Young muslims and parents?

Muslimah99

Bosnian Muslimah
selamun aleykum everyone, I hope you are in your best state of health and imaan :)

I was wondering how come so many "modern" parents these days forbid their kids in marrying until they are like 23-25 for daughters for example and even older for sons, because they want them to become doctors? I understand if men can't afford it but if there are possibilities for them to get married, why hinder?

We were with the Prophet while we were young and had no wealth whatsoever. So Allah’s Messenger said, “O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty, and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power. (Al-Bukhari, Book 62, Hadith 4)
 

Shahzad

Junior Member
this late marriage is causing the disaster of muslim youth.
lads and girls get into bad habits. Early marraige can save us from many many social diseases
 
i have heard from a schoolar that when its will be hard to marry then jinah will spread everywhere easily. And when parents will help marry his childrens then jinah also no more available in our society.That is the reason why illegal relationship is spread like virus in our society.
 

Muslimah99

Bosnian Muslimah
this late marriage is causing the disaster of muslim youth.
lads and girls get into bad habits. Early marraige can save us from many many social diseases

yes exactly...that is so sad because a young marriage can have so many benefits and it is half our deen masha'ALLAH!
 

Muslimah99

Bosnian Muslimah
i have heard from a schoolar that when its will be hard to marry then jinah will spread everywhere easily. And when parents will help marry his childrens then jinah also no more available in our society.That is the reason why illegal relationship is spread like virus in our society.


:salam2:sorry for my ignorance, but what is jinah??
 

dawahforever

Junior Member
I think they meant zinah.

My kids got married young although muslims find it funny. My daughter was one month shy of 18 and my son was 22.
 

muharram23

New Member
Staff member
selamun aleykum everyone, I hope you are in your best state of health and imaan :)

I was wondering how come so many "modern" parents these days forbid their kids in marrying until they are like 23-25 for daughters for example and even older for sons, because they want them to become doctors? I understand if men can't afford it but if there are possibilities for them to get married, why hinder?

We were with the Prophet while we were young and had no wealth whatsoever. So Allah’s Messenger said, “O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty, and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power. (Al-Bukhari, Book 62, Hadith 4)

salamu alaykum

because they want their kids to get a stupid degree first. Not thinking about their islam. And who says u cant be married and go to school. Who wants to marry a women in her 30s. She can only bare 1 or 2 kids the most. Please dont be offended. Rsulullah sv.a in one hadeeth
We were with the Prophet while we were young and had no wealth whatsoever. So Allah’s Messenger said, “O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty, and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power. (Al-Bukhari, Book 62, Hadith
We are not talking here about "who can afford" people to buy upper hundredds of thousand dollar houses or 30000 mahrs and so on. NO wonder people cant get married.

wassalamu alaykum

Muharram al-bosnii

Allah knows best


wassalamu alaykum
 

muharram23

New Member
Staff member
oh zina, that of course I know what means...oh sounds nice sister...may Allah bless their marriages


Salamu alaykum

well done sister, may Allah make them happy in marriage and obedient to Allah s.va. In these past 20 or 30 yrs people make it a big deal of being married young. My grandmas' got married at 13 that is why they gave birth mashAlalh to 13 kids. In some european countries, if a girl is 12 yrs old, she can have illigal sex, but marriage, nooo way.

Assalamu alaykum
 

Muslimah99

Bosnian Muslimah
salamu alaykum

because they want their kids to get a stupid degree first. Not thinking about their islam. And who says u cant be married and go to school. Who wants to marry a women in her 30s. She can only bare 1 or 2 kids the most. Please dont be offended. Rsulullah sv.a in one hadeeth
We were with the Prophet while we were young and had no wealth whatsoever. So Allah’s Messenger said, “O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty, and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power. (Al-Bukhari, Book 62, Hadith
We are not talking here about "who can afford" people to buy upper hundredds of thousand dollar houses or 30000 mahrs and so on. NO wonder people cant get married.

wassalamu alaykum

Muharram al-bosnii

Allah knows best


wassalamu alaykum

:salam2:

yes it seems for many people this dunya is far more important than anything else...we learn that marriage is half our deen but still parents make these requirements like how old oyu can marry, what nationality the bride or groom has to be, how much money they should have etc etc but

THEN THEY FORGET WHAT THE REAL PURPOSE OF MARRIAGE IS IN THE FIRST PLACE.

I guess Allah has set a time for every one of us, so if some women get married at 25 it might be the fault of their parents or they just didn't find the right person. I was once reading about a 30-year old woman whose father didn't approove any of the marriage offers she got and still planned to REJECT...it was in a fatwa actually....so the scholar said she can marry without his permission but with the permission of an imaam, because the father was misusing his AUTHORITY.
 

muslima89

Allah is merciful
:salam2:

Believe it or not, but my father doesn't want me to marry until i am like 30. Isn't that crazy or something, cos i don't think that i can wait till there, lol.
It's really hard to live in this kind of society where you can almost see everyone naked, so i think getting married early is better and i hope that my father realizes that someday.

I remember when i talked about this issue generally and he just got very angry. So i'm scared to tell him that i would like to get married.
 

