Have I fallen prey to grudge?

[a_muslimah86]

:salam2:

Someone I knew for years hurt me very deeply...they did it for years on end..things used to get better..and they did for a while..they promised they'd make things right..but now we're back where we were..it's actually WORST now and I'm worried that because I am so fed up..I have earned a grudging heart as a result..because I am having such INTENSE anger towards them..I would get so angry that my heart paces as if I'm running a marathon! (not even exaggerating!)..

I keep saying *hasbiya allah wa ne'ema al wakeel* (Allah is Sufficient for me, and He is the Best Disposer of affairs)...but sometimes..ao'otho billah...I enjoy the thought of that person possibly failing at something or suffering with another :shymuslima1:..I stop myself when I realize the horridness of what I am thinking about..but I still get this sort of thoughts

So I don't know...is this grudge?..am I holding grudges?...tell me..and be *very honest* please..I think that might help me because..

I want to snap out of it..I feel that grudge should not dwell in the heart of a Muslim..and many times I hate myself because I think that Allah (swt) could be displeased with me...but then I think well I have been hurt sooo much..and such and such

So you see???...it's a cycle of wanting that person to suffer like I do everyday (especially when remembering the times they hurt me and still do) and fear of Allah for thinking of such evil towards another person..

I have confronted the person COUNTLESS times!..but nothing seems to help..they don't even care about what I say..they ignore it..and that contributes to everything I ALREADY feel!..that's why I am asking for help in identifying if this is FULL-FLEDGED grudge..and possibly finding a solution to it..*sigh*

 

[Eman88]

Salamu Aleikom,

I just want to say that I am also in the same situation as you are.. I have tried to forgive that person so many times, but it just seems like this person just doesn't care and the feeling inside my heart isn't going away..

I think its natural to be upset cause we've been transgressed, but holding a grudge isn't right.. I dont know. It feels like you just can't help it especially when the person seems happy and not affected by what they have done..

We should rely on Allah (swt) will give them what they deserve.. we've done our part. Allah doesn't forget anyone's rights.. If they do repent, they will probably try to make things better, but if they don't .. we're just going to have to trust in Allah (swt) that He won't let our rights go down the drain

I don;t know if that helps at all, I'm trying to help myself also..
If anyone has anything to say about this, please do share, i'm interested in knowing as well

May Allah have mercy on us and forgive us all
Salam

 

[a_muslimah86]

Salamu Aleikom,

I just want to say that I am also in the same situation as you are.. I have tried to forgive that person so many times, but it just seems like this person just doesn't care and the feeling inside my heart isn't going away..

I think its natural to be upset cause we've been transgressed, but holding a grudge isn't right.. I dont know. It feels like you just can't help it especially when the person seems happy and not affected by what they have done..

We should rely on Allah (swt) will give them what they deserve.. we've done our part. Allah doesn't forget anyone's rights.. If they do repent, they will probably try to make things better, but if they don't .. we're just going to have to trust in Allah (swt) that He won't let our rights go down the drain

I don;t know if that helps at all, I'm trying to help myself also..
If anyone has anything to say about this, please do share, i'm interested in knowing as well

May Allah have mercy on us and forgive us all
Salam

So you probably go through the same emotion-cycles then???...and you must really know all about how it feels to be stuck in them..sigh..and you're right..I can't help feeling that way...I want to avoid even thinking of the whole thing..but sobhanallah..the thoughts just *sneak into* my head one way or another

Inshallah someone who is not going through this..or had moved on from something like it...give us a perspective...

 

[a_stranger]

I think it is natural to feel that way but as muslems we should never surrender to such feelings we should try to forgive, forget hoping for Allah`s forgiveness ....I think the more we think about the day of judgment and how we will be on that day the easier we can forgive......

 

[saima abdullah]

AOA.... its very natural to feel such things .... specially when u r in dipression... i also suffered such things ... but i find something very good alhumdulliah when ever u got such feelings find a place where u r cut off from the rest ... ask ur feelings to Allah in sajdah seek his help ... u ll feel that ur heart get lighter in the last u ll feel that u hav forgoten everything blv me ur problem will b end after such constent practice inshaAllah dont forgive other in the end of ur day by remembering this that we commit so n so sins but Allah forgive them
u earn His forgiveness by this act ... may Allah help us to keep our hearts clean