Questions about interacting with the opposite gender

[tru follower]

i was reading about the mingling posts which are very recent and i have a question let me make sure this is clear. So we cant communicate with the opposite gender even if it isnt sex related? In order to talk to them it has to relate to Islam? And are we allowed to talk to the opposite gender if they are muslim as long as it isnt sex related? thankx for the help, just make sure i understand everything better.

 

[tru follower]

still waiting for an answer. Thanks in advance

 

[lostlilly07]

You can talk to the opposite gender if it is out of necessity but some scholars differ on what is necessity. For example at my masjid...the brothers tend to forget to unlock the door on the sisters' entrance, so a sister must talk to a brother to get to unlock it

also there are instance when you have sisters and brothers who work beside each other...they must talk. but just be mindful not use a seductive or whispering like voice when you talk to each other. Fear Allah...is my best advice...someone will answer more eloquently in a few seconds...insh'alllah.

 

[tru follower]

thank you for answering my question, but i must ask, can you talk to muslim women freely as long as it isnt sex related or the same applies to them?

 

[tru follower]

and also, can you talk to non muslim girls as long as it relates to islam?

 

[Muslimboy2222]

i was reading about the mingling posts which are very recent and i have a question let me make sure this is clear. So we cant communicate with the opposite gender even if it isnt sex related? In order to talk to them it has to relate to Islam? And are we allowed to talk to the opposite gender if they are muslim as long as it isnt sex related? thankx for the help, just make sure i understand everything better.

:salam2:


Question
What are the Islamic etiquette between Genders in workplace?
Answer

Thank you for your question. Very briefly, we recommend the following guidelines based derived from Islamic teachings. When and if you will interact with the opposite gender, then keep these guidelines in mind insha'Allah and you should be fine by the help of Allah:

1) Purposeful: Make all of your interactions with the opposite gender purposeful. Ask yourself, why am I interacting with this person? What is my intention? The Prophetic tradition advises us that actions are judged by their intentions. Be sure you have a reason, a valid and justifiable reason to interact with the opposite gender.

And we think most people are intelligent enough to discern between a purposeful interaction and one without any purpose. Business settings and the university environment might involve interaction with the opposite gender because of collaboration or partnering on a project or in sharing notes on a particular topic etc. The interactions should be purposeful.

2) Public: The Prophetic tradition advises us that when a man and a woman are alone, the third being or person present is shaitan. Therefore, be sure that your interaction with the opposite gender does not occur in seclusion; you must be visible and audible to other co-workers or other people who are knowledgeable about the basics of Islam and would insha'Allah engage in enjoining the good and forbidding the evil. Shopping malls or restaurants would be considered private settings, especially where people who are not Muslim might not know that you are not supposed to be interacting with a particular young woman who is not from your immediate family. Be sure the interaction is public.

3) Limited: Finally, your interaction with members of the opposite gender should be limited. Do your best not to become too attached or fond of meeting with the opposite gender for lengthy periods of time so as to avoid the possibility of one or the other of you becoming vulnerable towards the other. This is not to say that you cannot control your emotions or desires, this is a measure of precaution.

Remember in the end that if you are doubtful of a particular interaction, then ask yourself, would I be pleased with such an interaction by another man with my own mother, or sister, or aunt, etc. Make it personal and you will think very clearly all of a sudden. This is another strategy derived from the Prophetic tradition. We hope this helps insha'Allah. And Allah knows best.


*removed*


If you still have any more questions just pm me

 

[majaan]

JAZAKALLAHUAKHAIR for the information.
i have a related question. is it permissible for sisters to give dawah? during islamic awarness week, i have always ejoyed giving dawa to non muslims, but recently i heard from a sister that this year sisters are not allowed to give dawa and only brothers should sin its better this way. i was very confuse, since i thought giving dawa is fardh and its not a purposeless intraction and the talking will be taking place in the heart of public as well there will be more then 4 people at least in the discussion. from my undrestanding there is no problem. but it seems like there is, but i am failing to undrestand wat z the problem with sisters giving dawa and how its fine for brothers to be giving dawa? i mean if its an issue of intraction with opposite gender, then brothers should be subjected to the same rulliing as a sister, isnt it true?

please help!

 

[tru follower]

yes thanks for your input, but i was wondering are you allowed to talk to muslim people of the opposite gender?

 

[majaan]

un necessary talking should not be done, it doesnt matter whther that person is muslim or non muslim, as long as they are ur opposite gender. simply because some one is muslim, it does not make it lawful for you to talk to her/him (depending on ur gender).
GIRLS (muslim/non muslim) shouldnt mix with BOY (muslim/non muslim) as long as they are ur opposite gender.

