good decision about what is your place to do.
  7. Al Qassimi
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    Al Qassimi Junior Member

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    Can you show me the hadith
  8. Angela Hillyer
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    Angela Hillyer Junior Member

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    Asalam alaikom brother. Inshallah you are well. I admire that you are trying to help this girl.

    First of all I wouldnt call someone who denies Islam and hates to talk about it a muslim!!! But Allah knows best, not I. She sounds very lost and personally I think it is out of your hands. But it wouldnt hurt to try those suggestions you made and inshallah you will be rewarded for your good intentions.

    No one can lead people astray nor back to the right path except for Allah (swt), and Inshallah Allah (swt) leads her back to the right path which is Islam, may Allah (swt) put faith back into her heart inshallah.

    Sorry if i sounded harsh. Hope everything turns out ok inshallah.
    Your sister Asiya
  9. habib786
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    habib786 Junior Member

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    brother its our duty to convey the message rest is Allah's will ....... Allah guides those who He wills .... may Allah bless her and let her see what she sees not.... Amin
  10. warda A
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    warda A Sister

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    other sisters

    :salam2:

    Dear brother ,the situation your in is really hard but, try and help her in anyway you can, by asking at your local mosque for sisters who could talk to her.
    am wondering about something, doesnt she have other siblings? a brother or sister? how about her parents?
    If she has a brother then you could talk to him about how to help his sister.
    anyway may we all be guided to the straight path Ameen
    and if she doesnt listen to anyones advice, do not blame yourself , you did what needed to be done, in the end it is one for ones self.
    :wasalam:
  11. jabba
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    jabba Salafi Dawah is the best

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    :salam2:
    I think it's not fair to the sister for you to openly condem her like this and list all her faults, correct me if I'm wrong but she's not here to defend herself and isn't talking about someone backbitting. The stuff you've listed astafurllah is horrible but you've tried to help. I think the best thing for you and her is to seperate yourself being that she is the opposite sex, not your merham, so therefore it would be hypocritical of you to talk to her and at the same time tell her to be a better Muslim at the same time:wasalam:
  12. umm hussain
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    umm hussain Junior Member

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    Asalam alaikum warahmatullah

    No it is no back biting because none of us knows who is being talked about.

    I would like to suggest to the brother that since you want to potray Islam to the sister then you should be exemplary. There is no point in you telling her to be Islamic when you are not exactly doing the same.. I see the comments like "I am going to take a shower" and then say salah suggestive. You could simply say I am going for salah. Discussing islam over dinner is not ideal either.

    If you are sincere in helping her, do like someone has suggested previously ask for some sisters and introduce her to them and they will take from there. The shaytan can sometimes lead you to do a sin by whispering to you that whatever you are doing is ok until you commit zina and then you will regret. There is a very interesting long story I heard about a pious man who ended up committing zina.

    It started something like, there were once two brothers who had a sister and they wanted to go out and fight for Allah's sake and had no one to leave her with. The place they lived in was a very corrupt place and only one other pious person was left. They decided to speak to this great Alim and leave their sister with them for the time they were away. The Alim refused and said, no way how can I stay with your sister you know I do not want to put myself in a situation where I might end up doing haram. As the brothers were walking away the Shaytan came to him and said these brothers are going fisbillilah and if the brothers leave her on her own you know how this town is corrupt some of these people might get to her when the brothers are away so why dont you do the descent thing and accomodate her. The Alim called the brothers back and agreed for them to leave their sister on condition she stays in an outside room/house far from the Alims own.

    The story goes on to say the Alim used to cook food and take some to the sister but he would leave the plate outside and go off, she would then open the door and get it. As time went by Shaytan whispered again instead of putting food on her door step why not knock on her door and wait for her to answer and just speak to her a few minutes, she will get lonely inn there all on her own, so he started doing that. Later on the shaytan whispered to him again this time to go in and take the food instead of waiting at the door and shouting at each other which he again did. Until the great Alim commited zina and the sister fell pregnant.

    He thought to himself oh no what have I done, when the brothers come back they will probably kill me so I will kill the baby to hide the evidence which he did. The shaytan came to him in a dream and said do you think the sister will not tell them what you have done when they get back? I suggest kill her as well and so he did and buried them both in that room.

