Pregnancy & Child-Birth Advice for Brothers!

[Globalpeace]

Asslamo Allaikum,

I was talking to someone recently & a very painful situation was brought to my attention with subsequent breakdown of marriage ending in divorce. I have been aware of this issue for sometimes that it happens amongst Asian and Arab men in particular.

Culturally, back home when women give Birth, men are not allowed access and women run the whole show so many of the men in our families have no idea what actually goes on during child-birth.

First and foremost, in my humble opinion if your wife is giving Birth I would strongly recommend for Brothers to stick around and at least have some notion and experience of the pain that a woman goes through!...Trust me you have NO IDEA till you see it…You ALSO may understand WHY the Sunnah has elevated Mothers’ rights over Fathers!

Secondly, a woman is tired, exhausted, hormones all over the place for weeks after giving birth so they can lash out, get angry, behave irrationally etc. etc. etc. EXPECTING a woman to start performing her domestic or spousal duties IMMEDIATELY after giving Birth is nothing but lunacy!

Thirdly if your wife has complications and gets a tear & gets stitches (or even after a normal pregnancy), please note that it takes weeks and weeks to heal properly therefore intimacy is usually undesirable and can be painful. I understand that in the Sunnah a wife is encouraged to respond positively to a husband’s requests….but even though I am not a scholar, I am sure that a husband is ALSO supposed to take the situation and circumstances into account!

I have witnessed a few relationships breakdown because of not considering 1, 2 & 3 (particularly)!

I also understand that it is not my place or station to advise Brothers on these issues as in my opinion it should be common-sense BUT unfortunately it’s NOT!

Please note that if you ignore my advice it may cost you YOUR RELATIONSHIP!

Forewarned is Forearmed!​

 

[alkathiri]

Assalamualaikum akhi

Your Advice will be considered seriously....And also appreciated

 

[Happy 2BA Muslim]

Asslamo Allaikum,

I was talking to someone recently & a very painful situation was brought to my attention with subsequent breakdown of marriage ending in divorce. I have been aware of this issue for sometimes that it happens amongst Asian and Arab men in particular.

Culturally, back home when women give Birth, men are not allowed access and women run the whole show so many of the men in our families have no idea what actually goes on during child-birth.

First and foremost, in my humble opinion if your wife is giving Birth I would strongly recommend for Brothers to stick around and at least have some notion and experience of the pain that a woman goes through!...Trust me you have NO IDEA till you see it…You ALSO understand WHY the Sunnah has elevated Mothers’ rights over Fathers!

Secondly, a woman is tired, exhausted, hormones all over the place for weeks after giving birth so they can lash out, get angry, behave irrationally etc. etc. etc. EXPECTING a woman to start performing her domestic or spousal duties IMMEDIATELY after giving Birth is nothing but lunacy!

Thirdly if your wife has complications and gets a tear & gets stitches (or even after a normal pregnancy), please note that it takes weeks and weeks to heal properly therefore intimacy is usually undesirable and can be painful. I understand that in the Sunnah a wife is encouraged to respond positively to a husband’s requests….but even though I am not a scholar, I am sure that a husband is ALSO supposed to take the situation and circumstances into account!

I have witnessed a few relationships breakdown because of not considering 1, 2 & 3 (particularly)!

I also understand that it is not my place or station to advise Brothers on these issues as in my opinion it should be common-sense BUT unfortunately it’s NOT!

Please note that if you ignore my advice it may cost you YOUR RELATIONSHIP!

Forewarned is Forearmed!​

Wa alaikum assalam dear Brother,

You have embarked on a sensitive , yet, very important issue. I agree with you totally. I too have witnessed marriages come to an end because of the ignorance and stupidity of some men. Our Brothers need to take these considerations into account.

Unfortunately, some hospitals in the Arab world don`t allow the husband to attend the delivery. Don`t ask me why! I have no idea, but I personally would question the level of their maternal care. Where I work, we definitely encourage the husband to be there. If I had it my way, I would tie them up next to their wives during labor and delivery, so that they wouldn`t run away. Especially the ones who drop off their wives and want to leave the hospital, and ask us to call them once everything is over!!! :angryred: :angryblue: :fighta:

I have seen men who complain of the pain and discomfort after a surgery for hemorrhoids (piles), and dare not to go back to work immediately aftery surgery. The pain and discomfort a mother goes through after a delivery, especially when sutures are involved, are much more intense!!!

Jazak Allahu khayran Brother for reminding us!!

:salam2:

 

[alkathiri]

Assalamualaikum Brothers

Lol ,Funny brothers
I love it when the older brothers share their experience to the younger boys..

Thanks brothers

 

[aisha ali]

thanx for sharing with us ur suggestions brother its good that our muslim brothers should need to know that.
:salam2:

 

[Aapa]

Salaam,

In an era when extended family members were available to help the new mother it made sense not to need husbands. Family assisted and supervised.
We now live in a world whereas husbands and wives depended upon each other. It only makes sense for husbands to pitch in. And do not forget that postpartum depression is not to be taken lightly.

 

[virtualeye]

AssalaamuAlaikum WRWB,


>>I also understand that it is not my place or station to advise Brothers on these issues

Brother GP,

If this forum is not to ease and improve the lives of Muslims then what is the purpose of this forum? If a Muslim is true Muslim and has strong and practicing Iman, then his every act becomes Ibadah, even intimacy with wife and avoiding it in weak situations, eating sleeping , everything becomes Ibadah. Only prayers and fasting is not Ibadah.
So who told you this forum is only and only about giving and taking Fatwas?
According to one Hadith, the best among Muslims is that person who is best to his wife (meaning of Hadith).