BUT can someone please answer my question!

 

[a_muslimah86]

yes thanks for your input, but i was wondering are you allowed to talk to muslim people of the opposite gender?

:salam2:


Brother you can talk to *anybody* of the opposite gender..whether they are Muslim or non-Muslim...

BUT!

You have to make sure that it is kept within certain bounds...

1. You have to have a *good* and *specific* reason for why you want to talk to the woman or the sister you're going to talk to. (i.e. you are in school project together..she is someone who handles your papers in a work place..she is a nurse..she is a doctor..she is a member in the same organization you are a member in..she is a teacher or a professor of yours..she is responsible over something you are a part of..or you are her boss..a head of her organization..a teacher of hers....etc.)

2. If there is a way you can avoid talking to her that it is best to resort to that way...(i.e. if a brother or a man can help you with the *same thing*..go to him..even if it will take longer or be harder..but do it just to be safe!)..

3. You should not talk to the woman or the sister when you are both alone (for example in a case when you need to talk to a professor!)...try to talk in a public setting..when there is other people around..or even take someone with you if you can..only so you don't stay alone with her..

4. Keep your talk related to the topic or the issue you intend to ask about..explain..or discuss...try your very very very best to do that..even if things go off topic and your realize it..immediately track it back to its original/main focus..

5. Don't try to be over-friendly..flirty..or funny...I'm not saying be rude and all..but be polite and direct..even if the woman or the sister gets too friendly..remain in control and smile if she laughs or cracks a joke..or back off a little if she gets a little too close..intentionally or unintentionally..point is..if you're there to get work done..you don't need to have a self-disclosure session..or a log of compliments..and a joke or two to tear-up laughing about..that's *not* needed!

You certainly *cannot* however talk to a woman or a sister for the heck of it..or because you feel she can be a good friend...and things of the sort...for example a sister cannot email you..or send you a PM..and say..*I am interested in getting to know you because you live in the same city as I do..here is my email..add me..or here is my number..call me*...even if she says..*I want to get more knowledge from you*...this is not appropriate and is unnecessary..because she can find a sister who can assist her or be friends with her...and of course...the same scenario would apply *to you*..you cannot do that with either...find a brother who can assist you..

You see what I am getting at with all of this?

In our current times...and especially if you live in the west..it would be practically *impossible* to avoid talking to someone of the opposite gender...therefore you have no choice but to be exposed to mingling whether it be verbal and/or physical...but you have to be aware of the bounds of Islamic manners and keep them in mind through-out..and know that Allah watches you and is aware of your thoughts and feelings...and inshallah you will be alright...

And should you begin to have any thoughts beyond asking an innocent/urgent question or explanation...then perhaps it's best that your terminate the communication or find a way to avoid a *potential fitnah*...

I apologize for the length of the post..I wanted to be a little detailed so you can get a better idea of what I mean..and Inshallah I helped out somehow...

 

[muthmainnah]

This is an explanation I quoted from our shaikh about the manners when talking to women, may it help..

Manners when talking to women

Q: I have heard a ruling regarding the reasons a male Muslims is allowed to speak to a Muslim female and want to know if it is correct. It said that there are only five reasons one may talk to her:
1. to ask how her family
2. for medical purposes
3. for financial purposes (e.g. in a shop)
4. to find out about her personality for marriage suitability
5. to give her dawah (Islamic knowledge).

Is this correct? If it is, please provide the evidence from where the ruling is made (i.e. Daleel).


A:
Praise be to Allaah.

The conditions for speaking to a woman to whom one is not related are mentioned in the following aayaat (interpretation of the meaning):

". . . And when you ask (his wives) for anything you want, ask them from behind a screen; that is purer for your hearts and for their hearts . . ." [al-Ahzaab 33:53]
". . . then be not soft in speech, lest he in whose heart is a disease should be moved with desire, but speak in an honourable manner." [al-Ahzaab 33:32]

Ibn Katheer, may Allaah have mercy on him, said in his Tafseer: "This means that they should not speak softly. Allaah commanded them to speak in a concise and decisive manner (i.e., they should be serious and brief in their speech, and not be vague or talk aimlessly). There should be no possible indication on the face that could be taken to indicate any softness in the heart, as the Arab women (before Islaam) used to do when speaking to men, by making their voices soft like women who are taking care of small children, or like prostitutes. Allaah forbade women to do that.

