marriage or education?

[IslamIsLight]

salam aleikum

The problem is that even if the sister prefers marriage first and the brother prefers marriage first,THE FAMILY of a future spouse will want EDUCATION first ,so its not just their choise, sometimes ...

In my personal opinion the first thing to be worried in this life is to be educated in Islam .We have the greatest treasure to the perfect knowledge, is our religion. Knowing Islam has to be the first prioity before any degree or work..This is the knowledge that we have to pass on to our children and not Degree or Major at some school...

I didnt vote,coz there is no option to be married and to study at same time Why not ?

waleikum salam

 

[a_brother]

This has NOTHING to do with women wanting to work and I'm honestly offended by this. I do not have a father because he threatened to kill my mother if she didn't abort me because they were unmarried when she got pregnant. He abandoned his responsibilities and refused to pay child support. This is common.

So many kids in the US don't have a father because of deadbeat fathers who abandon their children, and because the majority of the time they have children outside of marriage. They get a girl pregnant and then they run away. This is NOT because a woman had a nice happy family and then ran away to have a job. You're blaming women for something that men do and even demonizing single mothers who have to struggle to raise their children and go through more hardships than you could even imagine. I can guarantee you that almost all of those 54%, 30%, and 21% have no father because their fathers chose to be uninvolved in their lives. They chose to be irresponsible and abandon their children.

This isn't about some women working, this is about some men being irresponsible deadbeat "fathers".

Asalamo Alaikom sister Kayleigh

This has NOTHING to do with women wanting to work

I stated...

don't get me wrong, i would like to see sisters with high degrees (doctors, computer engineers, ...). the problem comes when one doesn't do it for the shake of Allah, or let it play against them in solving small problems within a relationship...

i also stated...

i see many men take proud of their partner naked for other men to look at, as if they saying "look at what i got!!!!!" WHAT KIND OF PARTNERSHIP IS THAT???

I didn't know your situation sister kayleigh nor was i referring to your family... I apologize that you got offended. :shymuslima1:

 

[a_brother]

salam aleikum

The problem is that even if the sister prefers marriage first and the brother prefers marriage first,THE FAMILY of a future spouse will want EDUCATION first ,so its not just their choise, sometimes ...

In my personal opinion the first thing to be worried in this life is to be educated in Islam .We have the greatest treasure to the perfect knowledge, is our religion. Knowing Islam has to be the first prioity before any degree or work..This is the knowledge that we have to pass on to our children and not Degree or Major at some school...

I didnt vote,coz there is no option to be married and to study at same time Why not ?

waleikum salam

Asalamo alaikom sister Aisha

about the parents issue, sister/brother needs to want to get married first than they can deal with the parents issue ... if a sister/brother is not thinking about marriage, then there is no starting point

I agree with you sister Aisha, Islamic knowledge is number one priority... Islam encourage us to get married asap, then we should put that as a priority...

nothing wrong with marriage and studying at the same time... but which one comes first/more important?

I don't know why i keep doing this...LOL... i always tend to encourage the brothers i know to get married in the mosque and keep talking about marriage ... i guess, i see it as an important part of a human's life (especially in the west)... i just don't understand why would one delay it if he/she can practice it

And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your hearts. Undoubtedly in these are signs for those who reflect. (30:21)

 

[palestine]

Asalamo alaikom sister Aisha

about the parents issue, sister/brother needs to want to get married first than they can deal with the parents issue ... if a sister/brother is not thinking about marriage, then there is no starting point

I agree with you sister Aisha, Islamic knowledge is number one priority... Islam encourage us to get married asap, then we should put that as a priority...

nothing wrong with marriage and studying at the same time... but which one comes first/more important?

I don't know why i keep doing this...LOL... i always tend to encourage the brothers i know to get married in the mosque and keep talking about marriage ... i guess, i see it as an important part of a human's life (especially in the west)... i just don't understand why would one delay it if he/she can practice it

And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your hearts. Undoubtedly in these are signs for those who reflect. (30:21)

you encourage others to get married- have you gotten married yet? just curious hope you're not offended. asalamu alaykum

 

[IslamIsLight]

salam aleikum
The other problem I forgot to mention is that the brothers have this attitude now days ,that they have to make money first to support a wife and to have house and to have this this and this and etc..(not everyone ,Im not generilizing ) Who said every woman need all this ? The problem is with brothers who make their brides to wait for them to solve these issues instead of just getting married and put their trust in Allah that Allah SWT is the Provider and go for marriage ,but they have this list of atchievements first ? From my point of view ,why to make everything hard ,when Islam is easy ...

Anyway I'll vote marriage first ...and if I accepted Islam before I went for degree,when I was little bit yonger ,I think I would choose to get married first and to have many kids by now,instead of waisting my time on traveling and working and living alone...
waaleikum salam

 

[a_brother]

you encourage others to get married- have you gotten married yet? just curious hope you're not offended. asalamu alaykum

:salam2: sister palestine

, no, i am not married yet... been looking, but i guess its not my time yet... about 50% of the brothers i know got married... they got tired from looking in US, so they end up going back home and got married from there!

my younger brother (22 yrs old) is getting married tomorrow (monday) in Morocco, inshaAllah ... i'll be the only one whose not married in my family... most likely, going back home and get married from there inshaAllah, since "no luck" here in US... my sister in law tried to find a sister for me in US by talking to her other friends (sisters from masjid) if they know of any, but not much of 24 yrs old and under(my age is 24)... I went to imam (of the city i moved to, big muslim community!!!) and asked him if there is any activities where the masjid connects brothers and sisters for marriage, he said that "there is high demand for sisters but low "supply"" that is, no sisters for marriage!!! LOL... many brothers who want to get married, but no sisters for marriage... i attended an MSA conference (where brothers and sisters come from all over US) a while ago where there were more sisters than brothers I start thinking... where are all these sisters hiding LOOOOOL


May Allah help us all in finding a righteous partner

 

[a_brother]

:salam2:

wanted to add....

reverted brothers to islam also tend to go to a "muslim country" and get married from there, so not only brothers whose part of their families are back home... I DON'T KNOW WHY... from the poll, i would assume most of the sisters may not care as much about marriage!!!???

