Marriage and TTI

[Aapa]

Salaam,

This is a tough one to write. We understand that this is not a matrimonial site. However, the question I pose is what are some solutions for pious brothers and sisters who are in need of a spouse and feel comfortable here. I have read/heard/come across sites that charge a pretty penny. Some sites have brothers simply wanting wives and more wives, and are cheap skates at that. I am not advocating that TTI turn into a matrimonial site..however I am asking what solultions can we come up with to help the brothers and sisters in need.
There are some sisters who would be very hesitant to post on a site. This is not a joke. One brother asked and we were told TTI was not a matrimonial site. So where is a pious person supposed to turn. Please understand I am not trying to be adversial at all. I am attempting to illict a candid and mature discussion.
We have many many good people on this site. We have good ideas. We are always willing to help those who wish to revert, we talk ad nauseum about hijab, we need to help those who wish to marry ..

 

[virtualeye]

AssalaamuAlaikum,

Sister,

I agree that this website is just to help Muslims as far as they keep on talking about theorires. When comes the turn of the issue which is worth 50% of a person's life, then this the issue is not handled with some restrictions but it is treated as some suicide-bomber has arrived in the forum and he needs to be eliminated at any cost.

The point is not to advocate those people who start sending dozens of private messages to the opposite gender (men almost all times), but to help those who come up with this issue politely. We do not need to become mad when somebody talks about his marriage issue. It will not be in intention to make marital contacts on this site, of course not. But the intention should be to find out a "channel" and "methodology" to solve problems of such people. That channel can be some good matrimonial websites and the way to approach the search on them.


Wassalaaam

 

[dna1987]

You guys have a point, and some good ideas - but I have a feeling this thread might be closed anyway before any "further discussion" can take place
Perhaps I'll be wrong.
Sorry for not contributing anything else to this thread - for many of us, finding the spouse isn't the hard bit - it's the "how am I going to take care of my wife and future family" that's the issue - perhaps someone will make a thread on that later.
Salam alaikum.

 

[falomar]

What about a person's profile?....

The person who's interested (or at least willing to know better) in finding a wife or husband should indicate that in his/her profile; and the ones who are not interested, should specify "not interested in matrimony (or whatever) in his/her profile....That way, the person will not waist another person's time sending lot of unwanted Pm's in another person's inbox.

I guess there are people around here who can give a better advise than mine....

P.S.....By the way....in my case..."I'm not interested in anything of those matters, except for sharing knowledge and friendship.".....

 

[AishaHadi]

Salaam,

This is a tough one to write. We understand that this is not a matrimonial site. However, the question I pose is what are some solutions for pious brothers and sisters who are in need of a spouse and feel comfortable here. I have read/heard/come across sites that charge a pretty penny. Some sites have brothers simply wanting wives and more wives, and are cheap skates at that. I am not advocating that TTI turn into a matrimonial site..however I am asking what solultions can we come up with to help the brothers and sisters in need.
There are some sisters who would be very hesitant to post on a site. This is not a joke. One brother asked and we were told TTI was not a matrimonial site. So where is a pious person supposed to turn. Please understand I am not trying to be adversial at all. I am attempting to illict a candid and mature discussion.
We have many many good people on this site. We have good ideas. We are always willing to help those who wish to revert, we talk ad nauseum about hijab, we need to help those who wish to marry ..

But sister do you think anyone would want to marry someone they met on the internet all we could know is the other person sitting on the other end of the computer is a serial killer, crazy, on a wheel chair [not that am saying that there is something wrong with a disabled person] but on a serious level no pious person would want to chit chat with someone on the net and get hitched. Not reality!!

Besides how in the world would you trust someone you know nothing about them? Sounds alien to me!

If someone can’t find someone to marry through friends and family… then I would suggest they give the imam a visit and he will find them a pious sister/brother from a well known family.

:salam2:

 

[Southrn_Muslimah]

:salam2:

I guess it is 50/50 on the internet ordeal. My brother met his financee on the net 8 years ago and they are still going strong I don't know maybe that is a rare case. Of course the parents had to meet on both sides to see if either family is crazy or not lol.

Personally I do not know if I would want to get "hitched" to someone on the internet due to the craziness that occurs now on websites.

I agree with the last statement about contacting the Imam if friends or family are lacking in one's life.


Sarah

But sister do you think anyone would want to marry someone they met on the internet all we could know is the other person sitting on the other end of the computer is a serial killer, crazy, on a wheel chair [not that am saying that there is something wrong with a disabled person] but on a serious level no pious person would want to chit chat with someone on the net and get hitched. Not reality!!

Besides how in the world would you trust someone you know nothing about them? Sounds alien to me!

If someone can’t find someone to marry through friends and family… then I would suggest they give the imam a visit and he will find them a pious sister/brother from a well known family.

:salam2:

 

[falomar]

But sister do you think anyone would want to marry someone they met on the internet all we could know is the other person sitting on the other end of the computer is a serial killer, crazy, on a wheel chair [not that am saying that there is something wrong with a disabled person] but on a serious level no pious person would want to chit chat with someone on the net and get hitched. Not reality!!

Besides how in the world would you trust someone you know nothing about them? Sounds alien to me!

