salahdin
Junior Member
بِسۡمِ ٱللهِ ٱلرَّحۡمَـٰنِ ٱلرَّحِيمِ
Second Khutbah
Slaves of Allaah! Too many people are falling into the error of making luxury and extravagance part of their children’s upbringing, until it affects their personalities. To know the solution for this problem and avoid it in future generations, we must answer the following question: How do we build the qualities of manhood in our children?
This question represents one of the major problems of parenting in this age. The following are some of many Islamic points that will help to solve this problem and develop manhood in a child’s personality:
· Nicknames: Calling the child Abu so and so or Umm so and so is something that increases their sense of responsibility and makes them feel older than their actual age. This will make them feel equal to older people. The Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam used to give nicknames to children as Anas bin Maalik, may Allaah be pleased with him, said: “The Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam had the finest manners; and I had a brother who was called Abu ‘Umayr who was just weaned; whenever he was around the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam would say: “O Abu ‘Umayr, what did the Nughayr do?” (Nughayr was a small bird he used to play with)” (Bukhaari). Umm Khaalid (the daughter of Khaalid), may Allaah be pleased with her, said: “The Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam received some clothes as a gift which included a black silk garment, so he said: “Who do you think I should give this to?” he paused a little then said, “Bring Umm Khaalid” so the people carried her (this reflects how young she was) and brought her to the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam who put the garment on her and said: “Wear it out”. The garment had a green or yellow mark on it so the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam said, “O Umm Khaalid, this is Sanah” (Sanah is the word for nice in an African language)” (Bukhaari).
· Taking the child to the gatherings of adults is another thing which develops manhood in their personalities. These gatherings add richness to their understanding and improve their way of thinking. If a child starts talking to older people, he will spend less time playing. This was the practice of the Sahaabah who used to take their children to the gatherings of the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam. Mu’aawiyah Ibn Qarrah narrated on behalf of his father: “Whenever the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam sat with his companions, each of them would bring his young child who would be behind his father’s back – then his father would seat him in front of himself.” (Nasaa’i).
· Relating to children historical stories, Islamic battles and heroic victories is another way of building courage and bravery in them, which is one of the most important factors of manhood. ‘Urwah Ibn Az-Zubayr said, “Az-Zubayr Ibn Al-‘Awwaam (his father) had two children. He took one of them to some of the battles and the other would play with the battle-wounds on his father’s shoulder (when he returned)”. Hishaam Ibn ‘Urwah the son of ‘Urwah Ibn Az-Zubayr said: “My father accompanied my grandfather in the battle of Yarmook and when the disbelievers were defeated he followed the injured ones who were trying to escape and killed them” (which reflects strength and courage from a young age).
· Teaching children to respect elders also develops manhood in the child. Abu Hurayrah narrated that the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam said, “The younger ones (should) greet the elders.…” (Bukhaari).
· Respecting them in public. Sahl Ibn Sa’d said, “The Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam was brought a cup to drink from and he had a child to his right and elders to his left. After he drank he said to the child, “Do you permit me to give this to the elders before you?” the child replied, ‘I will not give up my right to drink (directly) after (you)’ so the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam gave it to him” (Bukhaari).
· Teaching children manly sports like swimming, horse riding and shooting. Abu Umamah Ibn Sahl, may Allaah be pleased with him, said: ’Umar ibn Al-Khattaab, may Allaah be pleased with him, wrote to Abu ‘Ubaydah Ibn Al-Jarraah, may Allaah be pleased with him, instructing: “Teach your children how to swim” (Ahmad).
· Avoiding things that would soften them up or make them resemble females, like music, dancing, wearing silk or gold and anything else that is feminine.
· Refraining from insulting them publicly, encouraging them to be participative and making them feel important.
· Greeting them with Salaam; Anas Ibn Maalik, may Allaah be pleased with him, said: “The Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam passed by a group of children and greeted them with Salaam” (Muslim).
· Taking and valuing their opinions.
· Giving them responsibilities which are suitable for their ability and age and telling them secrets. Anas bin Maalik, may Allaah be pleased with him, said: “The Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam came to me while I was playing with other children and greeted me with Salaam, then he sent me on an errand which delayed me from getting to my mother on time. When I finally reached home she asked: ‘What delayed you?’ I replied: ‘The Prophet sent me on an errand’ she asked: ‘What was it?’ I replied: ‘It is a secret’ she said, ‘Do not tell the Prophet’s secret to anyone’” (Muslim). In another narration Anas bin Maalik, may Allaah be pleased with him, said: “The Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam came to me while I was with some other children, so he greeted us, then he took me by the hand and sent me with a message to someone while he waited in the shade of a wall until I returned” (Abu Daawood).
Ibn ‘Abbaas, may Allaah be pleased with him, said: “I was once playing with other children, I looked over my shoulder to find the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam approaching, so I thought to myself: ‘The Prophet only came because I am here.’ So I ran to hide behind the door of one of the houses. Suddenly I felt him grab me and gently and playfully slap me on my back. Then he said: “Go and call Mu’aawiyah for me.” Mu’aawiyah used to write for the Prophet, so I ran to Mu’aawiyah and said, ‘The Prophet needs you’” (Ahmad).
· Instilling courage in them by means such as by delivering speeches.
· Attaching great importance to chastity and decency and avoiding fashionable clothes, stylish haircuts, and modern ‘mannerisms’.
· Keeping them away from luxury, laziness, unnecessary rest and idleness. ‘Umar ibn Al-Khattaab, may Allaah be pleased with him, said: “Toughen up, luxury does not last for ever”.
· Keeping them away from sinful gatherings that involve music and other prohibitions because this contradicts manhood and integrity.
These are some points that will develop and increase the qualities of manhood in a child’s personality, which where mentioned in a pamphlet by Shaykh Muhammad Al-Munajjid, may Allaah preserve him.
