Such a twisted world...

Discussion in 'Islamic Discussion' started by ShahnazZ, Nov 15, 2010.

  1. Ibn Uthaymin
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    Ibn Uthaymin Junior member

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    I thought MSA was marriage students association.

    The guy who left her is gassed. may Allah guide him or break his back
  2. BrotherInIslam7
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    BrotherInIslam7 La Illaha Illa Allah Staff Member

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    Salaamalaykum respected sister Shahnazz,

    It is understandable that you are in a state of shock and feeling extremely emotional regarding this sister.

    I just wanted to clarify that my post was addressed to all the members viewing this thread (especially the young ones about keeping their guard up) and not particularly towards you. I didn't intend to accuse you of being judgmental or having a superiority complex. If it did come out as if I was pointing my fingers at you, then I do apologize to you.

    Rather I am quite pleased to know that there are group of sisters offering such form of voluntary service (probably free of cost) in a non muslim country, which I think is really fantastic.

    It could be that you misinterpreted the tone of our replies because of the state of emotion you are currently in. But we all meant well (from what I gather after going through the post) and just wanted to advise or comment on your initial post.

    Also, I think it is unfair to mention that most (or all of us) are viewing things through 'rose colored' glasses. It could be that there are 'no right things for us to say' at this moment to you, other than we will make dua for the sister. And this is understandable as you have mentioned that you are quite distraught. You have probably taken our posts in the wrong light and I only hope that you are able to see (from our posts) that we were supportive and wanted good for the sister.

    Wasalaamalaykum waa rahmatullahi
  3. hussain.mahammed
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    hussain.mahammed a lonely traveller

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    Bismillahi Rahmaneer Raheem, Alhamdulillahi Rabbil Alaameen

    As salam alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuh Sister Shahnaz

    May Allah Subhanahu wa Taala bless you for what you're doing for the Muslim women and strengthen you with the strength of the best of women (Mothers of the believers, Maryam alaihi salam, Assiya alaihi salam) in the history of human civilization.

    With the very limited knowledge and utmost sincerity and humility, I would like to suggest something.

    First of all, if you know the sister well please get in touch with her and be a source of comfort for her. I understand your situation and you do not want to give her more embarassment, but imagine the condition of someone who do not have anyone to talk about their feelings and emotions. The way you're crying due to the pain she is going through, is because you have love for Allah Subhanahu wa Taala, you believe and implement the message of Rasul Allah sallallahu alaihi wa sallam. Please take this to the next level, and be with her. May Allah Subhanahu wa Taala accept her repentance.

    You, at your position, with the level of command, authority and experience and with the help of other staff members in your organization, are the best person to deal with such a situation. Even if you do not know her well, but since you were in the same MSA, your comforting nature would bring so much relief for her. Just imagine how she must be going through right now, crying and begging to Allah Subhanahu wa Taala.

    I don't know if you have listened to this lecture by Br. Bilal Assad "Ahmed The Repenter", but it bring tears to anyone who listens.

    Please do not leave her at this condition. Life is all about making the most out as a Muslim. It's all about working for the sake of Allah. The email reached you because its a Decree from Allah Subhanahu wa Taala, so that you take action and help your sister in Islam.

    If you're still in doubt, make Istikharah before making any decision.

    I do not want to say more, because you're an expert in this field. Please deal with it, thinking she's your blood sister.

    May Allah Subhanahu Wa Taala keep us steadfast in the path of Righteousness. O Ever Living, O Self Subsisting and Supporter of all, by Your Mercy I seek assistance, rectify for me all of my affairs and do not leave me to myself, even for the blink of an eye. (If Allah is looking after you 24/7 what fear or pain do you have)

    Wasalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuh
  4. Aisya al-Humaira
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    Aisya al-Humaira الحمدلله على كل حال

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    Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuh,

    Sister Shahnazz, my heart goes all out to you when I was reading your thread. La haw la walla quwwata illa billah.

    Sister, though the word 'judgmental' that was being pointed (directly or indirectly) towards you should be the ever-last-word written in this thread, but I do trust you wholeheartedly that you will do what you think is best for the sister; with the guidance from Allaah. InshaAllaah I will make dua'a that may Allaah give the srengths and courage to the sister as well as to yourself to go through this test. La hawla walla quwwata illa billah.

