Marriage: The Quest for Love & Mercy

Discussion in 'Women, Family, and Marriage' started by ditta, Oct 14, 2010.

  1. ditta
    Offline

    ditta Alhamdu'Lillaah Staff Member

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2007
    Messages:
    2,797
    Likes Received:
    38
    Trophy Points:
    58
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    UK
    Ratings Received:
    +81 / 0
    Great punishment for taking away a woman’s mahr

    A woman’s mahr is a serious debt around a man’s neck. Thus, it is a major sin to take it away from her without her consent. Ibn ‘umar (radhiyAllaahu anhum) reported that Allah’s Messenger :saw: said:

    “Indeed, among the greatest sins before Allah is that of a man who marries a woman, and after he fulfils his need with her, he divorces her and takes her mahr; and a man who hires another man but does give him his pay; and a man who kills an animal without reason.”

    (al-Hakim and al-Bayhaqi. Verified to be hasan by al-Albani (Sahih-ul-Jami’ no. 1567 & as-Sahihah no. 999)

    This hadeeth also points to a situation that is common in some of the Western countries. Some Muslim men coming from other countries marry Western Muslim women for a slight mahr, enjoy them for a period of time, and often obtain through them citizenship in their countries. Once they have fulfilled their need from the, they divorce them with a clear conscience! Thus, they take advantage of their wives and, furthermore, underpay them their mahrs. They should fear Allah and remember that if they get by with such actions in this life, they will not do the same before Allah (subhaanahu wa ta’aala) on Judgement Day.
  2. ditta
    Offline

    ditta Alhamdu'Lillaah Staff Member

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2007
    Messages:
    2,797
    Likes Received:
    38
    Trophy Points:
    58
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    UK
    Ratings Received:
    +81 / 0
    Conditions

    Permissibility of Setting Conditions

    At the time of enacting the marriage contract, the two parties may wish to set conditions whose violation would invalidate the contract. This is permissible and acceptable, as long as the conditions do not violate any Islamic principles. The conditions are normally set by the wife’s side, because the husband can terminate the marriage by uttering the divorce and needs no conditions to facilitate that for him.

    ‘Uqbah bin Amir al-Juhani (radhiyAllaahu anh) reported that the Prophet :saw: said:

    “Indeed, the conditions that deserve to be fulfilled the most are those which allow you access to the women’s private parts (by marriage and relaions).”

    (al-Bukhari, Muslim and others)
  3. ditta
    Offline

    ditta Alhamdu'Lillaah Staff Member

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2007
    Messages:
    2,797
    Likes Received:
    38
    Trophy Points:
    58
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    UK
    Ratings Received:
    +81 / 0
    Power of the Conditions

    If the conditions are Islamically acceptable, they must be fulfilled, and violating them would be sufficient cause for the wife to terminate the marriage if she so desires.

    Al-Athram and ‘Abd-ur-Rahman bin Ghanam reported that a man married a woman and accepted her condition of wanting to stay in one house (i.e., town). Later on, he found it necessary to move to a different land, and his wife’s family disputed that with ‘Umar (radhiyAllaahu anh). ‘Umar said,

    “Her condition must be honoured.”

    The man objected,

    “This is unfair to the men. So whenever a woman wishes to divorce her husband she would do so!”

    And Umar replied:

    “The believers are required to maintain their conditions; and the rights cease where there are conditions to fulfil.”

    (Sa’id bin Mansur, Ibn Abi Shaybah, al-Bayhaqi. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Irwa’-ul-Ghalil no. 1893)
  4. ditta
    Offline

    ditta Alhamdu'Lillaah Staff Member

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2007
    Messages:
    2,797
    Likes Received:
    38
    Trophy Points:
    58
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    UK
    Ratings Received:
    +81 / 0
    Suspending a Condition

    On the other hand, a condition may be waived by the wife, as an act of benevolence or forgiveness. Also, the Islamic judge may suspend a condition if he finds that it violates an Islamic principle.

    It is interesting to note that, in another case, ‘Umar suspended the same condition that he passed in the above narration. That could be due to some difference that he saw in the overall situation of the families between the two cases, leading him to difference judgements (and Allah (subhaanahu wa ta’aala) knows best.

    Sa’id bin ‘Ubayd bin as-Sabbaq reported that a man who married during the time of ‘Umar allowed his wife a condition that he would not take her out (of her hometown). ‘Umar (radhiyAllaahu anh) relieved him of this condition and said:

    “A woman should be with her husband (i.e., wherever he moves).”

