Urgent Help regarding marriage for a convert

[riza]

Assalamulaikum
I require information and guidance on the situation which i am in.I was a christian who converted to islam when i was around 14 years old.

im now 24 and i married a muslim women who i spent 3 months with. prior to the 3 months my parents fell out with her parents regarding some issues which they had about the wedding. ever since then i told my wife not to speak to her family members for the moment.

However 3 months into the marriage my wifes sisters came and we had to call the police as it got out of hand. myw ifes sister wanted her back as we had not let her speak to her family.

My wife had to go with a police officer as they needed the full information on the incident.

My wifes stated in the statement that i was a good husband but my family would not allow her to speak to her family. and she decided that she wanted to go back to her family as her dad was in critical condition and in need of a heart opperation.

i have hope in the fact that she will return as i know the love she had for me was true. but my parents and my extended family do not wish to accept her anymore as she had gone back to her family on her own will. disaobying her husbands wish.

was it right for us to ask her not to talk to her critically ill dad?

is it right for me to still beleive that she will return?

is it right for my parents to say that they wotn accept her?

i have been wondering wethere anyone here coudl anwear these questions.

i thank you in advance

riza

 

[cmelbouzaidi]

Assalamulaikum
I require information and guidance on the situation which i am in.I was a christian who converted to islam when i was around 14 years old.

im now 24 and i married a muslim women who i spent 3 months with. prior to the 3 months my parents fell out with her parents regarding some issues which they had about the wedding. ever since then i told my wife not to speak to her family members for the moment.

However 3 months into the marriage my wifes sisters came and we had to call the police as it got out of hand. myw ifes sister wanted her back as we had not let her speak to her family.

My wife had to go with a police officer as they needed the full information on the incident.

My wifes stated in the statement that i was a good husband but my family would not allow her to speak to her family. and she decided that she wanted to go back to her family as her dad was in critical condition and in need of a heart opperation.

i have hope in the fact that she will return as i know the love she had for me was true. but my parents and my extended family do not wish to accept her anymore as she had gone back to her family on her own will. disaobying her husbands wish.

was it right for us to ask her not to talk to her critically ill dad?

is it right for me to still beleive that she will return?

is it right for my parents to say that they wotn accept her?

i have been wondering wethere anyone here coudl anwear these questions.

i thank you in advance

riza

:salam2: dear young brother. This sounds like a complicated situation and I will make duaa that the situation is rectified for the best, Insha Allah.

It is a shame that there was a falling out between the parents about some wedding issue as your marriage started with this big drama which is most unhealthy! It sounds like you and your wife just went along with whatever your families tell you and didn't get a chance to solve the situation as husband and wife, as a team.

My question to you is - are you the only revert to Islam in your family? I think it is outrageous for your family to try and keep this young lady from visiting her father when he is critically ill. However, I get the impression that this was not your personal decision, either. What if the father had passed away and she had not had time to spend with him? Who would want that on their conscience? When Islam teaches us that we must honour and respect our parents, it is essential, unless they are trying to make her stray away from Islam.

I believe there is only a slim chance that the young lady will return as your family were keeping her from seeing her family and now she is with them. However, only Allah knows.

Perhaps you can speak kindly and gently to your parents so that they see that some disagreement to do with a wedding (and maybe it is a financial fiasco) is not worth ruining a marriage or keeping a child from a sick parent.

When we get married, you take on the whole family of the spouse, too. It is important to keep up a good rapport with the in-laws so that your wife does not feel like she is in the middle of a complete nightmare which is what the above picture you painted sounds like to me.

Pray and read Qur'an and ask Allah for guidance and forgiveness. We are mere humans and we make many mistakes but Allah is the Most Merciful and the Most Knowledgeable.

 

[Fran]

Forgiveness

Hello, I am new, but i only wanted to say that no one is perfect, but isn't Islam a religion of Forgiveness? What does anyone think.

 

[Munawar]

:salam2:
Brother what you have written really concerns me. But here are my answers:

was it right for us to ask her not to talk to her critically ill dad?
NO. This is very cruel. You cannot stop her from seeing her blood relatives specially her parents.

is it right for me to still believe that she will return?
I think you should pray to Allah (SWT) that she return to you after what you and your family has done to her.

is it right for my parents to say that they wotn accept her?
Your parents have no rights to tell you to divorce your wife. If a woman misbehaves with her parents-in-law then the husband can decide what to do. But in your case it looks like your parents are telling you how to treat your wife.

Brother you need to pray a lot and ask Allah (SWT) for forgiveness, and learn how to be compassionate and merciful to others. If you will not be compassionate and merciful to your own wife then who else you will be compassionate and merciful to? If you practice the true sprit of Islam then maybe your parents will learn something from you too.

I am interested in knowing if you are the only revert in your family and the rest of them are Christians?

 

[Almaas]

Hello, I am new, but i only wanted to say that no one is perfect, but isn't Islam a religion of Forgiveness? What does anyone think.

Asalaamualaykum,

I agree with this sister.

You can't blame her for wanting to visit her sick father, in fact a person is rewarded when they visit the sick. The best thing for you to do is also visit her father and make dua for him. You're her husband, so maybe you should go and bring her back, or atleast talk to her.

InshAllah everything will work out.

Waalaykumasalaam.

