Aini Ahmed
Member
Assalamu Alaikum brothers and sisters
I'm starting to lose Hope. It seems like everything is going bad for me. I have way too many family problems, my sister ran away from home, my dad lost his job and yet can't find any. I'm doing really horrible in college failing in my class which in result i lost my finical aid. I'm stuck at a community college for about 6 years and my gpa is below 2.0. I try really hard but my parents make it difficult for me. I'm starting to hate everything in life. I'm starting to have health issue. I have no motivation to pray, because It feels like I'm talking to myself, and going through motions for nothing. I feel no connection with Allah. Sometimes I feel like I just desperately want to believe in Islam, and I don't know if I truly believe it in my heart. I'm always searching about Islam, but i feel like maybe I’m one of those people that are misguided and no matter what I do, I will never be guided. Whenever I read the Quran, I feel like I'm just reading some verses and yeah they're beautiful but it doesn’t feel like anything. I miss my sister and mad at her the same time. I really want to get a degree and be able to feel like i have accomplished something but sadly its talking longer then i thought My friends and people younger than me have all graduated. I can't even decide a major. I'm so lost in my own world; I don't even know what i like anymore. I stopped hanging with friends in result I lost connection with some of them and now i feel like i don't have anyone I feel like Ramadan is pointless for me because i feel like even than nothing good is happening for me. I feel like a failure and can't do nothing right. I hate my family especially my mom, i really don't want to but she's too much. All she ever does is yelling, curse and hits us. She blames us sister for everything that goes wrong and I’m actually starting to believe it. My parents can't manage money at all and were always broke even when my father was employed. My parents want to control us 24 hours 7 days a week. I wish i had one thing i liked and one thing going for me. I'm starting to find myself losing focus on my studies and Quran. I been learning Quran since i was little and can't manage to become a hafiz and sadly people that never read the Quran or recently started the Quran are finishing before me and i read it every day. I'm always behind in everything or anything. I feel very useless and wished i never existed . I just can't change. I really do believe in Allah but maybe Islam is not for me because I’m defiantly not good at it and since Islam is not for everyone maybe that's why hell and heaven are created. I’m at the point where I just want to quit school, work and everything else in my life and just walk out of this life. It’s been like this for years. I have lost connection with everyone on facebook, instagram, twitter because whenever I go on those websites everyone has either finished college, got married or traveling around the world. Why is this happening to me
I'm starting to lose Hope. It seems like everything is going bad for me. I have way too many family problems, my sister ran away from home, my dad lost his job and yet can't find any. I'm doing really horrible in college failing in my class which in result i lost my finical aid. I'm stuck at a community college for about 6 years and my gpa is below 2.0. I try really hard but my parents make it difficult for me. I'm starting to hate everything in life. I'm starting to have health issue. I have no motivation to pray, because It feels like I'm talking to myself, and going through motions for nothing. I feel no connection with Allah. Sometimes I feel like I just desperately want to believe in Islam, and I don't know if I truly believe it in my heart. I'm always searching about Islam, but i feel like maybe I’m one of those people that are misguided and no matter what I do, I will never be guided. Whenever I read the Quran, I feel like I'm just reading some verses and yeah they're beautiful but it doesn’t feel like anything. I miss my sister and mad at her the same time. I really want to get a degree and be able to feel like i have accomplished something but sadly its talking longer then i thought My friends and people younger than me have all graduated. I can't even decide a major. I'm so lost in my own world; I don't even know what i like anymore. I stopped hanging with friends in result I lost connection with some of them and now i feel like i don't have anyone I feel like Ramadan is pointless for me because i feel like even than nothing good is happening for me. I feel like a failure and can't do nothing right. I hate my family especially my mom, i really don't want to but she's too much. All she ever does is yelling, curse and hits us. She blames us sister for everything that goes wrong and I’m actually starting to believe it. My parents can't manage money at all and were always broke even when my father was employed. My parents want to control us 24 hours 7 days a week. I wish i had one thing i liked and one thing going for me. I'm starting to find myself losing focus on my studies and Quran. I been learning Quran since i was little and can't manage to become a hafiz and sadly people that never read the Quran or recently started the Quran are finishing before me and i read it every day. I'm always behind in everything or anything. I feel very useless and wished i never existed . I just can't change. I really do believe in Allah but maybe Islam is not for me because I’m defiantly not good at it and since Islam is not for everyone maybe that's why hell and heaven are created. I’m at the point where I just want to quit school, work and everything else in my life and just walk out of this life. It’s been like this for years. I have lost connection with everyone on facebook, instagram, twitter because whenever I go on those websites everyone has either finished college, got married or traveling around the world. Why is this happening to me