Question about marriage

[DanyalSAC]

Aslaamu alaikum brothers and sisters -

As I've mentioned before I've got a fairly jaded past that I've repented of and have moved beyond.

Keeping that in mind, several brothers in my community are on the look out for a potential wife for me. One or two of my brothers who know of my past, and one Imam, have said it would be better for the relationship if I am honest with my wife. And I totally agree.

Now, knowing that I can't talkto her until after the wedding without a male relative present how do I go about this? I would like to tell her all about myself, but NOT tell her father/brother or whomever her mahram is about my business that should be kept between her and me. Or am I going about this wrong?

I've kinda been wondering about this. Forgive me if my ignorance shows.

jazakAllah Khairn!

Danyal

 

[slave_of_Allah]

Wa'alikum aslaam.

I wish i could guide you in some way, but I ma stuck for words, I know somone here with more knowledge will guide you insha'Allah.

I pray Allah blesses you with a righteous wife, you both enter jannah tul firdos together. Aameen.

 

[Muslimah16]

:salam2: akhi in Islaam

Firstly, mashaAllah its so good to hear that you want to let her know first about everything. Not many people you see who want to start off a relationship of the grounds of truthfulness. So, good on you brother!

When my fiancée proposed to me, obviously we had a "meeting". In that one meeting we had we talked about these kinda things- things you would like your spouse to know about you before you get things going. Its best to let her know of everything you would reckon she'd want to know before nikaah - past life etc
Some say its better to tell her later after nikaah but i personally disagree. She'd be wounded. So keep these kinda things clear from the start inshaAllah.

We pray things go good for you. May Allah be with you.

InshaAllah someone with more knowledge and experience can help you out

Your sister
Wassalaam

 

[abdellah007]

I suggest telling her while her brother or father is there too but in a distance where he couldnt hear what you re talking about. that s my opinion allah knows best.

 

[a_muslimah86]

Do not reveal that which Allah has concealed akhi!..

even if some people know about it..don't let shaitan set your feet towards making the mistake of speaking about a past that you left by repenting to Allah (swt) from!..

as a woman I can tell you..even if a sister says to you "the past is the past"..that's just her making a statement to eliminate *awkwardness* or not be *disrespectful* to you..us women are emotional creatures with *really good memories*..we don't forget things said to us especially if they are *sensitive* in nature and they involve things we may not like to hear!..this fact is especially true if we hear these things from our potential or actual husbands..so akhi..whatever you tell your potential wife..it will stick in her head..and at the lamest argument between you two..you'll hear a hint or a blunt statement about "your past"..so imagine all the mess and the drama that you'll be put through

I don't know why the brothers looking for a wife for you adviced you to be honest..this is something that can *totally* backfire in your current situation..and not all people are honorable akhi..you might confide to a sister about your past..and she might reject you..or things don't work out between you two..so she might go and speak of what you told her to her family and/or to others..and people spice things up akhi..that's just human nature when relaying "he said..she said" stories..so keep your mistakes to yourself..you certainly don't have to make yourself seem or sound like a "perfect innocent being"..you're only human!..but don't utter a thing which your Rab has concealed..even if someone says to you I heard such and such about you..say "May Allah Pardon us all"..and leave it at that!

And may allah bless you with a kind loving..pious and pure wife..Ameen!

 

[DanyalSAC]

Thank everyone for your input.