A lot of you may lose respect for me, but oh well. This gets pretty personal as well. I mean, reeaally personal. So if you're going to reply back and be rude, well then don't.
A lot of crap is going on in my life right now. Family issues, friend issues, 6 classes I have to worry about, a senior project, along with a math test that I have to pass in November or I won't graduate, and I am nothing but stressed out. I'm getting migraines from it, and I never get migraines only when i'm dealing with so much. Plus it doesn't help when your brother calls you stupid and your mom and dad basically tell you you're not going to go far in life and that I probably won't graduate. I'm getting talked about so much by my so called 'friends' that it's just making me feel so low and I hate it. It scared me today because I was actually thinking of committing suicide. Along with that, i'm feeling even more stressed out because of Islam. Before anyone goes and says "slow down, you're moving to fast" that really isn't true. I've been taking my time with everything and not rushing into anything, and i'm still feeling overwhelmed by everything that I just can't deal with it. I don't even know if taking a break from Islam is possible, but I feel like I should do that. I'm getting tired of worrying about Ramadan (which I hardly participated in), Eid, everything else. This probably isn't good news, if I can't deal with all this now then will I this time next year? I actually today while sitting in my room in quietness was thinking that it was a huge mistake for me to even become a Muslim, and that I regret even learning about Islam and that I don't even feel happiness anymore, and Islam was the only thing that made me happy. Maybe it's a punishment from Allah because i'm going furthur away from him. I don't know. I've tried praying to make me feel better, so I won't feel so depressed but it really doesn't help me. I've tried helping people and tried so much to be a much more nice person, but I get treated like crap in return.
So, unless a miracle happens and my mood changes, I won't be here until June of '08 when school is over. I make a big deal about coming here because I don't know any Muslims where I live, and it gets pretty lonely and it's comforting to know that I can come here and talk to them. But, my whole mood is making me kind of angry and I don't want to snap at someone, so i'll be leaving for now. But, thank you to everyone who helped me with all my questions before I appreciate it, and I wish you all the best.
A lot of crap is going on in my life right now. Family issues, friend issues, 6 classes I have to worry about, a senior project, along with a math test that I have to pass in November or I won't graduate, and I am nothing but stressed out. I'm getting migraines from it, and I never get migraines only when i'm dealing with so much. Plus it doesn't help when your brother calls you stupid and your mom and dad basically tell you you're not going to go far in life and that I probably won't graduate. I'm getting talked about so much by my so called 'friends' that it's just making me feel so low and I hate it. It scared me today because I was actually thinking of committing suicide. Along with that, i'm feeling even more stressed out because of Islam. Before anyone goes and says "slow down, you're moving to fast" that really isn't true. I've been taking my time with everything and not rushing into anything, and i'm still feeling overwhelmed by everything that I just can't deal with it. I don't even know if taking a break from Islam is possible, but I feel like I should do that. I'm getting tired of worrying about Ramadan (which I hardly participated in), Eid, everything else. This probably isn't good news, if I can't deal with all this now then will I this time next year? I actually today while sitting in my room in quietness was thinking that it was a huge mistake for me to even become a Muslim, and that I regret even learning about Islam and that I don't even feel happiness anymore, and Islam was the only thing that made me happy. Maybe it's a punishment from Allah because i'm going furthur away from him. I don't know. I've tried praying to make me feel better, so I won't feel so depressed but it really doesn't help me. I've tried helping people and tried so much to be a much more nice person, but I get treated like crap in return.
So, unless a miracle happens and my mood changes, I won't be here until June of '08 when school is over. I make a big deal about coming here because I don't know any Muslims where I live, and it gets pretty lonely and it's comforting to know that I can come here and talk to them. But, my whole mood is making me kind of angry and I don't want to snap at someone, so i'll be leaving for now. But, thank you to everyone who helped me with all my questions before I appreciate it, and I wish you all the best.