    (al-Bayhaqi. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Irwa’-ul-Ghalil no. 1893)

    Commenting on this, al-Bayhaqi (rahimahullaah) said:

    “This report is closer to the Book and Sunnah, and agrees with others sahabah’s (radhiyAllaahu anhum) opinion.”
  5. ditta
    Offline

    ditta Alhamdu'Lillaah Staff Member

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2007
    Messages:
    2,797
    Likes Received:
    38
    Trophy Points:
    58
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    UK
    Ratings Received:
    +81 / 0
    Void Conditions

    As indicated above, if some of the conditions violate the Islamic teachings, they are automatically considered null and void. ‘A’ishah and Ibn Abbas (radhiyAllaahu anhum) reported that the Messenger :saw: said:

    “Every condition not according to the Book of Allah is void, even if it be a hundred conditions.”

    (al-Bukhari, Muslim and others)

    As an example, Abu Hurayrah (radhiyAllaahu anh) reported that the Prophet :saw: said:

    “Let not a woman require (as condition for marriage) the divorce of her sister (in Islam) in order to take what is in her plate (of food) and marry (her husband). Indeed, she will only get what has been decreed for her.”

    (al-Bukhari and Abu Dawood)

    Umm Mubashhir al-Ansariyyah (radhiyAllaahu anhum) reported that after the death of her husband al-Bara’ bin Marur, Allah’s Messenger :saw: said to her:

    “Indeed, Zayd bin Harithah’s wife has passed away, and I would like to find a wife for him; so I choose you for him.”

    She was reluctant to accept and said,

    “I have promised my husband that I will not marry after him.”

    The Prophet :saw: replied,

    “This (condition) is not right.”

    Then he asked her,

    “Do you dislike him?”

    She said,

    “How can I dislike him when Allah has placed him at such a close position to you? It is only the extreme concern my late husband had for me. But, I will do whatever you say.”

    So the Prophet :saw: married her to Zayd and transferred her to live among his wives (That appears to be prior to the prohibition of adoption. Being the wife of his adopted son, the Prophet :saw: treated Umm Mubashshir like a daughter-in-law). When a goat was miled and the milk brought to the Prophet :saw:, he would first give it Umm Mubashshir to drink, before giving it to any of his wives. One day, the Prophet :saw: came into ‘A’ishah’s house while she was with her. He put his hand on ‘A’ishah’s knee and whispered something in her ear. She placed her hand over Allah’s Messenger :saw:, trying to push him away. Umm Mubashshir exclaimed,

    “How could you do this to Allah’s Messenger!”

    Allah’s Messenger :saw: laughed and said:

    “Leave her! She sometimes does this or even more than this.”

    (at-Tabarani and al-Bukhari (in at-Tarikh). Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (as-Sahihah no. 608)
  6. ditta
    Offline

    ditta Alhamdu'Lillaah Staff Member

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2007
    Messages:
    2,797
    Likes Received:
    38
    Trophy Points:
    58
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    UK
    Ratings Received:
    +81 / 0
    The Contract

    The Khutbah

    It is recommended for the person conducting the marriage ceremony to start with khutbat-ul-Hajah that was reported by Ibn Mas’ud and Jabir (RadhiyAllaahu anhum).


    Ijab and Qabul

    Ijab and qabul (offering and acceptance) are the main and actual pillars of the contract. They signify the mutual agreement and acceptance between the two parties to join in this marriage bond. Ijab and qabul must be stated in clear, well defined words, in one and the same sitting, and in the presence of the witnesses.

    The person conducting the ceremony may help the two parties say the following (or something to the same effect):
  7. ditta
    Offline

    ditta Alhamdu'Lillaah Staff Member

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2007
    Messages:
    2,797
    Likes Received:
    38
    Trophy Points:
    58
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    UK
    Ratings Received:
    +81 / 0
    The wali:

    “I offer you the women under my custody (so-and-so) according to Allah’s Law and His Messenger’s :saw: Sunnah, and for the mahr and conditions to which we have agreed.”


    The bridegroom:

    “I accept marrying the woman under your custody (so-and-so) according to Allah’s Law and His Messenger’s :saw: Sunnah, and for the mahr and conditions to which we have agreed.”

    The ijab and qabul must coincide in content. Any discrepancy between them would invalidate the contract. For example, if the wali says,

    “I give you so-and-so in marriage for a mahr of one-thousand.”

    And the bridegroom responds by saying, “I accept marrying so-and-so for a mahr of eight hundred.”

