Noor El-Huda
Junior Member
Salam alaykum everybody, I am new on TTI
I am a born muslim, and I’ve joined this website because I am married to a revert, and I thought that probably some of you here could help me understand some of the issues I am facing and give me some feedback.
I ‘ve been married to a revert for 2 ½ years, however, sadly he does not have an interest in learning about Islam. I realised this right from the start, and when I discussed it with him, he mentioned that he hadn’t been having the time and that with my help things would be easier.
But there’s been hardly any progress, or his own efforts. Infact he is still debating the same issues that he had when we first met, “polygamy, and the marriage of Ayesha to the prophet PBUH. I am not the one to judge how true or not he is a muslim, but what I know for sure is that he has no interest to learn. There is this huge sadness inside me that our lives are so different. He is into his heavy metal music and I’m into watching and listening to Islamic videos and hoping to keep progressing. What I find is that the only thing he seems to like about Islam is that a woman covers up and that giving up alcohol helped his health.
I feel I am a nuisance when I ask him that we watch an Islamic video together, read the Quran, go to a lecture. He doesn’t hide the fact that he goes for my sake, because it means a lot to me. He thinks he is making me happy when he says that, but it hurts me that he is doing this for me, rather than he is motivated to learn and gain reward from Allah swt. Due to this lack of motivation, a lot of the times he finds any excuse to avoid learning. He prays and misses some, and I cannot say for sure if he does pray when I am not around. This whole thing makes me feel very insecure, especially that I know he had converted because of a woman before me, but their marriage did not last. Every time I discuss what is happening he tells me that I am using this as an excuse to get rid of him.
Recently, my sister who is divorced and has a special needs child became a co-wife. He said that polygamy should never happen nowadays because the world is different from how it was 1400 years ago. That it is disgusting and that we are all “ f**** weirdos” to accept polygamy for my sister . He got into a heated debate with a relative of mine about polygamy and he wanted to start a fight, but I begged them both to stop so my relative let it go. I felt that this situation could not continue and later asked for a divorce. He then issued threats that he will destroy me and my family as long as he is alive and was manipulating me into giving him money as compensation for wanting to leave him. He also made references to wanting money from my brother who has nothing to do with this.
When I wrote saying that I would seek legal means if he didn’t stop these threats, he stopped. I’ve separated from him since last 3 weeks. Now he is writing to say that he didn’t mean anything he said and that he was just angry. But, from what I know about his previous marriage to the muslim lady, he also threatened her and her family and exposed everything he knew about them. I feel I am dealing with someone who can be so nice, yet so dangerous , if I say we are not suitable.
He believes in revenging if a woman who leaves him because he believes that marriage is for life and I would have broken that promise. Although he had been very nice to me treatmentwise, however I am having to back down a lot on Islamic issues, and I feel that it is affecting my deen and making me very miserable. I feel that I am not helping him by being patient with his lack of interest in deen, because he is getting attached to me and feeling betrayed if I leave him, and wanting to revenge. And now that he has shown me a very nasty side if I decide to leave him, it has given me more of a reason to do so, because it has made me and my family feel very insecure. Any feedback on this situation is much appreciated. Jazkum Allah kheir for reading this.
I am a born muslim, and I’ve joined this website because I am married to a revert, and I thought that probably some of you here could help me understand some of the issues I am facing and give me some feedback.
I ‘ve been married to a revert for 2 ½ years, however, sadly he does not have an interest in learning about Islam. I realised this right from the start, and when I discussed it with him, he mentioned that he hadn’t been having the time and that with my help things would be easier.
But there’s been hardly any progress, or his own efforts. Infact he is still debating the same issues that he had when we first met, “polygamy, and the marriage of Ayesha to the prophet PBUH. I am not the one to judge how true or not he is a muslim, but what I know for sure is that he has no interest to learn. There is this huge sadness inside me that our lives are so different. He is into his heavy metal music and I’m into watching and listening to Islamic videos and hoping to keep progressing. What I find is that the only thing he seems to like about Islam is that a woman covers up and that giving up alcohol helped his health.
I feel I am a nuisance when I ask him that we watch an Islamic video together, read the Quran, go to a lecture. He doesn’t hide the fact that he goes for my sake, because it means a lot to me. He thinks he is making me happy when he says that, but it hurts me that he is doing this for me, rather than he is motivated to learn and gain reward from Allah swt. Due to this lack of motivation, a lot of the times he finds any excuse to avoid learning. He prays and misses some, and I cannot say for sure if he does pray when I am not around. This whole thing makes me feel very insecure, especially that I know he had converted because of a woman before me, but their marriage did not last. Every time I discuss what is happening he tells me that I am using this as an excuse to get rid of him.
Recently, my sister who is divorced and has a special needs child became a co-wife. He said that polygamy should never happen nowadays because the world is different from how it was 1400 years ago. That it is disgusting and that we are all “ f**** weirdos” to accept polygamy for my sister . He got into a heated debate with a relative of mine about polygamy and he wanted to start a fight, but I begged them both to stop so my relative let it go. I felt that this situation could not continue and later asked for a divorce. He then issued threats that he will destroy me and my family as long as he is alive and was manipulating me into giving him money as compensation for wanting to leave him. He also made references to wanting money from my brother who has nothing to do with this.
When I wrote saying that I would seek legal means if he didn’t stop these threats, he stopped. I’ve separated from him since last 3 weeks. Now he is writing to say that he didn’t mean anything he said and that he was just angry. But, from what I know about his previous marriage to the muslim lady, he also threatened her and her family and exposed everything he knew about them. I feel I am dealing with someone who can be so nice, yet so dangerous , if I say we are not suitable.
He believes in revenging if a woman who leaves him because he believes that marriage is for life and I would have broken that promise. Although he had been very nice to me treatmentwise, however I am having to back down a lot on Islamic issues, and I feel that it is affecting my deen and making me very miserable. I feel that I am not helping him by being patient with his lack of interest in deen, because he is getting attached to me and feeling betrayed if I leave him, and wanting to revenge. And now that he has shown me a very nasty side if I decide to leave him, it has given me more of a reason to do so, because it has made me and my family feel very insecure. Any feedback on this situation is much appreciated. Jazkum Allah kheir for reading this.
