when i wasnt a practicing muslim, i did alot of sins and angered Allah.
When i pray i feel ashamed infront of Allah, how could i sin knowing allah was there?
I changed myself. I tried so hard...everyday is a struggle for me to not go back to my old ways and keep striving for the sake of allah.
today my mom told me what my grandma said. My grandma is telling my whole family that i "like" my cousin. and that i gave out signs that i like him. eventhough he is younger than me and lives far away. she told everyone that i am bringing dishonor and if i want to marry himi should just tell them.
it is my fault because in my jahalia i wasnt a good muslim. and i spoke to men not in the proper way. but i never liked my cousin. he was always as a little brother to me. but i see my mistake and i see how i ust behave with the opposite gender.
my mom said my grandma has a reason to say that because she knows of all that i ddi in my jahalia and she blames me and tells me that i am too "free with men"
i know ive changed but my past mistakes face me everyday. my mom said that ecause of th emistakes i made not even a dog would marry me now.
i know she doesnt mean it but it hurt alot. so i read quran beause i dont have anyone else to turn to. In surah yunus allah swt says
" and let no their speech greive you, for all power and honour belong to Allah. He is the all-hearer, the All-knower" Verse 65
I know deep down i have changed, but i still face my past everyday. no one is as merciful as Allah. How ca they say those things about me. My own family. No one is as merciful as Allah. Humans can never encompass the mercy Allah has. I know i made mistakes but i worship Allah and i try so hard to fullfill my obligation to Him. The only comfort i have in my life is the quran. My lords words.
Is Allah angry with me? Is that why He allows people to do this to me?
It feels like a dagger through my heart
assalamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi ukhti
Past is past, and as long as youve repented and you do not commit the same sins you have no reason to be sad. Allah swt knows whats in your heart and He knows your intentions, whatever your family says, even if it hurts, is not what you should take in account.
May I Allah give you a pious husband and make your family understand that past is past and that they have to get over it.
I hope this will help you inshaAllah
Repentance wipes out previous sins
Someone may say : I would like to repent, but what's the certainty that I'll be forgiven? I would like to change my ways but my mind is invaded by uncertainties. Were I to be sure of being forgiven surely I would repent. The Answer is, this thought is nothing new. It used to worry even the Companions of the Prophet , on whom be peace. Here are two instances.
The first is related by Imam Muslim, may Allah have mercy on him, the story of 'Amr b. al-'As . narrated by himself. Says he: "When Islam had taken root in my heart I went to the Prophet , on whom be peace, and said: 'Spread out your hand so that I may take pledge.' He thrust forward his right hand and I held it in mine (without taking the oath). He asked, 'What's the matter with you 'Amr?' I said, 'Well. I would like to make it conditional.' 'And what's the condition?' he asked. I said, 'That I be forgiven.' He said, 'Don't you know 'Amr that Islam wipes out previous sins... that hijrah wipes out previous sins... and that Hajj wipes out previous sins?' "
The second has also been preserved by Imam Muslim. He reports Ibn 'Abbas, may Allah be pleased with him, as saying that some people of the pagans had committed many murders and had indulged in excessive adultery in the days of ignorance (that is prior to the appearance of the Prophet ). They came to the Prophet and said: 'What you offer, and call us to is quite appealing. But if you could only let us know if there is the possibility of atonement for our previous sins'. Allah, glorified be He, then revealed the verse "(The true servants of Allah are those) who do not call upon another god with Allah, who do not slay the soul Allah has forbidden, save by right, and do not adulterate. And whosoever does that, he shall(surely) meet the price of sin." (Al-Furqan:68). Allah also revealed: "Tell them, O My slaves who have wronged their souls: 'Do not despair of Allah's mercy.' " (Al-Zumar:53).
Will Allah forgive me?
Sometimes a man asks: I would like to repent, but I have such a huge collection, and such a wide variety of evil deeds in my account that I do not know if Allah will forgive me.
Let me tell you in reply, my brother, that this is not your specific problem but that of many a young man who wants to repent his sins. Let me give you the example of a young man. He started his career of sin at a very early age. By the time he had reached seventeen years of his there was not a sin - major or minor - that he had not committed teeming up with people of all sorts - young and old. He had even committed indecencies with a little girl adding to the list of thefts committed on various occasions. Then he repented, began to do his tahajjud, fast every Monday and Thursday, and read the Qur'an after every morning Prayer. But, he used to ask, is this repentance acceptable (to Allah)?
Our Answer to him and to every sinner is that we should always turn to the Qur'an and sunnah to find out what they have to say about the problem at hand, and what is the cure and solution they offer. When we refer to the qur'an in this regard we find that Allah, glorified be He, tells us: "Tell them (O Muhammad ):
'O My slaves who have wronged their souls, do not despair of Allah's mercy, for Allah will forgive all the sins. He is indeed very Forgiving, very Compassionate, Turn to Him then, and obey Him (in all your affairs).'" (Al-Zumar:53,54). This then is the Answer which does not need further elucidation.
As for the thought that the sins are so numerous that Allah may not forgive them, it arises, first of all, from a lack of faith and knowledge of the magnitude of Allah's mercy. Secondly, it is because of the lack of appreciation of Allah's capability to forgive any number of sins. Thirdly, it indicates failure on the part of the penitent to come up with another important deed of the heart viz., "hope". And fourthly, it is lack of appreciation of the way in which repentance can wipe out sins. we shall therefore, discuss each of these points a little more in detail.
As for the first, it should be enough to quote Allah Himself who says: "My mercy has encompassed every thing." (Al-A'raf:56)
As for the second, a hadith qudsi should be enough to quote. Said the Prophet on whom be peace: "Says Allah, 'He who knows (and believes) that I forgive all sins, then I do forgive all his sins, and do not care - so long as he does not suggest partners unto Me." And the rule will be applied (continues the Prophet ) in the Hereafter."
As for the third,
another hadith should offer the cure. The Prophet quotes Allah as having said: "Son of Adam! If your sins were to reach the limits of the sky, and then you seek My forgiveness, I shall forgive you, and I do not care. Son of Adam! If you will bring sins equal in volume to the earth and then you meet Me (on the day of Judgment) in the state that you would not have suggested partners unto Me, I shall give you in return forgiveness equal to the volume of the earth."
And, as for the fourth, another hadith of the Prophet should be enough for the purpose. Said he:
"He who repented is like him who has no sin on him."
In addition, for the sake of every one who thinks that the forgiveness of his sins is a doubtful affair, we narrate the hadith that follows in the next section.
