She loves me!
- Thread starter ipanda
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:salam2: Brother Ipanda,
First, allow me to speak from my non-Muslim self and say how wonderful it is that you have found someone with whom you feel an abundance of attraction for. I understand that you wanted to only share your joy and that is why you posted.....
Now to speak from my Muslim self <boy am I gonna hear it now..
)
Brother, I know that the members here who have posted seemed to be a bit callous and mean, but in reality, it is their love of their Muslim sister that guided their words. I beg patience with them. You see, no matter how wonderful WE, the non-Muslim behave or speak, in the end, we are still non-Muslim and there are boundaries. We need to not only recognize that, but recognize them and respect them. I applaud you for how you responded, which was with love. That was exactly how you should always respond. That is living by the example of the prophets, Jesus <Isa> being one of them.
I don't fully understand yet the concept of romantic love not being a condition for marriage in Islam, but inshallah <god willing>, I will understand more each day. From what I understand, marriage in Islam is more akin to what we would understand as a contract. The love develops AFTER the intention of marriage is declared <to her Wali>. The Wali is there to ensure that the fog of emotions does NOT interfere with the logic of the reality of marriage. It takes experience and wisdom to be able to see beyond the now and into the later.
Emotional love IS dangerous. It fogs the eyes to the reality that "Hey! I love her to pieces but her faith says that the man is responsible for ensuring that she makes it to heaven in a certain way. That way is not what I believe or are following so in the eyes of her religion, she's going to hell....but that's ok, I love her and that's all that matters."
Is that love? REAL love? No. Real love is being able to stand there and tell her, "I love you so much that I will not allow you to fall because of me....go.".
Not long ago, I had to face that same problem. I have several friends here on TTI that I call my Sisters and Brothers. I would encourage you to learn what the word "Kafir/Kaafir/Kufr" means. You can use this website to help you: http://www.islam-qa.com What I learned was heart wrenching because I knew my own heart was only filled with love and respect. Yet, some of it made sense and this is the religion of the people I professed to love. I didn't want them to believe that they would be going to hell just because of their association with me. I had to make a very hard choice. Do I stay and place them at risk or do I leave for their safety? I even made up an email to my friends explaining, with proofs, why I had to leave TTI and cut off communication with them.
I still have that email and I still work on it from time to time. It was at THAT point that things started to change for me here. I started to truly recognize the limits of my friendships and love. While in the beginning I felt I was not treated with the best of manners, I learned that it was because of their love for each other and dedication to their faith <along with cultural and language barriers> that was the biggest fault. There are some here whom I consider to be more, shall we say, "passionate" about how they demonstrate the teachings of the Qur'an and the example of the prophet and were less than receptive to my presence. There are some here who are some of the best examples I have ever known and with whom have guided me in learning and who have explained things that formally, I had found disturbing or confusing.
It would be a little different if you were a Christian woman seeking to marry a Muslim man. THAT is allowable.......but that is not the case here. In the eyes of Islam, you are causing her eternal pain and damnation. Please understand this.
I suggest to you that you read the ENTIRE section on Marriage, Women and Family....Of particular interest are posts created by Abu Sarah and ditta. They tend to post quite a few wonderful lessons and teachings that make things more understandable and place the Qur'an and Hadiths into perspective.
http://www.turntoislam.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=21
I'm sorry for the pain you are about to experience......you can not say Shahadah for any other reason other than love for Islam, so don't even think about doing it for her.
Good luck...
First, allow me to speak from my non-Muslim self and say how wonderful it is that you have found someone with whom you feel an abundance of attraction for. I understand that you wanted to only share your joy and that is why you posted.....
Now to speak from my Muslim self <boy am I gonna hear it now..
)Brother, I know that the members here who have posted seemed to be a bit callous and mean, but in reality, it is their love of their Muslim sister that guided their words. I beg patience with them. You see, no matter how wonderful WE, the non-Muslim behave or speak, in the end, we are still non-Muslim and there are boundaries. We need to not only recognize that, but recognize them and respect them. I applaud you for how you responded, which was with love. That was exactly how you should always respond. That is living by the example of the prophets, Jesus <Isa> being one of them.
I don't fully understand yet the concept of romantic love not being a condition for marriage in Islam, but inshallah <god willing>, I will understand more each day. From what I understand, marriage in Islam is more akin to what we would understand as a contract. The love develops AFTER the intention of marriage is declared <to her Wali>. The Wali is there to ensure that the fog of emotions does NOT interfere with the logic of the reality of marriage. It takes experience and wisdom to be able to see beyond the now and into the later.
Emotional love IS dangerous. It fogs the eyes to the reality that "Hey! I love her to pieces but her faith says that the man is responsible for ensuring that she makes it to heaven in a certain way. That way is not what I believe or are following so in the eyes of her religion, she's going to hell....but that's ok, I love her and that's all that matters."
Is that love? REAL love? No. Real love is being able to stand there and tell her, "I love you so much that I will not allow you to fall because of me....go.".
Not long ago, I had to face that same problem. I have several friends here on TTI that I call my Sisters and Brothers. I would encourage you to learn what the word "Kafir/Kaafir/Kufr" means. You can use this website to help you: http://www.islam-qa.com What I learned was heart wrenching because I knew my own heart was only filled with love and respect. Yet, some of it made sense and this is the religion of the people I professed to love. I didn't want them to believe that they would be going to hell just because of their association with me. I had to make a very hard choice. Do I stay and place them at risk or do I leave for their safety? I even made up an email to my friends explaining, with proofs, why I had to leave TTI and cut off communication with them.