The phrase "lest he in whose heart is a disease should be moved with desire" means lest such a person should hope for immoral deeds, indecency or romance. "Speaking in an honourable manner" means speaking in a way that does not go against Sharee’ah or offend people. Women are encouraged when speaking to men to whom they are not related and to mahrams among their in-laws to be somewhat rough or abrupt in their speech, without raising the voice, because they are commanded to lower their voice.

Speaking with a woman to whom one is not related (i.e., not mahram) should only be for a specific need, such as asking a question, buying or selling, asking about the head of the household, and so on. Such conversations should be brief, with nothing doubtful in either what is said or how it is said.

The idea of limiting speech with women to the five instances mentioned in the question needs to be approached with caution, because they could be taken as examples instead of limits. One must also adhere to the conditions set out by the Sharee’ah even in instances where such conversations are necessary, such as in da’wah, giving fatwas, buying or selling, etc. And Allaah knows best.

Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

http://www.islamqa.com/en/ref/1497/talk

 

[a_muslimah86]

JAZAKALLAHUAKHAIR for the information.
i have a related question. is it permissible for sisters to give dawah? during islamic awarness week, i have always ejoyed giving dawa to non muslims, but recently i heard from a sister that this year sisters are not allowed to give dawa and only brothers should sin its better this way. i was very confuse, since i thought giving dawa is fardh and its not a purposeless intraction and the talking will be taking place in the heart of public as well there will be more then 4 people at least in the discussion. from my undrestanding there is no problem. but it seems like there is, but i am failing to undrestand wat z the problem with sisters giving dawa and how its fine for brothers to be giving dawa? i mean if its an issue of intraction with opposite gender, then brothers should be subjected to the same rulliing as a sister, isnt it true?

please help!

Sister who told you you can't give da'awa???...sobhanallah!

In Saudi Arabia...and many of the Gulf countries...there are many Dae'eyas...and many of them are widely known in their communities..but of course...they only make da'awa for women...they will go to universities..panels..gatherings..etc. but they will have women only..some even do individual da'awa for their neighborhood and their masjid....or organizations and associations for foreigners and such..but they do this for *the women* who are part of them..

In Egypt..there are women who head colleges in Al-Azhar University..but again...they are heading "the women's colleges"

So the point is not that you *cannot* make da'awa or even *teach*...you certainly can..but you have to keep it in accordance to Sharia...

As I think...it is not befitting for a sister to stand up on podium and make da'awa to men...it's not because she won't have the knowledge..or the ability..ao'otho billah..NO...

But she may have the gift of humor..or she can be a sister who possesses physical beauty..or she may have a beautiful voice..etc.

These things will bring attention to her..but obviously..it won't be attention for the right reasons...and if she is talking about a topic with passion...then this on its own...may make one of the men's hearts lean towards her..and this may lead to fitnah...

This a matter that is sensitive but has wisdom behind it..because a woman is created beautiful..and men are weak towards her beauty..it's better that she does not expose herself to situations where..setting aside the man...*she* might be harmed..verbally..emotionally..or physically..because sobhanallah..men sometimes notice things about women and weaken about things..which would NEVER cross a woman's mind and can completely shock her in strangeness...so it's best for her to give da'awa to her fellow sisters in deen and gender

 

[tru follower]

thank you to both amuslimah and muthmaina, you both have cleared my mind and made me understand how to truely interact or how to not interact with the opposite sex, thank you very much. now that i know this information, it will be truly difficult to achieve such a state of non communication because i am used to communicating and i dont want to come off as being rude to the opposite gender by ending a communication short, but i will get used to it, thanks again my brothers/sisters

 

[majaan]

Sister who told you you can't give da'awa???...sobhanallah!

In Saudi Arabia...and many of the Gulf countries...there are many Dae'eyas...and many of them are widely known in their communities..but of course...they only make da'awa for women...they will go to universities..panels..gatherings..etc. but they will have women only..some even do individual da'awa for their neighborhood and their masjid....or organizations and associations for foreigners and such..but they do this for *the women* who are part of them..

In Egypt..there are women who head colleges in Al-Azhar University..but again...they are heading "the women's colleges"

So the point is not that you *cannot* make da'awa or even *teach*...you certainly can..but you have to keep it in accordance to Sharia...

As I think...it is not befitting for a sister to stand up on podium and make da'awa to men...it's not because she won't have the knowledge..or the ability..ao'otho billah..NO...

But she may have the gift of humor..or she can be a sister who possesses physical beauty..or she may have a beautiful voice..etc.

