Such a twisted world...

MohammedMaksudul

May Allah Forgive us
:salam2:

I agree with the idea of a pious man having a 2nd wife. In this case, I guess this really does help the sister in distress. Allah knows best.
 

IHearIslam

make dua 4 ma finals
I ask Allaah to help her and all those who're in the same shoes as she is. I ask Allaah to forgive our sins as well as hers.

This is not new, I heard similar situation and some worse in our Muslim community. Indeed we're in a time of great fitnah. Subhana'Allaah and only Allaah the most high can help us strive hard against our desires and whims.

Right now though you're turn.....I think you're the only one who can help her. You understand her and you understand the Deen. Don't let her lose hope, remind her of Allaah's love and kindness.

She has a chance ukhti, you can make a difference in someone's life......let this sister be that someone. Please be by her side, she needs someone with understanding right now. And love or hate it....YOU ARE IT! you're that someone.

insha'Allaah, I'll keep her in my duas.
May Allaah strengthen you too dear sister, what you do truly is courageous and much needed in our Muslim society. May Allaah reward you for all the help you give these Muslim sisters. ameen
 

ShahnazZ

Striving2BeAStranger
I wanted to wait until after Eid to post my thoughts. Alhamdulillah, the past two days have been occasions for family, friends, and festivity. I feel much calmer and much more in control of my emotions.

I made a mistake.

Instead of asking for "advice", I should have asked for empathy. Clearly, there is a huge distinction between the two and anyone who thinks otherwise can just read this thread.

Forget about the sister's issue for one second. My aim wasn't to discuss what's right and what's wrong. It was about me as a human being (and not an EMPLOYEE) conveying pain over corruption in the world. It was about the fact that fitnah in general exists in our Ummah and it hurts. Why do people have to insist that judging is always involved? Is it not possible to feel pain over something without judging someone? Is it not possible to feel free to vent about their pain without having people telling you you're judging them if you feel anything but the need to step into Superwoman mode and save the day?

There are many on this thread who offered heartfelt and generous advice. I apologize for not addressing you as much as I should. Thank you very much and please know your words were very much a comfort. The harshness in my second post was not aimed at you.

Firstly, I would like to emphasize on what I said earlier, in a less emotional way. This will encompass the majority of the posts as I see them falling into either of two groups.

Two types of "judging" are evident in this thread: Those aimed at me and those aimed at the sister.

Regarding the sister being discussed, please be aware that I did not bring this issue to the attention of TTI members just so that they could holler "Astaghfirullah!", point and whisper, grab their children and run inside their houses. My dear brothers and sisters, my goal was to raise awareness of the fact that we must all be grateful to Allah SWT for every blessing He has given us and every calamity He has protected us from. It's very easy for individuals to be ungrateful. We don't even give thanks for the "little" things that we have, which in actuality are very big things allowing us to live our lives in comfort and ease.

Another goal in raising this issue was to shed light on the fact that NO ONE is exempt by this type of fitnah. The Devil doesn't discriminate against anyone and this could easily have been one of us. ANY ONE OF US. What makes this sister different from you or I? Do we have something special that she doesn't? SHEER LUCK is what saved us. Sheer luck is what gives us the life of comfort over a life of poverty as is evident in many third world countries. Sheer luck is what gives you something that another individual does not have but longs for. Is it because WE did something to earn it or we were born with halos over our heads?

Nope. Allah Subhanu wa Ta'ala took Mercy on us. Those who are afflicted are in no way below us and we shouldn't think that we are above them. Once again, it could have been any one of us and instead of pointing fingers at her, perhaps we should make sujood and just stay there for some time while expressing all our gratitude to the Creator for having the blessing of simply being lucky.

Secondly, there are a few posts that I'd like to address specifically:

And forget your role in your job for a moment. You're human as well just like the rest of us and if you need to cry, then cry to let out your frustration.

Please know that this single statement shone like a beacon in what seems to be darkness. Thank you so much for realizing that an individual's humanity does prevail in the end over any other identity.

