I have a problem in regards to marriage, my father

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Jannah03

Junior Member
History: my father has refused many suitors for the past 6 or 7 years. Even to one that i really wanted to marry. :girl3: Brothers in the community have tried to correct him on his deen and have tried telling him the importance of marriage. He has refused. The brothers who tried to talk to him no longer live in the community.

Well there is this brother, that i have found(my father hasnt actively looked for a suitor for me), and we tried to get my father involved:) , but for some reason my dad believes that i will quit college when im married. his plan for me was to get my Masters degree, live by myself for 3 years, then 'think' about getting married. Ive tried giving him daleel about marriage, but to no avail. For all the times ive bought up marriage we come to very heated arguements. (I mean HEATED arguments!) This time he took 'my car' and my insurances, and said things i wont say on this forum.

We went to a masjid to have a sit-down with them imam, but he wont conduct it unless my dad approves. Ive told him that he does not want to be the wali, ive even told him my father has refused many suitors in the past. and according to Uthaymeen his rights as my guardian have expired. I dont know what to do. Me and my father have never had a good relationship. Ive done what i could to make him happy but it wont happen. Should i just try another masjid? Also for anyone of you, have you had a fight with parents, how did you start communicating with them again? FYI: im scared of him. astaghfirallah, i know i should only fear Allah, but the things ive been through with this man have scarred me. Ive even been to therapy because of him. Im salafi, he hates salafi's, i also wear niqab, he hates that ive chosen to wear it. i havent told him im salafi since im scared of what he'll say. Bruises heal but words can stay with you forever. i need help. At first my dad was happy about it, then he hated, then he was happy, then he hated it (you get the picture) Its been so up and down. I havent talked to my dad since then. I cant take it anymore. i want to talk to him, to convince him to at least approve of this so that we can get our nikkah. im about to cry as i type this. also i dont have any other male relatives who are muslim. What do i do? Jazakallahu khair
 
Basicofislam

Basicofislam

sister
:salam2: sister . God this one confusing situation. I really feel you need to write to a sheikh and get his opinion in this matter.
 
Akilah

Akilah

Junior Member
:salam2: Sis,

You will be in my duaas and Inshallah this will all be worked out for you soon. From what I understand for your dad as wali, his right as a wali to you is invalid since he has turned down suitors who are of good moral character for no valid reason. I would suggest you go to another masjid. Just because they do not want to accomodate you doesn't mean that another masjid would not. I mean seriously what are they thinking... astaghfirullah sometime bad should happen, but women need to be married and when there is a good muslim man available for marriage you should go for it. That's half your deen sis, and no one should stop you from it. But i would advise you to keep on your best terms with you father despite all of this. We must always keep relations with kin as I know you are well aware of. Just have sabr but be proactive on this matter. Allah will resolve all for you. I love you for the sake of Allah I swear I really feel for you. but seriously don't cry, it'll work out inshallah.
 
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Jannah03

Junior Member
Naam ahki. childhood abuse, father, marriage, plus i havent talked to him, being scared of him, wont be my wali, and imams wont marry me since he wont approve. yeah......its very confusing
 
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Jannah03

Junior Member
Jazakallahu khair, how should i start the conversation with my father. with me being scared of him and for some time i WAS angry. but im chicken when it comes to him. Do you perhaps have any pointers? i cant email him since he doesnt have an email account. (sigh) any positive feedback would be most greatly appreciated.
 
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Jannah03

Junior Member
asalaamu alakum warahmatullah, jazakallahu khair for that fatwa. i really appreciate it. should i show this fatwa to an imam? this seems to be my only proof to show him. the imam does not know my father personally since this is in another city, since im in college away from him. i really do appreciate this. jazakallahu khair
 
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Jannah03

Junior Member
Of course my father has known ive been wanting to marry him for months, and he even suggested we get married this ramadan, but now that has changed, as it always has. please clarify inshallah. Jazakallahu khair. You are removing some uneasiness in my heart. I really appreciate everyone who has replied to this.
 
dna1987

dna1987

Muslim Guy
Perhaps you can print off that fatwa by Sheikh Uthaymeen that says that the imam or the sheikh can act as the Wali in certain situations. And then explain to the imam about your situation and how it is relevant. InshAllah the imam will take it from there and tell you what he thinks. Salam alikum.
 
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nasiruyola

Junior Member
SALAM
THE FATWA BY THE GRAND SHEIKH BN TAIMIYYA (RAHAMATULLAHI TA'ALA ALAIhi) is commendable but PLEASE DO YOUR BEST TO CONVINCE YOUR FATHER AND IF NECESSARY, CONTACT HIS SUPERIORS IN YOUR FAMILY SUCH AS YOUR GRAND PARENTS IF THEY ARE ALIVE, his senior brothers/sisters e.t.c
ma'assalam
 
A

Al-Gharib

No Victor But Allah!
:salam2:

According to the fatwa, as your father is refusing to get you married to compatible suitors, he forefits his right as your wali, in which case your wali becomes your nearest male relative...

however, it is advisable to try persuading your father first, and if things still dont work, then take the drastic step. It is your right after all.
 
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Jannah03

Junior Member
They are all non-muslims and 2 are alcoholics. muslimeen, ive tried talking to this man, even others in the community know he is hard to talk to you. I dont want to say what he said he would do to muslim brothers who proposed to me but he was going to hurt them very badly (he told them this inside the masjid!) astaghfiruallah.
 
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Al-Gharib

No Victor But Allah!
:salam2:

Ukhti, then in this case your wali becomes the Qadi... I would recommend you go and talk to the Imaam of your local mosque, and show him the fatwa, as well as trying to explain the situation... see what happens from there...
 
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Angela Hillyer

Junior Member
Salam Alaikom

Maybe try writting a letter to him so that way u can sit down and take your time and actually think about what u want to write and say to him.

I am also a chicken when it comes to my dad and have never been brave enough to say how i feel but in your situaution you NEED to talk to him. May Allah help and guide you. Inshallah everything goes well for you.
 
Z

zaid6236

Junior Member
:salam2: hello sis, if you think Allah is with you and you know you are doing the right thing so just go for it. Then you will know what will going to happen. Feel sorry don't mean anything. All this happen because we are not under one Islamic rules. this is why they are confused. If we are under one ruler of Islam in this world then the islamic law is much more easier to follow.the imam or masjid easy to handle your case.Now what happen is that you have find hadith and bla..bla to get you teh right to get married. All of us shoul take this as a big problem in islamic society. We should have one and only islamic country in this world so that everyone have to follow the islamic law. Then we can find peace and happines because Allah bless us for doing the same thing like our prophets do. learn and think from history itself that is why we are given Quran. With Quran and sunnah of previous prophets Muhammad (peace upon him ) manage to conquered the world so why not us. This is what Islam is all about not just religious. :wasalam: :)
Jannah03 said:
Of course my father has known ive been wanting to marry him for months, and he even suggested we get married this ramadan, but now that has changed, as it always has. please clarify inshallah. Jazakallahu khair. You are removing some uneasiness in my heart. I really appreciate everyone who has replied to this.
Click to expand...
 
A

Al-Gharib

No Victor But Allah!
:salam2:

your comments are all well and good akhi... but we need to look at reality... there's a huge difference between wanting "one nation" and actually seeing one...

:wasalam:
 
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