Spiritual STruggle - Existential Experience

[Precious Star]

I am going through a profound existential experience right now, due to significant events have happened to me recently. I have been praying A LOT for answers and advice, but can't seem to get divine intuition. Its a complicated issue.

First, the concept of dua and asking God for His divine mercy...I believe so much in that! When I was younger, God did help me when I called out to Him. Overall, he has blessed me with good things in this life. However, I recently went through a very, very terrible heartbreak. My soul has not healed, and because I am grieving so badly my soul is still not healing. I am dealing with many losses.

Second, people tell me to keep praying and things will turn around for me. I believe that, but at the same time I've never known it to happen to others. Its like I am looking for water in a desert. Somehow, people think that with prayer, that water will pop up -- just like zamzam! I have met many very virtuous people who have prayed and prayed, yet still they are faced with very difficult circumstances. In particular, I am thinking of so many women living in Canada and other western nations that have been unsuccessful in finding a muslim spouse. I have yet to meet a woman who has married after age 35. That disheartens me so much, because many of these women pray and pray and pray....yet life continues as-is. I once knew a young refugee from Somalia. She had no family. She had suffered from femal genital mutilation as a girl in Somalia. In Canada, she had no family but lived a virtuous life cleaning the local islamic centre school. She lived alone in a small apartment, but was satisfied with interacting with the children at the school, attending quran classes, and being independent. Her English is poor but she manages. Suddenly she was in a terrible car accident and she cannot work as a janitor anymore. Her loneliness was so profound...she had no one to take care of her....she just spent her days in her apartment, and that is where she will remain. She keeps praying, fasting, and reading Quran, but her life is so sad and lonely now.

do women like this somali lady, just keep going until death?

why doesn't God answer her prayers? After all of her suffering and loneliness, why couldn't God give her a nice husband and children, instead of a bad car accident and more loneliness?

These are the questions I ask myself as I continue to pray to Allah SWT. At age 40, childless and husbandless, and elderly parents who will not be here forever, I ask myself...am I being unrealistic in praying for my own zamzam, so to speak? I have prayed for over 10 years for my zamzam...a loving husband...healthy babies...joy in my life... and for a few brief months at age 39 I CAME CLOSE but it all fell apart. Has God given me my answer?

There is divine wisdom in everything that has happened. I believe that. What I am having a harder time with is, if God did not want to answer my prayers, then why did He not give me peace in my heart, instead of a broken heart? And now that I have a broken heart and a terrible sense of grief over lost love and the lost opportunity to have a family of my own, why isn't God repairing my broken heart so that I am content with what I don't have? At age 40, I am no further ahead than I was at age 30. And at age 30, I thought it was just a matter of time. I've run out of coping mechanisms.

I have heard so many stories. People that experience heartbreak and grief turn their minds to Allah, they read Quran, they pray Tahajjud, they read dua constantly.....and these people still don't get their prayers answered. I am not suggesting that God must answer our prayers...He surely does not have to if He does not wish it...But, shouldn't we be given peace in our hearts instead?

Is it possible that I will pray and pray for the next 10 years (just like I have for the past 10 years) and nothing will change in my life? If so, how do I accept that? Do I pray for an early death?

 

[abdul-aziz]

:salam2:

suggestion, you stated things that have gone wrong. Why don't you get a sheet a paper out and start keeping track of every little thing you could think of. Good or not so good.

make +1 for good
neutral +1
make -1 for bad

see what you come up with.

just my suggestion.

 

[sachin4islam]

Assalam Alaikum: Sister.

Prayers are to be followed by sincere efforts and efforts are to be followed by Prayers. It will InshaAllah be conducive.

I had recurrent Disphagia since 2003. I went for upper G.I endoscopy and it revealed no ailment or pathology. The Disphagia continued and continued. Every time I would question my father,who is a Doctor,he would carelessly ignore me,labeling my problem as irrelevant. Once my uncle who is an E.N.T surgeon said " if a condition is not being resolved,enjoy living amidst this difficult condition. It worked and worked. And Alhamdulillah my problem resolved.

Accept living with such adverse conditions,InshaAllah it will some day based on your effort will automatically resolve.

May Allah bless you and ease circumstances in your favor.

By the way use little simple vocabulary,it will ease understanding your post.

