please help.

[palestine]

asalamu alaykum wrwb, dear sisters and brothers in islam i know it's been a while since i got online. but today i need your advice more then ever. i'm having a few problems and i have tried ignoring them or at least being patient but that's not working. i feel that my family hates me, including my father and mother. everyone in my family keeps telling me that i'm the problem, and they blame me for everything that goes wrong. if i have an arguement with one of my siblings my parents automatically take their side becuase they're older than me. i feel unjustified. i know this seems like nothing but this has been going on for a while and i feel hated in my own home. when my parents are trying to talk to me they have to say it in a rude way that hurts me deep down. they take all their anger out on me. and everytime they're angry they tell me that i'm the problem, that their disappointed they had a daughter like me, and that they wish they could live and die somewhere else where i'm not. this breaks my heart and they throw around these words as if i have no feelings. i honestly am the best child they had because i always listen to them and do as they say and i try to respect them as much as possible. also i'm the one who helps my oldest sister with her children when none of the other siblings do this. every break i get and every single day after school i'm the one who asks my mom to rest and take over the chores in the family. yet again i'm the one they blame everything for. and another problem is that my father won't even let me have muslim white friends. and so i make my da'wah secretly otherwise i will be in trouble. please help me. asalamu alaykm

 

[palestine]

i have one question: are we allowed to hate our parents if they've never shown you any love at all, or one of the parents? while still respecting them but just not loving them inside your heart? asalamu alaykum wrwb.

 

[Roby Rahman]

Asalamualaikum

Sister, your parents love you. Dont forget that Allah said be kind to your parents multiple times in the Quran. Even though you feel as if your parents are mistreating you be patient and sohber. Your reward is with Allah SWT. All the negative thaughts which you are having are being stirred up by shaitan, so beware sister. And most importantly continue to make duah for your parents, yourself and the muslim ummah. Inshallah everything will be better.

 

[cmelbouzaidi]

:salam2: dear young sister, Palestine. I am so sorry you are having hard times at home. The teenage years (I think you are a teenager) are always hard for children and parents alike. Try to be as patient as you possibly can with Mum and Dad and don't raise your voice to them. Parents are just human beings like everyone else and we parents make mistakes. Sometimes, I believe that some parents don't actually realize how hurtful their words can be to the child who is shaping their character as they mature. My older sister caught the brunt of it in our house and I kind of slipped through the cracks un-noticed, which was perfect for me at the time, lol. Then again, I did not grow up Muslim.

However, something that I really love in Islam is the deep respect due to parents and we must abide by this. Do you think you could actually sit down with them to tell them how you're feeling in a respectful manner, that their words are crushing you somewhat?

 

[palestine]

Sister, your parents love you. Dont forget that Allah said be kind to your parents multiple times in the Quran. Even though you feel as if your parents are mistreating you be patient and sohber. Your reward is with Allah SWT. All the negative thaughts which you are having are being stirred up by shaitan, so beware sister. And most importantly continue to make duah for your parents, yourself and the muslim ummah. Inshallah everything will be better.

akhi i would think they loved me if they actually showed that to me. but they don't and i work so hard to please them and somehow i feel that no matter how good i am to them that i will end up in hell because they make things hard for me. and it really hurts to be living with an entire family who looks like they're against you. and when i tell them how i feel they all laugh at me acting as if humans don't even have feelings. and i know people go through harder things but i feel that my dad doesn't even love me at all, like ever. ever since i was young i was the one he blamed for anything that went wrong in the house. sticks and stones may break your bones but words can break your heart.

 

[Zaynab123]

salam sister palestine

i was gonna say be patient because i thought you were older than ur siblings. but to be honest parents always side with younger ones' and be againts the older ones'. it's wierd that they side with older ones'. maybe someday they will realize how good you are. make du'a to Allah subhana wata'ala. but remember sis you always must be good to them unless they are bieng againts Allah. i know you can be patient and you can keep up been always good to them so trust your self.



wasalam

 

[Shahzad]

little sister, may ALLAH bless u and ease ur hardships.

Why dont u ask this question to u local imam? I know its VERY tough situation but u cant take decision on ur own right now.

 

[Kulsumfatima]

Assalam
dear sister
Allah orders the muslims to be obedient to our parents whatever they say we have to obey them according to the shariah.
In case if u feel they don't love then don't treat them as they are treating u b'coz in islam Allah subhanawataala never ordered us to hate our parents, whatever may be the condition we should love them.
Our parents have taken care of us,they have suppressed their own desire to fulfil ours when we our young they love us forgetting everything
for u dear sister I can only suggest u to pray to Allah that their nature towards u changes and u should also treat them in the most welcomed manner for Allah loves the one who are patient
wassalam

 

[palestine]

JazakAllahu khayran to all of your responses brothers and sisters. inshAllahu ta'ala i will continue to respect and love them. and inshaAllah Allah will make this easy for me if He swt wishes to do so. and please do not think that my parents are bad, that was not my intention but i just wanted advice from my brothers and sisters in islam. asalamu alaykum wrwb and may Allah make all your affairs easy for all of you inshAllah. ameen. asalamu alaykum wrwb

 

[Umm Ismael]

akhi i would think they loved me if they actually showed that to me. but they don't and i work so hard to please them and somehow i feel that no matter how good i am to them that i will end up in hell because they make things hard for me. and it really hurts to be living with an entire family who looks like they're against you. and when i tell them how i feel they all laugh at me acting as if humans don't even have feelings. and i know people go through harder things but i feel that my dad doesn't even love me at all, like ever. ever since i was young i was the one he blamed for anything that went wrong in the house. sticks and stones may break your bones but words can break your heart.

