asalam alaikum warahmatullah
I agree no one has the right to force or coerce anyone into a marriage they would rather not have, parents or not. At the end of the day it is their child stuck with that marriage and they can't get divorced either because it will bring 'shame' to the family. There are instances where an Imaam can conduct a marriage if the girls parents/guardians are refusing to let their daughter marry simply on cultural issues, so I have heard anyway from some people who have had to go down that route for the sake of happiness. Obviously this should be avoided as it causes strain and breaking family relations but there are a few hadiths to consider.
It is not permissible for a woman to be made to marry someone she does not want. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “A previously-married woman should not be married without being consulted, and a virgin should not be married without asking her permission.” They said, “O Messenger of Allaah, how is her permission given?” He said, “By her silence.” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 6455).
‘Aa’ishah reported that a girl came to her and said, “My father married me to his brother’s son in order to raise his social standing, and I did not want this marriage [I was forced into it].” ‘Aa’ishah said, “Sit here until the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) comes. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) came and she told him about the girl. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) sent for her father, then he gave the girl the choice of what to do. She said, “O Messenger of Allaah, I have accepted what my father did, but I wanted to prove something to other women.” (Reported by al-Nisaa’i, 3217).
It was narrated from Khansa’ bint Khizaam al-Ansaariyyah that her father married her off when she had been previously married, and she did not like that. She went to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and he annulled the marriage. Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4845.
The majority of scholars are of the view that if a woman is married off without her consent, then the marriage contract is invalid, because it is a forbidden contract which cannot be validated. This is the view of the Shaafa’is and Hanbalis.
The view of the Hanafis, which was also narrated in one report from Ahmad, is that the contract is dependent upon the woman’s acceptance. If she gives her consent then it is valid, otherwise she may annul it.
Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said, concerning the matter of a father forcing his daughter to marry: It is haraam for a man to force his daughter to marry a man whom she does not want to marry, and what is haraam cannot be validated or implemented, because implementing it or validating it goes against the prohibition that has been narrated. When sharee’ah forbids a matter, then we should not be involved in it or do it. If we validate it, that means that we have becomes involved in it and done it, and we have made it equivalent to the contracts that are permitted in sharee’ah.
Based on this, the correct view is that the marriage arranged by the father to a man whom his daughter does not want as a husband is an invalid marriage, and the contract is invalid, and should be examined by the court.
Anyway parents should also consider that with regard to the conditions and qualities that should be present in the husband, the most important of these is religious commitment. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If there comes to you one with whose religious commitment and character you are pleased, then marry [your daughter or female relative under your care] to him, for if you do not do that there will be fitnah (tribulation) on earth and much corruption.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (1005) and classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi, 1084.
Question:
What are the most important factors for a woman in choosing a husband? If she rejects a righteous man for some worldly reasons, will she be punished by Allaah?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
The most important factors for a woman in choosing a husband are his attitude/behaviour and his commitment to religion. Wealth and lineage are secondary matters. The most important thing is that the potential husband should be religious and have a good attitude, because if a man has religious commitment and a good attitude, a woman has nothing to lose: if he keeps her (remains married to her), he will keep her on a reasonable basis, and if he divorces her, he will set her free on a reasonable basis. Moreover, a man who is religious and has a good attitude will be a blessing to her and her children, for they will learn good manners and religion from him. But if the prospective husband is not like that (is not religious), she should keep away from him, especially those who take the matter of prayer lightly or who are known to drink alcohol. We seek refuge with Allaah.
As for those who do not pray at all, they are kuffaar and it is not permissible for them to marry believing women. It is important for the woman to focus on the matter of attitude and religious commitment. With regard to the matter of lineage, this is a bonus. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If there comes to you (to propose marriage to your daughter etc.) a man with whose religious commitment and attitude you are pleased, then marry (your daughter) to him.”
But if you can manage to ensure compatibility (in terms of lineage and socio-economic status, etc.) as well, then this is better.
Islam QA
) but not everyone falls into the category you defined and there are those muslims like yourself stepping out of the culture barrier and mashallah there are the muslims that like yourself put religion first and then other qualities which are important.
