A hard choice....

[Isra]

As-Salamo Alaikome....

Hello my brothers and sisters at TTI. I hope you are all doing well on this day.

I have come across a situation where I find myself confused and unable to understand. I am just learning about Islam myself and I feel this situation is wrong so I thought I would post it here and get the opinion of those who are much more knowledgable in Islam way thinks about this matter.

Ok here goes......she is more than 16 years older than he is. Both are muslim but only she is practicing all the time and he practices sometimes. They want to marry and for a very good reason.....she says she wants him because he is strong and she feels he can help her to live her life in Islam way and he wants to marry her because he said she can help to bring him back to being a full time practicing muslim. Both have very good intentions for being together and both have avoided sin with each other and are really trying so hard to do everything in the right way.

Here is the problem....in doing things the right way he has told his parents about her and his mother felt something was between the two of them that was more than friendship. She got very angry with her son and called him "sick" for wanting to be with a woman who is so much older than he is. There is also a culture difference between the couple which could factor in on what his mother is feeling towards their union. She is trying to make her son promise not to marry this woman but I dont understand why???

They are both good people and both feel they want to marry. But he is torn because he doesnt want to chose between his mother and the woman he wants to marry. His mother is using the age difference between them as a reason for them to avoid marrying and told him that even if the girl was from the same country they would have problems because he will think in the young way and she will think in the old way. His mother has never even met this girl though and never talked to her so she is talking about someone she doesnt even know. I feel this is not fair for her to put this sort of pressure on her son. I didnt even mention that he is an adult but apparently not according to his culture.

So this is the situation and I would appreciate any advice. I know that the prophet (sal allahu alayhi wa salam) was much younger than his first wife and in fact the age difference between this couple is comparable. Why was it ok back in the prophets (sal allahu alayhi wa salam) days and yet today its not ok. I dont understand how some muslims can say they believe in Islam yet they put this sort of pressure on their children (who is actually no longer a child they might do best to remember). Maybe this is more about culture than Islam Im thinking. I dont understand.

Thank you for listening and tell me your opinion.....

May Allah keep us all on the straight path. Ameen

 

[Roby Rahman]

Asalamualaikum

All praise be to ALLAH, lord and sustainer of all the worlds.

One thing I can say is that the couple should keep complete faith and trust on ALLAH swt meaning, if ALLAH swt decides for this couple to get married than there is nothing that can come in between the marriage, and if ALLAH swt decides that this marriage will not be than theres no way the couple will get married regardless of how the mother feels.
We must also keep in mind that the mother is the closest one to anyone after ALLAH the almighty, therefore consideration should be put into the mothers perspective. Hope that helps.

Wasalam

 

[nita madjid]

Assalamualaikum wr.wb.

We have to admit that a mother plays a major role in the decision of her children. By considering this, that is why it is important for a female to learn and practice Islam to its fullest.

In this case of yours, my advice is to talk about religion point of view to the mother. She might be "temporarily" forget that Islam and its value rules all -as well as culture- hence she needs to be reminded in a subtle and polite way.

Also do not forget to ask for both the male and female to continually pray for Allah's help and decision on what is good for them.

 

[ShyHijabi]

Salaam,

Ahhh culture, I am beginning to think we should ban that word from the Muslim vocabulary. Your thinking is correct in that Rasool married Kadijah and there was a 15 year age difference. (with Kadijah being the senior of the two) I find it humourous that Muslim parents call it "Sunnah" when marrying an incredibly young girl to an older man but shy away from the other Sunnah which is marrying an older woman to a younger man.

Sigh.

There are a few options available to you. First, simply be patient and let the girl be introduced to the mother and see if they can soften toward seach other. (hmmm this is sounding awefully familiar) Two, you can send a third party representative such as an Imam of respected elder to speak to her on your behalf. Three, and absolute last option, he can marry the woman against his mother's advice but this may cause resentment and a rift which is best avoided at all costs.

I've been in this position and kind of still am. The mother now is ok with the marriage but the father isn't. So...we wait.

Wasalaam

 

[muhammed tahir]

asalam alaikum,
i read ur messege,thing is that there is no problem marry with older then the age.
but we should not compare ourselfs with prophet (p.b.u.h). what ever he done is to teach us,that what should we do on different circumstances.
prophet (s.a.w) tell us the teaching and way of marriage.
when any one wants to maryy he or she should be equal in every way. example that both should be equal in their education, by look, by the society status, by age, in age there should be a balance difference.
the about her mother or any mother or a muslim, she should think about it, its not a bad thing,if you both get marry.
just make dua, in the nights. i tell you some ways of aceptance of dua, when u go to sleep make wudu,and when the first you wake up after sleep make a dua inshallah allah will accept your dua, second when u make dua after prayers, say these word that oo allah i never able to make dua like ur status. ur the king of the kings give according to your status. inshallah allah will never reject ur dua.
and if its not accepted then be patiant allah will give you better then that.
allah knows better and he love all of us

walaikum asalam