Asselemou Alaikum,

u know sis ...whtever u are going through
Allah knows ur pain and ur distress

stand in prayers .....cry ur all soul out to HIM

he is the master of all situation ...

CRy to him ...Cry as much as it relieve u ...

but cry to Allah ...if u cry to him ..he will wipe off ur tears .......

remove the anger in ur heart ....accept that whatever happen Allah is the Master of all situation ....he hold the rope of our destiny

u are in a trial.... he would test u ...everyone have to reach through a test at a time ....

it is not a matter whether people go through harder thinks.. certainly, yes.. there is always harder things..it doesnt mean that what we are going through is not hard..it is how we can get over and be stronger with it..

but cry to Allah ...he will relieve u of the burden u hold...


say Allah akbar
say La illaha Allah
say la hawla oua la kouata illa bi Illeh

He hear you.

All the best
Be patient.. Allah is with patient people..And never loose that sweet love to your parents eventhough..

Salam

 

[helpinghumanity]

Salam sister:

I dunno which age category you belong to..however i do want to share my experience...

According to my observations and experience these kinds of feeling arise during teenage especially around 15-17. During this age, one feels rude, sees everything wrong and only consider himself/herself right.....

I am telling you from my experience,,,,during that time period i myself had many emotional feelings (negative i mean), however as the time passed by i coped them professionaly.

If you do belong to that age-group category, then try to develop Patience coz allah ta ah ala is with the one who have patience. When you will pass on, you will automatically begin to handle it expertly inshallah.....and you will regret for even THINKING BOUT UR PARENTS LIKE DAT...HOWEVER JUST TRY UR BEST...

Last thursday there was an event at my college, City College, called WINGS OF MERCY by some sheikh. During which the RIGHTS OF PARENTS, AND RIGHT OF CHILDRENS were discussed. Mashallah that event was awesome ..whenever i will have a chance i will try to upload either the notes or a video ....

 

[yameenahmed]

walaikum salam sister I know you are situation is very tough in home but sister dont worry insahallah very thing will be set right in a few days because Allah test us through one or the other way please sister u dont hate ur parents because this may become other problem and they may thing in the other way and it will become a big problem so u be polite and keep silence when they do any thing and they will realise very quickly about their mistake .Please believe in Allah every thing will be fine.I will insahallah dua for you ......

 

[ShahnazZ]

All I'm going to say is that I don't understand what type of people in this world wouldn't LOVE a daughter like YOU to DEATH. Knowing you for as long as I do, I can honestly say that you are one of the most unconditional, warm and loving people on this board and it is truly a shock to hear that you are being taken for granted and are not being honored the way that you DO deserve to be honored. You have always given every post that you've ever responded to so much genuine emotion and feeling as well as your best wishes for the poster and that shows just how amazing you are as a Muslim. I barely post these days anymore as there are many things going on in my life right now (pray for me brothers and sisters :shymuslima1 but when I read this I simply HAD to respond. Not just because you've always supported many of the posts I've written when I've received opposition, but because you truly are a light on this board and alhamdulillah we are blessed to have you on it.

Don't worry sis....Allah ALWAYS rewards those who suffer in His Cause and are unjustly wronged...inshAllah your parents will soon wake up

 

[Almeftah]

السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته

Dear sister..

It is whats in our hearts that matters the most, Because Only Allah knows whats inside. Hatred is like a layer of Asphalt blocking everything good.. leading to wrong beliefs and wrong actions.

(2:225)Allâh will not call you to account for that which is unintentional in your oaths, but He will call you to account for that which your hearts have earned. And Allâh is Oft-Forgiving, Most-Forbearing.

------------------

(Maryam 19)He (the father) said: "Do you reject my gods, O Ibrâhim (Abraham)? If you stop not (this), I will indeed stone you. So get away from me safely (before I punish you)." (46) Ibrâhim (Abraham) said: "Peace be on you! I will ask Forgiveness of my Lord for you. Verily! He is unto me, Ever Most Gracious. (47)

Try smiling at their faces all the time, And when they ask you about it, Tell them that Allah told us to be always good to our parents no matter what they do to us. That should have a great effect on them.. Its all about practicing, by deeds or words, thats what made great kings and leaders Kneel to Allah, The greatness of Islam. Use your head and dont let emotions distroy you. SMILE..