Also, I think it is unfair to mention that most (or all of us) are viewing things through 'rose colored' glasses.

Reread my post, akhi. I never said "most" people.

Assalaam walaikum,

My intent for Shahnaz is to try and understand that in her profession she will encounter many and varied situations. For her own well being she has to develop a thick skin. She has to remain professional. The way to remain professional is to discuss issues of this nature with your clinical supervisor.
All counselors, priests, psychologists, social workers, psychiatric nurses and psychiatrists have supervision. Each week they see their supervisor. It is mandatory or else you carry home the pain of the client.

The reason I suggested that Shahnaz forgive the girl is because it caused Shahnaz such pain. I used the phrase let it go. That is the reason I have suggested that Shahnaz utilize the established clinical procedures; in working with any abuse the staff has to be highly trained and clinical supervision is part of the training.

Ah, social work. I'm not a social worker but I'm surrounded by them. They're the ones who see these clients, not me. And I'm grateful it isn't me. I really admire what it takes to be able to address these situations without being overwhelmed by them yourself. The only reason I suggested helping her is because I was wondering if I should take the MSA route in assisting her. I also work with Muslim youth specifically and help them build leadership skills.

With that said, I have been at this organization for a very long time now. I wouldn't be able to develop thicker skin than an iguana sitting in the middle of the sun-scorched Sahara. And this isn't due solely to the nature of the work I've seen. It's moreso due to the nature of the office environment that I'm in. There is no room for failure and the possibility of it leads to disastrous consequences. I understand professionalism and it's this understanding that alhamdulillah has brought me this far. However, I LAUGH at the concept of supervision.

You're correct, I do have supervision. However, at this organization, supervision is more stressful for the employee than beneficial. And if anything, I end up carrying more pain home than I came in with. I will not go into details because there are no words to describe the supervisor/employee relationship here but simply be aware that the individual I have supervision with is not an individual I can trust and definitely does NOT have my best interests at heart, no matter what they say. Perhaps one day, I will talk about my experience working here but now is not the time or place. I simply wanted to say that supervision is in no way, shape, or form an option for me to "vent" my feelings.

I've also recently learned that assuming that the employee is being judgmental is often the "social worker" thing to say. My supervisor who is also a social worker automatically assumed that this sister would be judged by us and it was the first thing she said to us without even asking us how we felt. Color me offended, considering that before being an employee, I'm a human being who doesn't appreciate having fingers pointed at her, especially when it's regarding the human condition being affected in such a negative way. My first response was actually one of deep concern and fear.

Finally, I would also like to say that in the past year, I have taken to limiting my posting and simply observing the activity on this forum. I stand by what I said earlier. There is an extremely high level of judgmental and self-righteous attitude on this forum to the point where it deeply concerns me. It is no longer safe for anyone to post about their grief on this forum without having their every word dissected and analyzed and then thrown back at them, making them feel as if they have no right to hurt to begin with because hey, look at what statement they're conveying simply by posting it to begin with. Judgment runs supreme and its in every letter we utter.
 

Aapa

Mirajmom
Assalaam walaikum,

Well you have done an excellent job of raising the awareness. My responses to you were simply for the sake of you not, shall we say, stressing. The issues you raise in your last response are very true.

When we deal with affairs of the heart and the consequences they have a way of rippling onto other areas.

Life is not concrete. We find ourselves and those we know to encounter situations and circumstances that are in the gray area. We do have to make some judgments.

You did the right thing by posting here. Whatever positive you were able to gain, hold on to it. Whatever you thought was unnecessary criticism, let it go.

You have discussed the issue of trust. Everyone loves to talk about it. However, trust is a gem that is hard fought. Once again you came to Muslims; that is the correct behavior.

You have lost nothing but gained the respect of the TTI family. You work in the real.

I pray you take care of yourself. What I do is I spoil myself after an episode. Buy yourself an outfit; get your hair done. I would also suggest that you take a mental health day off. Take the day and enjoy yourself. Take a three day weekend.
 
Top