    The contract becomes immediately invalid.


    Writing the contract

    Documenting the marriage contract is not a requirement for the contract’s validity. However, it is important to document it for future reference and to preserve the rights of the husband and wife.


    Outcome of the Marriage Contract

    Once the marriage contract is executed, all rights and responsibilities for the two spouses, including the wife’s advanced mahr, become immediately due.
  8. ditta
    Offline

    ditta Alhamdu'Lillaah Staff Member

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2007
    Messages:
    2,797
    Likes Received:
    38
    Trophy Points:
    58
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    UK
    Ratings Received:
    +81 / 0
    The Walimah

    Definition and Ruling

    The walimah (or wedding feast) is a meal offered by the husband to the friends and family after the consummation of marriage.

    The walimah is wajib (obligatory) upon the husband. Buraydah bin al-Hasib (radhiyAllaahu anh) reported that when ‘Ali (radhiyAllaahu anh) married Fatimah, Allah’s Messenger :saw: said:

    “Indeed, a wedding (or a bridegroom) must have a walimah.”

    So Sa’d said,

    “I will bring a ram.”

    And another man said,

    “I will bring some corn.”

    (Ahmad and an-Nasa’i. Verified to be authentic by al-Albani (Sahih-ul-Jami’ no. 2419 & Adab uz-Zifaf pp. 144-145)

    When ‘Adb-ur-Rahman bin ‘Awf (radhiyAllaahu anh) migrated to al-Madinah, the Prophet :saw: made him brother –

    (In the early years of Hijrah, the Prophet :saw: paired the Muslims as brothers, with one of the pair from the Muhajirun and one from the Ansar. The Ansar, being the original residents of al-Madinah, were ready and willing to accommodate their brothers from Makkah who had left everything behing them when they made Hijrah.)

    - with Sa’d bin ar-Rabi al-Ansari. Sa’d told ‘Abd-ur-Rahman,

    “My brother! I am the wealthiest man of al-Madinah, so I will divide my wealth in half between us; and I have two wives while you, my brother, have none; so see which of them you prefer: I will divorce her for you to marry after she concludes her ‘iddah.”

    ‘Abd-ur-Rahman replied,

    “By Allah no! May Allah bless your family and wealth for you. Just show me the way to the market.”

    Thus, he went to the market, traded, and soon made profit and brought home some aqit (dried yoghurt) and butter.

    A while after that, the Prophet :saw: ‘Abd-ur-Rahman wearing yellowish garments (which were commonly worn by the newly-wed). He :saw: asked,

    “What has happened.”

    He replied,

    “I have married a woman from the Ansar.”

    He :saw: asked him,

    “What did you give her (As mahr)?”

    He replied,

    “A date stone’s weight of gold.”

    The Prophet :saw: then said:

    “May Allah bless it for you. Offer a walimah – even if it be with only one goat.”

    ‘Abd-ur-Rahman later said,

    “It then came to that, should I raise a stone, I would expect to find gold or silver underneath it (by virtue of the Prophet’s :saw: supplication).”

    And Anas (radhiyAllaahu anh), the narrator of this hadeeth, concluded,

    “After ‘Abd-ur-Rahman passed away, each one of his wives got a share of one-hundred-thousand dinars.”

    (al-Bukhari, Muslim and others)
  9. ditta
    Offline

    ditta Alhamdu'Lillaah Staff Member

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2007
    Messages:
    2,797
    Likes Received:
    38
    Trophy Points:
    58
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    UK
    Ratings Received:
    +81 / 0
    Regulations and Recommendations

    The following additional regulations apply to the walimah:


    The Walimah’s Time


    Following the Prophet’s :saw: practice, the walimah should normally be held on the wedding night or within the first three days following it.

    Anas reported:

    “Allah’s Messenger :saw: once consummated his marriage with one of his wives, so he sent me and I invited some men for food.”

    (al-Bukhari and al-Bayhaqi)

    Anas also reported:

    “When the Prophet :saw: married Safiyyah, her freedom was her mahr. And he held the walimah for three days.”

    (Abu Ya’la. Verified to be hasan by al-Albani (Adab uz-Zifaf p.146)

    In a similar report, Anas said:

    “The Prophet :saw: camped between Khaybar and al-Madinah for three nights, consummating his marriage with Safiyyah. I invited the Muslims to his walimah, which had no bread or meat. Leather sheets were spread on the ground. Dates and aqit (dried yoghurt) and butter were tossed over them, and the people ate their fill.”

