Assalaam alaikum,
Sister,
You write the truth. We get so scared of the people across the street it is easy to understand the over- protectiveness of many parents. However, they are on the extreme end. And in saying that they are holding on to many prejudices that Islam had given directives to avoid.
This goes back to spirituality. The spiritual age of a person has nothing to with the chronological age. Yet, as mere mortals ( I'm stuck on that term ) we want the best. The best is always as close to who I am. I want something that thinks like me, walks like me, and talks like me. That is fear. The peoples of the subcontinent take it to the nth degree.
I was bemused by the whole Panjabi/Urdu thing. In my little world of multiculturalism we would laugh. We have the UN at the dinner table. In my simplistic thinking when you pray does it really matter. Is Panjabi milk better tasting than Urdu milk. Take half a jug of Panjabi milk and half of Urdu, throw in some sugar, ice-cubes and pistachios and everyone will be happy. Throw in a few drops of the Keveda water. Drink be happy and learn how to multiply.