Ahmed ibn Ibrahim
alhamdulilah
CHAPTER 1: Darkness before dawn.
I can't possibly keep going on like this.
It's unbearable... Knowing the truth, what is better for me, and acting against it simply isn't sustainable. Back when my lifestyle reflected Islam, I didn't go through every moment of each hour across months at a time feeling… guilty. I feel almost empty right now, and talking about an issue from my perspective that is rarely acknowledged is very much humiliating.
It's because this ummahtic problem is so rarely spoken on that I've decided to reach out.
It all started with a single sin. I can trace it back precisely. When I made a mistake that time I did so intentionally, knowing fully the implications, and afterwards I refused to repent. Things were always on the up and up in the beginning, before everything seemed to become so complicated, and whenever I'd make a mistake I would always repent and correct myself. But not that time.
Later on, I committed a second sin. A third after that. Suddenly the challenge of repenting turned into an even more overwhelming task. Days went by, then weeks, then months... At this point I couldn't honestly tell you how many sins I've done in total. =/ It freakin' sucks, eh? Allah (SWT) knows precisely, though; He has each one written down in full and one day I'll be handed that book in review, held to account by the highest court possible.
I'm worried about that day. Are you? Maybe this is what the Christians mean when they say that the fear of God is the beginning of wisdom... 'coz I sure hope so!
My ramblings don't end there: I'm not going to keep on like this! Things are going to change for the better once again, inshaAllah! There's too much at stake and so much good that's yet to be done. I must allow Allah to guide me through my days again if I'm going to make the most out of this life, and the one hereafter! Who knows when I’ll die other than God? There’s so much going on in the world today, and things only seem to be spiraling towards a frightening future... Am I going to die a hypocrite? May Allah (SWT) not fate that for anyone reading these words!
There’s only one way out of this disposition: Complete and total submission to Allah (SWT). Looking up on my dusty bookshelf I see the one book that offers an appropriate Message, complex yet simple. The Message originates from a frequency I cannot see, hear, touch, smell, or taste… but my heart can sense its presence nonetheless. It’s been there all my life, although sometimes I must admit that I’ve ignored it.
Each paragraph challenges my mind, laborious and calculated.
Repenting to God is a lot like going downstairs into the family-room, sitting across from your parents, and taking the initiative to admit that you’ve done something terribly wrong, except that mom and dad don’t decide your soul’s destiny! Doing it or not doing it will ultimately determine character in a person, and the consequences for those choices are often beyond our understanding. Allah (SWT) has promised the ummah of rasulu-Allah that even if our sins were as high as the mountain’s peak He would still forgive everything if we come back to Him with sincere hearts. Our minds must be focused and in complete control of every function that our bodies provide – Our hands, our voices, our actions… all of it must again be brought under submission to Allah (SWT).
What’s holding you back? What can’t you let go of? What part of The Message didn’t you understand?!
To be continued…
I can't possibly keep going on like this.
It's unbearable... Knowing the truth, what is better for me, and acting against it simply isn't sustainable. Back when my lifestyle reflected Islam, I didn't go through every moment of each hour across months at a time feeling… guilty. I feel almost empty right now, and talking about an issue from my perspective that is rarely acknowledged is very much humiliating.
It's because this ummahtic problem is so rarely spoken on that I've decided to reach out.
It all started with a single sin. I can trace it back precisely. When I made a mistake that time I did so intentionally, knowing fully the implications, and afterwards I refused to repent. Things were always on the up and up in the beginning, before everything seemed to become so complicated, and whenever I'd make a mistake I would always repent and correct myself. But not that time.
Later on, I committed a second sin. A third after that. Suddenly the challenge of repenting turned into an even more overwhelming task. Days went by, then weeks, then months... At this point I couldn't honestly tell you how many sins I've done in total. =/ It freakin' sucks, eh? Allah (SWT) knows precisely, though; He has each one written down in full and one day I'll be handed that book in review, held to account by the highest court possible.
I'm worried about that day. Are you? Maybe this is what the Christians mean when they say that the fear of God is the beginning of wisdom... 'coz I sure hope so!
My ramblings don't end there: I'm not going to keep on like this! Things are going to change for the better once again, inshaAllah! There's too much at stake and so much good that's yet to be done. I must allow Allah to guide me through my days again if I'm going to make the most out of this life, and the one hereafter! Who knows when I’ll die other than God? There’s so much going on in the world today, and things only seem to be spiraling towards a frightening future... Am I going to die a hypocrite? May Allah (SWT) not fate that for anyone reading these words!
There’s only one way out of this disposition: Complete and total submission to Allah (SWT). Looking up on my dusty bookshelf I see the one book that offers an appropriate Message, complex yet simple. The Message originates from a frequency I cannot see, hear, touch, smell, or taste… but my heart can sense its presence nonetheless. It’s been there all my life, although sometimes I must admit that I’ve ignored it.
Each paragraph challenges my mind, laborious and calculated.
Repenting to God is a lot like going downstairs into the family-room, sitting across from your parents, and taking the initiative to admit that you’ve done something terribly wrong, except that mom and dad don’t decide your soul’s destiny! Doing it or not doing it will ultimately determine character in a person, and the consequences for those choices are often beyond our understanding. Allah (SWT) has promised the ummah of rasulu-Allah that even if our sins were as high as the mountain’s peak He would still forgive everything if we come back to Him with sincere hearts. Our minds must be focused and in complete control of every function that our bodies provide – Our hands, our voices, our actions… all of it must again be brought under submission to Allah (SWT).
What’s holding you back? What can’t you let go of? What part of The Message didn’t you understand?!
To be continued…
' (yeh im a pro 
jks)
