Just curious - views / experience on polygamy

[Faisal_01]

^ You need to look up adoption in Islam. You must make it clear from day one that you (and your wife) are not the chlid's real father. However, looking after orphans or needy children are strongly encouraged.

Also, we must keep in mind that polygyny is permissible in Islam; but that does not mean you must practice it or it's even recommended (you'll have an entire new category of questioning if you have more than one wife). But yeah, you only said you disagree with it for yourself; I hope nobody starts to assume things and we have a copy-paste of articles rush.

lol I appreciate the look out. I know polygamy is permissable, but personally, I don't agree with it.

As far as adoption goes, I have no intention to claim to be the child's original father anyways, If I ever have to resort to adoption. Its a bridge I'll cross if I ever get there, because as of right now I'm not yet married.

 

[Faiza619]

it is halal!

:salam2:
Well i am not married but since it is halal, then i dont see what the big deal is.
if the man can follow the rules as given by our beloved prophet Mohammed (may peace and blessings of Allah be upon him), then i think he should marry 4 wives and the wives should feel privilaged that they are practising the sunnah of the prophet.
If the man cannot do that, then he should stick to his one wife.

May Allah strengthen our eeman :tti_sister:

 

[LeylaHussain]

:salam2:

As far as I am concerned, I am in a polygamous marriage, and my advice would be unless it is necessary and well accepted by your family (especially the husband's family), stay away from it.
Allah's laws are perfect but human beings are not, and nowadays it is already very difficult to raise a family with someone, that including other wives make it unbearable for the man as well as for the women.
Furthermore, legally talking, the first wife only will have rights in a western country. How will you feel like when your children with the second wife will be considered by this society as from adulterous ground? Or when your second wife has to pay for doctors...
All that, I'm speaking with my own experience...
I was a big defensor of polygamy (and still think there is nothing wrong with that) but living it right now made me think very differently about it.

:ma:

 

[jabba]

:salam2:
While the only reason why pologomy exists, it's so that widows will have some piece of mind and not have to worry about being poor and on the streets, or as well if the wife is barren, instead of divorcing her get another fertile wife, in order to spread the realigion of Islam.
I've seen so many men abuse their right and take on a few young fertile wives just for fun and treat them very differently. Men call it Islamic but if their not taking on another wife for the 2 reasons above it really makes me wonder.

 

[ahmad al magtani]

assalamualaikum
As a man of course i agree with, but in one condition that he can give equal need to each wife.

 

[LeylaHussain]

:salam2:
While the only reason why pologomy exists, it's so that widows will have some piece of mind and not have to worry about being poor and on the streets, or as well if the wife is barren, instead of divorcing her get another fertile wife, in order to spread the realigion of Islam.
I've seen so many men abuse their right and take on a few young fertile wives just for fun and treat them very differently. Men call it Islamic but if their not taking on another wife for the 2 reasons above it really makes me wonder.

Although I believe that men who have more than one wife for the above reasons (protecting a widow, or staying with his barren wife and marrying to have offspring) will have extra thawab, rewards from Allah t'ala based on the fact that you're going to be judged according to your intentions....
...We have to keep in mind that the only requirements of polygamy is being able to be perfectly just in the money and time spent (and time = nights, not necessarely daytime).
Providing the man does this equality, he doesn't have to justificate himself if he wants to take another spouse.
It's a hoax to think that polygamous men should be marrying only widows and divorcees... Even though I repeat that this gives more thawab.

:tti_sister:

 

[sumaya_graham]

Assalam alaikum wa rahmatullah wa baraktuh,

I'm unmarried and I feel that I would accept that my future husband took another wife becuase it is something Allah made halal so I cannot say that is isn't right. However, depending on the situstion I think it would be very hard.

It really does depend on the situation and what the new wife is like too. But as a general answer I would accept it, Insha Allah.