    I just couldnt help feeling the pain and sadness too, because you were right - the test could be fated towards you, myself, or anyone. Ya Rabb, may Allaah protect us from the biggest fitnah in this world.

    The best comfort that a Muslim sister can give to her other sister in time of need is when she'll make dua'a for her sincerely and let her know that you are to be there for her when she needs you. Sister Shahnazz, though I understand you wouldnt want her to feel uncomfortable knowing someone who knows about her knows about what happened too, but if it happens that she do not have anyone else in this world to go to, I am sure you assuring her that you are there for her will give some courage for her to move on. But do what you think would be the best for the sister, I trust you as you are one strong sister.

    All we can do is to make dua'a. May Allaah give us the strengths, protect us from our enemies - not just the disbelievers, Shaaitan la'natullah but also from our own bad desires.

    Take care Sister Shahnazz.

    Was-salaam.
  5. trying2learn
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    trying2learn Junior Member

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    I feel for the unborn baby. :-(
  6. Aapa
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    Aapa Mirajmom

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    Assalaam walaikum,

    Shahnaz,

    I am the one who used the word judgmental. However, you misunderstood the intent of my words.

    You are placed in a position wherein you can assist another human being. The person is in place that is in contradiction of what you believe. As this is you job, your choice, to work here you need to put aside your personal beliefs. You need to think of what is the most beneficial for your client.

    You can not for one moment think about anything other than helping the young woman. What she did is not your issue. That is the past. In helping others we have to move forward. You have to think of the present and the future.

    The issues of this young woman have nothing to with you. What you think is irrelevant.

    I speak as the voice of experiencing. I have been a counselor and social worker for many years. I have come across cases that make my head spin.
    When you are in the profession of helping others we have to be sterile and clean intellectually and emotionally. Often in working with clients, the professional, has counseling sessions so there is no colluding of egos. I know your company must have sessions. Professionals undergo counseling sessions each week to remain strong.

    What you have described occurs often. But you have to let it go. You have to forgive her and help her.
  7. arzafar
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    arzafar Junior Member

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    in this case it would have been better if it was!

    All i can say is that since it's a kaafir country so islaamic rulings dont apply and discussing them would be useless.

    She can live like a single mom as many young kaafir women do while seeking repentance and maybe she will find a good muslim man (although a pious muslim man should not marry an adulterous). Obviously she will have to leave her parents and the Muslim community so you can help her with the process and give her a better islaamic environment.
  8. hussain.mahammed
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    hussain.mahammed a lonely traveller

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    As salam alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuh brother (the best greeting taught by Rasul Allah sallallahu alaihi wa sallam)

    Brother, where do you get your fatwas from? I am curious. Can you imagine the condition that sister is going through?

    Wasalamu alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuh.
  9. Tabassum07
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    Tabassum07 Smile for Allah

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    :salam2:

    Oh sis Shanazz, if I were in your place, I would be feeling just as distraught - don't worry, you can vent your feelings here freely, and don't mind everyone's responses. They were all in good tone and taste, and maybe they just came off as looking to be harsh.

    I pray you guys can help the sister in need - the fact that she contacted your organization means she is probably in the last stages of desperation. I pray you guys will do everything you can to help, and may Allah ease her difficulties. Yes, this is a difficult world we live in. I wish the best for you - but don't let things depress you. Alhamdulillah, your line of work must be such a strengthener for your deen. I'm impressed, and wholeheartedly wish I was in the same location as you, and could also work in this same place - it sounds so good knowing that there are muslims helping other muslims in their dire need.
  10. al-fajr
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    al-fajr ...ism..schism Staff Member

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    Assalamu'alaykum

    arzafar is clearly not speaking from any credible fatwa but rather cultural backwardness, we don't need it around here and certainly not in this thread.


    If the Muslim community adopted this attitude at her hour of need do you really think she will even want to remain Muslim after the lonliness and bitterness set in? Don't aid the shaytaan against your brother (or sister!)

