Dating ?!

saffanah

speak good or silent
Dating
According to Quran and Sunnah​

Being alone with a non-mahram


Hadith - Ahmad and Al-Tirmidhi 3118, Narrated Umar ibn al-Khattab , Tirmidhi transmitted it.
The Prophet said, "Whenever a man is alone with a woman the Devil makes a third."

Hadith - Sahih Bukhari, Book 25, Number 5403, Narrated Abdullah ibn Amr ibn al-'As
Some persons from Banu Hisham entered the house of Asma' daughter of Umays when AbuBakr also entered (and she was at that time his wife). He (AbuBakr) saw it and disapproved of it and he made a mention of that to Allah's Messenger and said: I did not see but good only (in my wife).

Thereupon Allah's Messenger said: Verily Allah has made her immune from all this. Then Allah's Messenger stood on the pulpit and said: After this day no man should enter the house of another person in his absence, but only when he is accompanied by one person or two persons.


Hadith - Sahih Bukhari Book 25, Number 5399, Narrated Jabir ibn Abdullah
Allah's Messenger said: Behold, no person should spend the night with a married woman, but only in case he is married to her or he is her Mahram.

Hadith - Al-Tirmidhi 3119, Narrated Jabir ibn Abdullah
The Prophet said, "Do not visit women whose husbands are away from home, for the Devil circulates in you like your blood." He was asked if this applied to him also and said, "To me also, but Allah has helped me against him so that I may be safe." [Tirmidhi transmitted it.]


Sex outside of marriage is prohibited
A Muslim cannot date and should always have the intentions not be alone with a non-mahram; if it is your intentions not to be alone with a non-mahram, but circumstances beyond your control mandate that you are (such as entering a store, placing an order, calling a plumber to fix an emergency leak), that is different. It must be your intentions not to be alone with a non-mahrahm person, though.
Islam protects us from ourselves by segregating men from women who are not directly related (these people are known as mahrham) as specific in the Qur'an. Instead of dating, a Muslim and Muslimah meet in a pre-arranged place (such as a room in the Masjid) with a wali/witness/guardian/escort present in the room. The couple will discuss a marriage contract and ask questions of importance to them regarding marriage. The best person to seek for a spouse is the pious.

The Noble Qur'an 24:30
Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts, etc.). That is purer for them. Verily, Allah is All-Aware of what they do.

Hadith - Sahih Al-Bukhari, Vol. 9, Hadith No. 409
Narrated Ibn Mas'uud r.a.: A man kissed a woman and then came to Allah's Messenger saaws and told him of that, so this Divine Inspiration was revealed to the Prophet saaws:- "And offer prayers perfectly at the two ends of the day, and in some hours of the night; [i.e. (five) compulsory prayers]. (Verily, the good deeds remove the evil deeds (small sins). That is a reminder for the mindful." (Qur'an 11:114) The man said, "Is this instruction for me only?" The Prophet saaws said, "It is for all those of my followers who encounter a similar situation."

What should we do?
~Avoid being alone with a non-mahram except out of necessity and when unavoidable.

~Respect yourself and your body; wait until marriage for sex. More importantly, obey your Lord; wait until marriage for sex.

~Don't do like the unbelievers, who date. Do as your Lord commands you. Trust that Allah swt knows what is best for you.

Symptom: Feeling weak?
Prescription: Lower gaze, Do your prayers


***
http://www.muttaqun.com/dating.html
 

ruki4eva

Muslim Unity...
:salam2:
jazakallah for sharin
:ma: a very beneficial post
May Allah (swt) bless u for it inshallah
May Allah (swt) protect us from all evil
and guide us all inshallah
and make us the dwellers of jannatul ferdous
inshallah
Ameen
take care
:wasalam:
 

ShyHijabi

Junior Member
Salaam,

I have a few questions and wish there was a scholar to put this to. I come from a people who have arranged marriages (Orthodox Jews) but a sort of dating is actually allowed. Basically they have to have a chaperone to be around them while they get to know each other.

There is a brother who is interested in marrying me and we have spoken to each other with his parents in the room. We've never been alone together and always are cautious to be polite, is this dating?? I've read some people don't even let the couple speak to each other before the marriage and this seems incredibly inpractical. How will they know if they will even like each other? I think certain aspects such as personality need to be taken into consideration when thinking about matching a couple. Anyways...just my thoughts.

Wasalaam

~Sarah
 

saffanah

speak good or silent
welcome back sister Sarah.
Glad to see you on this site again ^_^
Alhamdulillah, I've found the answer for your question from a respected scholar, may it help.
******
Meeting one’s fiancée to discuss wedding details

Q: I have proposed marriage to a girl and she and her wali (guardian) have accepted. Is it permissible for me to meet her in her house, in the presence of her mother and sisters but without her mahram, to discuss some of the details of the wedding and to decide on the mahr (dowry)?.

A:
Praise be to Allaah.

Islam allows the man to look at his fiancée and speak to her about necessary matters to do with the marriage, and the man is encouraged to look at his fiancée when thinking of proposing, because that will bring their hearts closer together and generate the love and compassion that are the aim of the marriage.

It was narrated from al-Mugheerah ibn Shu’bah that he proposed marriage to a woman, and the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Look at her, for that will help bring your hearts together.”

Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (1087); he said: this is a hasan hadeeth.

What it means is that it helps to create love and harmony between you, because if you marry her after having gotten to know her, in most cases there will be no regrets.

See: Tuhfat al-Ahwadhi.

There is no sin on you if you sit with your fiancée in order to work out some details of the wedding, but you should not be alone with her, so one of her mahrams or her mother should sit with you, and there is nothing wrong with that in sha Allaah.

Shaykh Ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him) was asked the following question in Majmoo’ al-Fataawa (20/429):

I love a girl very much and she also loves me. I have seen her only once, and I started to speak to her by phone within respectable limits, and we agreed to get married. Most of my conversations with her have to do with married life and the mutual understanding between spouses that is necessary, and how a wife should treat her husband and look after his house, and so on. Is it permissible for me to speak to her if she calls me, or is that not permissible?

He (may Allaah have mercy on him) replied:

If a man wants to propose marriage to a woman, it is permissible for him to speak with her and look at her without being alone. When a man came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) to ask his opinion, he said: “Have you looked at her?” He said: No. He said: “Go and look at her.” And he said: “When one of you proposes marriage to a woman, if he can look at that which will encourage him to go ahead and marry her, let him do so.” Narrated by Abu Dawood (1783).

Looking is more serious than speaking, so if the conversation has to do with the marriage and where they will live, and how married life should be so that he will know whether she is familiar with these issues, there is nothing wrong with that if he wants to propose marriage to her. But if he does not want to propose marriage to her, then he has no right to do that. So long as he wants to marry her, it is permissible for him to talk to her about the engagement and about that which will encourage him to marry her, and she may do likewise, so long as they are not alone together; rather it should be done from a distance and in the presence of her father, brother or mother etc. End quote.

See also question no. 36807.

And Allaah knows best.
***

http://www.islamqa.com/en/ref/77236/meet before marriage
 

ShyHijabi

Junior Member
Salaam,

IN my case I've met with him numerous times with his parents there. His sister had an arranged marriage and both families came together almost 9 months every weekened before they married. So there was plenty of time to get to know each other in a halaal manner.

Wasalaam

~Sarah
 

hassana elkoussi

Junior Member
:salam2:

Sister Sarah, plz pray istikharah prayer and make sure of his good manners and if he's a practicing moslem committed to his religion.May Allah bless you and bless this marriage inshaa' Allah.:tti_sister: Ameen
 
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