problem with marriage -- process

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a_brother

a_brother

Make dua for us all
:salam2: brother and sisters

currently trying to not get "frustrated" about my process of getting married... last sunday... me and my family went to see a sister and her family that we don't know nor they know us!!!!... we were told that this sister wants to get married, so we had the "meeting" this last sunday.... anyways, we went there, they were very generous and welcoming... the sister was in her room... most likely saw us coming from her window to the apartment building, so she saw me before i did... took her about 8 minutes to come out of her room... when she came out, she sat with females where i can see her and see saw me... each one of us took a pick at each other indirectly, never talked to each other... as i said they were very generous, prepared tea and large meal afterward in which we were not expecting nor did we want them to do all that... at the whole time, there was very nice conversation between men and between women... i had a good talk with her sister's husband (she doesn't have a father), and my sister had a good talk with her and her sister and mother... at all the time they were very nice and (as i saw) they accepted me....

she is "acceptable" as in beauty part (my sister said that she's beautiful)... however, I liked the way they treated us and the next day i told my sister to call them and tell them that i like that sister and see what they think... her sister's response was that they didn't have time to sit and talk about me!!!???... she told my sister that she would get back to her at the end of the day (yesterday) with her (sister i liked) response... till now no response!!! i guess this means NO....

now, what "frustrate" me is the no response with the "all okay situation we had on sunday".... haaaaaaaaaa, i don't get it... this is my first experience of this "refusal" situation

when i try to think of any reason why she would say/think NO... we are same height, may be she wants someone taller!!!... i am 24 she's 23 yrs old, may be she wants older person???? but she knew that i was 24 before i went there!!!! i couldn't think of any other reason really... i usually get attention from other females of my age as ALHAMDULILAH i am "built/athletic" even though i have a beard and look like a muslim... customers (females) likes my attitude/funny and some try to push it and tries to have a relationship but alhamdulilah, i always back off and don't start anything... big fitnah ... that's one of the reasons i want to get married....

now, my question... how do you sisters THINK?!!!! (i know that not all sisters are the same...)
i been told that females usually have "dreams" that can't be real except by lies ... a prince/rich/charming person, a perfect person that they dream of!!!!?

is marring a younger sister (less than 20 yrs old) more successful than an older sister since the older sister have her own plans planned already while a younger sister is in the process of doing so and would be easier to adjust to her husband's plans????... the brothers i know who got married with younger sisters (16,17,18 yrs old) have no problems AT ALL!!!!

are most of the sisters in the west have this mentality of "independence" and the no need for a husband to "tell me what to do"???? instead of "obeying" her husband as long as his not requesting of something haram????

i am trying to understand how females in general think ...
 
S

summertime

sister :)
Salam brother,

Sigh!! yet another marriage thread....:lol: I keep trying to forget about the fact that i cant find anyone suitable and then all these threads keep popping up reminding me about it :lol:

Any way as far as your questions is concerned no not all girls think like that.. Many girls do have dreams about a rich handsome husband most of them realise that it's just a dream..

I ve actaully heard people saying that younger girls are less picky..hmm maybe it's true...

Personally i couldnt care less about how rich and famous the guy is :lol:

The reason i'm having problems is because most guys i know have all the negative cultural baggage with them which i find extremely annoying..culture is a good thing untill it starts conflicting with islam....so i'm picky for the right reasons !!! :lol:

Don't be disheartened because of the refusal though....Maybe Allah (swt) has something better planned for you...Like you said you can;t understand the reason...maybe its just Allahs will :)

W/salam
 
palestine

palestine

Servant of Allah
salam brother. i personally would want to marry someone like you. you said athletic, built well, with a beard and are very from my point of view religious yet fun. so honestly if i was that sister i'd marry you already. there is nothing wrong with you. and maybe you're right that it's easier to marry a younger sister but remember there are also older sisters (20 and up) who really look for men like you. but also know that if this girl doesn't want you then she isn't worth the time. she's probably playing hard to get is my opinion. i don't think it's because she refuses you but she doesn't want people to see her as if men can get her easily...that's what i think personally. because women like to play hard to get. they don't want the guy to think that they would give in easy. so that could be why. brother she will be yours if she is meant to be. if she isn't then hey allah's plan will go accordingly. females do like independce and all but a true muslimah would know what kind of a man to marry or not to marry. she wouldn't think much of those "why is he telling me what to do"? and so on. so brother cheer up...your young, religious, fun, and you've got it all going on...and the right sister will be in your arms someday. so don't be sad, be happy that you are the kind of man most women look for. mashallah. asalamu alaykum.
 
ShyHijabi

ShyHijabi

Junior Member
Salaam,

I am still a bit confused, how is this a refusal? Honestly it's seems odd that they haven't spoken about you yet. :confused: This has little to do with ehr being female and more about her being an individual with her own thoughts and feelings. There are many reasons why she may be delaying an answer, not the least of which is she is still trying to figure out what she wants.

I would give it at least 24 more hours before throwing in the towel and wondering if this is a refusal.

