:salam2:
Thats great news sister mashaAllah, you finally get the guy working
Divorce on Accident?
- Thread starter rtbour
- Start date
amirah80
*Fear Allah*
:salam2:
Well that seems harsh! Because I see all of the exclamation points. Let me tell this this sister and I will say this because maybe it can help our sister. If it would not I would not even tell you. I look back on my relationship and realized I was real mouthy. (talking to much unneccessary) saying smart comments out of frustration, ok.:astag: Then he would get upset and agrue with me and then it was no turning back we both were acting like fools you know. Then on different occassions he would get smart and say things and I would think I could change it by talking back and giving him the look this did nothing but cause we more problems. But want I did do was learn to be patient and that came through seeking more knowledge about Islam. Believe it or not through the patience Allah gave me I was able to fix my relationship because for me the bad girl act was not getting it. It made my relationship worst. So when I prayed and stayed calm Allah answered me and made my husband the same. At first I add to ignore and distance myself when he got upset and when he saw that I did not par take in his agruements he felt stupid. So that got him to thinking. Now Alhumdulilah we are fine and Alhumdulilah your marriage is fine. I just want to tell the sister be patient for this is greatly loved by Allah. Through patience we can accomplish alot. Maybe not today or tomorrow the things change but just be patient. If the sister needs more advice she should seek counseling from a Imam. Inshallah. I know we want the man to be a man my husband he does the mainly chores like you mentioned but it that same sense I want a man. When say man I mean someone that that is truely a man that can be responsibile, know his place, know my place, be patient as well but not let me run over him for then I will find weakness in this man and feel I am the dominent one and I did not want that. If I am yelling and shouting who looks like the man women should gentle and soft spoken. Women who are gentle and soft spoken get more than a women who is loud and obnoxious. But inshallah this sister can work it out like we have but I do wish she would be caution to her tone and the words she chooses when speaking to her husband not escalate a problem. Because he obviously as issues within himself and maybe she can help him
For we should speak when calm.
Salam Amirah80
Salaam,
No one here is suggesting that a woman remain in an abusive relationship. What they are suggesting is there are many Islamic ways to heal a realtionship. The sister is asking for healing and all we are doing is simply giving remedies that have worked for us. Prayer is a well known remedy as is leaving the affair to the Disposer of All Affairs.
Healing implies that forgiveness has taken place. When one is forgiven one becomes humble and that is a facet of love. Please think of how the celestial beings see us when we "break" another. I have made many mistakes and I know all I can ask for is forgiveness from Allah subhana talla thus I humble myself where and when I can. That too is a Mercy from him.
We must live in the present as there is other time for us while we are here. As Allah subhana talla forgives us so must we attempt to forgive others. If we are able to show love and mercy it may change another.
No one here is suggesting that a woman remain in an abusive relationship. What they are suggesting is there are many Islamic ways to heal a realtionship. The sister is asking for healing and all we are doing is simply giving remedies that have worked for us. Prayer is a well known remedy as is leaving the affair to the Disposer of All Affairs.
Healing implies that forgiveness has taken place. When one is forgiven one becomes humble and that is a facet of love. Please think of how the celestial beings see us when we "break" another. I have made many mistakes and I know all I can ask for is forgiveness from Allah subhana talla thus I humble myself where and when I can. That too is a Mercy from him.
We must live in the present as there is other time for us while we are here. As Allah subhana talla forgives us so must we attempt to forgive others. If we are able to show love and mercy it may change another.
amirah80
*Fear Allah*
dianek
Junior Member
After years of being meek and thinking I didn't deserve better, I found that by developing my backbone so to speak and letting him know how it is going to be I have what I want. Men need not be able to think that we are nothing without them and as such treat as they want. Now that he knows just how far I will go to out do him.....he doesn't push anymore. And now I hear from him every day how he can't live without me and he calls "just to hear my voice"...he no longer calls to scream about stupid stuff as he knows I will just hang up on him and ignore him until he shuts up. If he wants to be the Man, then to me it requires him to be the man my father is, and until then he will not have my respect. I will no longet compromise on that.....and as I have said, it is now working.
TheHumbleWun
Banned
Salaam,
As a recent "marriager" and with limited knowledge, the focal point of marriage is that you have to compromise with your partner. We must learn to give and take, even if it sometimes out of our way.
When people look for their spouse, they should have fundamental standards and what they are looking for in a person. You'll never find the "perfect" man or woman if you don't compromise.
Divorce should be your last, last, last resort.
As a recent "marriager" and with limited knowledge, the focal point of marriage is that you have to compromise with your partner. We must learn to give and take, even if it sometimes out of our way.
When people look for their spouse, they should have fundamental standards and what they are looking for in a person. You'll never find the "perfect" man or woman if you don't compromise.