    (al-Bukhari, Muslim and others)

    And Anas reported:

    “When Allah’s Messenger :saw: had his wedding with Zaynab, he offered a walimah in which the Muslims ate their fill of bread and meat. Then (in the morning) he went out to the Mothers of the Believers, gave them salam, and supplicated for them. In return, they gave him salam and supplicated for him. This was his practice on the morning following his wedding.”

    (an-Nasa’i and Ibn Sa’d. Verified to be authentic al-Albani (Adab uz-Zifaf pp. 137-138)
  10. ditta
    Offline

    ditta Alhamdu'Lillaah Staff Member

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2007
    Messages:
    2,797
    Likes Received:
    38
    Trophy Points:
    58
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    UK
    Ratings Received:
    +81 / 0
    Types of Food

    We conclude from the above reports about ‘Ali and ‘Abd-ur-Rahman bin ‘Awf that it is recommended to include meat in a walimah, with a minimum of one sheep or goat – if that be affordable.

    Anas reported:

    “I never saw Allah’s Messenger :saw: offer as much food in any of his wives’s walimahs as he did in Zaynab’s. He slaughtered a goat and fed the people bread and meat until they were full.”

    (al-Bukhari, Muslim and others)

    However, meat is not a condition for a walimah. We saw above that the Prophet’s :saw: walimah when he married Safiyyah did not include any meat.
  11. ditta
    Offline

    ditta Alhamdu'Lillaah Staff Member

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2007
    Messages:
    2,797
    Likes Received:
    38
    Trophy Points:
    58
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    UK
    Ratings Received:
    +81 / 0
    Helping with the Cost

    The walimah is the husband’s obligation. However, it is permissible for other Muslims to help him in its cost or preparation. We have seen above that a number of Muslims helped ‘Ali in preparing his walimah.

    Similarly, giving additional details of the Prophet’s :saw: marriage with Safiyyah (radhiyAllaahu anha). Anas (radhiyAllaahu anh) reported that during the trip back to al-Madinah. Umm Sulaym prepared Safiyyah for the Prophet :saw: and presented her to him during the night. On the morning following his consummation of the marriage, he :saw: said:

    “Anyone who has extra provision, bring it to us.”

    Thus, people brought aqit, dates and butter, and made hays (name of a dish) with them, and everyone ate of that hays and drank from rain water that gathered in basins next to them.”

    (al-Bukhari, Muslim and others)
  12. ditta
    Offline

    ditta Alhamdu'Lillaah Staff Member

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2007
    Messages:
    2,797
    Likes Received:
    38
    Trophy Points:
    58
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    UK
    Ratings Received:
    +81 / 0
    Whom to Invite

    A newly wed should invite to the walimah his Muslim relatives, friends, and acquaintances, especially the righteous among them. Abu Sa’id al-Khudri (radhiyAllaahu anh) reported that Allah’s Messenger :saw: said:

    “Do not accompany except a believer, and do not feed your food except to a pious person.

    Sinful individuals and non-Muslims should largely be excluded from the invitation – unless there is an important benefit in inviting them, such as exposing them to da’wah, provided that their presence would not influence the attendees in a negative way.

    In inviting to a walimah, there should not be a discussion between the poor and rich. Abu Hurayrah (radhiyAllaahu anh) reported that the Messenger :saw: said:

    “The worst food is that of a walimah to which rich are invited but the poor are not. And he who rejects the invitation (to a walimah) has surely disobeyed Allah and His Messenger.”

    (Muslim and others from Abu Hurayrah, Ibn ‘Abbas and Ibn ‘Umar, Some of the reports in al-Bukhari and Muslim indicate that this is mawquf, being the saying of Abu Hurayrah. But other authentic reports prove that it is stated by the Prophet :saw: (see Irwa’-ul-Ghalil no. 1947 and as-Sahihah no. 1085)

    In another report from Abu Hurayrah, Allah’s Messenger :saw: said:

    “The worst of food is that of a walimah to which those who come (because of hunger) are turned away, and those who are invited do not wish to attend (because they have no need for food). And he who does not answer the invitation (to a walimah) has surely disobeyed Allah and His Messenger.

    (al-Bukhari, Muslim and others)
  13. ditta
    Offline

    ditta Alhamdu'Lillaah Staff Member

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2007
    Messages:
    2,797
    Likes Received:
    38
    Trophy Points:
    58
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    UK
    Ratings Received:
    +81 / 0
    End.

