hardship of finding a wife

[nyerekareem]

salaam to all,

i am a 26 year old muslim male that wishes to find a muslim bride. the problem that i've been having is that all of the potential muslimahs are of a different culture and their culture likes to remain in their own. i do not view them as racists, but doesn't islam come before culture? i haven't found any muslimahs of my culture, so this has become quite difficult for me. it's mostly due to the pressure of their families to stay within their own. but isn't it piety of the muslim/ah that should matter most? most of my culture is non-muslim, so i know that in a secular view i can find a ' girlfriend ' or wife, but girlfriends are haram. i want to marry a muslim, i don't want to have to try to convert someone of my culture. i want to follow sunnah as best as possible. i ask all brothers and sisters in deen to keep me in their du'a to ask Allah swt to helpvme bear this hardship.

shukran

 

[marildu]

Assalamu Alaikum Brother,

I really can sympathize. I am InshaAllah marrying a man later on next year. He is Pakistani and I am an American revert. To me, Islam matters WAY more than culture. And I find myself having to change myself for him. I think it's pretty unfair but I am trying to be accomodating and reasonable since we will be taking care of his parents. Have you said this to any of the Muslimahs? InshaAllah if she is pious she should know this already and understand she needs to make her parents understand this. You've gone through local masjids?

 

[Prosijak]

I feel you brother... many of us have the same or similar problems of finding a good muslim wife.

Selam

 

[Dawoodi]

welcome to the club

salamu alikum w.

you not alone brother, same happen to me, i havent been able to find a wife, for me its not just the cultural issue but nationality too.
i used to lived in london for more than 6 years and just becouse i wasnt british i wasnt a good prospect, so imagen now that i'm back in Colombia.
never mind Allah subhanah wata'alah will unser our Duas insha'allah

salam.

 

[Kayote]

Salam

What you say is correct. Islam is what binds us all together.

May I suggest you try indirect route. As in ask a muslim friend to ask his parents to help you seek a muslim wife & they can act as intermediary. At first, I use to think of this method as backwards & not 'enjoyable' but now I think there are so many advantages to it like enlisting other's opinion/advice.

Be patient. Insha'Allah you will get married soon. If its any consolation, Im not married and Im turning 27 next yr!!!

WaAliekum Assalam

 

[jameelahcowell]

Asalaamu alaikum wa rahmatulaah
I understand where you are coming from. I myself am british pakistani but my husband is african american. When I first told my family it was a huge shock for them!! Alhamdulillah they soon got use to this 'shocking news' and now love him to bits except for my grandfather.
It's funny I came across you're thread because only last night my beloved mother may Allah have mercy on her gave me the HUGE responsibility of finding my little sister who is 20yrs old a husband.
Inshallah if you're interested your very welcome to get in touch by replying to me. You have to be a practicing brother totally on the way of salaf(sunna)

May Allah guide you and make it easy for you.

Walaikum asalaam wa rahmatulaah

yr Sister in Islam

 

[Basicofislam]

:salam2: > I really dont know how you brothers are not finding any muslim sister to marry. God i know atleast a 100 unmarried girls. They cant find guys to marry. Infact there are less good muslim guys then girls.

 

[Signs]

marriage

asalaamwalikum brothers and sisters .,
so you all have problems with finding people in your own culture!!! or do you mean Race!!! most converts-reverts always seems to have this problem. and it's the younger brothers or sisters, well i have great news for you all Ask the Almighty exalted in might and WISE. {make Dua}
allah will lead you to your future bride or groom Inshallah, just like what happened to me, i asked and ALLAh delivered a GOOD wife, alhamdullah.
all you have to do is put the word out of what you are looking for and allah will guide you to him or her.. or visa versa.. say INSHALLAH.
Fazal

 

[ibn azem]

:salam2: > I really dont know how you brothers are not finding any muslim sister to marry. God i know atleast a 100 unmarried girls. They cant find guys to marry. Infact there are less good muslim guys then girls.

:salam2:

And I don't sister.
It is tough though in this time of "modernisation" and "westernisation" to come to a marriage as Islam teaches us to, or maybe I am in the wrong state here ?!
May Allah (swt) make it easy for all of the brothers and sisters that are willing to live His Deen.

wassalaam.

 

[Basicofislam]

Well see you supposing see a very good nice muslim girl. You dont have to date her. You go to her house and ask for her hand. If the family accepts you get to talk to her about what your and her goals are in life. If it matches then go ahead.Well when i was saying these girls are not finding guys is cause there parents are looking for guys and they cant find any.

 

[ibn azem]

:salam2:

Well sister, I am speaking about my comunity here in Switzerland (albanians). The problem is that today a lot of families who don't even bother that much as "things have come easier for the youth to find their partners" and things change with the different traditions of the comunities (that is not the fault of Islam why poeple do not take it as a primary Way of living and so the state of the families changes for worse: like in the West).
And when you say that sister:

Well see you supposing see a very good nice muslim girl. You dont have to date her. You go to her house and ask for her hand. If the family accepts you get to talk to her about what your and her goals are in life.

in my comunity if you do that, she and her family will laugh at you (unfortunately out of ignorance and lack of islamic education), as being backwarded and similar judgements.
And as I said, in this time of social prosperity and "modern society" you don't do those things anymore, you just go staright to the girl or she comes at you and "things are sorted out".
That might be the case only in my comunity (which I very much doubt, although I wish it was a single case), but this is a reality to which everyone is exposed to.

wassalaam.