    Even if what you said does occur, its indifferent attitudes like this which means it doesn't change. Its not okay to ostracise people like this as if to say they are beyond forgiveness. Its ridiculous how so many violations of Islaam exist in the Muslim community and everyone's okay with accepting them (haraam businesses, forced marriages, people dont give Zakaah ..and many others) but when something like this happens suddenly these day to day sinners act like they have the Imaan and adherence of the Sahaabah. When a muslim commits a major sin of this nature, its my opinion that somewhere down the line it was Muslims who weren't there to help maintain her Islaamic character which would have hopefully kept her far from this sin.
  11. BrotherInIslam7
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    BrotherInIslam7 La Illaha Illa Allah Staff Member

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    :salam2:

    Nice post, sister Al fajr.

    Brothers and sisters, we need to be thankful to Allah azz zawajal that He in his infinite mercy has kept us in His protection and away from these heinous crimes and transgressions.

    Do we think that these things don't happen to us because we are better muslims or have more Imaan ? Who knows that we might be even susceptible to it !.. But Allah azz zawajal has blessed us with the perseverance in guarding ourselves against it or not exposed to such sort of a fitnah. Alhamdulillah ! So we need to be thankful to Allah and definitely not be judgmental or vilify people who fell into trap of shaytaan. The son of Adam Alleihi Salaam is bound to make mistakes.. The clever one seeks repentance from Allah and correct him/her self.

    Also, as sister Al fajr mentioned. Society has turned a blind eye to many prohibited acts in Islam that constitute major sins such as lying, backbiting/slandering, not performing obligatory salah, withholding zakah (Remember Abu Bakr's hadeeth anyone ?) etc etc. These are all found in our society unfortunately these days. However, we tend to react and point fingers only when we hear things like zina. Like other major sins, with sincere repentance (and acceptance of it from Allah) the person will be absolved of this transgression InshaAllah. As a brother or sister in faith, we should ask Allah azz zawajal to help this particular brother or sister for his/her repentance to be accepted and that Allah guides him/her and all of us. Ameen

    To treat this person as if he/she is a munafiq after they have made sincere tawbah is unjust and comparing them to a kaafir.. Astagfirullah ! how can we utter such words.

    Please reassess your thoughts and beliefs on this topic and try to become conversant with how we need to treat them Islamically, not from our society or personal preference(s).

    Wasalaamalaykum waa rahmatullahi
  12. MohammedMaksudul
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    MohammedMaksudul May Allah Forgive us

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    :salam2:

    Clearly Allah T'ala Alone can forgive her. We should be more worried about ourselves. Not all of us I think has a very clean sheet, before entering Islam or realizing the depth of being a Muslim. We should ask forgiveness to Allah and we should thank Allah, The Exalted because he had made our paths easy, by excusing us from the capital punishment prescribed in Islam. The sister should thank Allah, The Exalted for this and should sincerely repent and ask Allah, The Most Merciful to guide her on to the straight path.
  13. Aapa
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    Aapa Mirajmom

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    Assalaam walaikum,

    Wake up people..wake up.

    If I were a visitor to this site I would leave right now. Your responses are sanctimonious hogwash. How can you not see with your eyes? How can you sit and count the sins of others...think of what you are writing.


    This is nothing...worse is turning your back on another human being.
  14. hussain.mahammed
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    hussain.mahammed a lonely traveller

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    As salam alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuh brothers and sisters

    I know it's not from any credible source. I mentioned it sarcastically because I was a bit angry and a bit sad that people talk like that. I wanted him to realize himself, when he wrote, he didn't think about the sister's condition who is going through so much pain & distress. Anyways brother arzafar, please don't mind, I am speaking right in front of you.

    We have become more concerned with our affairs, giving a blind eye to the affairs of our brothers and sisters. So many of us need support, help, comfort etc. which our families may not be able to provide. A smile, a motivating talk, would go a long way in making somebody else's day, but we never try to do that.

    Brothers do not get support from family for keeping beard, sisters do not get support for wearing hijab. For some brothers and sisters, if it wouldn't have been for the support of their companions, they would not have been strong to their faith.

    Now who knows what this sister's condition is; we should be a form of encouragement, a source of help and support, we should make du'aa for her. Let me make this clear, brothers and sisters. This is just one case out of more than million cases. What are you going to do now?

    Rasul Allah sallallahu alaihi wa sallam said,"A muslim is like a mirror for another muslim." I humbly request all of us, including myself, that we contemplate over this statement.

