Hijab help..problems

[MubarekMuslimah]

Salaams brothers and sisters

Went to see my non-muslim family over Xmas and New Year period....had a conversation with my father that really upset and annoyed me, revolving around hijab and really now looking for some help in how to tackle the topic from here on in. I have been muslim for 4 years alahamdulillah and wearing hijab for about 14 months alhamdulillah...

the conversation went something like this.....

Me and my mum having a conversation about some health problems me and my hubby having....
Dad at other end of room and suddenly says :" you know if I had just 1 wish for you....."
Me: " yes? what would it be...?" ( thinking it would be an end to the health probs...)
Him :"I wish you would take that scarf off your head"
me ( stunned silence..)
Him:" I go to London all the time and I never see any muslim women in scarves..."
Me: ( knowing this isn't true since live in London) "where do you go in London?"
Him " <business area of London> but thats not the point...I never see any muslim women wearing it on the tube or train"
Me : (thinking how can you tell if they are muslim then if not wearing a scarf?? ) " Well I will be honest with you, its an obligation."
Him : " No its not actually."
me : " yes it is." ( getting irate now...stirring tea like mad woman.)
Him : " No its not. I have asked them. They said its not."
Me - walked out the room to save myself from saying something very disrespectful to my non-muslim father about how dare he tell me the muslim how to practice my faith.....

Ok....so on one hand I am clearly upset ( even now about 2 weeks later) that a) his one wish for me is to take my scarf off and not an end to my other problems b) that he had the cheek to tell me the muslim how to practice Islam...can't imagine him doing that to any other muslim he knows c) that he seems to think I put hijab on without researching it or thinking about it d) I could go on....theres loads more ...

But that is for me to deal with...May Allah swt grant me sabr insha'allah....what I would like to know is IF he is being truthful and he asked some muslim women about hijab ( ones who dont wear it I might add) WHO ARE these muslim women who dont wear it and tell him its not necessary??? I have many sisters as friends who took time to wear it like me or still dont wear it yet but every single one of them will put their hands up and accept that it is an obligation and they should be wearing it.....who are these muslim women who tell a non-muslim that its not an obligation and cause these problems for the rest of us??? Furthermore I am not convinced anyway he did ask anyone anyway since how would he know they were muslim if they werent wearing the scarf and also its not like you can go up to a complete stranger and ask them about something as personal as that. I am also brewing cos he seems to take hearsay from a stranger over the word of his daughter and that he didnt think to ask me why I wear it but think he knows better...he wouldnt dare speak to anyone else that rudely about their religion.

What I would really like now is some advice from bros and sis on how to handle the situation.....we dont speak that easily and I dont want a big row with him but I need to do something.....any advice please???

thanks for reading if you go this far and please make du'a that he comes to realise to listen to me and not just hear what he wants to hear......its only a scarf, a piece of material over my hair after all.........

Wasalaams

 

[muhammad.abdullah]

Short tips sister

You tell your dad that its even obligatory for the christian women to wear it. Ask him if he ever saw a nun without the 'penguin' garb. Ask him if its alright if some pervert fantasizes about his daughter. Ask him that who would he look at if a muslim woman in hijab and a women without hijab are standing at a place together. He would obviously go for the lady who is diplaying her stuff. And oh oh! one last thing, ask him to show you one fresco of virgin marry without a headcover. He will surely go bonkers on this and walk out slamming the door behind him or would ask you to mind your tongue. BUT once he knows that you know what your doing and you mean what you know, then he probably will never attack you and better yet, it would plant a seed in his heart for research about islam. Do let me know what happened if you plan on trying this technique....

wasalam

 

[alkathiri]

:salam2:

You should tell you dad that you love him very much . InshAllah his heart will turn soft.