I still have that email and I still work on it from time to time. It was at THAT point that things started to change for me here. I started to truly recognize the limits of my friendships and love. While in the beginning I felt I was not treated with the best of manners, I learned that it was because of their love for each other and dedication to their faith <along with cultural and language barriers> that was the biggest fault. There are some here whom I consider to be more, shall we say, "passionate" about how they demonstrate the teachings of the Qur'an and the example of the prophet and were less than receptive to my presence. There are some here who are some of the best examples I have ever known and with whom have guided me in learning and who have explained things that formally, I had found disturbing or confusing.
It would be a little different if you were a Christian woman seeking to marry a Muslim man. THAT is allowable.......but that is not the case here. In the eyes of Islam, you are causing her eternal pain and damnation. Please understand this.
I suggest to you that you read the ENTIRE section on Marriage, Women and Family....Of particular interest are posts created by Abu Sarah and ditta. They tend to post quite a few wonderful lessons and teachings that make things more understandable and place the Qur'an and Hadiths into perspective.
http://www.turntoislam.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=21
I'm sorry for the pain you are about to experience......you can not say Shahadah for any other reason other than love for Islam, so don't even think about doing it for her.
Good luck...
MohammedMaksudul
May Allah Forgive us
:salam2:
May Allah, The Exalted, The Most Great Guide and Forgive all of us.
May Allah, The Exalted, The Most Great Guide and Forgive all of us.
a_stranger
Junior Member
Islam teaches that true devotion the most love and complete gratitude should be directed to Allah subhanahu wa taala who created us out of nothing who is nourishing us, giving light to our eyes making us hear , feel ...........etc. live .....this what faith in Isla means you love your creator the most love with most humility ......you love all the creatures for the sake of Allah .......but you can never enjoy living with someone turn his heart and emotions to a creature like him and turnawy from his creator ......May be Allah want you to turnto him with sincerity ....that is why he make you love this sister ;
I know this thread is closed, and we even have a spin-off of it, but I just wanted to place a few final points. I don't believe anyone here does not 'care' for you, but just wishes for you to notice and see a few things. Islam is not just a name of a religion, but a way of life for us... and in it there are certain guidelines.
The first being that although - yes love is acknowledged, it has its boundaries. Firstly there exists the love of the commonality of religion, there's the love of family, and there's a love between a man and a woman. The last is brought together and established through the bonds of marriage. Does that mean that there will not be love before marriage? No, there very will may be, as love is a true emotion and many scholars have written about it.
But the solution given is that the two who love each other - get married. There is no period of 'dating', no hidden romantic relationship. It is something known and accepted among the people. However, the condition lies in the husband being Muslim. Why you might ask? Because in Islaam both the husband and the wife have certain rights. They have responsibilities to each other, and the wife to her husband has certain obligations. Where will this lead if he is not Muslim? If she is devoted as you say, there will be conflict with herself and with you. It's not about the rose-colored world of the present, but the outlook for the future.
The most precious thing to us is our Islaam, so please understand this. It's not that you are being left uncared for, but when we see something that will pull our sister in Islaam away from her religion, away from her family and the principles we hold true, are we to be expected to take it lying down? It's a consideration we ask of you.
And if you do feel for her as you say, then realize it is in both of your best interests, that you leave her for now and take time to actually look into Islaam. It's not about reading just reading the Qur'an, but actually looking into Islaam. Maybe doing so you'll be able to learn more about it, and then judge your relationship.
So please let us care for you more, by showing us your sincerity to understand Islaam. Trust me you'll find us along with you every step of the way for whatever help or resources you might need. From learning who Allaah is, to what Islaam teaches, anything you'd like to know. To look out for the both of you, consider this step first and leave the emotions on the back burner. Even if you see many other Muslims doing it - it doesnt mean that's what Islaam teaches, take a bit of time and sincerity and we hope to show you what it does teach.
I hope you stick around, not for her - but for yourself -- and give yourself a chance to see what Islam really is.
The first being that although - yes love is acknowledged, it has its boundaries. Firstly there exists the love of the commonality of religion, there's the love of family, and there's a love between a man and a woman. The last is brought together and established through the bonds of marriage. Does that mean that there will not be love before marriage? No, there very will may be, as love is a true emotion and many scholars have written about it.
But the solution given is that the two who love each other - get married. There is no period of 'dating', no hidden romantic relationship. It is something known and accepted among the people. However, the condition lies in the husband being Muslim. Why you might ask? Because in Islaam both the husband and the wife have certain rights. They have responsibilities to each other, and the wife to her husband has certain obligations. Where will this lead if he is not Muslim? If she is devoted as you say, there will be conflict with herself and with you. It's not about the rose-colored world of the present, but the outlook for the future.
The most precious thing to us is our Islaam, so please understand this. It's not that you are being left uncared for, but when we see something that will pull our sister in Islaam away from her religion, away from her family and the principles we hold true, are we to be expected to take it lying down? It's a consideration we ask of you.
And if you do feel for her as you say, then realize it is in both of your best interests, that you leave her for now and take time to actually look into Islaam. It's not about reading just reading the Qur'an, but actually looking into Islaam. Maybe doing so you'll be able to learn more about it, and then judge your relationship.
So please let us care for you more, by showing us your sincerity to understand Islaam. Trust me you'll find us along with you every step of the way for whatever help or resources you might need. From learning who Allaah is, to what Islaam teaches, anything you'd like to know. To look out for the both of you, consider this step first and leave the emotions on the back burner. Even if you see many other Muslims doing it - it doesnt mean that's what Islaam teaches, take a bit of time and sincerity and we hope to show you what it does teach.
I hope you stick around, not for her - but for yourself -- and give yourself a chance to see what Islam really is.
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