Marriage -how do i feel about it?

[palestine]

Asalamu alaikum - at first, i thought to myself - this may not be a good topic to bring up. especially since i'm just going to share my view on marriage. Marriage is an important role for many, and also an obligation on those who can find a partner and who are able to wed. However, i feel lost when i see so many couples divorcing, disrespecting, and destroying each others homes. There are so many things i think that i cannot even describe in words as i would like to. I too, would like to get married someday -but then i think twice about it. and so there are times like tonight where i feel as though i will never get married or that i don't want to get married. i am a person that wants to follow islam exactly as it is. But everyone around me in my community discourages me from marrying outside of my culture. it's a constant battle with my community. it seems that if you bring up any culture other than your own, that you are a criminal. for this, i am often discouraged from getting married at all. i don't want to have to marry someone from my culture, just because my people say so, or because my family says so. i want to find someone whom i can be happy with, no matter what culture they are from. but knowing that there is the possibility of my options being limited scares the heck out of me. and i just thought "well if i can't marry anyone outside of my culture - what's the point?", not that i'm looking out side of my culture on purpose - but i want to marry whomever is good in deen and not judge them by their culture. and i know so often things such as, language barrier, different customs, etc are mentioned to put you off from marrying outside the culture - but i believe and truly believe that so long as the person you marry is good in deen - that, that will be resolved by the Grace of Allah. i'm not really asking anyone anything here right now - i just posted this so that those who want to share something may do so regarding these thoughts and ideas that have come to my mind, if they are similar to theirs, or whatever you feel like. take care.
sincerely,
a sister.

 

[revert2007]

i am a married woman and a convert.i got married after one year converting and never know my husband before..but with Allah's will,i found my husband who is accross the ocean and from different country..

why do people keep on getting worried about marriage even they know Allah will take care of it...just make dua to Allah...Allah gives what you need and at the right time.so do not bother about it please.i guess you are still studying,so concentrate in you studies...the rest leave to Allah..even if you found someone it doesn't mean the marriage will happen except with His will...so just make dua and just preapre yourself to be solehah wife and mother..

this is what many of us faild to do..we are so eager to get married but we do not know how to handle the married life according to true islamic teachings...get some books and read how to be good wife like the prophet's wives,how to streangthen your relationship with you in laws and other of his family members and how to handle your kids and how to educate them...

what is the point of getting married when u can't do the responsiblity well and finally get divorce?

knowledge is important and please prepare yourself for it..

for sisters who don't know how to cook,start learning it and learn how to do the house work and so on..we always forget these things because of studies...

so please think about getting prepared rather than worrying when you will get married.

 

[icadams]

Trust in Allah and remember that we do not have to be like everyone else. I have been married for over ten years and wouldn't trade it for anything. Yes, we drive each other crazy but that is half of the fun. Don't worry so much about the future, what might be, it is a burden that is too heavy to carry. Prepare yourself for today, seek to please Allah, subhana wa ta'ala, and He will provide for the future.

 

[LaLa09]

Asalama Alaykum sister

I know exactly what you mean. I tell my family the same thing. "don't worry about culture, it shouldn't really matter as long as the person is a good practicing muslim" it seems like every time the marriage conversation comes up my opinion almost always gets criticized immediately. So i've come to realize that the subject matter + my opinion = an opportunity for a one sided argument mostly from my mother. I understand that they want the best for me and marrying someone from a different race would be like discovering an uncharted territory to them, they like to stay in their comfort zone and I don't blame them they are just old school. I don't want to marry outside of my culture but at the same time i don't want to be subjugated to only my culture either. Pressure from them and pressure from society (especially school) isn't helping. My ideal time to get married is when i'm done with college (four yrs of undergrad + grad school) is very stressful and managing a marriage on top of that would be a disaster in my opinion there are some people out there who do it seamlessly manshallah but i know myself and i cannot balance the two. I hope one day people stop being so narrow minded and learn to embrace diversity because it is a beautiful thing. I love seeing inter-racial couples or "weird" couples like chinese and black i find it sooo fascinating especially seeing the cultures coming together and all the wonderful stories they share! But anyway thanks for letting me rant!!

