losing hope..

[Aini Ahmed]

Assalamu Alaikum brothers and sisters

I'm starting to lose Hope. It seems like everything is going bad for me. I have way too many family problems, my sister ran away from home, my dad lost his job and yet can't find any. I'm doing really horrible in college failing in my class which in result i lost my finical aid. I'm stuck at a community college for about 6 years and my gpa is below 2.0. I try really hard but my parents make it difficult for me. I'm starting to hate everything in life. I'm starting to have health issue. I have no motivation to pray, because It feels like I'm talking to myself, and going through motions for nothing. I feel no connection with Allah. Sometimes I feel like I just desperately want to believe in Islam, and I don't know if I truly believe it in my heart. I'm always searching about Islam, but i feel like maybe I’m one of those people that are misguided and no matter what I do, I will never be guided. Whenever I read the Quran, I feel like I'm just reading some verses and yeah they're beautiful but it doesn’t feel like anything. I miss my sister and mad at her the same time. I really want to get a degree and be able to feel like i have accomplished something but sadly its talking longer then i thought My friends and people younger than me have all graduated. I can't even decide a major. I'm so lost in my own world; I don't even know what i like anymore. I stopped hanging with friends in result I lost connection with some of them and now i feel like i don't have anyone I feel like Ramadan is pointless for me because i feel like even than nothing good is happening for me. I feel like a failure and can't do nothing right. I hate my family especially my mom, i really don't want to but she's too much. All she ever does is yelling, curse and hits us. She blames us sister for everything that goes wrong and I’m actually starting to believe it. My parents can't manage money at all and were always broke even when my father was employed. My parents want to control us 24 hours 7 days a week. I wish i had one thing i liked and one thing going for me. I'm starting to find myself losing focus on my studies and Quran. I been learning Quran since i was little and can't manage to become a hafiz and sadly people that never read the Quran or recently started the Quran are finishing before me and i read it every day. I'm always behind in everything or anything. I feel very useless and wished i never existed . I just can't change. I really do believe in Allah but maybe Islam is not for me because I’m defiantly not good at it and since Islam is not for everyone maybe that's why hell and heaven are created. I’m at the point where I just want to quit school, work and everything else in my life and just walk out of this life. It’s been like this for years. I have lost connection with everyone on facebook, instagram, twitter because whenever I go on those websites everyone has either finished college, got married or traveling around the world. Why is this happening to me

 

[Abu Loren]

Wa Alaikkum Asalaam Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu

WOW! I'm speechless, so young yet so many problems.

First of all sis I think your lack of trust in Allah Subhana Wa Ta'ala and the Qur'an is because of your state of being. You are feeling down and depressed and you may feel that nothing will go right for you. It doesn't help being in a family situation like the one you are in, your mother and father are supposed to be your pillar of strength.

I would advise you to get rid of facebook etc because they can be a source of fitna, so try to concentrate on understanding the Qur'an and take comfort from it as it is not a book but words from our Maker Allah Subhana Wa Ta'ala. Don't ever give up on it. Also pray, dhikr and reflect as these can be a source of comfort for a true Muslim.

Everybody is different intellectually and some people takes longer than others to finish their education. As for me I had to drop out because I found out that I couldn't go any further than college. But Alhamdulilah I found a career without needing degrees etc and there are careers and vocations that does not require a degree to be successful.

Try to work things out with your parents, remember as a Muslim you are always supposed to be respectful and listen to them in matters that are good for you.

I can't imagine what you are going through but as a last resort seek help may be from other family members?

I pray that Allah Subhana Wa Ta'ala will guide you to a better life In Shaa Allah.

 

[Meh_B]

Put your ABSOLUTE faith in Allah SWT.
Drop out of college for a while, and than continue after a while.
Like you said, Islam is not for everyone (which I disagree with), college is not for everyone either.
Whatever happens, don't quit work. Try to find a better job if you really dislike your work.
Our families can be harsh many times, but never ever answer them back or start an argument with them. Ignore them when they say harsh words. Make sure you aren't doing things behind your parent's backs though, sometimes that can be the source of sadness.
I would not suggest you disassociate yourself from a social life. I would suggest you keep updated with friends through FB, Instagram, etc. Friendships are healthy relationships. But of course, use the social media wisely. By talking to friends, you can share your sad (and happy ) times. It can help relief your burden.
You have to know to ALLAH LOVES YOU. Allah created you, He would not isolate you. So pray to Him, and read/listen to the Quran. Try to read Quran translations.
Have you ever watched/listened to Yasmin Moghaed's videos? She has a blog too. She writes about many issues women deal with, and how to get through them. I would highly suggest her to you. I read her book during my time of depression.
My prayers are with you. I hope things work out in your life.