 

[BegumRehana]

Asalamwalaikum..May Allah ease your pain.
But my suggestion is that if you go through hardship in this life surely Allah has planned something good for the hereafter. I know you may be feeling Allah isn't responding to your prayers, but you should never give up, because it may be a test from Allah SWT of how long you can wait for the answer, it is alway's mentioned to remain As-Sabirun because this increases your faith, trust and imaan.
Prophet Muhammad [Peace Be Upon Him] said, "...and he who remains
patient, Allah will bestow patience upon him, and he who is satisfied
with what he has, Allah will make him self-sufficient. And there is no
gift better and vast (you may be given) than PATIENCE." - SubhanAllah!!
[Sahih Bukhari Volume 8, Book 76, Number 477]
It may be hard to undertsand this because your the person going through it but Allah is Al-Baseer and As-Samee..He is the All-Knowing, "If you make intense supplication and the timing of the answer is delayed, do not despair of it. Allah (SWT) reply to you is guaranteed; but in the way He chooses, not the way you choose, and at the moment He desires, not the moment you desire"
May Allah guide us all..And Allah knows Best..ameen.

 

[BegumRehana]

Having the good things in life is what most people think is God's blessings. But Islam teaches us that the good things in life are a contingent blessing! That is, if one thanks God for them by being good and faithful, then they are a blessing indeed. But, if one becomes occupied with them or does not thank God for them and starts to think that he deserves them, then they are a curse and not a blessing. Why? Because "the Hereafter is the life, if they only knew" (29:64). Thus, anything that does not improve our chances for Paradise is not a good thing even if it looks like a very good thing.

Likewise is hardship! Even hardship is contingent. If one endures it with faith in God that He will alleviate it, then it was a blessing in disguise! If one cannot bear them out and starts to feels discontentment or resentment, then it was a punishment. A test of faith they failed in.



Heartbreaks can be as wrenching as the loss of a loved one. When my father died, may God bless his and my mother's souls, I honestly didn't know how any day could pass. I felt constant torment and time wasn't moving. Grief is legitimate and weeping for loss is allowed. But endurance and acceptance are the lessons to be learned from loss and hardship. The longer it takes for those lessons to be learned, the longer it takes the soul to heal.



Perhaps you are. Your grief is legitimate but it has put you in a box. You have predefined what God's answer should be! If, on the other hand, you are confident that He has already answered your prayers, then you have freed yourself from that box. God's answer is not always obvious.



Now you're predefining what God's answer should be for other people too. God does not forget anyone. He gives everybody what is best for them. We will see it all in detail and finally understand it on the Day of Settlement.



Not if you will recognize your Zamzam when it comes to you. This, of course, is easier said than done. That's why faith, as Islam defines it, is not easy. It's a balance between trust in God, acceptance of what He gives us, and working hard to achieve our goals. All are required!



Not necessarily. One pitfall people fall into a lot is that they interpret things as God's will and stop trying. Everything is by God's will, and part of His will is that things follow the earthly laws He created and set in motion.



It works the other way around! First, you accept and be content, then God grants you peace of mind. "He knew what is in their hearts, so He sent down tranquility upon them, and granted them a near opening" (48:18)

God answered your prayers, but you can't see the answer just yet. You will in time.

:ma: This is soo true!

 

[Precious Star]

Perhaps you are. Your grief is legitimate but it has put you in a box. You have predefined what God's answer should be! If, on the other hand, you are confident that He has already answered your prayers, then you have freed yourself from that box. God's answer is not always obvious.
What do you mean, by grief has put me in a box?
So should i accept that God has given me His answer -- if so, doesn't that mean that to obtain peace in my heart I have to stop praying for what (and for whom) my heart desires?


Now you're predefining what God's answer should be for other people too. God does not forget anyone. He gives everybody what is best for them. We will see it all in detail and finally understand it on the Day of Settlement.
Yes, that is what is perplexing me....that I should accept that certain joys will bypass me, and instead I should wait patiently for death. But dying alone and unloved is a hard, bitter pill to swallow, especially when you are 40 and have (potentially) another 30 years to go!


God answered your prayers, but you can't see the answer just yet. You will in time.[/QUOTE]
What do you mean, God answered my prayers? I just don't know how to interpret that! When you say that I will see the answer in time....again this goes back to my heartrenchign question...do you mean, I will see the answer upon my death?