 

[Asiya-sparkles]

Assalamu alaikom Palestine,

Bismillah ar-Rahman ar-Rahim,
Aauthu billahi minish shaytan nirajeem

dear sister,

Yes, marriage is something that if we do not fear Allah and do not obey Him and are unaware of what is obligatory upon us, including how we treat each other, can go disastrously wrong, but alhamdulillah, we are part of the process to, and as such, we seek Allah's guidance throughout our lives and obey him and seek success inshaAllah.

Before enetring marriage, or even finding a potential life partner, we need to fulfill our personal obligatory duty of learning about the shariah in regard to marriage, this is for our benefit and should reduce the fitnah or even eliminate fitnah altogether Alhamdulillah.

Remember, we are sold a lie by media nowadays, life is not like Hollywood or Bollywood, and anyone seeking to imitate those will be ill prepared for the reality of life. We become discontent and selfish in what we expect from marriage, in reality, it is an act of obedience to Allah and it is one He has decreed for us to fulfill us.

I would strongly advise you and anyone seeking marriage, or who is married but does not know their responsibilities in Islam to find a good reliable teacher who can instruct you and help you to submit to marriage as Allah intends it to be.

May Allah bless you with a pious and gentle husband who will gently pull you into paradise dear sister. Amin.

Fi amanillah

Remember, - we are either pleasing Allah or displeasing Him, so do not be neglectful in our deen.

 

[a_muslimah86]

:salam2:

Well when we live in the 21st century..and a fellow *Muslim* from a *Muslim country* comes to me and tells me that they are limited to *marriage partners* from *2 families* only...because they are from a *lower* social class and have a "foreign mother" (which is frowned upon in that society) and these families are in-laws who *might* accept the marriage proposal but it would require *a lot* of planning...I start to feel this fear inside..and wonder to myself..why would I want to bother marrying when we have people of such characters?

Then I remember that marriage is the sunnah of our beloved prophet (saaws) and it is half of our deen...and not everyone is the same...so I back down and let out a sigh of relief..and think Allah is All-Generous..all will take place how it's meant to be and in its due time..

So from a certain stance..know what you mean

Ukhti..remember that marriage is a *qadar*..and a *provision* from Allah (swt)...what you see or hear about from others...is just that it's *others' qadar and provision*...if Allah (swt) has assigned a man to be your husband..he will be your husband...regardless of citizenship..race..tribe..et cetra...and *your* provision and qadar will be different than anybody's...because we're *unique* and that makes our *experiences* and *interactions* unique as well...so don't view marriage with one *lens* of perspective

You may have heard that countless times before..but..I am saying it one more time because I want you to bear something in mind ukhti...

*Prepartion*

Prepartion for that life shared with another person in its sweetness and its bitterness..at its best and at its worst..make dua'a that Allah (swt) makes your husband pious...and fills his heart with mercy and compassion towards you..and ask Allah (swt) to make your children virtuous and engrossed in their deen with utmost passion and correctness..and that *you* be the barrier between your husband and what is haram for him...and that *you* become his happiness from this dunya that he can take with him in his akhirah!...make dua'a seeking the best for *Allah's sake*...

Learn your deen..improve your character...allow your mind and your heart to absorb the good around it and learn everything which may help you in making a good..successful..*Muslim family*...setting aside all the issues such as..where the guy will be from..who his is..what he'll be like...how will he treat me...disregard all of that..and only worry about *your duty*..and what you aspire to be in that phase of life before Allah (swt)...after a while...you'll see that a lot of things feel and seem different...especially if you added to the things above the insurance of dua'a

 

[FreedomFighter]

how are you sis?? long time and i dont see you around much. well sis you are so right.

but i want to marry whomever is good in deen and not judge them by their culture.

ya this should be the goal. and i know what you are talking about. me too, i feel that way. because of culture, your parents would want you to marry someone from your country, and yes they give the excuses that you mentioned. so basically you cant marry any one from other parts of the world. well sis, no one can force you to marry and just know that the choice is entirely yours. you have your right there.

 

[mosabaig]

on this topic

:salam2:



Narrated Anas bin Malik:
A group of three men came to the houses of the wives of the Prophet
asking how the Prophet worshipped (Allah), and when they were informed about that,
they considered their worship insufficient and said, "Where are we from the Prophet
as his past and future sins have been forgiven." Then one of them said,
"I will offer the prayer throughout the night forever."The other said,
"I will fast throughout the year and will not break my fast." The third said,
"I will keep away from the women and will not marry forever." Allah's Apostle
came to them and said, "Are you the same people who said so-and-so? By Allah,
I am more submissive to Allah and more afraid of Him than you; yet I fast and break my fast,
I do sleep and I also marry women. So he who does not follow my tradition in religion,
is not from me (not one of my followers)."