If someone can’t find someone to marry through friends and family… then I would suggest they give the imam a visit and he will find them a pious sister/brother from a well known family.

:salam2:

I agree with you 100%....but it's not impossible either to find someone on the internet.....Me and my wife were pen pals for a whole one year before I finally decided to meet her in her country and bringing her here.....but yes, we shared plenty of letters and pictures and I called her by the phone around the 3rd month of writing each other......Of course that was in my case, I just wanted to share my own experience but be aware I'm not muslim so I don't know your tradition if it's permitted or not among you.....but just in case someone want to take that risk, I guess what it's more important is to know each other time enough before making that kind of decision......and yes,....as you said.....you have to be careful trusting someone you know nothing about.....

Paying the imam a visit might be a better idea.....

 

[Mrmuslim]

salaam alikom,

Mairriage is not hard but the specification and the list of qualities every one have.

but any one let me reminde you what this site is about

We are dedicated to bringing the latest Islamic videos, media and information to help challenge the negative propoganda spread by the media and to educate people about Islam and the Muslim World. The hatred some people might show towards Islam and the ill-practices of some Muslims should not hinder a Person from seeking the truth!


If we start matching up people this site will be flooded with requests, My question why dont brother and sister turn to Imam in the community? not in his community then turn to Imam to his friend and family community.

If some one want to be responsible about the live of 2 people through internet then be the guest to do it but not on this site.

wa jazaakom Allah khair.

 

[ditta]

Asalaamu'Alykum,

As suggested earlier, the local community. Internet and Marriage, it doesnt really work, maybe occasionally. But using the Internet to find a spouse is prohibited, considering the ways it is done now, for example i quote a few things out of "The Quest for Love & Mercy":

Each individual paints about himself or herself an unreal picture that is meant to impress the other side. One describes what he or she wishes to be, not what one really is! Being in a private room with a keyboard and a monitor provides a big chance for pretence. Thus, lying and deceit are prevalent in this kind of communication. Asma (R.A) reported that the Prophet (S.A.W) said:

"A person who pretends having that which he does not is like one who wears two garments of deception" (Bukhari and Muslim)

As we well see in the next chapter, a woman's wali is normally responsible for investigating about a prospective husband's family, friends, manners, finances, etc. With Internet couring, on the other hand, a woman forsakes all of this and makes herself the ultimate judge, allowing her emotions and the courter's cunning to make one of the most important decisions of her lifetime!

A great deal of precious time is wasted in writing polished emails and exchanging worthless "chats". Abdullah Bin Mas'ud and Abu Burazah (R.A) reported that Allah's Messenger said:

"A human being's feet will not depart from before his Lord, on Resurrection Day, until he is questioned about five things, his lifetime and how he consumed it, his youth and body and how he utilized it, his wealth and how he earned and spent it and what he did in regard to what he knew." (Tirmidhi, Verified to be authentic by Al-Albani)

Digitized pictures are often exchanged. As indicated above, this practice is largely prohibited, especially since digitized pictures can be easily and permanently stored on the computer, and electronically exchanged with other "interested" individuals.

(The last point is Internet communication takes place with a man and a married woman)

Because of the above and many other reasons, Internet courting is a dangerous practice that should be largely avoided by the righteous Muslims.

Personally by that, i get the message stay well clear of using the Internet to find a spouse. Plus any righteous muslim would not use the Internet, personally.

Tackling this problem is really up to the individual and the fact maybe they are not trying hard enough. Your main place will be your local mosque or centre, where you can ask the Imam. Insh'Allah he will be able to direct you. Friends, maybe. Although what about Family, although i dont think this option is taken with many. Put your Trust in Allah (S.W.T)!

I dont think TTI can do anything (although as stated above, its not for that purpose anyway), unless a Directory was created with each Country, City and local Mosque or Centre within that City. This would have to be user submitted. Thats the only real option i see here.

Insh'Allah i made sense.

Alhamdulilah

Wasalam

 

[Mabsoot]

:salam2:

I am sorry that this thread was deleted, I put it back as it does seem a legitimate question and discussion.

Well, if it is done properly, then maybe there is no harm in it.

However, we are already stretched as it is with Moderators etc, and we want remain focussed on helping people learn Islam.

If we have matrimonials etc, it complicates things. Im not ruling it out either.

Even me and my brothers are not married. So, I know how big a problem it is in finding a good partner. A person can not simply marry the first person they see etc. So, We Just have to have patience. InshaAllah.

Indeed, its a big problem for a lot of our Muslim brothers and sisters. - Internet is open to all, and we have no idea the type of people or families they come from. However, then again WE too are using the Internet lol. So, there are bound to be good people. - Just, I think it is also responsibility on those who make such websites to make sure that everyone is in safe environment.

BTW, Ditta, it would be very easy for me to have matrimonial section.. and special profiles lol. The case here is I personally pay 1000s of dollars to keep this site running. - Not so that we attract the wrong type of people, or that the site is used for other purposes, but so we have people sincere in wanting learn islam.

I have seen enough complaints about strange PMs and emails to know that it is not so simple. Not everyone looking for a "Muslim wife" is Islamic themselves. Often, a lot of the people are looking just for passport and stuff, astaghfirullah. -



Wasalam.