 

[Ahsen]

I can't tell you about your grief.but why can't you find good muslim men in canada?If no then you should look somewhere else.

 

[Precious Star]

OK, Ayman. In searching for my own personal zamzam, in praying heartfelt prayers day and night for this zamzam (as I have been doing for 10 years), am I presumptious in thinking that God will hold me as dear as the wife of Abraham, and grant me what I desire?

Aren't I in essence praying for a miracle? Is that wrong? Will that cause me further torment?

Or do I ACCEPT that the zamzam I want is unattainable and instead focus on alternatives?

 

[Abdul Hasib]

Assalamu Aleykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakaathuh Untie.

Sheikh, I am 29 years old, I have not married yet. I always ask Allah to bless me with a righteous husband who helps me religiously and in life. I am sure that Allah will answer my prayer soon. I know all the preferable times of making dua. My problem is that I feel that every act worship I do is being done for the sake of answering my prayer. I fast because the dua of a fasting person will be answered, I pray late at night because making dua while praying late at night is accepted, I pray the sunan so that I become closer to Allah that He accepts my dua. In brief; I feel that all my worship is not purely for the sake of Allah, and this feeling suffocates me. What shall I do?
Another thing is I am very tired because of remaining unmarried, I keep asking Allah knowing that He is the most generous, most bounteous, but I fear my sins, I fear my dua is not being answered because of my sins, what shall I do? Please sheikh, advise me and make dua for me. Please, please, ask Allah to bless me with a righteous husband, better than I deserve. May Allah reward you and bless you with the highest paradise.