Hadith found in 'Wedlock, Marriage (Nikaah)' of Sahih Bukhari. [/LEFT]

 

[slaveofAllah88]

One of the first things the Quran attacked was culture! It was culture that prevented many Arabs from accepting the truth of Islam, even though they used to sneak up at night to hear the Quran recited!!

Culture is what prevents most people from changing their lives to the better and is the primary ground for racism and xenophobia. Islam impacts culture, not the other way around.

:salam2:
true, and the importance was emphasized even more by our Beloved Prophet (PBUH) who made his last sermon to be about racism and culture.

But when we look around we see things alot differently, among the arabs they dont consider other worthy of marriage, in many arab countries the women cant marry someone who is not from the same nationality otherwse they are not given the nationality of the place.

LIke no offence, but country lke Canada (A non muslim country) is better in 3 years they give you citiznship, respect and treat you like equal.
My uncle lived in middle east almost all his lives and still treated as a foreigner.

im not just picking on arabs, in my Pakistani-indian communities there is so much of racism as i would like to say as well, they point fingers to all those reverts brothers or sisters or other people, just cuz someone is white they are not good enough, people dont look at you cause of your deen aparently color of the skin is more important
Im pretty sure people who have married outside cultue know of this, ask sis ShyHijabi wat she went thru, and this is all not islam, just too much ego.
And i really like hw sis Shyhijabi puts it, if something is according to Quran or Sunnah its right rest is just sand or mere dust, and it is , it means nothing to me, and people will try to convince you but culture and this and that is important NO its not, ur culture, ur way of islam is Islam, my Lord if Allah, my teacher is Prophet Muhammed (PBUH), and my book is Quran.
IF someone thinks marriage in same culture dont face problems than Look again.

sister Palestine, dont let people discourage you, people are never pleased with anything, please your rab thats all you need.

 

[hana*]

salamualaikum all,

gosh i so know what you are all talking about, why are so many wrapped up with culture? its so unislamic, we only need to look at the prophet (saas) to see that he married someone who was previously jewish and he is the best of all examples. i guess that we, the new generation of muslims can change this thinking for the next generation, we can overcome these barriers.

sister paelstine, i dont think you should worry too much (i know thats easy to say) but no matter what youre parents or society thinks, you will only marry whom Allah has written for you, whether it be somebody from your culture or not. Allah has determined all this for everyone of us 500 years before He created the earth, subhanAllah. so i think to myself: why worry, whats for you wont go by you. All you can do is make dua that Allah sends you somebody that has good faith and character inshaAllah

 

[Muslimah16]

:salam2:

Culture + tradition = barriers and more barriers

i hate it when you cant do THIS because culture will say THAT. You cant marry *him* because people will think/do this. You cant do this or that. You can only do what seems right in the eyes of culture and bloody tradition. Why do we have these kind of barriers? :astag:

SO ANNOYING! Argh! :angryred:

May Allah help my parents and ALL the parents/people out there realise that Islam goes BEYOND all this kind of stupidity.

Sister, im in the same position as you. I dont want to marry a brother because my parents say so- cos he's rich, tall, dark and handsome *lol* i hope my family come to understand this inshaAllah and leave behind all these weird belief's. The sad thing is that Duniya comes first to most of my relatives THEN aakhirah

:tti_sister:
Wassalaam

 

[al-fajr]

Assalamua'alaykum,

We should all be aware that cultural based preferences are permissable when it comes to marriage, (no, im not saying racism has any place in Islaam, do not misunderstand me)

One of the first things the Quran attacked was culture! It was culture that prevented many Arabs from accepting the truth of Islam, even though they used to sneak up at night to hear the Quran recited!!

Culture is what prevents most people from changing their lives to the better and is the primary ground for racism and xenophobia. Islam impacts culture, not the other way around.

With all due respect brother, your point, though valid if applied to the topic at hand is far too extreme. Its not xenophobic to prefer to have a son or daughter in law you can actually communicate with. Makes sense to want that.

