Assalamualaikum
Well, there, you've done your job. I guess no girl needs to ask you any questions. No handouts for you then Brother Mabsoot.
Just Kidding around (Haha with the Admin). But your very right, Indeed. I think Deen lies far more ahead of anything intended by Sister Al Muslimah, and great advice you've given her.
Assalamualaikum
wa alaykum salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh ukhti,
Nee, she will have to ask a lot of questions, and inshaAllah, I will answer them.
But, it is tricky to actually find the right person, plus im very picky.. (which before anyone gets angry over, is totally reasonable! as we marry and be with that person for rest of our lives, with the goal of the hereafter, so also she be with me to walk together through the gates of Paradise.)
I hope so much that the one who I marry will appreciate me.. but, I guess with things like marriage and looking for pious spouse, the other person has to have some sort of insight based upon knowledge, or a lot of sincerity to value the other person.
i.e. a Muslim brother or sister who prays tahajud, memorises Qur'aan, wants to be the best Muslim he or she can ever be, will not be given any "value" in the eyes of a person who does not care so much about Islam..
Same, if you know what is the right way of following the Deen, the Quran and Pure Sunnah, then you will have some sort of idea how the other person should be living,
Nobody is perfect, but, all problems and issues can be sorted out, if both of the couple care for Islam a lot. - Why? because they have a central, shared common system for problems. The Quran and the Sunnah. If person has any issues, then this is what they will consult first. - Not sure which is best school to send your children? - You want to know whether to stay in a kafr country, and ignore the obligation, on those who can, of Migration to the land of Muslims? These sort of issues come up.
those who dont care so much about Islam
*properly*, end up fighting, arguing, being upset, and divorcing... for example, the men who not happy with their wives calling their families, or who behave like total dictators in the home... then on flipside you have the women who complain a lot!
Some this can be personality issue, and it is very important for people to do self reflection. Do people complain, or say something about you? Perhaps it is true... Who are we? Except the Children of Adam Alayhi salam... humans.... So, we have to reflect and try our best to change, by really implementing the Islamic mannerisms and personality into ourselves.
[FONT=Helvetica, Arial]Abu Darda' reported that the Prophet of Allah, upon him be peace, said,
"Nothing is weightier on the Scale of Deeds than one's good manners."[/FONT] (Adab al Mufrad of Imam Bukhari)
Anas Radhiyallahu anhu said:[FONT=Helvetica, Arial] "I served the Prophet of Allah, upon him be peace, for ten years. During that time, he never once said to me as much as 'Oof' if I did something wrong. He never asked me, if I had failed to do something, 'Why did you not do it?,' and he never said to me, if I had done something wrong, 'Why did you do it?' "
[/FONT][FONT=Helvetica, Arial]Abu Hurairah reported that the Prophet of Allah (saaws) said, "And what is most likely to send people to Paradise? Being conscious of Allah and good manners."[/FONT] (Adab al Mufrad of Imam Bukhari)
[FONT=Helvetica, Arial] 'Abd Allah ibn 'Amr reported that the Prophet of Allah, upon him be peace, used very often to pray in the following manner,
"O Allah! I ask You for good health, for trust, for self-control, for good manners, and to be satisfied with the divine decree."[/FONT] (adab al mufrad by Imam Bukhari).
There are also many other hadith, such as how the Prophet
would mend his clothes, would milk the goats etc, he did work that many men would think did not befit them, but he did those chores, and helped all those in his home. How can we not be in awe of the best of all creation, the best human, our Prophet Muhammad
..
From the outset, we must have in our mind, that we have to be best in our manners. If we get married, then the day that we say a bad word or become angry, or act unjustly to our wife/husband, it is the day that our record, is tainted. Of course, in most cases it is forgiven, but it is rarely forgotten... And to have such patience is not easy, but it must be something we are Scared of .. for Allah's sake alone, for the day we will be infront of Allah Subahana wa ta'ala...
And what is more important is for us to be dutiful to our Parents. How many people get married, they respect and listen to their wife or husband over their own parents!! -- If the parents command you, in something which is not haram in Islam, you MUST obey them... There are so many hadith about the parents, especially the mother. Imaam Bukhari, did not choose to place the hadith about the parents at the start of the book of manners and character, Adab al Mufrad for no reason.
So, we must respect them, even if they are not Muslims. - But, we have to let go and move on, if they command us to do evil, or keep us in evil e.g. if they are not Muslims.
The best person is the one who is dutiful to his wife, and also one who understands every situation she is in, and wants help her.. and who is respectful to her parents.. and vice versa..
All these things are in our perfect Islam!! These are the things, that should make us weep.
When we know that Muhammad
NEVER, NEVER talked when other people were speaking, he would Wait... until they finished, before he would speak!!
When we know that Muhammad
was not just kind and gentle outside, for example, with his grandchildren who would climb on his back in the prayer, but he was the same in the house, with his family.
We can never be like the Prophet
, his family and companions, but certainly we can try our best to be like that.
And all that I write here, is first for me, I ask Allah to help me, and I hope so much to Allah that I can put into action that which I ever write or advise my beloved brothers and sisters, and to keep us humble and sincere for Him alone.
Assalamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh
)