Praise be to Allaah.
Allaah, may He be blessed and exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):
“it may be that you dislike a thing and Allaah brings through it a great deal of good”
[al-Nisa’ 4:19]
“and it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allaah knows but you do not know”
[al-Baqarah 2:216].
It was narrated that Ibn ‘Abbaas said: I was riding behind the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) one day and he said: “O boy, I shall teach you some words. Be mindful Allaah and He will take care of you. Be mindful of Allaah and He will protect you. If you ask then ask of Allaah, and if you seek help then seek help from Allaah. Know that if the nation were to gather together to benefit you in some way, they would not benefit you except in something that Allaah has decreed for you, and if they were to gather together to harm you in some way, they would not harm you except in something that Allaah has decreed for you. The pens have been lifted and the pages have dried.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (2516).
You should note that what you have to do is to be content with your situation and realize that what Allaah has chosen for you is the best, and you missing out on something may be a good thing.
Do not let the whispers of the accursed shaytaan affect you and lead you every which way. Rather you should be as our Lord likes you to be, and accept His decree and thank Him for His blessings. Ponder the blessings that Allaah has bestowed upon you, and do not worry. Keep yourself busy with worship of Allaah and make a program for yourself so that you can wake up for Fajr prayer and then read Qur’aan and adkhaar and du’aas. Attend lectures and reminders and Islamic conferences. Through this program you will be able to relax and find peace of mind. Always comfort yourself with the words of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) “How wonderful is the situation of the believer, for all his affairs are good. If something good happens to him, he gives thanks for it and that is good for him; if something bad happens to him, he bears it with patience, and that is good for him. This does not apply to anyone but the believer.” Narrated by Muslim (2999).
Be kind to yourself, and remember that there are millions of women like you who are not married, but many of them may be happier than many of those who are married.
May Allaah open your heart to contentment with His decree and give you peace of mind about your situation, and fill your heart with happiness. You are better off than many others!
Does your sorrow at not being married increase when you see a woman and her husband and children going on a trip? Does this remind you that you are alone and without a husband and children?
Does it make you feel that you have been wronged, or that you are unfortunate, or that you are deprived?
Wait a minute, do not let these negative feelings and frustrations prevail over you and increase your sense of sadness and sorrow.
You have seen only one aspect of this family’s life, but there are many other aspects that you have not seen.
Perhaps if you saw the wife who has a hard-hearted husband who shows no compassion, and you heard her complaints about her continual suffering with him, you would praise Allaah for saving you from marriage.
If you sit with a divorced woman who laments her fate and says that she regrets having married, and you listen to her as she complains about how much she put up with and how much she suffered until she got her divorce, and regained her sense of security, perhaps you will praise Allaah for not having got married and suffered what she has suffered.
If you think about what thousands of wives are suffering and what may others whose marriages ended in divorce have had to put up with, this will reduce many of the feelings of regret that you have because of not being married.
This way of thinking will dispel your feeling of having been hard done by, and will replace those feelings with a beautiful sense of contentment, which will earn you the pleasure of Allaah, as I told you in the previous message.
Remember your friend’s complaints about her husband yelling and being angry all the time, and how you have been saved from that.
Remember your neighbour who left her home weeping after her husband beat her and hurt her.
“I have reached my forties and am not married, and I praise Allaah for everything that He has decreed for me. At first I felt sad and upset whenever I was alone, and I regretted my misfortune every time one of my friends got married. I did not have any conditions or specific characteristics in the man I wanted to marry; I was prepared to accept any righteous man. But years went by without this man coming to me. I began to withdraw from people so that I would not see their looks of pity but I could not escape them completely, because I would see them in the eyes of my parents and siblings who would pray for me every time they saw me. One day at the end of Sha’baan, as we were preparing for the blessed month of Ramadaan, Allaah guided me to keep a Mus-haf just for myself. I decided to read the whole Qur’aan and I found it very difficult to read it because I had stopped reading for the last ten years. I also found it difficult to understand some verses, so I bought a book of Tafseer (commentary) and I started to read it so that I could understand the verses of Qur'aan that I was reading. Ramadaan ended but my attachment to the Book of Allaah did not stop; I carried on reading the verses of Allaah and reading the commentary thereon.
“Then came the day when I read the verse in Soorat al-Kahf (interpretation of the meaning): Wealth and children are the adornment of the life of this world. But the good righteous deeds that last, are better with your Lord for rewards and better in respect of hope [al-Kahf 18:46]. I wondered, what does the good righteous deeds that last’ mean? I found in the Tafseer that it refers to all righteous deeds.
“I fell in love with righteous deeds such as prayer, fasting, charity, tasbeeh, tahmeed, tahleel and takbeer. Happiness began to fill my heart and I became content. I praised Allaah greatly for guiding me to this path and teaching me these things.”
Sister Umm Yamaan adds:
“But this is not a call for monasticism, rather it is a call to accept the will and decree of Allaah.”
Ghayr Mutazawwajaat walakin Sa’eedaat (Unmarried but Happy) 1/4-7 by Muhammad Rasheed al-‘Uwayd.
But every girl should understand that the purpose of life is to be a true slave of Allaah in both the specific and general senses. If she has the opportunity to establish a Muslim household, then the girl will be worshipping Allaah by getting married and raising children, and raising for us the generation that we want.
But if that does not happen, then the ways of worshipping Allaah in general are many, foremost among which is calling people to Allaah. So she should focus on women who have deviated from the path of Allaah and take them as her daughters and guide them to the straight path of Allaah. “The one who calls people to guidance will have a reward equal to theirs, without it detracting from their reward in the slightest.”
So regard the Muslim community as your home, and be like a beacon of guidance, truth, justice and knowledge, and let us advise one another to adhere to truth and patience. “Surely, Allaah wastes not the reward of the Muhsinoon [those who do good]” [al-Tawbah 9:120].

Ghayr Mutazawwajaat walakin Sa’eedaat (Unmarried but Happy) 1/12 by Muhammad Rasheed al-‘Uwayd.


See also the answer to questions no. 2124 and 72257.

http://www.islamqa.com/en/ref/112172/unmarried women

If you want, you can try adopting children, but remember, raising children is a BIG responsibility; the way that you raise them will determine their personality in the future (whether they will be righteous or sinful), and then the weight of all that will be upon you.

Surah Abasaa (Chapter 80)

"That Day shall a man flee from his brother, (34) And from his mother and his father, (35) And from his wife and his children. (36) Everyman, that Day, will have enough to make him careless of others. (37)"

Suratul Zukhruh (43)

"Friends on that Day will be enemies one to another except Al-Muttaqûn (those who are always concious/aware/mindful of Allah SWT) (67)"

Also, I think it's good for you to have good company (meaning, being around/hanging out with other sisters, ones who are around your age/who you can get along with fine), TRUST me Unti, it helps releive the sadness/lonliness.

And if you don't get that special companion (a perfect husband) in this world, remember that it's best to:

1.) Remember that Allah (SWT) has decreed it upon you for your own good (because he CARES about you)

2.) Whatever happened was for the best

3.) Be thankful and grateful for everthing that Allah (SWT) HAS given you (air to breathe, sustenance, etc.) and remember that He would NOT have given it to you if He did not Love you.