These things will bring attention to her..but obviously..it won't be attention for the right reasons...and if she is talking about a topic with passion...then this on its own...may make one of the men's hearts lean towards her..and this may lead to fitnah...

This a matter that is sensitive but has wisdom behind it..because a woman is created beautiful..and men are weak towards her beauty..it's better that she does not expose herself to situations where..setting aside the man...*she* might be harmed..verbally..emotionally..or physically..because sobhanallah..men sometimes notice things about women and weaken about things..which would NEVER cross a woman's mind and can completely shock her in strangeness...so it's best for her to give da'awa to her fellow sisters in deen and gender

jazakallahukhair, but one thing is not clear still, whether the same approach should b taken by BROTHERS while giving dawa or no? i mean a brother can be exposed to harm as well while giving dawa to both male and female. how its fine for them to do so?

 

[a_muslimah86]

jazakallahukhair, but one thing is not clear still, whether the same approach should b taken by BROTHERS while giving dawa or no? i mean a brother can be exposed to harm as well while giving dawa to both male and female. how its fine for them to do so?

Well let's look at it this way...

A woman in nature is less likely to go *express* her interest towards a man...shortly put...her trait of haya'a will probably even prevent her from expressing that interest to another woman...while on the other hand...a man is more likely to do so..and is more likely to persist..and not mind being rejected by a female if he strongly likes her..and try to act on the basis of his interest (i.e. find the woman's contact information..speak to her...etc.)...and at the same time..a man can very sternly turn away an unwanted interest or end a harrassment..even physically if it gets to that level...while a woman is not able to..for a multiple number of reasons..

That's one thing...

Another is...

If you look at lectures..da'awa events..and khutbahs by most scholars in Muslim countries especially...you will see that there is either a partition between the males and the females...that the event is recorded live on tv's and transmitted on a tv in a near by room specified for the sisters...or if the 'Alim is a little relaxed about the matter or adjustments can't be made...you might see that the females sit very far back or above the male audience (on a 2nd floor type of deal)..or on either side of them..in the west..mingling is tadbit more common..so you are more likely to see for example...the females at one side and the males at another...and thus you might assume that measures are not taken to keep *all the males* (including the dae'e) separate or away from the females...

I said this just to clear that matter *specifically*...

Now you might wonder about the Dae'e being a focus point or might be exposed to fitnah as well...

I have stated in my other reply several reasons for the female which make her more likely to be affected...if you turn them around and fit them in for a male...you will see what I mean exactly by saying that a female is more likely to be a bigger focus than a male..

Sister...a female is created in a way that is more attractive than a male (I'm not belittling the males with this..as I am speaking about physical elements strictly)

A woman's body is different than that of a man..I don't need to get into details but you know what I mean...a woman no matter what will always have a very feminine ring or tone to her voice..and it is softer than that of a man (like I stated previously)...men are loud..and have deeper voices..which a lot of times are montonous in a way...even body language..differs between males and females..men use their hands when they talk..women use their facial expressions..for example...and the face is the *center of focus*..add to this..the facial beauty of the woman..and you've got even a *bigger center of focus*...you see what I'm trying to get at?

There is a very clear fact here...*females are more attractive than men*...women are used to seeing men around...but men a lot of times might see 300 or 400 women in an audience and not even know how *one* of them looks like..because their faces are covered

Not minding these differences between men and women in the issue of da'awa...is like raising a question along the lines of...*well if women wear hijab because they're attractive..why won't men wear it too because many of them are attractive as well???*...or *if a man can be an Imam and people can pray behind him..why can't a woman do it???*

In responsibility..action..and accomplishments...men and women can very well be equal...but to each is his/her environment or setting to take care of these responsibilities..commit to action..and accomplish goals..there are biologics which determine this..logic and rational facts..and most importantly...Sharia Laws to abide by...

This is something you must understand...as neither the man or the woman is being prevented from accomplishing something or reaching a position...there are simply guidelines for each to follow which are dictated by the matters I stated above

I hope that I explained myself well...as I am seeing a point and a concept within my head..and I'm trying to put it into words..so if I fail..pardon me for that...

 

[AlQurtubi]

The summary of all posts is that even in giving dawah, we should ahere to islamic rules and so as our discussion with opposite sex in normal life.

The reasons for that have been detailed nicely.

 

[Almeftah]

السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته

The so-called modern society is rife with problems arising from premarital sex and extramarital relations. To many people, freedom means the freedom to do whatever you want with whomever you want. This creates a permissive society, which often means a society where you are permitted to act on impulse and not on thoughtful consideration. The first casualty of this kind of freedom is the dignity of woman.