Fi amanillah,
Sumaya

 

[saira1984]

Salam brothers and sisters,

I do not dissagree with polygamy but I would not allow my husband to have morw than one wife, I think its hard enough with tqo people being involved in a relationship and I dnt think my hubby could cope with having another wife although I think he would like it ( or he just likes winding me up!! lol)

If my hubby wanted another wife I would have to divorce him :astag:

sorry if I've offended anyone who is in a polygamy relationship but its just not for me :shymuslima1:

 

[LeylaHussain]

:salam2:

I fully understand you Saira, and even if I am in this kind of marriage, I can tell you that if I was alone with my husband, I would be far much more happier... But alhamdullilah, there are reasons why my husband did take me as another wife, and I find them very noble and I know Allah ta'la will give him (and maybe me inshaAllah) good reward.
That's what Allah wanted for me I guess...
This world is passing so quick, next second I could be meeting with my Lord...
The inconveniences of polygamy will soon give place to eternal rewards inshaAllah.

 

[LeylaHussain]

:salam2:

Just a quick view:
Funny how much people gossip about this subject and so few (in western countries at least) live it.
The imaginary is strong...

 

[palestine]

asalamu alaykum. well i'm not married yet, and i do accept the fact that polygmy is allowed in islam but to be honest i think i'd be jealous if my husband had another wife. my dad was married to two wives but now divorced one cause she said she wanted a divorce. got jealouse because he married my mom, she was married to him first. anyways....i don't think i'd get along with another woman who is married to my guy. and i've seen a friend of man who married a man who is married to another woman. but the guy's other wife was the one who told him to marry b/c she was barren.

 

[dianek]

If my husband even brought this up to me seriously I would seek DIVORCE then and there! When he jokingly has said in the past "This is why Allah says a man can have 4 wives!" He pays for his comment for a good while! I in NO WAY could accept it of him. I will not share my husband. And if I am not enough for him, he is free to let me go! And Leyla is right, in the west there would be NO legal protections for multiple wives and their children in the event of his death.....Furthermore, since Allah said that you have to treat them all equally, I would think you would HAVE to provide them EACH with THEIR OWN HOMES!!!!!! I could not imagine sharing my home with other women!!! Jealousy and resentment would permeate and simmer until someone ended up hurt! I can't control that part of me and so my husband knows he could never do this...........Sorry, but I just know how I could not restrain myself in this situation and so it is best for me not to be put in that environment. May Allah forgive me.

 

[jabba]

Although I believe that men who have more than one wife for the above reasons (protecting a widow, or staying with his barren wife and marrying to have offspring) will have extra thawab, rewards from Allah t'ala based on the fact that you're going to be judged according to your intentions....
...We have to keep in mind that the only requirements of polygamy is being able to be perfectly just in the money and time spent (and time = nights, not necessarely daytime).
Providing the man does this equality, he doesn't have to justificate himself if he wants to take another spouse.
It's a hoax to think that polygamous men should be marrying only widows and divorcees... Even though I repeat that this gives more thawab.

:tti_sister:

:salam2:
Well if thats what you want then all the power to you, but like DianneK I've told my husband if he ever wants another wife he will loose me. Alhamdulillah my husband has more sense then to even suggest it. If a man wants good deeds in religion then he can do other things, ie donate time and money to charity, help the poor, organize dawa projects, marrying 4 wives dose not guarentee thawab. If you were young and married and perfectly healthy and your husband wanted a 2nd wife wouldn't you think there is something wrong with you??? I personally would never let myself feel like that

 

[q8penpals]

SAlam

I would never be able to be a part of a multiple wife marriage. Number 1 - I didn't marry my husband for a part-time partner; I have no intention of our future children to have a part-time father.

The biggest problem I would have is not the money, it is the sex. If my husband truly wanted to marry an older widow who needed support financially and emotionally, that would be something I MIGHT consider at some point BUT I could not handle it if he wanted to have sex with another wife. The other wife would have to be old enough to be beyond any sexual needs for herself. I could not stand the thought of my husband having sex with another woman and then coming to me. I would not be able to get the images of him and her out of my mind - trust me, my husband was already divorced when I married him, and it is still ocassionally difficult if he brings her up in a conversation for me not to picture him and her together.

Money & support, that is one thing; sex and desire - that is completely different. I wholly support my husband in his giving to charity quite freely here in Kuwait (there are groups that people in need can apply to and register their case, and others can then give money for the spcific needs). For instance, through the charity group, my husband paid for a young lady's eye surgery. I don't mind helping and supporting others with money, but not my husband physically.