And be careful

(Al-Ahqaf 46)And We have enjoined on man to be dutiful and kind to his parents. His mother bears him with hardship And she brings him forth with hardship, and the bearing of him, and the weaning of him is thirty months, till when he attains full strength and reaches forty years, he says: "My Lord! Grant me the power and ability that I may be grateful for Your Favour which You have bestowed upon me and upon my parents, and that I may do righteous good deeds, such as please You, and make my off-spring good. Truly, I have turned to You in repentance, and truly, I am one of the Muslims (submitting to Your Will)." (15) They are those from whom We shall accept the best of their deeds and overlook their evil deeds. (They shall be) among the dwellers of Paradise — a promise of truth, which they have been promised. (16) But he who says to his parents: "Fie upon you both! Do you hold out the promise to me that I shall be raised up (again) when generations before me have passed away (without rising)?" While they (father and mother) invoke Allâh for help (and rebuke their son): "Woe to you! Believe! Verily, the Promise of Allâh is true." But he says: "This is nothing but the tales of the ancient." (17) They are those against whom the Word (of torment) is justified among the previous generations of jinn and mankind that have passed away. Verily, they are ever the losers (18)

 

[sandra canada]

Salam Alikum warhmatu Allah wabraktu

sister Don't disapointed and feel sad within cause that what the satan want to see you

he want to seprate between you and your parents
he not doing that with parents only he also separet and divide with the husband and wife
Dont worry this is his job and it work for sorrow cause
most of the people away from sunnah prophet peace be upon him
like prophet said who read the baqara the satan wont enter his/her house for 3 days
and DOING RUQIAH AND many things

your parents indeeed they love you and want to see you the best girl in this world
and know that they love you so so so much
and the image what you see its not them of course its the satan want you be away from them

the same he show them that you are not good daughter
1st of All put in your mind that all parents in life they love love love their daughters and sons

know that they grow up and they are old they are not the same in health
and need your tender smile and words
belive me the satan want the separe between you both
to bring to them sadness and sickness and you too bring you sadness and seek for the love in other way like so much in with friends but know that Satan want this separet happend
and know that your father and mother wont be forever live with you they getting older
and they want your help indirect way May be they are not showing this but belive me
they are bleeding from inside about this treatment they dont want so be between you

but the satan see he succeed to make you both disapointed and hate the other and feel that the other is the bad thing in life
while both of you are kind and so good AND A VICITM OF SATAN

so you can change all of thing yes cause the satan is so weak
read quran and do ruqiah belive me and reading quran

and making duaa to Allah that May Allah be merciful with them and make their hearts tender on you

Satan will say it wont work and no use of that no IT will work
cause satan is our real enemy and who want us be Away from Allah and
all Allah orders Allah ask us to obey our parents and its kabiraa to leave them only one condition to not obbey if they ask us to do shirk)

Do not feel a victum and do you are the worest case in this world and you deserve greater than this father and mother
know that without them you wont be there and they love you​

AND DO NOT HEAR ANY WORD FROM THE SATAN BLOCK HIM

وقضى ربك الا تعبدوا الا اياه وبالوالدين احسانا اما يبلغن عندك الكبر احدهما او كلاهما فلا تقل لهما اف ولا تنهرهما وقل لهما قولا كريما


Thy Lord hath decreed, that ye worship none save Him, and (that ye show) kindness to parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age with thee, say not "Fie" unto them nor repulse them, but speak unto them a gracious word.

واخفض لهما جناح الذل من الرحمة وقل رب ارحمهما كما ربياني صغيرا


And lower unto them the wing of submission through mercy, and say: My Lord! Have mercy on them both as they did care for me when I was little​

​

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[AZAM_SIDDIQUI]

assalaamualaikum,
palestine...
well two things seem to me to be wrong
you are a sensitive person
you need to be understood.
well these are not the two things that are wrong :]
it seems to metwo things are this___
and i hadsimilar problems soo...
first that you are passionate about dawah..and satan is making it seem that{ /or may be it is that) u are hindered in that by your parents.
on this point we need to remember our first duty is to obey ourparents...something itoo had difficulty in doing ,because i in my revolutionarey zeal felt they did not understand/giveimportance to islam as it is due.astghfirullah.
so istarted doing stuff to plkease them so that they appreciate what i was doing was right-but they never appreciated it simply because they saw that i dint really /respect/love them but was doing it just as a religious duty.....obviously that is the greatest hurt we can inflict on them ..that of being unneeded/unwanted.
then it makes them feel in secure and they try to avoid getting emotionally attached to us ,because they feel ...and maybAllah lifts loveout of their hearts for us.........because when ALLAH says be kind to your parents it is in letter and spirit and not in some terminator kind of way.
so well maybe we need to look right here in our hearts and repent...
and remember what our parents have done for us and not let satans whispers become a rage in our heart against our own parents.\
May ALLAH make me understand.