New muslim here

Discussion in 'Women, Family, and Marriage' started by Amek133, Jan 4, 2016.

  1. Amek133
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    Amek133 Member

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    Salaam to all

    I am a 25 year old confused new muslim from Uk. My mum is english and dad is Pakistani. I was never raised as a muslim my dad is just mulim by name. Me and my two brothers were born before my parents got married.

    Throughout my life i have not practised any religion. I drink, have pre-marital relationships, party every weekend. However since last year i have been reading into my dads religion and have become a muslim.

    I am trying to bring change but it's extremely difficult. I have been in a relationship with a british pakistani for 6 years. My parents know about him as he quite regularly stays over at mine however his parents know of me and they dont approve. The reason for this is last year my boyfreinds mum and brother caught me and my boyfreibd having sex. He comes from a traditional pakistani family and they are against sex beforemarriage however me and my boyfriend have sex regularly as he mostly stays at mine. I have spoken to my boyfriend about this being haraam and that we should get married however he says his parents would never allow this. I told him a cuple of months ago no more sex until we got married however 3 days later we were in bed together. I have no muslim freinds my dad doesnt think im doing anything wrong and my boyfriend says we should carry on the wY we are.
    I am completely confused i dont know where to gonor who to turn to some help please


    Im happy to receive emails or private messages
  2. Mabsoot
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    Mabsoot Amir Staff Member

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    wa alaykum salam,

    Firstly congratulations on finding and accepting Islam. I see from your post that it is known to you that pre-marital sex is a sin in Islam, so I will not go further into this. It is something you do feel strongly about now, and it should be a decision respected by your boyfriend also. If you want to stay in the halal way then you would have to end the relationship. You need time to learn and develop your faith without being held back by anyone.

    People are always changing, as you grow into your faith, you may find that your boyfriend is not even the type of man you would want to marry. You would want someone who understands and even contributes to your Islamic spiritual growth. Furthermore, the relationship sounds complicated due to his parents not approving of you.

    I am glad you mentioned his parents having "traditional pakistani" values, rather than assigning any blame on Islam. Islam itself gives people chances. Anyone can fall into sin, but Allah through His mercy allows anyone to repent and turn a new leaf too. In sha Allah, over time you can move on and when the time is right marry someone (and a family) who accepts you for who you are now.
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  3. ibrahimbahmed
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    ibrahimbahmed Member

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    salam
    first of all let me tell you that what you are doing is totally HARAM.
    what you have to do is to read a lot about ISLAM.
    it contains so many things that makes the person feel so better .
    another thing is that you can have somemany friends who could tell you about this GREAT religion .
    take care
  4. a_stranger
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    a_stranger Junior Member

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    Dear Sister, Islam gives life a great meaning. Islam teaches us why we were created and what is the purpose of Life. Islam teaches Who created us, and what is his most noble perfect attributes. Islam purify hearts, souls , bodies by following the steps of the seal of prophets muhammad salla Allah alaihi wa sallam . Try to know who is your creator , read Quran with open heart, I am sure things will be better .
  5. zaman-gm
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    Wa alikum assalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh.

    Ma Sha Allah Sister to see you become a Muslim (i better to say you "return" as a Muslim). May Allah swt accept and protect your Iman.

    Dear sister don't be confused or feel lonely, you know Allah swt with you. He is the one who love his returned servant very much. And you must be glad to heard that what Allah swt says : “Say to those who have disbelieved, if they cease (from disbelief), their past will be forgiven. But if they return (thereto), then the examples of those (punished) before them have already preceded (as a warning)” Quran 8:38
    I think brother Mabsoot Amir have given good suggestion.

    Take your time, make Dua to Allah swt. And Stay with us.
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  6. Haimi
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    Haimi Junior Member

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    This is really sad. I really don't know what to say.
  7. Raja524
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    Of course he's gonna tell u to carry on just the way u are Uthki because he's getting what he wants. Once u decided to be Muslimah there are certain ways were supposed to live our lives. If anything he needs to be talking about marry u. If ur good enough to lay down with then ur good enough to put a ring on it. As long as u keep giving he gonna take it. So the question is what do u really want u the this deen or dick? If he married u u could have both a still be pleasing Allah. JS
  8. Haimi
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    Ou can tell your opinion without some word my dear sister!
  9. fauz62
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    dear sister

    i was like u. i had sexual relation b4 marriage but my then boyfriend agreed to marry me as muslim ( ie in d ways of islam). unfortunately i wasnt a practising muslim and my husband gave up halfway. we did not pray.

    only recently i hv returned to my religion. tho i hv learnt to pray in my younger days it was difficult to start doing d prayer. i re- learnt the prayers from youtube, bought books on prayers n slowly memorise verses fr quran.

    my husband wanted to leave islam. because of this we hv difficulty in our marriage. recently he had filed for divorce seeing dat i m becoming a stronger muslimah.

    i did not force or quarrel with him but continue in my prayers n seek Allah's help to restore my marriage. Alhamdulliah, he has retracted his wish to divorce me. but our union is still not perfect. Atleast he has accepted my wish to be a good muslim. i still continue to pray thst Allah would show mercy on him.


    my advice to u is as follows:

    1. make intention in your heart that u want to change and follow the path to Allah. Ask Allah to guide u in your action say "Bismillah hir Rahman nir Rahim". this is to ensure dat u r guided by Allah in what u are about to do. At this point if u don't know d proper prsyer, it is still ok. just communicate in your language.

    2. tell your boyfriend that you want to stop sexual relation but invite him to join u in your intention to return to Allah. if he refuse, do not force but be gentle and understanding. wat ever he say dont fight him. it will be sad but u need to be strong. he may leave u. [it is actually easier if he leave u cos now u would hv less distraction]. Remember, if he really loves u, he would return to u. you must resist his move for sex but otherwise be friendly in other actions. Ask him to respect you.

    3. start adopting d islamic ways of life. you can begin with your dressing. dress decently. if u cannot don d hijab, its ok.wear it wen u are ready for it n when your commitment level us higher.

    start small n slowly... always ask Allah for guidance. Dont worry about not knowing how to do d obligatory prayer yet. communicate with Allah constantly.

    4. Enroll into an islamic classes to learn abt islam n how to pray properly n read in arabic n quran.

    i could learnt my prayer from youtube as i had basic knowledge before. i used to play d online video of d prayer n just follow it ss i prayed

    its important to get used to d motion first. now i m able to perform d obligatory prayers n d sunnah prayers too. i learnt thru books n online.

    i taught my son d same way. he attended basic quran lesson in order to be able to read arabic n now he could read slowly. he follow the way of prayer from you tube. i m teaching him to read d quran.

    5. learn more about prophet Muhammad n his teachings. The prophet was all merciful n kind when he dealt with d disbelivers. Follow d prophet so you can better deal wit your boyfriend or your family.

    5. remember : Don't rush. learn d proper way to pray n d basic islamic knowledge. the important thing is u progress daily no matter how small it is.

    I wish you all the best and may Allah guide you in your quest.

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