 

[Basicofislam]

I know a lot of unmarried albanian girls. They go to the same masjid where i go to pray. And they say they have a problem cause there are no good muslim albanian men. Well if you feel so shy and embarredssed and would not go to meet there families then i dont know what to say. I guess the women have to make the first move then loolll. I know somebody he is from pakistan his wife is a beautiful muslim girl from turkey. She asked him for his hand. And now they are happily married with kids. But girls dont always ask. So stop feeling embarressed. And tell the parents that you are interested in marriage. If his parents laugh about this then you dont want a girl from that family cause you know the apple does not fall far from the apple tree. A good muslim family will see nothing wrong with this.

 

[ibn azem]

:salam2:

Well I agree with you, and I was only talking in general when I was referring to my comunity sister, because as a minority and even so few families practicing Islam and really living Islam it is just a bonus to find a nice family as you say.
It is not a matter of being shy or not because the least thing the youth posseses today is being shy, or is that just my conclusion?!
It is a matter of the enviroment in which you live I suppose, because the West has indeed done it's work on this area quite good.
And I have to laugh when I hear you say and admire the fact about those muslim sisters complaining about that, because here it is the brothers who say what your neighbouring sisters say.

wassalaam.

 

[Tahar]

Marriage

There are no differences between races, colors, or nationalities in islam. We are one. Our beloved prophet (peace be upon him) instructed us that if someone proposing marriage came to us and we liked his behavior, character, "diin" = devoutly practicing Muslim, then accept his proposal. He did not list any other conditions.

In my opinion, marriage is a serious business. So make sure you know whom you are getting married to, within the acceptable norms off-course. And through the woman's family.

That's what I think and Allah knows best.

 

[talibulislam]

these r facts

b4 islam the way arabs were living,divided,cast issues,wars,hate,low & upper class time of jahliya but islam bring them light,took them out from those cultures issue,race issue,nationalism & bring them close to each other,they rule the whole world,hold on to quran an sunnah more then personal issues they were victorious in every field,it seem like without deen day by day we r going back to jahliya.if we don't realize now & stop now,we r going to b in worse condition then arabs of jahliya.may allah have mercy & Hidaya 4 all of us insh'allah

 

[Mabsoot]

Assalamu ALaykum,

May i remind people the purpose of this website. Jazakallahu khayr.

You can discuss marriage, but all out ADS asking for marriage are not allowed here. This is because it will attract wrong crowd to this site. And last thing we want is this site becoming base for marriage seekers.

Its difficult Moderating the website as it is. It is a big pain trying to stop people from using website for wrong reasons.

We here to learn and discuss Islam.

Please stick to the rules.

Your handsome, tall and single Administrator. Dare i mention humerous.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Anyway, back to the main thread, Of course Islamically it does not matter who a person is and where they are from. We look at their Islam

Although, this does not mean we rule out culture altogether. Some people simply do not understand how family work. How we sit and stand, talk etc. Its difficult to explain. But, at times people can be like aliens from another planet. I guess people can learn and some people are better than others at adapting.

But it depends from person to person. What people want.

The Most important thing i believe is that people take their time. Never rush something as important as marriage. We going to be spending rest of our lives with this person and they are to be like best friends, sharing ups and downs and strengthening each others faith.

Wasalam

 

[Kayote]

Assalamu ALaykum,

May i remind people the purpose of this website. Jazakallahu khayr.

You can discuss marriage, but all out ADS asking for marriage are not allowed here. This is because it will attract wrong crowd to this site. And last thing we want is this site becoming base for marriage seekers.

Its difficult Moderating the website as it is. It is a big pain trying to stop people from using website for wrong reasons.

:salam2:

Haha, I chuckled at that!

Now you know you can open another site where muslims from this website can look for a life partner

On a serious note, you are doing a wonderful work. I think its ok to discuss these matter (as the brother pointed out & he never made a request for a bride in this thread) but yes lets not start advertising here. :muslim_child:

 

[Dawoodi]

sure!!

salam w.

ok ok, it was me i said i needed a wife too... but hey i didnt mean i'm desperate. lol

i understood very well the porpouse of the site.

but hey i couldnt resist said something when some one says knows more than houndred sisters looking for husband.:arabi1:

let me put u in perspective to my situation, i live far away west cuntry, there are no any muslims here actualy i'm the only one on my city besides my parents who recently took shahada.

i'm a revert and i'm 33 years old so this is a serious issue for me.

and frankly i dont belive in muslim matrimonial websites as are a big door for fitnah and zina.

thats all.

so its only up to Allah subhanah wataalah to put the rigth person on my path.

salam w.

 

[Dawoodi]

sure

sorry i meant i dont belive in finding a wife on a web site.

 

[Mystify]

It is the same here in Australia. The muslim community tends to be divided by race and nationality, each have their own mosques too. It seems to be a very closed community. No one wants their son/daughter marrying an Aussie, muslim or not and of course Aussie non-muslim men are off limits to sisters anyway.

For many converts there is no family to act on their behalf anyway so asking for their opinion/permission is moot.

I knew when i took shahada that i could very likely be ruining any chances for being married in the future (i am 30) but for me Islam is well worth it.

So i guess it is a world wide concern, such a shame, i was kinda hoping it would not be :shymuslima1: