littlegirl
New Member
Ahsalaam alaikum everyone.
I have written a long time ago about the difficult times i was going through before ramadhaan. * just hope atleast some remembers*
for those who didnt knew i was suffering from really hard days. Shaithan was throwing sinful thoughts on my mind and i didnt know what to do. Not a single a day has passed that i hadnt cried. I wrote earlier that i dont wear hijab but alhamdullilah i do wear now. To be honest i felt like so happy and proud to be a muslim when i wore on the first day of ramadhan and went outside. Those who doesnt wear wear, then you will know how much your life your changes.
Hence, months passed. I am not getting any rid from these thoughts. They are soo bad that i would die than saying that loud. astaghfirullah.. they are really really bad. its not about allah alone, even regarding family, friends... I feel like i should no longer live. But when i think that way i realize to think of such thing is even sin. I dont know how people are at their graves.
I force my self to pray. I pray on time even at fajr prayer i feel proud to wake mom even. I dont know, i just cant sleep. I feel restless if i dont pray. I infact downloaded app to know how many prayers i did on time, sunnah and all. Really, in my life i dont have any aim other than going to heaven.
I want to live a happy life in the world and here after too. But i always end up screwing every day of life.
No matter what i am doing, these thoughts hit me so hard that my mood goes off. I cant study. I cant eat and i am soooo skinny now that i am teenage girl and weights only 38kg.can you blv it? I cant eat, cant concentrate. I am an architecture student. I spend most of my time studying but now nothing is same. I dont go to college to study late thinking cox of these thoughts if i miss prayer for 5 mins even i will end up in hell. prayer, reading quran, respecting parents and family, crying and asking for forgiveness..I try my best to do all the good deeds. My heart melts when i walk and see beggers. I give charity even. despite of that even i still think i will end up in hell cox of these thoughts. sometimes thoughts come like "are u sure what ever u do will be accepted by allah?" astaghfirullah astaghfirullah.. :'(
I changed all the habits. Infact i hate when some plays music. I want to listen too. but i remember its not allowed. I think if i leave this now i will get better here after.
Tonight i am writing down this with a broken heart to you brothers and sisters.
I want to make life better, I just cant get rid from these thoughts. Someone please suggest me what i shall be doing. I am going through a pain which no one understands except allah. I ask for his forgivess everytime. Months passed and i dont feel any better. its 7 months now. I only know what and how it feels like.
I ask everyone of you, who ever reads this, please pray to Allah to take away this pain from me. To take away these thoughts from me. To increase my Iman. To grant me heaven. Grant me Jannath. I dont want to end up in hell. No one understands me when i share this story. I keep on crying and crying yet nothing becomes good.
PLEASE PRAY FOR ME. INCLUDE ME IN UR PRAYER. :'( I really really beg for that. :'(
jazakallah khair.
I have written a long time ago about the difficult times i was going through before ramadhaan. * just hope atleast some remembers*
for those who didnt knew i was suffering from really hard days. Shaithan was throwing sinful thoughts on my mind and i didnt know what to do. Not a single a day has passed that i hadnt cried. I wrote earlier that i dont wear hijab but alhamdullilah i do wear now. To be honest i felt like so happy and proud to be a muslim when i wore on the first day of ramadhan and went outside. Those who doesnt wear wear, then you will know how much your life your changes.
Hence, months passed. I am not getting any rid from these thoughts. They are soo bad that i would die than saying that loud. astaghfirullah.. they are really really bad. its not about allah alone, even regarding family, friends... I feel like i should no longer live. But when i think that way i realize to think of such thing is even sin. I dont know how people are at their graves.
I force my self to pray. I pray on time even at fajr prayer i feel proud to wake mom even. I dont know, i just cant sleep. I feel restless if i dont pray. I infact downloaded app to know how many prayers i did on time, sunnah and all. Really, in my life i dont have any aim other than going to heaven.
I want to live a happy life in the world and here after too. But i always end up screwing every day of life.
No matter what i am doing, these thoughts hit me so hard that my mood goes off. I cant study. I cant eat and i am soooo skinny now that i am teenage girl and weights only 38kg.can you blv it? I cant eat, cant concentrate. I am an architecture student. I spend most of my time studying but now nothing is same. I dont go to college to study late thinking cox of these thoughts if i miss prayer for 5 mins even i will end up in hell. prayer, reading quran, respecting parents and family, crying and asking for forgiveness..I try my best to do all the good deeds. My heart melts when i walk and see beggers. I give charity even. despite of that even i still think i will end up in hell cox of these thoughts. sometimes thoughts come like "are u sure what ever u do will be accepted by allah?" astaghfirullah astaghfirullah.. :'(
I changed all the habits. Infact i hate when some plays music. I want to listen too. but i remember its not allowed. I think if i leave this now i will get better here after.
Tonight i am writing down this with a broken heart to you brothers and sisters.
I want to make life better, I just cant get rid from these thoughts. Someone please suggest me what i shall be doing. I am going through a pain which no one understands except allah. I ask for his forgivess everytime. Months passed and i dont feel any better. its 7 months now. I only know what and how it feels like.
I ask everyone of you, who ever reads this, please pray to Allah to take away this pain from me. To take away these thoughts from me. To increase my Iman. To grant me heaven. Grant me Jannath. I dont want to end up in hell. No one understands me when i share this story. I keep on crying and crying yet nothing becomes good.
PLEASE PRAY FOR ME. INCLUDE ME IN UR PRAYER. :'( I really really beg for that. :'(
jazakallah khair.