 

[a_brother]

Quote....
In my career as an instructor of “Fiqh of Love” and “Love Notes” with AlMaghrib Institute, the activity and survey sessions conducted in the class environment included many personal questions submitted by students (both men and women), regarding marriage and marital life. Through this, and the overwhelming marriage counseling sessions and advices given in the course of the past four to five years, I was able to collect enough data and statistics to open a window on the status of social life in the Muslim community in America and provide an insight into the crisis of marriage we face here. The findings com from multiple locations all around the country including places such as Houston, New Jersey, New York, Chicago, The Bay Area and elsewhere - and the results were startling. The marriage crisis is a big crisis indeed, and while many of our respected older generation are unaware of it, or at least act like that, the youth were left helpless and sometimes hopeless.

In my lecture at Ilmfest in NY “The Crisis of Marriage” back in March 2008, I attempted to speak for the youth, voice their concern and highlight some of these findings, which I’m working on publishing as a separate research insha’Allah. Many of these problems fall into systematic categories that can be summarized into three:

1. Conventional -mixed- views of marriage.

This includes, but not exclusively, issues such as ideals of love and marriage, the premarital life and experience and the determination of readiness in terms of education, career and finances.

2. Gender issues (and yes we do have a gender issue in the Muslim community).

This in this age is a natural contribution of the western culture to the American Muslim community. It includes issues of feminism, gender expectations, sexuality and marriage patterns especially egalitarian marriage and its challenge to the traditional Islamic version of patriarchy.

3. The cultural expectations.

We cannot deny the existence of at least two generations from two different cultures widely misconstrued as one culture, first generation of Muslim immigrants and the second generation of Muslims who were born or grew up in America.

The Muslim community in America is also one of the, if not the most, diverse community in America in terms of ethnicity, race, culture, education, economy, background and religious affiliation (on juristic, political and sometimes sectarian ground). With all this diversity and without getting into the details of this matter, different cultural expectations arise.

Parents (for too many different reasons) are unfortunately rated as the number one reason why too many men and women are delaying their marriages. Surveying the youth, they admit that once they hit the road of career -per their parent’s demands- and pass the emotional cycle of love and enamor, the desire for marriage becomes for no more than a social requirement that influences their choice. Hence the decision for marriage is usually pragmatic. These marriages are what I call ‘Technical Marriages’ and many people today are technically married but not wholeheartedly married. Some decide to delay their marriages further fearing they might fall into this abyss of technical marriage not realizing that by doing so are increasing their chances of falling into it.

if you want to read more...
http://muslimmatters.org/2008/05/01/the-marriage-project-a-project-nation/

 

[syahidah2112]

I have voted for sister over 22, school first. But actually, after I was thinking again, I think we dont need to confuse either school or marriage first. The decision depends on the person. I mean, people may have different decision.
For example, I have a friend, it's arround 2 years ago, she had to get married soon, because she had a disease in her womb, so that she had to give birth soon.
Another case, if we plan to get married, but there is no one proposing us yet, then we cant push ourselves to get married soon, right?

So, which one that is more important depends on the person.

 

[a_brother]

I have voted for sister over 22, school first. But actually, after I was thinking again, I think we dont need to confuse either school or marriage first. The decision depends on the person. I mean, people may have different decision.
For example, I have a friend, it's arround 2 years ago, she had to get married soon, because she had a disease in her womb, so that she had to give birth soon.
Another case, if we plan to get married, but there is no one proposing us yet, then we cant push ourselves to get married soon, right?

So, which one that is more important depends on the person.

:salam2: sister syahidah

yes sister, there are other factors... i tried to focus on education (since education takes time) and age (since age is time dependent)

"but there is no one proposing us yet"

:salam2: sister a_muslimah86

no doubt, one would only get married when he/she is written for him/her just like in anything else... but we need to make a cause... just as school takes time and effort, marriage takes time and effort... when one cares about something, than he/she works for that thing and ask Allah to make it easy for him/her...

May Allah help us all in finding a righteous partner

then we cant push ourselves to get married soon, right?

:salam2:

I voted for sisters 22 and older get married.

I had completed my degree at the age of 22 when I got married and during the marriage I finished other parts of education completing certification. I think marriage is so important because it satisfies half of the deen. I feel if you meet a pious brother/sister wether you are 18, 19,28, 32 then get married. Then complete your education after marriage. If you are in school already and the opportunity presents itself with a pious muslim then do not pass it up. After marriage it could become difficult to complete your education due to children but it can be done. I see women/brothers do it all the time. But I feel when Allah blesses you with a pious brother/sister that opportunity might not come again. I am not saying marry the first brother that ask you either.

 

[a_brother]

:salam2:

bringing this thread back to life...LOL

current votes...

marriage or education firs?
sister, over 22 yrs old, school first 8 12.50%
sister, over 22 yrs old, marriage first 8 12.50%
sister, under 22 yrs old, school first 19 29.69%
sister, under 22 yrs old, marriage first 3 4.69%
brother, prefer young sister then her education 9 14.06%
brother, prefer educated (a bachelors degree) sister then young sister 17 26.56%

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