My Husband Lied to me all 5 years of marriage of his illicit affair.

Discussion in 'Women, Family, and Marriage' started by tashu, Dec 24, 2015.

  1. tashu
    Pensive
    Offline

    tashu Member

    Joined:
    Dec 24, 2015
    Messages:
    6
    Likes Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    13
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    India
    Ratings Received:
    +2 / 0
    Assalamu Alaikum,

    Here is my tale and a question what am doing is right or not..
    I have been married to a guy from past 5 years, when i got married he was not so religiously where in i was . After few months there was sudden change in him and Masha allah he followed every sunat. But there was an constant nagging from him that i do not perform a wife duties and used to verbally abuse me and my parents for it. I had a baby boy until than so i quietly took all his abuses and tried my best to fulfill all his wishes.
    His parents than started interfering into our personal lives, the more was from my father-in law which annoyed me a lot. On complaining this to my husband i got lame excuses stating we need to obey them specially i take orders of my Father in -law of trivial things like visiting my parents place i had to ask permission to my father in law rather than my Husband. Since we stayed in a joint family, i requested my husband to make a separate house since the interference of their parents was creating trouble in our marriage. In all this while i was unaware that my Husband had liked another girl before marriage and wanted to marry her, but due to his parents denial he married me. After a huge fight when i was away from him for few days, he conveyed he wants to marry the same girl whom he loved before our marriage bringing out the truth/ shock of my life that he was in constant touch with her all through this years over call and meeting her occasionally.
    Recently we moved out of my In laws house and as soon as we shifted into our new home withing 2 months My husband married that lady without my knowledge, he started avoiding both me and my 4 year old kid, on asking always said of work pressure. After almost 2 months we found out that he has entered into second marriage, betrayed me by lying me all 5 years about his illicit relationship. This has put me into a lot depression and i felt i have been cheated by his lies all these years. I was hurt a lot so i felt i should not continue to stay with him and decided to divorce him by way of Khula , thinking let he be happy with the lady he has married.
    its been 7 months am staying with my parents and my khula is pending.
    My question is am doing it correct?
    i did contact many imams with this regard, and may said i should not divorce him since its halal and according to Sharia he having second wife is lawful.
    Am confused please guide me.
  2. Haimi
    Spaced
    Offline

    Haimi Junior Member

    Joined:
    Dec 7, 2015
    Messages:
    141
    Likes Received:
    12
    Trophy Points:
    28
    Gender:
    Male
    Ratings Received:
    +31 / 0
    Assalamo aleykom. Im a shia from iran so im gonna answer you by my opinion. If you want to leave him then do it quick before your child grows up. If he had touching relationship with the woman especially if it was something like *Zena* (Astaghferollah)* then i recommend an immediate divorce. Try to read chapter(sora) Nisa & noor from quran. Think alot and after that talk again with an imam then decide.
    Atm I'm gonna talk with an expert man from the religion to check it too for you.
    Regard-Hamid
    • Like Like x 1
  3. Arfatzafar
    Offline

    Arfatzafar Junior Member

    Joined:
    Mar 15, 2014
    Messages:
    46
    Likes Received:
    5
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Male
    Ratings Received:
    +13 / 0
    It's very difficult situation for you. May Allah swt ease and make your life happy. Ameen

    sister, yes, a man can do second marriage but it's the matter of yours and your baby's life. O.k. he's cheated you. But What you want? You can't change him. It'll also be bad if he divorces his second wife.
    Do you want khula?, you can get it but what will be of your son? If you wish to remarry then get divorce or if you think that your son will be deprived of his father then take some time to ponder before you take your final decision.