 

[abz88]

tell him the quran says in 24:30-24:31 that it is obligatory peace

 

[isabelelsherif]

dads will be dads especially non muslim dads they hear what they want to hear not what is the truth , they hear something and twist it to their advantage so dont get to upset he means well in his own way he loves you very much so just let it go you know you are doing the right thing

:tti_sister:

 

[Umm_Ibrahim]

assalamo aleikum

Tell him that unfortanlly not all muslims foloow islam as it should be, and yes even cristhians and jewesh shopuld wear it, show himm the quran and say that u r doing the right thing, and it is a obligtion, and for him don't listen to bad muslims inshALlah everything will b e ok, my parents are also cristhians i know how it is, may ALlah Swt guide u wll make doa for u salamat

 

[arabiantxn]

:salam2:

You should tell you dad that you love him very much . InshAllah his heart will turn soft.

:salam2: their you go brother alkathri has the answer for you .. i might add your father is your father i have upmost rescect for him .but do realize he doesn't mean harn or bad he is just giving his opinion and what he wants you to do. take care -

 

[hussain.mahammed]

As salamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wabrakatuhu sister

This is a test for you, so you gotta pass it. Increase your level of patience and tolerance. You have to bite off the harsh words from your parents and show them you have control over your emotions. You are the only Muslim known to your family who is practising according to Quran and Sunnah, so you have to show them the Truth. Its hard practically but that is the ultimate test of patience.

On the other hand, dont let yourself down. Make your Eeman grow more and be steadfast. Steadfastness holds the key to reaching higher levels of Eeman by the grace of Allah Subhanahu wa Taala.

Remember your heart is not in control of you but Allah Subhanahu wa Taala, so make duas that Almighty Allah gives strength, courage and make your heart firm.

Above all make duas for him and other members of your family so that they come into the fold of Islam.

Debating or arguing is not the key to solving problems. Guidance comes from Allah Subhanahu wa Taala. Your duty is to convey the message of Prophet Muhammed (pbuh). He is your father, so make yourself determined to face any harsh situation. Tell him that he needs to listen and believe in his daughter, not listen to any unknown person about Islam. Small actions can have big effects. Always show your love towards your mom and dad.

Remember that during the time of Prophet Muhammed (pbuh), people did not just abuse by mouth but they inflicted physical torture on the sahabas. Still that did not stop them from spreading the truth. But as present day Muslims, we become angry to any small hostile situation.

This life will come to an end, sooner or later. Eternal life is in the Hereafter, when the wrongdoers will receive their penalty.

I make duas for you and your family.

wa/salam

 

[flamingo1]

Salaams brothers and sisters

Went to see my non-muslim family over Xmas and New Year period....had a conversation with my father that really upset and annoyed me, revolving around hijab and really now looking for some help in how to tackle the topic from here on in. I have been muslim for 4 years alahamdulillah and wearing hijab for about 14 months alhamdulillah...

the conversation went something like this.....

Me and my mum having a conversation about some health problems me and my hubby having....
Dad at other end of room and suddenly says :" you know if I had just 1 wish for you....."
Me: " yes? what would it be...?" ( thinking it would be an end to the health probs...)
Him :"I wish you would take that scarf off your head"
me ( stunned silence..)
Him:" I go to London all the time and I never see any muslim women in scarves..."
Me: ( knowing this isn't true since live in London) "where do you go in London?"
Him " <business area of London> but thats not the point...I never see any muslim women wearing it on the tube or train"
Me : (thinking how can you tell if they are muslim then if not wearing a scarf?? ) " Well I will be honest with you, its an obligation."
Him : " No its not actually."
me : " yes it is." ( getting irate now...stirring tea like mad woman.)
Him : " No its not. I have asked them. They said its not."
Me - walked out the room to save myself from saying something very disrespectful to my non-muslim father about how dare he tell me the muslim how to practice my faith.....

Ok....so on one hand I am clearly upset ( even now about 2 weeks later) that a) his one wish for me is to take my scarf off and not an end to my other problems b) that he had the cheek to tell me the muslim how to practice Islam...can't imagine him doing that to any other muslim he knows c) that he seems to think I put hijab on without researching it or thinking about it d) I could go on....theres loads more ...