A general point I want to make is that we should try to give our parents' judgement slightly more credit than our 18-25 yr so old ego's would normally permit.

 

[rightpath_357]

awwwww- sis - don't feel like that. concentrate on somthing else. Insha'Allah u'll have a lovley life partner who respects u and loves u. Otherwise, just give me a call- we can gang up and thrash him! :lol:

 

[IHearIslam]

Asalamu alaikum - at first, i thought to myself - this may not be a good topic to bring up. especially since i'm just going to share my view on marriage. Marriage is an important role for many, and also an obligation on those who can find a partner and who are able to wed. However, i feel lost when i see so many couples divorcing, disrespecting, and destroying each others homes. There are so many things i think that i cannot even describe in words as i would like to. I too, would like to get married someday -but then i think twice about it. and so there are times like tonight where i feel as though i will never get married or that i don't want to get married. i am a person that wants to follow islam exactly as it is. But everyone around me in my community discourages me from marrying outside of my culture. it's a constant battle with my community. it seems that if you bring up any culture other than your own, that you are a criminal. for this, i am often discouraged from getting married at all. i don't want to have to marry someone from my culture, just because my people say so, or because my family says so. i want to find someone whom i can be happy with, no matter what culture they are from. but knowing that there is the possibility of my options being limited scares the heck out of me. and i just thought "well if i can't marry anyone outside of my culture - what's the point?", not that i'm looking out side of my culture on purpose - but i want to marry whomever is good in deen and not judge them by their culture. and i know so often things such as, language barrier, different customs, etc are mentioned to put you off from marrying outside the culture - but i believe and truly believe that so long as the person you marry is good in deen - that, that will be resolved by the Grace of Allah. i'm not really asking anyone anything here right now - i just posted this so that those who want to share something may do so regarding these thoughts and ideas that have come to my mind, if they are similar to theirs, or whatever you feel like. take care.
sincerely,
a sister.

:salam2: sister
this is my one cent...
BismiAllah!
Like many of those who responded before me, I know EXACTLY what you're saying! and like you and the others I wish I soo wish that our elders woul for ONES put ISLAM first! subahanaAllah......this is going insane. What is the point of looking at "status, same culture, etc" when what matters is ONLY the deen of the person but unfortunately many of our elders dont understand that
I too am on the same boat as yours but sister know that the destiny is on the hands of Allah! and no matter HOW much people discourage you, belittle you, disappoint you and whatnot, THEY WILL NEVER EVER stop what Allah has willed! NEVER!
So dear sister, dont worry much about marriage or such for Allah has better plans work hard for Akhrirah, leave this dunya behind by attaching your heart to the love of Allah! and put your COMPLETE trust in Him SWT to show you the way, and keep in mind that He SWT will inshaAllah give you the spouse you deserve as a MUSLIMAH! subhanaAllah, how merciful is Al-ala?
whatever is supposed to happen will happen inshaAllah for the power belongs to Allah and HE SWT is above all many value. Our deen is beatiful, and inshaAllah our elders will come to understand such things. I would say these days it's getting alot more better compared to the old days walhamdulilah
I seen many Somali+American, somali+African Amercan and such marriages so Alhamduliallah we're getting there
always remain optimistic......for Allah is the best of those who plan, and know that none can stop what is meant for you.
:tti_sister:may Allah bless you with a pious spouse, may Allah keep you on the path of truth, may Allah strengthen you, may Allah forgive you of your sins, and reward you for the good deeds. ameen

 

[palestine]

Asalamu Alaikum, JazakAllahu khayran to all of you whom responded, but i just want to clear something. some of you seem to have misunderstood me and think that i'm now being forced to marrying someone - that'd be a no. i was talking in general about the bias and prejudice within my community and a fact that some parents including mine, may not ever accept interracial marriages. I'm not interested in getting married at the moment nor am i there yet - but i was speaking from a general point of view. i know right now as i speak to you, of a friend of mine who just told me yesterday that she's being forced into a marriage. the guy said he'd wait even after four years if it takes her that long to say yes. She wants to marry someone who with the characteristics of a true muslim, who really practices - but this guy isn't. He's basically a jerk and calls up many girls in the town, unfortunately the mom won't believe her daughter b/c she thinks her daughter is just opposing for no reason. so sadly she's being forced and to think that her mom would not do this because she knows and acts upon the deen as she was known. but when it comes to marriage i guess islam goes out the window for some. i care about my friend too much to let her marry a man of such character, and i plan on talking to her mom - i hope she will come to understand. Take care.
wasalamu alaikum.