    As-salaamu'Alaykum,

    Alhamdu'lillaah. I hope this helps anyone who was unsure regarding the 'main' parts of marriage.

    Below will include advice to the youth from Shaykh Saalih al-Fawzaan (hafithahullaah) and after that I will post some beneficial question and answers, Insha'Allaah.

    Wa-alaykum-us-Salaam.
  14. ditta
    Offline

    ditta Alhamdu'Lillaah Staff Member

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2007
    Messages:
    2,797
    Likes Received:
    38
    Trophy Points:
    58
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    UK
    Ratings Received:
    +81 / 0
    Youth and Marriage

    From among the problems facing the adolescent is that they abstain from marriage. This is a big problem. The youth abstaining from matrimony produced serious harm and no one knows the outcome except Allah. They use the following alleged reasons for abstaining from matrimony.

    1) Getting married at an early age diverts from studying and getting prepared for the future.

    2) Getting married at an early age burdens the youth with the responsibilities of providing for his wife and children.

    3) The most dangerous reason for the youth turning away from marriage is the obstacles which are placed in the path towards marriage such as extravagant celebrations. And at times youth cannot afford the expense of these celebrations.

    In my opinion this is the biggest reason why these adolescents do not get married. The remedy for this problem is very simply if we correct our intentions.

    First, it should be explained to the youth that the merits, superiority, and blessings that lie within marriage outweigh the obstacles and difficulties we previously mentioned. There is not anything in this Dunya except there is trade off. I am not saying that marriage is easy and that there are not any difficulties or hardships. There are difficulties and problems in marriage however; the benefits of marriage outweigh the problems and difficulties that occur. Consequently, these virtues make those difficulties and hardships forgotten. The benefits of marriage should be explained to the youth until their desire it. Marriage helps people protect their private parts and lower their gaze.

    The statement of the Prophet :saw: points to this,

    “O young men, those of you who can support a wife should marry, verily matrimony controls the gaze and protects the private parts. And whoever among cannot afford to marry should fast.”

    (al-Bukhari in his Saheeh (#1905, 5065), Muslim in his Saheeh (#1400))

    The Prophet :saw: specifically instructed the youth to take part in marriage, because they are prepared for it and have the ability.

    It is appropriate for the youth to get married at an early age if he or she has the ability and means to do so. Praise is to Allah-currently this is predominately the case. There isn’t any excuse for the youth to leave off getting married. The Prophet :saw: explained the merits of getting married at a young age. Matrimony protects the private parts, because the private part is very dangerous if unguarded.

    Allah (subhaanahu wa ta’aala) says:

    “And those who guard their chastity (i.e., private parts from illegal sexual acts). Except with their wives and the (woman slaves) whom their right hands possess – for (then) they are not blameworthy.”

    (Surah al-Ma’arij: 29-30)

    Matrimony protects the private parts. This is to say that marriage safeguards a person from a great evil. Marriage protects that organ and lovers the gaze. If the youth gets married he will be delighted. He would not be looking here or there at women or at what Allah has prohibited. As a result, Allah saved this person from the haraam by giving him the halaal. By Allah’s bounty this person was saved from adultery and fornication.
    Second, Marriage helps a person to attain tranquility and ease.

    Allah says:

    “And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in the, and He has put between you affection and mercy.”

    (Surah ar-Rum: 21)

    Whenever the youth gets married his soul is relived from agitation, anxiety and he has a peace of mind.

    “That you may find repose in them.”

    (Surah al-Furqan: 74)

    Verily, the matrimony of this youth is among the reasons for his tranquility and serenity. Accordingly, matrimony is a reason which numerous blessings spring from.
  15. ditta
    Offline

    ditta Alhamdu'Lillaah Staff Member

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2007
    Messages:
    2,797
    Likes Received:
    38
    Trophy Points:
    58
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    UK
    Ratings Received:
    +81 / 0
    Matrimony at an early age and its benefits.

    From among the benefits of getting married at an early age is the obtaining of children, which make the youth delighted at their presence.

    Allah says:

    “And those who say: “Our Lord! Bestow on us from our wives and our offspring the comfort of our eyes.”

    (Surah al-Furqan, 74)

    Wives and children are a delight; Allah promised that marriage brings about pleasure. This pleasure encourages and persuades the youth to take an interest in matrimony.

    This is also similar to how Allah mentioned that children are a share of this world’s beauty.

    “Wealth and children are the adornment of the life of this world.”