    Humble Request: Brother & Sisters, I am talking now from experience. I have been a member of TTI for over 4 years now. I see a lot of people write, just for the sake of writing. Please check for a second, whether your intention behind your action is only to please Allah Subhanahu wa Taala or not. Please check for a second, whether your action will benefit this Ummah in a way or not.

    Lastly, I would like to sincerely apologize if I hurt someone in the least possible way. We need to take action brothers and sisters. Make the most out of your talent and skill. Benefit your local Muslim Community in whatever way you can.

    May Allah Subhanahu wa Taala bless you all.

    Wasalamu alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuh
  15. ahmed_indian
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    ahmed_indian to Allah we belong

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    :wasalam:,

    if she commited zina, that might not mean that she does not fear Allah at all. it could mean that she is weak in faith. advice her to repent but dont leave her away.

    is she only responsible for this act? No. the culture of mixing.......at school, at college, at work.....is playing a major role too.

    may Allah help her and all of us. ameen
  16. Ibn Uthaymin
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    Ibn Uthaymin Junior member

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    I agree with that which is in bold. Some bro form the south was saying we should kill the Muslim drug dealers since that is the Islamic punishment. But we live in a non Muslim country so you cant do that.

    And i dont know about the second paragraph.
  17. Aapa
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    Aapa Mirajmom

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    Assalaam walaikum,

    Islam is the religion of Allah subhana talla. He is the Forgiver. He is who we seek everything from.

    If I come across harsh, it is because in my life I have learned to Trust Him, Love Him and I know He listens to my dua. I, who am full of sin, have to have an open heart to others.

    It is His Creation. It is His Will. I am less than a grain of sand and by His Mercy, His Compassion, His Generosity that I am able to breathe. I can not deny any of His Blessings.

    I have it so good.

    We have to become proactive. We have to help protect each other. We do that by service to His Creation. That is the responsibility we undertook. Let us not celebrate the sins of each other..let us celebrate the fact this young girl still came to Muslims.
  18. Idris16
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    Idris16 Junior Member

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    :salam2:

    Since the pregnant sister is a Muslim, then Shahnaaz has something to do with her. Since they are Muslims then she has to help her according to Islâm. We can't say she judged her or we need to put aside our belief in this situation. You said she need to forgive her, it's Allâh that forgives and I don't see the pregnant sister making something bad towards Shahnaaz so no need to say she need to forgive her.

    Wasalam alaykum warahatullâh:)
  19. abu'muhammad
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    abu'muhammad Junior Member

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    Assalamu alaykum brothers and sisters,

    I suppose all of us must understand the message of the thread and strive for the benefit that can be gained from our writings.

    The thread is about a sister’s feelings for another sister. Lets take and pass the message what the sister wants to convey inshaAllaah.

    We know we are not in position of help for her or give her the lost social status back but let’s all of us try to send a positive message to other likes and through our writings as here we have opportunity of being sincere advisers.The evils from the society can be removed by taking desired actions and solution pertaining to that. It starts from the individuals themselves, their valuable suggestions and through good ways.
  20. Aapa
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    Aapa Mirajmom

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    Assalaam walaikum,

    My intent for Shahnaz is to try and understand that in her profession she will encounter many and varied situations. For her own well being she has to develop a thick skin. She has to remain professional. The way to remain professional is to discuss issues of this nature with your clinical supervisor.
    All counselors, priests, psychologists, social workers, psychiatric nurses and psychiatrists have supervision. Each week they see their supervisor. It is mandatory or else you carry home the pain of the client.

    The reason I suggested that Shahnaz forgive the girl is because it caused Shahnaz such pain. I used the phrase let it go. That is the reason I have suggested that Shahnaz utilize the established clinical procedures; in working with any abuse the staff has to be highly trained and clinical supervision is part of the training.

    This thread was very relevant. It brought to light issues the youth are experiencing. There is no loss of social status. If we include this phrase we are judging the girl. Social status is a man made construct that builds walls between people. It is prejudicial and elitist.

    This thread can be narrowed to 1) what is a Muslim to do when helping another Muslim and 2) we need to be proactive in developing programs in universities to help young girls.

    I must write the brother who suggested that a pious Muslim marry her has his heart in the right place. This is an excellent scenario for a second wife. I cannot but think of Joseph who married Mary, the mother of Jesus. Think of the blessings he received.

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