Wasalaam

~Sarah
 
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nizar83

Junior Member
brother, i think this is what many of the brothers experience or will experience...people simply arent correct anymore...there is notthing wrong with being honest and open..
if there is anything i hate in arab culture..its the sometimes sneeky paranoid dark aspect of some people..
brother dont let anyone make you upset,...whatever comes from ALLAH subhanawata3ala we must welcome it..we dont know what is good for us..
inshalaah you will marry the right muslima and you will have a good islamic life here on this temporary dunia mu brother!
 
palestine

palestine

Servant of Allah
every culture has good and bad, so please let's not point fingers. i don't mean to offend anyone but i'm just saying. i hope you understand what i mean. salam.
 
Rawa

Rawa

Junior Member
Do not be pessimostic, marriage is turning-point in the life of humans, so it is not easy for sisters to abruptly decide whom to marry... It is sth important and worthing thinking of very much. Try to remind them through your sister and, who knows, she may say OK at the end.
And of course not aa the sisters think the same...

Anyways, I ask Allah to change things in a way that is good for you.
 
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nizar83

Junior Member
im not sure here but, isnt there a verse in the quraan saying; wakana el arab ya sheddu el kufr wal nifaaq

which ill try to translate inshalaah (please dont hold my poor arabic against me)

and the arabs were the (strong)holders of kufr is clear to everyone i hope and nifaaq is..to not be honest / democratic...when you dont want for others what you wanbt for yourself..a form o egoisme

and ALLAH subhana wata3ala knows best
 
palestine

palestine

Servant of Allah
nizar83 said:
im not sure here but, isnt there a verse in the quraan saying; wakana el arab ya sheddu el kufr wal nifaaq

which ill try to translate inshalaah (please dont hold my poor arabic against me)

and the arabs were the (strong)holders of kufr is clear to everyone i hope and nifaaq is..to not be honest / democratic...when you dont want for others what you wanbt for yourself..a form o egoisme

and ALLAH subhana wata3ala knows best
Click to expand...

i'm sorry brother i really have no idea what point you want to make. so please explain to me. W/salam.:)
 
a_brother

a_brother

Make dua for us all
:salam2:

Jazakomo-Allah kair for your responses and support...

I do feel bad of feeling this way since i made salat istikara and asked Allah if there is any good in it to let it be and if there is any bad in it to push it away... now that it has been pushed away, i am complaining.... astagfiroliLah... what makes me confused/lost/mad is the reaction of no response... if she needs more time, then she could ask for time... if the answer is no, she could simply say no... i don't get it.... this is what's making me lost/frustrated ...
 
cedric098

cedric098

Junior Member
Oh my dear brother ... (Hugs, Pats on the back)

You can never tell what a girl expects from a marriage unless she tells it directly. Maybe the sister
1) is not interested in marriage for now
2) may be willing to marry someone older or taller as you say (can't understand these girls!!!)
3) can't decide since she doesn't know you well
4) secretly waiting someone else's proposal
5) not satisfied with what you can offer her in terms of wealth
6) doesn't like fit &/or funny people (believe it or not this can really be possible for some people)

Anyway whatever the reason might be, if she is not meant to be with you, she won't !!
Don't be sad! maybe you'll meet someone much better someday! Allah knows best! Inshaallah you'll be very happy and maybe will think looking back: "alhamdulillah it didn't happen that time!"

Well brother I don't know if these will work for you but i try hard to have them still work for me! :)

Anyway, I like these marriage threads, they remind me how desperate i am! ;)
 
S

sayedahash

Sayeda
I undertand your frustration brother. They should give a clear answer atleast make some excuse so you know to not be waiting. Just have patience and may Allah give you a good/beatiful wife even better than this one. Just remember after difficulties comes ease.
 
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nizar83

Junior Member
palestine said:
i'm sorry brother i really have no idea what point you want to make. so please explain to me. W/salam.:)
Click to expand...

selem brother, i know why you cant completely understand why is said that.
its cause either the 1st post i put has been deleted,,,or something went wrong in the process.

i was talking with another brother / or sister abi=out this..
and i was saying how some of the arab cultures have this...dark and lack of rsponsibility when it comes to being honest, especially when you might hurt someone's feeling or when you will say something the other person probably wouldnt want to hear.

sorry bro for what i said.i understand it was confusing without the 1st posts to back it up.
\selemu aleikum
 
M

muslimguy

Junior Member
nizar83 said:
im not sure here but, isnt there a verse in the quraan saying; wakana el arab ya sheddu el kufr wal nifaaq

which ill try to translate inshalaah (please dont hold my poor arabic against me)

and the arabs were the (strong)holders of kufr is clear to everyone i hope and nifaaq is..to not be honest / democratic...when you dont want for others what you wanbt for yourself..a form o egoisme

and ALLAH subhana wata3ala knows best
Click to expand...

:salam2:

Brother this verse is not about arabs if that what you meant, it's al A3rab.

check the tafsir for yourself. don't take verses out of context.


the sister has the right to accept or refuse a brother, why would you blame her for the way she feels.:angryred:

and for you Brother have some patient, Indeed Allah is with those who have patience.:SMILY259::tti_sister:


:salam2:
 
M

muslimguy

Junior Member
summertime said:
Salam brother,

Sigh!! yet another marriage thread....:lol: I keep trying to forget about the fact that i cant find anyone suitable and then all these threads keep popping up reminding me about it :lol:


W/salam
Click to expand...


oh tell me about it sister. :lol: but let's us make more :salah: and :tti_sister:


:salam2:
 
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