Muslimah99

Bosnian Muslimah
:salam2:

Believe it or not, but my father doesn't want me to marry until i am like 30. Isn't that crazy or something, cos i don't think that i can wait till there, lol.
It's really hard to live in this kind of society where you can almost see everyone naked, so i think getting married early is better and i hope that my father realizes that someday.

I remember when i talked about this issue generally and he just got very angry. So i'm scared to tell him that i would like to get married.

well I am not sure about my parents, but my mother says I could, but she also said I could wear hijab and when I started wearing it WAR (she did everything to stop me)! So I think she says it is okay but hopes deep down that I won't and secondly I don't think she nor my father would allow me to marry someone from another nationality, but i don't care about nationality and stuff, just that they are muslims. I am not sure about my dad, he keeps very quiet about stuff like that, and my mother doesn't see mahr (the money the bride gets) as anything that is nice but rather stupid??

I really do NOT know where I have my parents...

So we two have similiar problems sister...you are not alone, I pray that Allah will open the eyes of your father so he sees that he should NOT misuse his AUTHORITY, Allah's words are much above his :)
 

dawahforever

Junior Member
Asalaamu Alaikum

I met a woman who told me her father wouldn't let her get married..everytime a suitor came he found something wrong with him..finally there came a day when no one was asking for her hand in marriage. NOw she is in her 50's and can't have kids and no one is interested in her although she is trying now on her own. I was just shocked and it was really painful for me to realize that this woman could never have children and may never find a husband. I wonder what some parents are thinking. To me that is oppression. I know another woman whose father kept saying no too and the reason was economic..he wanted her to help support the family as she was the oldest. But at 30 or so she finally said enough is enough and just got married. I heard that some parents don't want their kids to get married because they need them to help pay off their mortgages.

Wa Salaamu Alaikum
D4E:hijabi:
 

Muslimah99

Bosnian Muslimah
Asalaamu Alaikum

I met a woman who told me her father wouldn't let her get married..everytime a suitor came he found something wrong with him..finally there came a day when no one was asking for her hand in marriage. NOw she is in her 50's and can't have kids and no one is interested in her although she is trying now on her own. I was just shocked and it was really painful for me to realize that this woman could never have children and may never find a husband. I wonder what some parents are thinking. To me that is oppression. I know another woman whose father kept saying no too and the reason was economic..he wanted her to help support the family as she was the oldest. But at 30 or so she finally said enough is enough and just got married. I heard that some parents don't want their kids to get married because they need them to help pay off their mortgages.

Wa Salaamu Alaikum
D4E:hijabi:

we aleykumu salam!! I just can NOT believe this, this sounds CRAZY...I am still young, only 18, but I know my parents never would keep me that way but there are so many problems you see...it is just very sad how some parents don't get what's the right thing to do.

I hope Allah helps this woman in her life and may he grant her Jannah...this is jsut very sad!
 

Jannah03

Junior Member
Its pretty pathetic...so sad. I asked my dad at 16 up until i was a sophmore in college and it ALWAYS ended in very heated arguements! Some parents dont understand the effects of Zina. nor put islam first. It seems like everyone sees Dollar signs than Jannah ranks. When some people of our age come to their parents with a non-muslim spouse THEN they try to hurriedly find a good muslim partner for them but the damage's been done. ive seen it before.
 

Jannah03

Junior Member
muslimah89...babygirl believe me i was there! my dad told me i couldnt marry until i had my masters degree, lived by myself for 3 years..then i can THINK about getting married. then again he told i didnt need to worry about men, relations, or marriage. anywho honey i understand you. EVERY TIME i would say the word marriage he would get angry. The last time i talked about marriage my car, along with car and health insurances were taken away. so was help with paying for my college education. and granted the last two times i talked to him about that he was going to take my car away at my job! its ridiculous i know. even when i kept reminding him of the good things about marriage and how islam views marriage. to no avail. i had to do it on my own.
 

Muslimah99

Bosnian Muslimah
muslimah89...babygirl believe me i was there! my dad told me i couldnt marry until i had my masters degree, lived by myself for 3 years..then i can THINK about getting married. then again he told i didnt need to worry about men, relations, or marriage. anywho honey i understand you. EVERY TIME i would say the word marriage he would get angry. The last time i talked about marriage my car, along with car and health insurances were taken away. so was help with paying for my college education. and granted the last two times i talked to him about that he was going to take my car away at my job! its ridiculous i know. even when i kept reminding him of the good things about marriage and how islam views marriage. to no avail. i had to do it on my own.

this is just RIDICULOUS! You cn be married AND go to school, I see no problem there...the word "marriage" is kind of taboo in my family ...omg I really wish you the best sister, is there nothing that can change your father's mind?
 

muslima89

Allah is merciful
:salam2:


I really can relate to that. I remember when i talked about this with him and he just got angry and said only when you go to university and get everything done and go to job. Then i said i can be married when i'm studying but and then he said that i could get pregnant, loool. But after that i kept quiet though i wanted to mention about protection, but he's so naive that i'm sure he would aske where have i learned that. So i kept quiet.
 
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