    (Saheeh Hadeeth, Abu Dawood, an-Nasa'i and others)

    Therefore, this world is adorned by children. The human being seeks out adornment the same ways he tries to obtain wealth. Similarly, he craves for children, because they are equal to wealth in their existence. This is in this world. Then in the hereafter righteous children can benefit their fathers as the Prophet :saw: said:

    “Whenever the son of Adam dies his actions stop except three: Knowledge that benefits people, a recurring charity, and a righteous child that supplicates for his parent.”

    (Muslim (# 1631), on the authority of Abu Hurayrah))

    The second benefit of matrimony at an early age is that it produces children increasing the Muslim Ummah and Islamic society. The Prophet :saw: said:

    “Marry the loving and fertile, for verily I want to have the largest Ummah on the Day of Resurrection.”

    (Abu Dawood in his Sunan (#2050), an-Nasa’i in his Sunan as-Sughara (#3227) and others (Graded saheeh by al-Albani in his checking of Abu Dawood))

    Great blessing result from marriage. From among them are the ones we previously mentioned. So if these virtues and blessings are explained to the adolescents, then the fallacious problems that hinder people from getting married will disappear.

    As for the saying that, getting married at an early age diverts from gaining knowledge and from studying, this is not the case. Rather, the opposite of this is correct because tranquility, peace of mind, and pleasure never cease to be obtained through marriage. These things help the student to reach his goal because, he has peace of mind, and his thoughts are not cluttered due to discomfort and this helps him study.

    Now on the other hand abstaining from marriage in reality blocks whatever knowledge he wants to attain, because it is not possible to acquire knowledge in a state of confusion anxiety. However, if he gets married his mind is at rest and his soul is at ease. He gets a house to take as a shelter and a wife who relaxes and helps him. These things help him to attain knowledge.

    If Allah makes it easy and this marriage becomes a source of comfort to

    become a relationship, then this is from among the things which make it easy for the student to pursue knowledge. Matrimony does not block the path to knowledge as some believe. For that reason having children is an enormous blessing in this life and in the next.

    "As for the statement that marriage at an early age burdens the adolescent to supply provisions for his children, wife and other responsibilities, this also is not correct. Along with marriage comes blessings and well-being. Matrimony is obedience to Allah and His Messenger :saw: and there is good in every act of obedience. So if the youth gets married following the orders of the Prophet :saw: by seeking the blessings that have been promised with the correct intentions, then this marriage will be a reason for his blessings. The provisions are in the hands of Allah.

    Allah states:


    "And no moving (living) creature is there on earth but its provision is due from Allah."

    (Qur'aan, 11: 6)

    Consequently, if Allah makes it easy for you to get married then He will make providing for your children easy.


    "We provide sustenance for you and for them."

    (Qur'aan, al-An'am: 151)

    Marriage does not burden the young man above his ability as some of the people think. Marriage brings benefits and blessings. Matrimony is a necessary Sunnah of Allah for the human-being. Matrimony is not a horrible nightmare. It is only a door from the doors of righteousness for the person with the correct intention.

    As for the excuses about the obstacles placed in the path to marriage then this is from their evil behaviour. Marriage in itself does not require such things as a plump dowry, parties which amount to more than required or other expenses with no authority from Allah. Rather, what is required is a wedding with ease.

    Hence, it is a duty to clarify to the people that these extravagances placed in the path to a wedding bring about evil consequences for their sons and daughters. These extravagances are not from their well-being. Therefore, it is a must to remedy these problems, so that matrimony can return to its ease and convenience.

    We ask Allah the Glorious and Most High to grant us safety of success, guidance and to rectify the condition of all of us. We ask Allah to rectify the Muslim youth and to return the Muslims to their rank and honour the same way Allah gave the Muslims honour before. We ask Allah to return this honour and to rectify the Muslim state.

    Allah says:

    But honour, power and glory belong to Allah, His Messenger (Muhammad :saw:) and to the believers, but the hypocrites know not.”

    (Surah al-Munafiqun: 8)

    We ask Allah to give the Muslims insight in their religion and to protect them from the evil of their enemies. Peace and blessings be upon the Prophet, his family and all his companions. Praise be to Allah.
  16. ditta
    Offline

    ditta Alhamdu'Lillaah Staff Member

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2007
    Messages:
    2,797
    Likes Received:
    38
    Trophy Points:
    58
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    UK
    Ratings Received:
    +81 / 0
    The suitable age for marriage

    Question

    What is the suitable age for marriage for men and women, because some young women do not accept marriage from those who are older than them? Likewise, some men do not marry women who are older than them. We request a response and may Allah reward you with goodness.