 

[rightpath_357]

Asalamu Alaikum, JazakAllahu khayran to all of you whom responded, but i just want to clear something. some of you seem to have misunderstood me and think that i'm now being forced to marrying someone - that'd be a no. i was talking in general about the bias and prejudice within my community and a fact that some parents including mine, may not ever accept interracial marriages. I'm not interested in getting married at the moment nor am i there yet - but i was speaking from a general point of view. i know right now as i speak to you, of a friend of mine who just told me yesterday that she's being forced into a marriage. the guy said he'd wait even after four years if it takes her that long to say yes. She wants to marry someone who with the characteristics of a true muslim, who really practices - but this guy isn't. He's basically a jerk and calls up many girls in the town, unfortunately the mom won't believe her daughter b/c she thinks her daughter is just opposing for no reason. so sadly she's being forced and to think that her mom would not do this because she knows and acts upon the deen as she was known. but when it comes to marriage i guess islam goes out the window for some. i care about my friend too much to let her marry a man of such character, and i plan on talking to her mom - i hope she will come to understand. Take care.
wasalamu alaikum.

WHAT??????? she's being forced? thats haram! OMG- I hope it gets better for her! AstagfirAllah. So many people go with TRADITION these days 4 marrige and things like that- not the beautiful teachings of our RELIGON, ISLAM! it's just sick. Ugh- I just DESPISE jerks like that- I've come across a few actually- sheesh- i''m only 11! God! think everyone will fall 4 them. lolz- not us Muslim- DIGNIFIED girls. Insha'Allah SOME people will realize what they're doing is wrong. Sis- can't you persude you friends family? take a tape recorder- records every stupid thing he says- then turn him in! :lol: OR you cud call us- ur friend- then we could send him either to the hospital- or straight to jail! :lol:

 

[islamistheway]

Asalamu alaikum - at first, i thought to myself - this may not be a good topic to bring up. especially since i'm just going to share my view on marriage. Marriage is an important role for many, and also an obligation on those who can find a partner and who are able to wed. However, i feel lost when i see so many couples divorcing, disrespecting, and destroying each others homes. There are so many things i think that i cannot even describe in words as i would like to. I too, would like to get married someday -but then i think twice about it. and so there are times like tonight where i feel as though i will never get married or that i don't want to get married. i am a person that wants to follow islam exactly as it is. But everyone around me in my community discourages me from marrying outside of my culture. it's a constant battle with my community. it seems that if you bring up any culture other than your own, that you are a criminal. for this, i am often discouraged from getting married at all. i don't want to have to marry someone from my culture, just because my people say so, or because my family says so. i want to find someone whom i can be happy with, no matter what culture they are from. but knowing that there is the possibility of my options being limited scares the heck out of me. and i just thought "well if i can't marry anyone outside of my culture - what's the point?", not that i'm looking out side of my culture on purpose - but i want to marry whomever is good in deen and not judge them by their culture. and i know so often things such as, language barrier, different customs, etc are mentioned to put you off from marrying outside the culture - but i believe and truly believe that so long as the person you marry is good in deen - that, that will be resolved by the Grace of Allah. i'm not really asking anyone anything here right now - i just posted this so that those who want to share something may do so regarding these thoughts and ideas that have come to my mind, if they are similar to theirs, or whatever you feel like. take care.
sincerely,
a sister.

Yes, but remember you cant get married to someone before the approval of your Parents. Also inter-culture marriages contain many conflicts and are more likely to divorce! Its harding coping with a husband from a totally diff culture, espically with the in laws. You parent's and family knows best. Remember marriage is a sunnah not a fardh .

Oh yes, and has anyone heard of this quote don't know who its by, "You don't find love , it finds you."

Hope I helped

The right guy will come to you, at the right time. All is done by the will of Allah, everything Allah does is for your own good.

:blackhijab:

 

[ansari]

:salam2: my brothers and sisters

hope this video will help. inshallah

[yt]UzK4FvwDuSo[/yt]​