4.) Try to increase yourself in Love and Loyalty to Allah (SWT) (Wala')

Because WALLAHI, it is the BEST thing that helps a saddened/distressed heart, and really Unti, if someone has their heart filled with the Love, Loyalty, Admiration, and Yearning for Allah (SWT), then Allah (SWT) fills their heart with Light, and sadness/stress/lonliness never comes in their heart, and it's true. One great example is Maryam (the mother of Esa AS); she was single her ENTIRE life, but she did not care to get married, and why? Because her heart was filled with Love to Allah (SWT), and from constantly spending her time in worshipping, remembering, praising/glorifying, contemplating (upon his Greatness and Mercy), her heart felt close and content with Allah (SWT). And the same goes many others, such as Sh. Ibn Taymiyyah and his close student, Ibn Qayyim (RAH).

5.) Spend alot of time in Ebadah (Worship, both Obligatory and Optional)

And make sure that your intention is to get closer to Allah (SWT), and for no other reason

And after all the above, remember Unti, that Allah (SWT) will provide you with the BEST companionship, either in this world, or even better, the Akirah.

Wallahu Atlaamu Minaa.

https://www.almansari.net/play.php?catsmktba=12415

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TsY07lvYfQY

https://www.youtube.com/completeholyquran

 

[zainali]

assalamualikum im really sorry after hearing you , may allah swt bless u with peace of mind and may allah swt bring a life where ur always happy inshallah ,

sis i know the pain ur going through i can never feel it , but u have to be patient and i know saying it is easy and doing it is hard , but for a second just think do we have any options , just believe in allah swt and inshallah one day allah swt will listen to u and u know what that day u'l be so happy and u'l back and think of the hard time and will say allahuakbar surely i stood in the right path and allah swt has blessed me alhamulillah ,

sis when there is hard time there are two ways , one we get really close to allah swt that we stop feeling the pain in our life or may be we can handle the pain in our life and second thing may allah swt keep us all away from it , we might go completely away from allah swt may allah swt forbid it on us ameen ,

we are muslims and we should just have complete faith on allah swt should alway ask allah swt for help and u know have this concrete feeling in our heart that yes one day allah swt will fullfil my wish , yes its not today but sure allah swt is listening to my prayers and one day inshallah he'l listen to me and will grant me my wishes inshallah ,

what it does is it'l make us more strong to face the problem and second is we are getting strong in imaan too alhamdullillah ,

and sis when i have problems in my life i try to see some one who has even more problems in there life and i pray for that person that may allah swt easy his or her problems and second thing i thank allah swt for giving me this life with lesser problems then other ,

please sis dont worry inshallah allah swt will and is always listening to our dua's , dont be disheartened .

 

[The_truth]

I am going through a profound existential experience right now, due to significant events have happened to me recently. I have been praying A LOT for answers and advice, but can't seem to get divine intuition. Its a complicated issue.

First, the concept of dua and asking God for His divine mercy...I believe so much in that! When I was younger, God did help me when I called out to Him. Overall, he has blessed me with good things in this life. However, I recently went through a very, very terrible heartbreak. My soul has not healed, and because I am grieving so badly my soul is still not healing. I am dealing with many losses.

Second, people tell me to keep praying and things will turn around for me. I believe that, but at the same time I've never known it to happen to others. Its like I am looking for water in a desert. Somehow, people think that with prayer, that water will pop up -- just like zamzam! I have met many very virtuous people who have prayed and prayed, yet still they are faced with very difficult circumstances. In particular, I am thinking of so many women living in Canada and other western nations that have been unsuccessful in finding a muslim spouse. I have yet to meet a woman who has married after age 35. That disheartens me so much, because many of these women pray and pray and pray....yet life continues as-is. I once knew a young refugee from Somalia. She had no family. She had suffered from femal genital mutilation as a girl in Somalia. In Canada, she had no family but lived a virtuous life cleaning the local islamic centre school. She lived alone in a small apartment, but was satisfied with interacting with the children at the school, attending quran classes, and being independent. Her English is poor but she manages. Suddenly she was in a terrible car accident and she cannot work as a janitor anymore. Her loneliness was so profound...she had no one to take care of her....she just spent her days in her apartment, and that is where she will remain. She keeps praying, fasting, and reading Quran, but her life is so sad and lonely now.

do women like this somali lady, just keep going until death?

why doesn't God answer her prayers? After all of her suffering and loneliness, why couldn't God give her a nice husband and children, instead of a bad car accident and more loneliness?