Divorce should be your last, last, last resort.
a_brother
Make dua for us all
:salam2:
Well that seems harsh! Because I see all of the exclamation points. Let me tell this this sister and I will say this because maybe it can help our sister. If it would not I would not even tell you. I look back on my relationship and realized I was real mouthy. (talking to much unneccessary) saying smart comments out of frustration, ok.:astag: Then he would get upset and agrue with me and then it was no turning back we both were acting like fools you know. Then on different occassions he would get smart and say things and I would think I could change it by talking back and giving him the look this did nothing but cause we more problems. But want I did do was learn to be patient and that came through seeking more knowledge about Islam. Believe it or not through the patience Allah gave me I was able to fix my relationship because for me the bad girl act was not getting it. It made my relationship worst. So when I prayed and stayed calm Allah answered me and made my husband the same. At first I add to ignore and distance myself when he got upset and when he saw that I did not par take in his agruements he felt stupid. So that got him to thinking. Now Alhumdulilah we are fine and Alhumdulilah your marriage is fine. I just want to tell the sister be patient for this is greatly loved by Allah. Through patience we can accomplish alot. Maybe not today or tomorrow the things change but just be patient. If the sister needs more advice she should seek counseling from a Imam. Inshallah. I know we want the man to be a man my husband he does the mainly chores like you mentioned but it that same sense I want a man. When say man I mean someone that that is truely a man that can be responsibile, know his place, know my place, be patient as well but not let me run over him for then I will find weakness in this man and feel I am the dominent one and I did not want that. If I am yelling and shouting who looks like the man women should gentle and soft spoken. Women who are gentle and soft spoken get more than a women who is loud and obnoxious. But inshallah this sister can work it out like we have but I do wish she would be caution to her tone and the words she chooses when speaking to her husband not escalate a problem. Because he obviously as issues within himself and maybe she can help him
For we should speak when calm.
Salam Amirah80
:salam2:
great advice... May Allah make all married people happy and grant them patience
There are different types of angers when one divorce a woman,the one that is no counted according to our scholars is the sever one which close his mind that he can't even remember what he was saying ,but according to our sister he realize what he was saying with intention,that I think counted,besides every one who divorce his wife is in anger situation,so it's better to go to the nearer Imam or mufti and describe the whole situation to be safe.
There is another issue no body mention it and I think it's critical i.e. calling Allah ta'ala that nasty word is Kufr according to every scholars I know ,this reason is enough to divorce her from him if he doesn't return to Islam and really really seeks forgiveness from Allah:astag:
May Allah forgive us all
There is another issue no body mention it and I think it's critical i.e. calling Allah ta'ala that nasty word is Kufr according to every scholars I know ,this reason is enough to divorce her from him if he doesn't return to Islam and really really seeks forgiveness from Allah:astag:
May Allah forgive us all
I have tried everything to fix him. I have been very forgiving, patient, and tolerant. He doesn't care about what he says. He thinks he can just say really hurtful things to me, make me cry, scream at me, etc., and then later he comes and says sorry and gives me a hug and that makes it all better. I can't keep forgiving if he is refusing to change. He knows that he will have no consequences for his actions. He knows. I mean, what am I going to do, kill him? He knows he can do and say whatever he wants and I will just get over it and forgive him. I am tired of forgiving. I dont think he has a consience. He is so messed up. Last night, he told me that I have to get back on birth control. I cant do that right now because I dont have medical insurance. Because I said that, he thinks I am secretly trying to get pregnant on purpose. I am not doing that! We can't afford a baby right now, and I don't really want one with a man like him anyway if he is going to act like that. Even if I did want a baby right now, I would not go behind his back and try to get pregnant without his agreeing that we should have a baby. He got that false information from his own twisted mind, not from me, and he said "Don't think having a baby is going to make me love you more." I never even said I wanted one! I'm not bringing another innocent child into this environment. No way. I can't handle this much longer...
amirah80
*Fear Allah*
:salam2:
We can not help you here anymore you must go to a Imam Sister.
Because you have a right to have a child and vice versa the other party cant say no you cant have one. And not use birth control for financial purposes because you have to know Allah will make a way. You need a Imam who can guide you accordingly in what step you need to take next and how to do it
Salam Amirah80:tti_sister: Inshallah you get help.
We can not help you here anymore you must go to a Imam Sister.
Because you have a right to have a child and vice versa the other party cant say no you cant have one. And not use birth control for financial purposes because you have to know Allah will make a way. You need a Imam who can guide you accordingly in what step you need to take next and how to do it
Salam Amirah80:tti_sister: Inshallah you get help.
Turns out my marriage is invalid anyway. =(
I got married without the consent of anyone in my family before I became muslim. None of my family knew about it until after I was married...
http://www.islamweb.net/ver2/Fatwa/ShowFatwa.php?lang=E&Id=105480&Option=FatwaId
the question posted on the link is not mine but it is EXACTLY my situation. I never even thought about THIS issue!
I got married without the consent of anyone in my family before I became muslim. None of my family knew about it until after I was married...
http://www.islamweb.net/ver2/Fatwa/ShowFatwa.php?lang=E&Id=105480&Option=FatwaId
the question posted on the link is not mine but it is EXACTLY my situation. I never even thought about THIS issue!