wa alaykum salam wa rahmatullah,
Age does not mean much these days, perhaps, what you need to look for is
maturity. Someone might even be older than you and yet exhibit strange behaviour!
There are many articles, books about marriage. InshaAllah, I will put links at the end of this post for those. But there are some things I wish to write here, as advice both for myself, as someone who is unmarried, and for others!
Islam is most important thing, but to know exactly what we need,
we should always be trying our best to understand Islam. It sounds simple and pretty obvious, but, I am often suprised with the way people choose the people they get married, often leading to bad outcomes.
This means understanding the importance of sticking closely to the Quran and Sunnah. Knowing what is the right beliefs in Tawheed and Aqeedah etc, being able to find the truth and know what is right and wrong, halal and haram.
Many times, there are brothers and sisters, who rush into marriage, yet have not understood that it can be both simple and complicated.
Simple, because we marry those who love Islam. - Complicated, if we do not realise how Islam should be truly followed and these sort of issues.
An example is with new Muslims, often they marry people who either are not religious (Muslim by name, culture etc) or are not following Islam properly. Its something quite serious and dangerous, unless they really have help and know what they are doing.
One case was that of a sister, a revert. She "fell in love" and married a Shiite man. He had taken his time to lure her into his trap by posing as a pious man and saying that he would teach her Islam. - As she was a new Muslima and without much knowledge, she was not able to know what was right or wrong.
She did not know the questions to ask and what answers to expect to hear. - This is important. The people who intend to marry, need to question each other for compatibility. Its not just a case of "being in love", for true love takes time to grow. It is something from Allah Subhana wa ta'ala.
This man had persuaded her to be his 2nd wife, but later, after two years, her knowledge of Islam was such, that she found that indeed, she was not even his 2nd wife, she was part of a Mut'ah marriage (Temporary marriage). This is something forbidden in Islam.
He had not treated her the same as his "first" wife. He did not even give her money, or provide for her anything, because she was not really his "wife".
The sister eventually left him, after being in a haram relationship for 2 years. Astaghfirullah.
- At our website, we get unfortunate stories like that, where we need to give advice and get people to the right Masjids and Imams who can help them. Often we have to hand out numbers to Muslim marriage counselor.
So, when we look for someone who is a "good Muslim", this does not mean just someone who says they are a good Muslim. It does not just mean someone who has beard or wears hijab, even though they are indeed obligatory, for men and women respectively. No, because, this is not just Islam. Islam starts with having clear belief in Aqeedah, knowing Allah properly, how to worship Him, His names and attributes etc. To really and truly follow the Quran and Sunnah as the early Muslims did.
Ask questions about how the person wants to live, what are their goals in life? what do they do with their time? Sometimes, you do not have to ask these questions, you should be able to spot their lifestyle and everything.. See how they are with their family, what type of friends do they have? Do they spend the evening out with friends? What time do they come home?
But, the most important questions are to do with the deen! Questions about Aqeedah, about belief in Allah need to be asked. Questions about how they follow Islam, the books they read, the scholars they love from the past and the present.
This is important, especially for new Muslims or those whose families do not practice Islam so well. Infact, for any Muslim, because we can not simply rely on those around us, we should use our own initiative to research and learn Islam and ask questions. Not blindly follow all things, and see what the early Muslims said and did such as those closest to the Prophet Muhammad
!
To get an understanding of those issues, to be able to ask these questions and know what the right answers are, we need to seek knowledge!
Allah has given us Islam, a gift, to make our lives the best! Our lives, can be lived according to how Allah wants! Everything is in the Quran and Sunnah, so we must attach ourselves to it and love it.
Let your worries, your stress go, by putting your trust in Allah subhana wa ta'ala. Marry someone who is like this and you will be blessed, inshaAllah.
For, when two Muslims, who are devoted to Islam marry, they will have a common source of knowledge and a common place to come together to resolve their issues! The Quran and Sunnah, and we must be humble enough to accept the advice of any person if they present us with the evidences.
assalamu alaykum
