some nice halal jokes i found online

Wannabemuslim

Junior Member
I had to share these, i think they are very funny. There are others i wish i could share but they have already been posted on this website prier.
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An elderly lady was well-known for her Iman and for her confidence in talking about it. She would stand in front of her house and say Alhamdulilah "Allah be praised" to all those who passed by.

Next door to her lived an atheist who would get so angry at her proclamations he would shout, "There ain't no Lord!!" Hard times came upon the elderly lady, and she prayed for Allah to send her some assistance. She would pray out loud in her night prayer" Oh Allah! I need food!! I am having a hard time, please Lord, PLEASE LORD, SEND ME SOME GROCERIES!!"

The atheist happened to hear her as she was praying, and decided to play a prank on her. The next morning the lady went out on her porch and noted a large bag of groceries and shouted, "Alhamdulilah, Allah be praised!." The neighbor jumped from behind a bush and said, "Aha! I told you there was no Lord. I bought those groceries, God didn't." The lady started jumping up and down and clapping her hands and said, "ALHAMDULILAH WA SHUKRILLAH”. He not only sent me groceries, but he made the devil pay for them!"
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A muslim couple where on a plane headed for morroco, in front of them sat two Americans on a work trip. The men behind of the muslims where talking one said"man does this suck, my boss is making me go to morroco on a work trip, i heard there are many muslims there" the person sitting next to him responded "oh you dont know anything ive been to suidi arabia, more muslims there than any where else, im happy its over". his partner responded "all this talk reminds me of my trip to france WAY to many muslims over there.

The muslim man insulted turned his head to them and politly said "mabey you should go to HELL, i heard there arnt to many muslims there."
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An Imam was selling his horse in the market. An interested buyer came to him and requested if he could get a test drive. The Imam told the man that this horse is unique. In order to make it walk, you have to say Subhanallah. To make it run, you have to say Alhamdulillah and to make it stop, you have to say Allahu Akbar.

The man sat on the horse and said Subhanallah. The horse started to walk. Then he said Alhamdulillah and it started to run. He kept saying Alhamdulillah and the horse started running faster and faster. All of a sudden the man noticed that the horse is running towards the edge of the hill that he was riding on.

Being overly fearful, he forgot how to stop the horse. He kept saying all these words out of confusion. When the horse was just near the edge, he remembered Allahu Akbar and said it out loud. The horse stopped just one step away from the edge. The man took a deep breath, looked up towards the sky and said Alhamdulillah!
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I will try to find some more later, Its such a confusing world and sometimes a joke once and a while make the world in a small way a better place please tell me if these jokes are:SMILY308: if they are i will cease to post them
 

Wannabemuslim

Junior Member
Heard all of them except for the last..and it's the funniest one. :D

al salaam aleikum, i think that it would be nice if there where more jokes like these, ive been to tti and i tried my hardest to make sure these jokes were not shared here before, but alas.

But i suppose the prophet Muhammad (pbuh) did say that the amount of joking should be like the salt on ones food. And surely this world wasnt made for us to tell jokes:astag:
 

kashif_nazeer

~~~Alhamdulillah~~~
:salam2:

Nice thread bro.
My friend related this joke to me.I don't mean to offend anyone by this,it is just meant to make us smile,as there is a hadith that says bringing a smile on the face of your brother is a charity.Here it goes::

interesting but true+funny : egyptian pronounce Jeem "ج" as GAAF...so Jamaal is Gamaal in Egyptian arabic... one of my friend's father was in Haram and he heard an egyptian praying "Ya Allah! aatini GANNAH"... meaning O Allah Grant me Jannah... and .... pronouncing Jannah as GAN-nah... in urdu the word Gannah means Sugar-Cane... There were few Pakistani guys standing near to that egyptian... and friends father noticed them saying to each other in confusion... If he needed Sugar-cane (Gannah), he should go to Pakistan. why he came to Makkah.

:lol:


:wasalam:
 
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