But that is for me to deal with...May Allah swt grant me sabr insha'allah....what I would like to know is IF he is being truthful and he asked some muslim women about hijab ( ones who dont wear it I might add) WHO ARE these muslim women who dont wear it and tell him its not necessary??? I have many sisters as friends who took time to wear it like me or still dont wear it yet but every single one of them will put their hands up and accept that it is an obligation and they should be wearing it.....who are these muslim women who tell a non-muslim that its not an obligation and cause these problems for the rest of us??? Furthermore I am not convinced anyway he did ask anyone anyway since how would he know they were muslim if they werent wearing the scarf and also its not like you can go up to a complete stranger and ask them about something as personal as that. I am also brewing cos he seems to take hearsay from a stranger over the word of his daughter and that he didnt think to ask me why I wear it but think he knows better...he wouldnt dare speak to anyone else that rudely about their religion.

What I would really like now is some advice from bros and sis on how to handle the situation.....we dont speak that easily and I dont want a big row with him but I need to do something.....any advice please???

thanks for reading if you go this far and please make du'a that he comes to realise to listen to me and not just hear what he wants to hear......its only a scarf, a piece of material over my hair after all.........

Wasalaams

Assalam Aleykum Warah'matulahi Wabarakat

sis .. your father does not believe in what you beleive in, (Islam) and therefore his way of showing this to you is by telliing you to take your scarf off. It's not good for you to get that angry but 2 educate your family about Islam and women, it's not whether he asked or not girls/women in London about hijab, it's about his lack of knowledge, so it's in your place to educate your family about this matter.

It's not what all muslim women do that makes Islam what it is. people intercept islam in different ways. Other sisters may think that it is not ok to not wear the hijab while others think there is no obligation at all in wearing one, its what you feel is right......
In the end sister, It's you who will show your parents and relatives what Islam is all about,... you must be patient and understanding towards them(your father)
inshallah everything will work out.
and May ALLAH relieve you from your health problems........ AMIN
Assalamu alaikum waramutullahi wabarakat

 

[Rosheen]

Salaams

Sister i too have had the same problem....i hadn't seen my dad for 3 years and before he even says hello he said 'take that thing off your head'. And :astag: I did (albeit it for 2 days)....all i can say is mashallah that you haven't.

Your dad is wrong to tell you he knows muslim women don't wear the scarf and don't have to....my dad did the same . It broke my heart. All you can do is show him the section of Qu'ran were it is written that we must cover and Inshallah he will see why you are wearing the hijab.

All I can do is make dua that he will see sense.

 

[proudmuslimah]

Food For Thought

Nowhere in the Quran does it say that a woman should wear a scarf on her head. Instead it says that women should guard their modesty.

The requirements of hijab can be divided into the following categories.

Lower your gaze
Guard your modesty
Not display your beauty and ornaments except what appears ordinarily
Draw veils over bosoms
Not display beauty

So a woman can be wearing hijab by dressing in a modest way.

In the days of the Prophet Muhammed (pbuh) he instructed his wives to fully cover themselves when in public and to remain in the house as much as possible because their lives were being threatened. Because we follow sunnah many Muslims have adopted this as the norm and it has become embedded in many cultures, however it was never laid down by Allah (swt).

Even before the message of Islam was sent down by Allah (swt) to the Prophet Muhammed (pbuh) women (pagan, jew, christian) wore scarves to cover their hair. It was a sign of wealth and class. The wealthier and higher class women covered their hair while poorer women did not.

Another point I want to make is simply this...Your faith should come from your heart. It does not come simply by dressing a certain way. I have seen many women who wear hijab, but put a mask of makeup. To me wearing hijab is a sign of my humility and respect to Allah (swt). It is for no one on this earth.

And remember we should be careful not to judge others especially other Muslims.