    The brothers came back and went to the Alim to get their sister and he told them she fell ill and died and showed them a fictitious grave and they said Innalilahi wainailayhi rajioon and went off. That night the shaytaan went to all three brothers and made them see the same dream. In this dream he told them the sequence of events and told them the grave you were shown was fake and he told them where their sister was buried. After discovering they dreamt the same thing, they went to that room and dug it up and found the remains of their sister and her baby. They took the Alim to the ruler or someone, I am forgetting who it was and on their way the shaytan came in person to the Alim because before all this occurred they were just whisperings, and said I put you in this situation and only I can get you out so prostrate to me and I will make it all go away. The Alim prostrated to him and was killed by the brothers whilst prostrating to Shaytan. I do not know if it is a true story but it has a beautiful lesson attached to it.

    Moral of the story is never be confident with your level of Imaan and think that no I am not going to fall in to haram because, e.g I pray 5 times a day or whatever and it will not happen to me. This great Alim died whilst prostrating to shaytan due to a sequence of events which started out as something good but led to major shirk that will not be forgiven yet he was a very knowledgeable and pious man of his time.
  13. Mabsoot
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    Mabsoot Amir Staff Member

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    :salam2:

    It is Allah who guides. Make Dua, inshaAllah khayr.

    wasalamu alaykum
  14. Summer03
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    Summer03 3doTs2sQuares

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    she doesnt want to change...then leave her... she noes enough to see wats wrong and right... sorry but the truth hurts..let her be
  15. sal12
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    sal12 Junior Member

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    i know a few people that are like that but all u can do is show by example and pray to Allah to guide her. when i say show by example i mean show ur worshipping (praying, reading Quran) in front of her just say, "hey its prayer time im just going to pray." and she might feel a tinge of guilt, do not add "are u coming to pray too?" she'll dislike u for it. dont lecture her or anything coz people like her DO NOT want to be lectured and told what to do they just want to live their own life and they dont actually care about islam, with people like that there's not much u can do but dont break friends with her ever no matter how bad she gets because u never know maybe one day she'll want to change and she'll come to u.

    this has happened with some people i know, in fact it happened with all of my best friends and they all foned me and asked me to help them become good muslims and i was more than happy in helping them. be patient and even if she doesnt change she is still ur friend. my advice is from experience because whenever i used to preach it would NEVER work so now i just show by example as this is indirect preaching. it hasnt ever worked on anyone but it does make them think as ur not forcing them to think just makes them feel a bit of guilt which is better than nothing. but dont do it all the time and dont make it obvious (unless it really is prayer time!) coz then she'll suss u out.

    To summarize:show by example, be very very patient (its hard but really try and accept her and she'll respect u for it and she'll know that ur not being judgemental, being non-judgemental is key!) and pray to Allah to guide her insha'allah.

    Some people may disagree with me when i say dont preach directly but from my experience it has never ever worked. and i only really talk about islam if the other person has asked me something.

    Hope this helps
  16. arsenalace
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    arsenalace to allah i turn....

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    inshallah allah gives hidayat 2 her member its in allahs hands who he gives hidayat 2 n also member nvr stop preachin n mkin dua as dats wat is in our hands
  17. faith_
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    faith_ New Member

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    Salaam aleikum -

    Brother, first I want to commend you on your efforts to save your friend. It is an honorable thing, and even if she doesn't recognize your efforts now, insha'allah she will one day - and Allah (swt) sees your deeds, and you will be rewarded.

    That said, I think speaking to her indirectly about Islam is the WISEST choice. It is subtle and I think it will be the most effective way to go about this. It would be a fine balance of haram/halal, but Allah (swt) sees your intentions are pure, and that's the biggest thing you need to worry about. Allah (swt) guides who He wants to guide. You can do the footwork, the rest is up to Him.
  18. nyerekareem
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    nyerekareem abdur-rahman

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    :salam2:

    all that i can say is that ALLAH SWT guides who He wills. no one not me, not you can change that. so don't be hard on yourself. you are not going to be questioned for the sins comitted by others.
    :wasalam:
  19. podolski11
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    podolski11 PAIN

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    lol..how do u look left and rite at the same time......

    there r millions of other people that can b saved...its her choice to stay on the good side or the evil side

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