These are the questions I ask myself as I continue to pray to Allah SWT. At age 40, childless and husbandless, and elderly parents who will not be here forever, I ask myself...am I being unrealistic in praying for my own zamzam, so to speak? I have prayed for over 10 years for my zamzam...a loving husband...healthy babies...joy in my life... and for a few brief months at age 39 I CAME CLOSE but it all fell apart. Has God given me my answer?

There is divine wisdom in everything that has happened. I believe that. What I am having a harder time with is, if God did not want to answer my prayers, then why did He not give me peace in my heart, instead of a broken heart? And now that I have a broken heart and a terrible sense of grief over lost love and the lost opportunity to have a family of my own, why isn't God repairing my broken heart so that I am content with what I don't have? At age 40, I am no further ahead than I was at age 30. And at age 30, I thought it was just a matter of time. I've run out of coping mechanisms.

I have heard so many stories. People that experience heartbreak and grief turn their minds to Allah, they read Quran, they pray Tahajjud, they read dua constantly.....and these people still don't get their prayers answered. I am not suggesting that God must answer our prayers...He surely does not have to if He does not wish it...But, shouldn't we be given peace in our hearts instead?

Is it possible that I will pray and pray for the next 10 years (just like I have for the past 10 years) and nothing will change in my life? If so, how do I accept that? Do I pray for an early death?

Asalaamu Alaikum,

My sister the way we can get through hardships and difficult tests that we may be going through in life is to firstly internalise in our minds that this life is a test ground and we are in an examination but we do not know when this examination will end but whilst the examination is taking place we are being rigorously tested and at times we are tested until breaking piont just to see whether or not we will turn towards Allah or go away from him.

We must also internalise that Allah ONLY tests those who he wants close to him. Therefore the tests that we go through in our lives clearly show Allah is wanting us to turn towards him and be closer to him. This is in fact a great privelage. The greater the tests we go through the more Allah is wanting to raise our ranks in the hereafter.

Therefore if we really want to know the best way to approach huge trials and tests then we should simply realise that the bigger the tests we are going through then the higher Allah is wanting to raise our ranks in the hererafter. Trials are a truly blessing in disguise. All Allah wants from us is for us to turn towards him in meekness and humbleness and for us to be patient and to turn to him in prayer and dua. Picture that fact that Allah loves it when his servant is in desperate need, crying to him for help for Allah tends to those who cry and sob to him immediatley just as a mother tends to its baby promptly when it is crying.

We should also internalise the fact that tests actually differentiate us believers from one another in terms of ranking in the eyes of Allah and therefore we should know that those who are tested and are patient are forgiven of their sins as sins falls off a person who is patient through trials just. Therefore we should realise that us being tested with trials and tests will NEVER go unrewarded for Allah rewards how much he wants to those who are patient through trials and those who turn towards him in humility and meekness.

It may be that a person who has experienced great trials in the world faces Allah on the day of judgement with little or no sins. So tests are a way of Allah forgiving a person of their sins so that on the day of judgement they have a much lighter load. Rasulallah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) has called the day of judgement a "terrible" day and surely on this terrible day we would want as less sins as possible in our accounts if we are to be successful. Therefore these trials and tests are very important for us because they enable us to be forgiven for countless sins that would be a huge burden on us if it were in our accounts but due to the huge tests we faced with patience turning to Allah then it may be that we have very little or no sins at all on that day. The greater the trial the more sins fall off us. So know that even a prick of a thorn expiates ones sins.

We should also approach hardships and tests as in that it is the decree of Allah so we should NEVER ask Allah "Why" has he given us such trials? For questioning Allah why he has decreed something will mean that not only have we gone through so much grief and torment from these trials but that we have actually added to our sins by questioning Allah and we will be accountable for that.

Patience is one of the greatest attributes a person can acquire and Allah is with those who are patient and the reward for Patience is Paradise!