    Answer

    I advise young women not to refuse marriage from a man due to his age, such as his being then, twenty or thirty years older than her. This is not a reason, because the Prophet :saw: married ‘A’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, when he was fifty-three years old and she was a girl of nine years old. So being older does not harm. There is no sin in the woman being older, nor any sin in the man being older, because the Prophet :saw: married Khadijah, may Allah be pleased with her, when she was forty years old and he was twenty-five years old, before the Revelation came to him :saw:; that is, she, may Allah be pleased with her, was fifteen years older than him. Then he married ‘A’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, when she was small – six or seven years old and he consummated the marriage with her when she was nine years old and he was fifty-three years old.

    Many of those who speak on the radio or the television deter people from marriage between men and women of differing ages – this is all wrong and saying such things is not permissible for them. It is obligatory for a woman to look at the (prospective) husband, and if he is righteous and suitable, she should agree, even if he is older than her. Similarly, a man should devote himself to finding a righteous, religious woman, even if she is older than him, if she is still young and still fertile. In short, the age should not be an excuse and it should not be considered something shameful, as long as the man is righteous and the woman is righteous. May Allah reform the situation of us all.

    Ibn Baz (Rahimahullaah)

    (Source: Fatawa Islamiyah Volume 5, Marriage)
  17. ditta
    Offline

    ditta Alhamdu'Lillaah Staff Member

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2007
    Messages:
    2,797
    Likes Received:
    38
    Trophy Points:
    58
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    UK
    Ratings Received:
    +81 / 0
    Marrying Those Not Closely Related is Better

    Question

    I was approached by one of my kin, but I have heard that marriage to those not closely related is better for the future of the children and other reasons. What is your opinion on this?

    Answer

    This rule has been mentioned by some scholars. They pointed to what has been mentioned regarding the fact that heredity has an influence. There is not doubt that heredity does have an influence in the creation of man and his physical makeup. This is why, when a man came to the Prophet :saw: and said: “O Messenger of Allah! My wife has given birth to a black boy.” He was suggesting regarding this woman: “How can the boy be black, when both his parents are white.”

    The Messenger of Allah :saw: said to him:

    “Do you have any camels.”

    He said,

    “Yes.”

    The Prophet :saw: said:

    “What are their colours.”

    He said,

    “Red.”

    The Prophet :saw: said:

    “Are there any among them that are brown.”

    He said:

    “Yes.”

    The Prophet :saw: said:

    “So from where did they get this?”

    The man said:

    “Perhaps they inherited it.”

    The Prophet :saw: said:

    “(Likewise,) perhaps this son of yours inherited it.”

    (Al-Bukhari no. 5305 and Muslim no. 1500)

    This proves that heredity has an influence and there is no doubt in this. But the Prophet :saw: said:

    “You marry women for four reasons: her wealth, her nobility, her beauty and her religion. So try to get one who is religious, may your hand be covered with dust.”

    (Al-Bukhari no. 5090 and Muslim no. 1466)

    So the starting point in proposing to a woman is to look at her religion, and the more religious and the more beautiful she is, the more suitable she is, whether she be a close relative or distant. This is because the religious wife protects him regarding his property, his children and his house and the beautiful fulfils his needs and diverts his gaze, so that he does not look at anyone else with her. And Allah knows best.

    Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (rahimahullaah)
  18. ditta
    Offline

    ditta Alhamdu'Lillaah Staff Member

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2007
    Messages:
    2,797
    Likes Received:
    38
    Trophy Points:
    58
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    UK
    Ratings Received:
    +81 / 0
    Marriage First

    Question

    There is a widespread custom of a young woman or her father refusing those who propose to her until she has completed her high school or university education, or so that she may study for a number of years. What is the ruling on that? And what is your advice to those who do so, so that the young women might reach the age of thirty or more without marrying?

    Answer

    My advice to all young men and women is to marry without delay and to hasten to it, if conditions permit, as the Prophet :saw: said:

    “O you young men! Those among you who have the means and the ability should marry, because it restrains the eyes (from evil glances) and preserves the private parts (from immorality). And whoever is unable to do so, should fast because it is a protection for him.”

    (Al-Bukhari no. 5066 and Muslim no. 1400)

    And he :saw: said:

    “If one whose religion and character pleases you proposes to you, then marry (your daughter to) him. If you do not do so, it will be a cause of trial in the land and great corruption.”