Your suggestion is very important and precious. MashaAllah. Allah SWT knows you might have save many divorces by posting this thread,

Wassalaam

 

[Muslimah-S]

Glad to see Brother Global peace posting that, makes brothers aware that woman do go through alot and they should be paitent and try to understand and keep quiet when thier wives are moody or angry.
It won't kill them for doing that.
Not only pregnancy on top of that woman go through menstruation every month for a week of every year, all most all through out thier lives, that's more pain and hormone madness.
Not complaining just letting people know.
So don't expect wives to be all good again even after pregnancy.
Life is an emotional rollercoaster.

 

[hussain.mahammed]

Jazakumullah khair brothers and sisters
This thread is very important for the Ummah. May Allah bless us and guide us all.
Insha Allah I will use a lot of advices I have got through TTI, when I get married. Please remember me in your duas dear brothers and sisters.
wa/salam

 

[mymohsin]

Salam Brother,

Jazak Allah khair bro for sharing such an important thing Jazak allah. May Allah protect all of us from this(divorce) kinda situation in our lifes. Ameen. Pls be rem me in ur duwas.

Allah Hafiz.

 

[umm hussain]

Asalam alaikum warahmatullah

I have heard of women who come from labour and are expected to start cooking dinner and cleaning the house. This is just so sad, I think it just more to do with selfishness than not understanding.

My hubby was there throughout when the first one was born,and cut the cord maybe it would have been different if we were back home with interfering mothers/inlaws, aunts, grandmas so even if a hubby wants to be there I do not think they are left with much of a choice. I have heard some old ladies saying a man will be put off physically by the wife if they witness the birth of their child so they strongly refuse men to attend.

Hubby missed the birth of the second one by a few minutes because he had gone to check on the first one. He delivered baby number 3 at home with the help of some 911 operator on the other side of the phone.lol, an experience he will never forget, inshallah. It was an unplanned home birth to say the least

 

[AishaR]

:salam2:

Thanks bro for these very wise words. If only one person takes this on board, it will make a difference.


Sis Aisha

 

[MubarekMuslimah]

Salaams

Excellent advice masha'allah - even things that seem obvious need pointing out at times and with issues like this there should be no being coy - tell it like it is for the benefit of others.

And to add when I give birth to my first child INSHA'ALLAH - my husband BETTER be there! He helped get me in that situation so he should at least see what I will go through insha'allah!! ......incidentally though women can get a bit irate during birth so brothers if your wife starts shouting at you cos she is in pain and tired , just nod and keep quiet - then is not the time to argue! Just hold her hand and be there insha'allah to witness the miracle of birth. Many people dont ever get to have that experience through no fault of their own so cherish it for what it is - precious.

Salaams

 

[amyaishazouaoui]

:salam2:

It was not the giving birth that bothered me,id do it again and again, it was a fantastic experience! it was the total exhaustion and pain after wards that got to me for about the first 2 months.

Alhamdulillah I fought through it!!!!

Brothers, look after your women....ALL the time.

 

[Globalpeace]

:salam2:

Thanks bro for these very wise words. If only one person takes this on board, it will make a difference.


Sis Aisha

Assalamualaikum akhi

Your Advice will be considered seriously....And also appreciated

AssalaamuAlaikum WRWB,


>>I also understand that it is not my place or station to advise Brothers on these issues

Brother GP,

If this forum is not to ease and improve the lives of Muslims then what is the purpose of this forum? If a Muslim is true Muslim and has strong and practicing Iman, then his every act becomes Ibadah, even intimacy with wife and avoiding it in weak situations, eating sleeping , everything becomes Ibadah. Only prayers and fasting is not Ibadah.
So who told you this forum is only and only about giving and taking Fatwas?
According to one Hadith, the best among Muslims is that person who is best to his wife (meaning of Hadith).

Your suggestion is very important and precious. MashaAllah. Allah SWT knows you might have save many divorces by posting this thread,

Wassalaam

Glad to see Brother Global peace posting that, makes brothers aware that woman do go through alot and they should be paitent and try to understand and keep quiet when thier wives are moody or angry.
It won't kill them for doing that.
Not only pregnancy on top of that woman go through menstruation every month for a week of every year, all most all through out thier lives, that's more pain and hormone madness.
Not complaining just letting people know.
So don't expect wives to be all good again even after pregnancy.
Life is an emotional rollercoaster.

Salam Brother,

Jazak Allah khair bro for sharing such an important thing Jazak allah. May Allah protect all of us from this(divorce) kinda situation in our lifes. Ameen. Pls be rem me in ur duwas.

Allah Hafiz.

Jazakumullah khair brothers and sisters
This thread is very important for the Ummah. May Allah bless us and guide us all.
Insha Allah I will use a lot of advices I have got through TTI, when I get married. Please remember me in your duas dear brothers and sisters.
wa/salam

Salaams

Excellent advice masha'allah - even things that seem obvious need pointing out at times and with issues like this there should be no being coy - tell it like it is for the benefit of others.

And to add when I give birth to my first child INSHA'ALLAH - my husband BETTER be there! He helped get me in that situation so he should at least see what I will go through insha'allah!! ......incidentally though women can get a bit irate during birth so brothers if your wife starts shouting at you cos she is in pain and tired , just nod and keep quiet - then is not the time to argue! Just hold her hand and be there insha'allah to witness the miracle of birth. Many people dont ever get to have that experience through no fault of their own so cherish it for what it is - precious.

Salaams

Asslamo Allaikum All,

Ahmm....Can you guys call my mother & my wife & tell them that I am capable of saying sensible things, once in a while!

It would help...

Brothers, look after your women....ALL the time.

Any why the usage of plural?

Some of us will get our butt kicked by even using the plural of woman!

Boys! She is a woman and she can use the plural....DON'T make this mistake as it may be your last!