Today, we find that parties, carnivals, and other free-for-alls have become common in many countries. The consequence of it all is that decency has become an unfashionable word and the female body has degenerated into an object of exhibition and abuse. Thus, the concept of the sanctity of the man-woman relationship is grossly eroded.

All these take their toll on the family. So today we find homes where children live with a single parent, usually a single mother, and they do not have a chance even to know the other parent. These children are denied a pleasant and protective environment at home that is conducive to their healthy development as good members of society. Many parents keep very young children alone at home, locked up, so that they can go out to work, or even to date!

"www.readingislam.com"

Islam does not have this obsession with the idea of "sin" whenever any male and female come into contact. The Muslim society is a "regular" society made up of two genders, mixing together, in all fields of life.

We should not be dominated by such a Freudian mentality. It has never been a segregated society, in the sense many are referring to. there are special characteristics in each culture that may not be in common with other cultures or religions. Islam also has its special cultural characteristics, regarding many issues including its value system.

Although this male/female relationship normally exists in the Muslim society, yet it has a different nature than many other societies. It is actually regulated by certain ethics and heavenly directions that should be respected by Muslims and should not be considered as offensive by people in other religions.

"www.readingislam.com"

Almost every rule and teaching in islam is made in regarde to the wellbeing of the Muslim nation, Thats why as individuals we are obliged to act on thoughtful consideration. For everything we do or say is more likly to effect others, eventually.
Muslim men are brothers to muslim women, But yet are considered strangers to eachother.


Its not right to only blame women for prostitution, But alos we as men have a hand in it by how we look at women and how we treat them.

This may not be the topic, but its all related to the chain of decency.

 

[alooma]

:salam2:


Brother you can talk to *anybody* of the opposite gender..whether they are Muslim or non-Muslim...

BUT!

You have to make sure that it is kept within certain bounds...

1. You have to have a *good* and *specific* reason for why you want to talk to the woman or the sister you're going to talk to. (i.e. you are in school project together..she is someone who handles your papers in a work place..she is a nurse..she is a doctor..she is a member in the same organization you are a member in..she is a teacher or a professor of yours..she is responsible over something you are a part of..or you are her boss..a head of her organization..a teacher of hers....etc.)

2. If there is a way you can avoid talking to her that it is best to resort to that way...(i.e. if a brother or a man can help you with the *same thing*..go to him..even if it will take longer or be harder..but do it just to be safe!)..

3. You should not talk to the woman or the sister when you are both alone (for example in a case when you need to talk to a professor!)...try to talk in a public setting..when there is other people around..or even take someone with you if you can..only so you don't stay alone with her..

4. Keep your talk related to the topic or the issue you intend to ask about..explain..or discuss...try your very very very best to do that..even if things go off topic and your realize it..immediately track it back to its original/main focus..

5. Don't try to be over-friendly..flirty..or funny...I'm not saying be rude and all..but be polite and direct..even if the woman or the sister gets too friendly..remain in control and smile if she laughs or cracks a joke..or back off a little if she gets a little too close..intentionally or unintentionally..point is..if you're there to get work done..you don't need to have a self-disclosure session..or a log of compliments..and a joke or two to tear-up laughing about..that's *not* needed!

You certainly *cannot* however talk to a woman or a sister for the heck of it..or because you feel she can be a good friend...and things of the sort...for example a sister cannot email you..or send you a PM..and say..*I am interested in getting to know you because you live in the same city as I do..here is my email..add me..or here is my number..call me*...even if she says..*I want to get more knowledge from you*...this is not appropriate and is unnecessary..because she can find a sister who can assist her or be friends with her...and of course...the same scenario would apply *to you*..you cannot do that with either...find a brother who can assist you..

You see what I am getting at with all of this?

In our current times...and especially if you live in the west..it would be practically *impossible* to avoid talking to someone of the opposite gender...therefore you have no choice but to be exposed to mingling whether it be verbal and/or physical...but you have to be aware of the bounds of Islamic manners and keep them in mind through-out..and know that Allah watches you and is aware of your thoughts and feelings...and inshallah you will be alright...

And should you begin to have any thoughts beyond asking an innocent/urgent question or explanation...then perhaps it's best that your terminate the communication or find a way to avoid a *potential fitnah*...

I apologize for the length of the post..I wanted to be a little detailed so you can get a better idea of what I mean..and Inshallah I helped out somehow...

Jazakallah khaeran, i really appreciate ur post, coz i was confused before