 

[amirah80]

Assalamulaikum


was it right for us to ask her not to talk to her critically ill dad

is it right for me to still beleive that she will return?

is it right for my parents to say that they wotn accept her?

i have been wondering wethere anyone here coudl anwear these questions.

i thank you in advance

riza

1. I am not sure the reasons you asked her not to visit her father. But, scholars differ in opinon on this matter. They are all agree that the wife must obey her husband. Some of the scholars say obey the husband but if her parents are ill she may disobey the husband to visit them if he disallows her to go. That is a situation to uphold the ties of her family as well.

2. Inshallah, she will return but Allahu Alim. Even though you are not together and if you love her. You should go to her family and you yourself should visit her family and offer your support. I do not know the situations that is going on between the families in reference to the confrontations. But, no matter the differences you should still show her father respect. Especially if you want to remain in a respectable relationship with them if their daughter does return.

3. You parents can say they will not accept her but they need to respect her. Not everyone in the world will like everyone. Every family will not like the spouse one chooses. But, respect for both parties is necessary for everyone to live in harmony. Your parents having respect for your wife is also your parents showing you respect. The same by showing you respect your wife will show that to you parents as well, inshallah.

Also, I wanted to say if your parents are not muslim. Be respectful and honor your parents but be careful about taking advice for non-muslims. In Islam we have a certain structure on how things are to be done. If they are not muslim they cannot advise you correctly according to Islam.

 

[Amir_of_spain]

Your a married guy now, you shouldn't be following or letting your family dictate your marriage, those issues are between you and your wife. To prevent someone from seeing their own dying relative espeically someone close like the father is just plain wrong and against Islam. In Islam we get rewarded for visiting the sick.

 

[riza]

Asalaamualaykum

Asalaamualaykum,

Thanks for all your advice it helps to ask others. I will try and speak to her as i wish her to be happy. its been nearly a week now. And i have had no form of contact with her. Her family says shes not at home everytime i call her house. They live around 100miles away. i will try and go there.

I will keep you all updated.

Oh in my family my dad is my muslim step father, I and my mum converted.

Regards,

Riza

 

[muslim-girl]

Asc brother

Asc brother.

Im sorry to hear ur condition. may Allah bring her back, and success ur marriages life inshaAllah.

Hm . U ask if it was wrong to hold her back from her ill father. basiclly, i had hear a hadith i dont iknow if its sahih or not. may Allah forgive me if im wrong. but the hadith its about a sahba women; she is marriad as well, and her father is going to die. her husband want her at the same time and he refuses her to go to her dad. the father is in bad condition and going to die soon. but this young sahba she ofcause obey her husband and stay with him. when they finish the thing. she take a shower and run to her dad who is already died subhanaAllah, when she come to the place her hair is still watt and the water from her hair is failing down on her died father. and because of her obeying to her husband, Allah have giving her father JANNAH. mashaAllah.

. so u can actully compare ur situation with ur wife and this hadith. but if u ask me about my personal opnion i will say that its wrong that u keep ur wife from ther ill father. thats not good. but if u had a good islamic reason it will be more understanding. i hope inshaALlah she will come back to u soon. and may Allah forgive u both inshaAlllah..

Asc..

- sorry for my bad english and explaing . : )

 

[amirah80]

:salam2:

As-Salamu Alaikom Muslim-girl

Jazak Allah Khair for giving our brother this information but can you please post the actually hadith and site it please. This will help give him better clairification and help with knowing if the hadith is sahih or daeef.

Wasalam Amirah

 

[amirah80]

:salam2:

As-Salamu Alaikum

Here is the hadith that muslim-girl was referencing and it is daeef. It can be found in another thread that covers 100 hadiths that are daeef.

http://www.turntoislam.com/forum/showthread.php?t=37607

41 - ((There was once a certain man who set out on a journey after having covenanted with his wife not to leave their house. Her father was downstairs, and she was upstairs. When he (her father) fell ill, the woman sent for the Messenger of Allah asking his permission to go down to see her father. The Messenger of Allah said, ‘Obey your husband.’ The father died. She sent to Prophet Mohammed once again [to get permission to see her father], but he said again, ‘Obey your husband.’ Her father was buried. The Messenger of God sent a message to her that her father was forgiven on account of her obedience to her husband)). Weak; Al-Haythami said: [it is] narrated by Al-Tabari in “Al-Awsaat”, and in it (i.e. the chain) is ‘Aismah ibn Al-Mutawakil and he is weak. Al-Albani said: narrated by Al-Tabari in “Al-Awsaat” from the way of ‘Aismah ibn Al-Mutawakil … and he is weak, and his shaykh Zafir ibn Sulaiman Al-Quhistani is also weak. Also narrated by ‘Abd ibn Hameed (1369), from another way, but in the chain is Yousif ibn ‘Atiyah and he is Matrouk, “Irwaa’ Al-’Galeel” (7/76), and “Majmaa’ Al-Zawaid” (4/313)

Wasalam Amirah80

 

[Optimist]

Assalamu aleekoom brother

I hope all will turn out for the best for you & your family

I think the question of who is right or wrong is rather unnecessary in this condition.

Simply forgive, start over and hope for the best.

Do not look for the lowest denominator in your relationship with your wife. You may have the right to ask her not to visit her family (I really don't know), but surely a Muslim can understand how a daughter will feel toward her father. Islam is the religion of mercy & forgiveness.

 

[LaLa09]

was it right for us to ask her not to talk to her critically ill dad?

:astag: brother i think that was completely cruel and harsh....why would you do such a thing?? Well its in the past now but go ahead and apoligize to ur wife about that because it was wrong, and inshallah i hope things work out for you and her