    (At-Tirmidhi no. 1084)

    Narrated by at-Tirmidhi with a Hasan chain of narrators.

    And he :saw: said:

    “Marry productive, lowing women, because I will have the largest number of followers on the Day of Resurrection.”

    (Abu Dawood no. 2050, An-Nasa’i no. 3229, Ahmad 3/158, 245 and Ibn Hibban no. 4028)

    It is also necessary due to the many benefits indicated by the Prophet :saw:, such as averting one’s gaze, protecting the private parts (from sin), increasing the size of the Muslim community, and safety from great corruption and evil consequences. May Allah grant all of the Muslims success in attaining that wherein lies righteousness in the matter of their religion and their earthly life. Verily, He is All-hearing, Near.

    Ibn Baz (rahimahullaah)
  19. ditta
    Offline

    ditta Alhamdu'Lillaah Staff Member

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2007
    Messages:
    2,797
    Likes Received:
    38
    Trophy Points:
    58
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    UK
    Ratings Received:
    +81 / 0
    Same as above

    Answer

    The ruling on that is that it is contrary to the order of the Prophet :saw: because the Prophet :saw: said:

    “If one whose religion and character pleases you proposes to you, then marry (your daughter to) him.”

    (At-Tirmidhi no. 1084)

    And he :saw: said:

    “O you young men! Those among you who have the means and the ability should marry, because it restrains the eyes (from evil glances) and preserves the private parts (from immorality).”

    (Al-Bukhari no. 5066 and Muslim no. 1400)

    Refusing marriage causes loss of the benefits of marriage, so my advice to my Muslim brothers who are guardians of women and to my adult Muslim sisters is not to refuse marriage in order to complete their education or teaching. However, it is possible for a woman to make it a condition of marriage that she be allowed to continue her studies until she has completed them, and likewise to continue to teach for a year or two, as long as she is not busy with children and there is no objection to this.

    Although the idea of a woman progressing in university studies in subjects for which there is no need should be examined. I consider that if a woman has completed primary school level and is able to read and write sufficiently well to benefit from this knowledge in reading the Book of Allah, its explanation and recitation and the Hadiths of the Prophet :saw: and their explanation, then that is enough. Unless she is studying knowledge which is essential for the people, such as medicine and the like – as long as there is nothing dangerous, such as mixing or other things.

    Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (rahimahullaah)
  20. ditta
    Offline

    ditta Alhamdu'Lillaah Staff Member

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2007
    Messages:
    2,797
    Likes Received:
    38
    Trophy Points:
    58
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    UK
    Ratings Received:
    +81 / 0
    The Ruling on Being Disinclined to Marry for the Purpose of Devoting Oneself to Allah

    Question

    Some young men excuse their reluctance to marry on the fact that it interferes with their worship and their devotion to Allah. What is your comment on this?

    Answer

    Our comment on this excuse is that it is weak; indeed, it is dead, because the Prophet :saw: rejected refusal of marriage in order to devote oneself to Allah for those of the Companions who wanted to do it and he said:

    “I fast and I break my fast; I stand (in the night prayer) and I sleep; and I marry women, so whoever disliked my Sunnah is not from me.”

    (Al-Bukhari no. 5063, Muslim no. 1401 and Ahmad 3/259)

    Those people should know that marriage is a form of worship; indeed it is one of the best forms of worship, so much so that, some of the scholars – may Allah have mercy on them – have declared that marriage with desire is better than supererogatory acts of worship.

    Many of the scholars have declared that it is an obligation – that is,
    marriage – and there is no doubt that the reward of the obligatory deed is greater than the reward of the preferred deed and the obligatory deed is more loved by Allah than the supererogatory, as Allah, Most High says, in the Hadeeth Qudsi:

    “My servant does not come nearer to Me by anything more beloved to Me than those acts which I have enjoined upon him. And My servant continues to draw closer to Me by supererogatory acts until I love him.”

    (Al-Bukhari no. 6502 and al-Bayhaqi no. 346)

    In this Hadeeth there is evidence that Allah, Most High loves obligatory acts more than He loves the supererogatory.

    So we advise these young men who use this weak excuse – or rather, this dead excuse – to fear Allah, the Almighty, the All-Powerful and to marry, in obedience to the command of the Messenger of Allah :saw: and following his Sunnah and the Sunnah of his brother among the Messengers, peace be upon them, and in order to increase the numbers in the Muslim community, and so that Allah may benefit it through them.

    Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (rahimahullaah)

Share This Page