And someone pointed out that their are many countries in the world where multiple spouses are not legal, and therefore beyond the first, the wife and kids have no legal rights. That is something that should be taken into consideration if you live in a country like that.

Lana

 

[Muhammad_A]

I'm unmarried and agnostic about polygamy.

 

[MOSABJA]

I am unmarried man .I think yes one should prefer not to have multiple wives.

But it is selfish on part of women who say that they would ask for DIVORCE if their husband wants to have another wife.ALLAH has given PERMISSION to man to have multple wives .

There is also a hadith of prophet SA that CURSES THOSE WOMEN WHO ASKS FOR DIVORCE WITHOUT ANY LEGITIMATE REASON.:astag::astag::astag:
Asking divorce man wanting another wife is no LEGITIMATE REASON.

You may disagree but asking divorce is a very BIG THING.


In the world WOMEN ARE MORE THEN MEN.So imagine if you were at the place of those women
who do not find a husband for them OR if you are at the place of a DIVORCED WOMEN and no body is willing to marry you except the one who is already married.
IMAGINE you are living in places like CHECHNYA,AFGHANISTAN where Widows and Women are much more then men . WHAT WOULD YOU DO???????????????????


I personally think I would not marry second time.BUT If I were in Afghanistan or CHECHNYA I would like to support 4 wives.



So my conclusion is that you may DISAGREE and dont like living in a POLYGAMOUS MARRIAGE but dont ask for DIVORCE.As Allah has made it halal .If a man does a HALAL thing and you divorce him for what ALLAH HAS MADE LICIT then you are among the women who are cursed by PROPHET:astag:.
And if he doesnt do Justice then you can ask for a divorce.But never demand divorce just for him asking for marriage:astag:.
OR
just leave the matter with ALLAH.

 

[amina88]

Well said brother, I support your argument.

just leave the matter with ALLAH.

 

[dna1987]

^ Women are more than men - but are there more Muslim women than Muslim men? Currently in 2008, not in single Muslim country. Maybe in the future - but we have real statistics to look at instead of guessing. A high number of atheist women doesn't matter as Muslims cannot marry them anyway.
Salam alaikum.

 

[ShyHijabi]

Salaam Brother Mosabja,

There is a hadith that a woman divorced a man because she could not stand to look at his humble contenance so I hardly think it correct for you to issue a fatwa stating a woman is cursed for divorcing her husband due to polygyny. While divorce is makrooh it is not haram and there have been no limitation placed on the reasoning behind divorce for the woman.

To state someone is cursed without a scholarly backing makes your argument fallible. I have made it clear to the brother interested in marrying me that polygyy is a no-go and I would divorce him if he did so. The reasoning is quite simple, I am not as strong as the wives of the Prophet (pbuh) and jealousy would drive me insane. This is moot point since he has absolitely no desire to have more than one wife. Inshallah we both agree we will use our incomes to donate to countries that have orphans and widows so they will be helped by us in that manner.

As far as there being more women than men in the world I would like to see sound stats to back this claim. IN countries such as China the males FAR out number the females and as of 2020 there will be a serious inbalance in the sexes. Someone brought up the very valid question if the Muslim females outnumber the Muslim males.

Wasalaam

~Sarah

 

[aishamohamud]

:salam2:brothers and sisters i was brought up in a polygamous family i personaly donot have a problem with it because it is part of the deen however there are some men "some men" who abuse this status and do not follow the huqum of polygamy according to the way the prophet swa did and god will hold them reponsible on the day of account as for the sisters this is an intense issue sisters dont like to hear that thier husband wants to take another wife and i respect their views howvere this world was not created for us to enjoy ourselves this i just a journey and our final destination is jannah if allah wills and and u and ur husband end up in jannah and Allah will give them the nurul ein are u going to object that what i am leading to is there are so money sisters i know who are mashallah observing muslims but they are single because some of the muslim brothers cannot be considerd as spouse for this sisters and the good men are taken and the # of women is almost 4 times that of men would u share ur husband if he is capable of taking another wife to spare a muslim sister from lonliness and have a family of her own? my answer is yes i would allow him to have another wife because i know there is another long life after this