 

[Mairo]

Salam Sisters,

ProudMuslimah, I believe the quote from the Quran you are referring to is this one:

[24.31] And say to the believing women that they cast down their looks and guard their private parts and do not display their ornaments except what appears thereof, and let them wear their head-coverings over their bosoms, and not display their ornaments except to their husbands or their fathers, or the fathers of their husbands, or their sons, or the sons of their husbands, or their brothers, or their brothers' sons, or their sisters' sons, or their women, or those whom their right hands possess, or the male servants not having need (of women), or the children who have not attained knowledge of what is hidden of women; and let them not strike their feet so that what they hide of their ornaments may be known; and turn to Allah all of you, O believers! so that you may be successful.

Head coverings are mentioned here. I am not fluent in Arabic, so I do not know what the original word would be or if the translation is accurate. However, it is well documented in hadith that it is Sunnah for a woman to fully cover her body when in pubic, with the exception of the face, hands and feet. Examples of some of the hadith are as follows:

Narrated Aisha, Ummul Mu'minin: The Prophet said: Allah does not accept the prayer of a woman who has reached puberty unless she wears a veil. Sunnan Abu Dawud 2:641

Narrated Aisha, Ummul Mu'minin: Asma bint Abu Bakr, entered upon the Apostle of Allah wearing thin clothes. The Apostle of Allah turned his attention from her. He said: O Asma', when a woman reaches the age of menstruation, it does not suit her that she displays her parts of body except this and this, and he pointed to her face and hands. Sunnan Abu Dawud 32:4092

Narrated Umm Salama Hind bint Abi Umayya, Ummul Mu'minin: When the verse "That they should cast their outer garments over their persons" was revealed, the women of Ansar came out as if they had crows over their heads by wearing outer garments. Sunnan Abu Dawud 32:4090

Narrated Safiya bint Shaiba: 'Aisha used to say: "When (the Verse): "They should draw their veils over their necks and bosoms," was revealed, (the ladies) cut their waist sheets at the edges and covered their faces with the cut pieces." Sahih Bukhari 6:60:282, Sunnan Abu Dawud 32:4091

In the Quran we are instructed many times to obey Allah and his messenger Muhammad. For example:

[4.59] O you who believe! obey Allah and obey the Apostle and those in authority from among you; then if you quarrel about anything, refer it to Allah and the Apostle, if you believe in Allah and the last day; this is better and very good in the end.

[24.52] And he who obeys Allah and His Apostle, and fears Allah, and is careful of (his duty to) Him, these it is that are the achievers.
[24.54] Say: Obey Allah and obey the Apostle; but if you turn back, then on him rests that which is imposed on him and on you rests that which is imposed on you; and if you obey him, you are on the right way; and nothing rests on the Apostle but clear delivering (of the message).


I actually do not currently wear hijab, I have found it too difficult to do so in my current environment. But I do recognize that it is recommended in Islam to do so, and I understand the reasons why. And I do intend to wear it again in the future. As you mentioned above, fatih comes from the heart, and Allah knows our hearts.

 

[Mairo]

MubarekMuslimah,

I have also had some difficulty with my father concerning Islam, but not related to wearing the hijab. I am fortunate that for the most part my father is respectful of my new religion. But as I learn more about Islam I find new things that demand a change in behaviour on my part, and some of these things affect my relationship with my family.

The biggest issue right now between us is the use of alchohol. In Islam not only is it haram to drink alchohol, but it is also haram to have anything to do with the production, distribution, buying or selling of alchohol, and you should not be in an evironment where people are drinking alcohol or sit at a table where alcohol is drunk.

I have explained this to my father and it actually enrages him. I have explained that I just want to follow the instruction I have been given, I am not making up these rules myself! But now he takes every opportunity to say how he knows Muslims who drink or socialize with people who are drinking, he has visited Malaysia (a muslim country) and had no problem ordering alchohol in a restaurant, etc. etc. I was even called "crazy" for not drinking alcohol by a friend of my father's wife, who is a muslim originally from Iran who now lives in the US.

It can be frustrating and discouraging to be facing such things. I have realized the only thing I can do is try my best to understand Islam by praying to God to remain among his guided servants, and from studying the Quran and Sunnah and do my best to put it into actions in my life, regardless of what people will say. It is not easy! Hopefully we will be able to find support for each other here.

God bless everyone