If one is patient, and is among the ones described in the following manner in the Qur’an (Baqarah, 2: 256)

Who say, when afflicted with calamity: “To Allah We belong, and to Him is our return”:-

Then here are the rewards Allah will give that person (2:157):

The Rewards of Patience are the folowing:

1. Blessings from Allah: The patient person is blessed by Allah.

2. Mercy of Allah: When Allah gives someone His Mercy, He will let him enter paradise with His Mercy.

3. Guidance of Allah: A patient person will be guided by Allah in this world until he meets Him on the Day of Judgment.

Referring to those who are tested and endure with Sabr or patience all of the above three rewards are mentioned by Allah Himself in the Qur’an in Surah Baqarah (2: 157):

“They are those on whom (Descend) blessings from Allah, and Mercy, and they are the ones that receive guidance.”

In Surah Hud (11:11), Allah (S.W.T.) again promises to reward those who are patient in adversity.

Therefore let us realise that patience is the main thing Allah is looking for in us when we are going through trials and tests.

Here are two wonderful examples of patience through trials in the life of the Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) :

‘Ata ibn Rabah related that he heard Ibn ‘Abbas say: “Shall I show you a woman of Paradise?”I said: “Yes, indeed.” He said: “A black woman came to the Prophet, peace be upon him, and said: ‘I suffer from epileptic fits, and because of these, (at times) my body becomes uncovered. Would you invoke Allah, the Exalted One, to cure me of this disease? ‘ The Prophet, peace be upon him, said: ‘If you wish, you can be patient and you will attain Paradise (for this suffering). But if you prefer, I will pray to Allah, the Exalted, to cure you of it?’ The woman said: ‘I will be patient,’ then added: ‘I become uncovered (when I have fits), so invoke Allah for me that I do not become uncovered. ‘ So the Prophet, peace be upon him, prayed for her.” [Source: Fiqh-us-Sunnah, volume 4, #1a]

Story of ‘Urwah Ibn Al Zubair

‘Urwah Ibn Al Zubair had an operation, and the doctor amputated his leg. One friend came to visit him. ‘Urwah thought that the fried came to pacify him for the loss of his leg. So ‘Urwah told the visitor: If you came to give me condolence for the loss of my leg, I already submitted to Allah with patience to reward me for its loss. The guest told him, I came to inform you that your son fell down in a stable, and the animals stepped over him, and he died one hour ago. ‘Urwah said: O Allah! You took one child, and left me many…You took one organ from my body, and left me many organs…O Allah! You tested me with my body, and you were kind to leave me with good health. You tested me with the loss of my son, but you were kind in leaving me the rest of my children.


We should also approach tests as in we should look at those who have less than us. We have clean tap water and food on our plates everyday. We have clean clothes washed regularly and shelter from the harsh weather. Whereas there are those who walk miles just for a sip of water and even then it is dirty. There are those who have the same clothes for years and cannot even wash them. There are those who go days without proper food and even then they have scraps and end up being malnourished. There are those like in the flood disaster recently who have no shelter and are exposed to terrible diseases. Those who have little or no money to buy even basic things aswell as medication for their sick family members. Rasulallah (Sallallahu Alaihi wasallam) always told us to look at those who have less than us.

Sometims when we go through great trials we get decieved into thinking that other people that we see around us must be living a life happy and content. We are wrong to think in this way for we do not know what goes on in peoples lives. There are many examples of those who seemed as though they have SO much and seemed so happy but when certain things were revealed then it was clear that those people were living miserable lives full of torment! We may look at a person with a smile on his face but he may be going through trials we can never imagine.

Therefore when we are going through difficult times and trials then we should not look at others and think they are happy and living fulfilled lives for we do not know what any person on the street is going through on a day to day basis.

Therefore whenever we are going through difficult times and trials then we should put our full trust, hopes, faith and reliance in Allah for he will NEVER let us down but is only testing us because he wants us to turn towards him in humility, humbleness and meekness and he wants us to get much closer to him. He tests a person because he wants good for them and wants to forgive them and raise their ranks in the hereafter.

In reality how lucky is a person who is being tested greatly and is still patient and turning towards Allah night and day. How hig must Allah be raising his ranks and forgiving his sins on a daily basis until he is like a new born baby who has little or no sins on him at all. So the way to approach this is to realise that a person who is being tested greatly is in fact lucky but shaythan is wanting one to think opposite.