    Consult your parents and other elders.
    Do istkhara. That will be helpful.
    • Like Like x 1
    • Ma sha Allah! Ma sha Allah! x 1
  4. Haimi
    Spaced
    Offline

    Haimi Junior Member

    Joined:
    Dec 7, 2015
    Messages:
    141
    Likes Received:
    12
    Trophy Points:
    28
    Gender:
    Male
    Ratings Received:
    +31 / 0
    Istakhara will be helpful when you don't have any option. Thinking is much important. Talk with an imam and lawyer about divorced women and challenges they had in a life. As i knew its very bad if a husband get a marriag like this. GOD Im really sorry to see what you're going through. Sad story sadly.but remember tavvakol. Count on allah. Then think deeply without any emotion. No revenge, angry etc. Think Freely.
    Last edited: Dec 25, 2015
    • Like Like x 1
  5. tashu
    Pensive
    Offline

    tashu Member

    Joined:
    Dec 24, 2015
    Messages:
    6
    Likes Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    13
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    India
    Ratings Received:
    +2 / 0
    Walaikum assalam..
    Shukriya sister for your replies, i have spoken to a imam and they all suggest have patience and continue your life with your husband. I never had a problem if he had once told the truth , the lies wat he has told me all 5 years i feel cheated and i feel the feelings what he showed to me were all fake
  6. Haimi
    Spaced
    Offline

    Haimi Junior Member

    Joined:
    Dec 7, 2015
    Messages:
    141
    Likes Received:
    12
    Trophy Points:
    28
    Gender:
    Male
    Ratings Received:
    +31 / 0
    I'm not sister but a brother btw. I'm suggesting too but becareful. The last decision is yours. That's why we have divorce in islam. If you follow allah order in everything then you obeyed your god, so what's the matter? Take Big steps but be careful.
    Enshallah you will step in a right footstep. God bless you sister.
  7. Abu Juwairiya
    Artistic
    Offline

    Abu Juwairiya Junior Member

    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2013
    Messages:
    13,809
    Likes Received:
    561
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Male
    Ratings Received:
    +1,051 / 9
    Sister. You should see things from a few different perspectives; from a personal perspective; if you think the marriage can work, can you trust him, do you have anything in your heart for him and last do you think he will change for the better. After this the family perspective; how staying married, separation or divorce will affect things, not just between your husband and you but also your son. Here you also consult your parents and other relatives. Next the religious perspective; by this I don't mean the spiritual side comes third but in a psychological manner some of us tend to think this way without realising it. Here you have to see if by being married to him you are likely to be with high Iman or not.

    As others have said, consult Allah through Istikhara, make dua to help and guide you and give you what is best in both duniyas and remain loyal and steadfast in your devotion to Allah. Do your own research as well on what your options are and don't be afraid of asking scholars and learned people in religion online.
    • Like Like x 1
  8. tashu
    Pensive
    Offline

    tashu Member

    Joined:
    Dec 24, 2015
    Messages:
    6
    Likes Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    13
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    India
    Ratings Received:
    +2 / 0
    Salam,
    Sorry i did not see your profile before replying.. the decision is taken i am divorcing him by way of khula. Insha allah it will happen soon. I just pray for more patience to move ahead in my life.
    • Like Like x 1
  9. tashu
    Pensive
    Offline

    tashu Member

    Joined:
    Dec 24, 2015
    Messages:
    6
    Likes Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    13
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    India
    Ratings Received:
    +2 / 0
    Salam,
    The trust is what i have lost. i just cannot get it back. thanks for your concern sister, but i have decided to divorce him by way of khula. i just hope all things go well.
  10. Abu Juwairiya
    Artistic
    Offline

    Abu Juwairiya Junior Member

    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2013
    Messages:
    13,809
    Likes Received:
    561
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Male
    Ratings Received:
    +1,051 / 9
    By the way, I am also a brother, but no worries anyway.

    May Allah make things easy for you, continue to guide you, keep you on the straight path and allow you to retain your dignity and preserve your honour. I will make dua for you and inshallah with Allah's Protection, you will have a better and brighter future with promising prospects for whatever you set your mind to and a higher and more rejuvenating life and career in both Duniyas. I wish you well sister.
  11. Raja524
    sunnah
    Offline

    Raja524 Member

    Joined:
    Jan 8, 2016
    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    11
    Gender:
    Female
    Ratings Received:
    +0 / 0
    Once the trust is gone the whole entire relationship is is over. No matter how much he or she claims to want to change the lies continue. And even if he is on the straight and arrow ur gonna always have in the back of your mind that he cheating and lying
  12. tashu
    Pensive
    Offline

    tashu Member

    Joined:
    Dec 24, 2015
    Messages:
    6
    Likes Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    13
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    India
    Ratings Received:
    +2 / 0

    Shukriya Brother!
    • Like Like x 1

Share This Page