Shaythan is our eternal sworn enemy and ONLY wants us to lose hope and faith and to go away from Allah. He wants us tobecome disillusioned and lose all hope so that we go away from Alah and our deen. But we should reject our enemy who only wants our destruction. We should disregard his evil whispers and know that they are only lies and deciet.

Shaythan will try to make us think that there is no way out of this and this is because he wants us to give in and lose hope. But we must realise that if we continuously strive and keep turning towards Allah and be patient then the final victory WILL be ours! We will taste the sweetness of victory but in order to taste this victory we need to fight and strive through the tests and trials that life throws at us!

If one who is going through great trials continues to turn towards Allah in humility, meekness and in humblenes then know that the reward one will gain will be unimaginable. On the day of judgement once we see the reward of being patient through great trials turning towards Allah in humility then we would want Allah to have tested us even more so that we could have wreaped the rewards of being patient and turning towards Allah through trials and hardships. It is only on the day of judgement will we truly realise how much we have missed out on and how much more we wished we were tested by Allah so that our ranks were even higher.

And Allah knows best in all matters

 

[IHearIslam]

Assalaamu alaikum,
may Allaah ease your situation dear sister....just wanted to remind you that: Allaah does NOT burden a soul more than it can bear. Stay strong my dear sister and from experience, I can almost promise you that Allaah will NEVER EVER forsake you....JUST DONT GIVE UP HOPE!!

 

[AZAM_SIDDIQUI]

dear sister,
your writing is profouns and so is your sense of grief.
i have myself asked this question
mainly because of my aunt now in her late 50s who is ever searching for the things you mentioned.it all adds to her grief.and to others who know her.earlier i kept thinking how shud it be rather than why shud it be.till i met some distant aunts who are also her age and in seemingly more difficult situations but who are much more happy, jolly and above all a source of joy to others and an example of sabr and shukar to everyone.
and i realised that the difference was of perspective.
one aunt thinks of herself as a failure and life as ONE BIG THING and her attitude towards others is ,as a result -one of jealousy ,contempt,sarcasm,and bukhl-she is a miser to spend on anyone because of insecurity and the joy of withholding .
on the other hand the other aunt adopted an orphan who was deaf and dumb took care of her and recently got her married off.subhanallah.she even started a madarsa for girls after having been a teacher -in a remote village and is taking care of the same.

both are unmarried one is childless and other has adopted so many.

sister this is jus my observation.if we look at life as the huge thing.u know.wemust all pray that Allah not make us mohtaj dependent on anyone.

lastly my own mother was brought up by a woman with a very sacrificing and forbearing nature she was like our grandmother. i always saw her very calm peaceful and....
sheleft us in ramzan before a month from that she also handed over her house to my mother.i remember her saying dont know if next year i get ramzan or not.and her happiness grew as the day of her departure came.and on 17th ramzan she left us to rest in peace-
May Allah bless her.aameen

 

[arzafar]

:salam2:

very sad to read your story. But you are not alone because many women are suffering for this problem. Some good answers have been contributed already. I would just like to say that you have to make an effort AND make dua. so you might want to spread the word that you are looking for a husband in the mosques and advertise in matrimonial sections of papers, islaamic magazines etc. Also you have to lower your 'standards' so to speak.

But this problem is much broader than this.
parents/guardians should look to marry off their daughters as soon as they are past 18. In the west they consider that oppression but off course they dont mind the hundreds of old age homes they have.

 

[Precious Star]

Brother Arzafar,

thank you for your post. yes, many muslim women in the West remain unmarried.

However, I disagree that the solution is to start thinking about marriage when a girl is 18. In Islam, women of all ages are valuable. The problem is, that many many men continue to desire and wish for younger girls. So for example, a 40 year old man will want to meet a 25-35 year old woman. A 30 year old man will want to meet an 18-24 year old woman.

Islamic cultures suffer from "ageism" in the same way that non-islamic cultures suffer from sexism and racism. I have been the victim of this "ageism" since the day I turned 30.

An 18 year old girl is just that...a girl. A 25 year old, 35 year old and 40 year old woman is just as valuable as a woman, potential spouse and mother!! That is something that the muslim community just cannot grasp. Alhamdolillah, we are living in an age where women can become just as educated as men, earn just as much as men, etc, while also fulfilling their dreams and desires to be a wife and mother. One is not exclusive to the other.