New revert, New problems

[Phoenyx]

I am a 20 something year old woman and not only am I new to Islam, but, I am new to the city I live in.
I just recently moved to Denver, CO.
No family here at all and no friends.
I took my Shahada two months ago for all the wrong reasons, but still, with good intentions (however, that topic is for another post).

My problem now is, I live alone in a city where I know no one.... And i want to know someone !!

I grew up as a Christian and no matter where I lived, when I found a new church home, I felt welcomed. It was inviting and the women were amiable.
There were church groups and meetings. Social events. After Church it was never uncommon to have small dinners at times or be invited out. Discussing life and religion and being TAUGHT what you did not know.
Cant make it to church on Sunday morning? Thats ok !
Sunday Night Service, Tuesday Missionary meeting and prayer, Wednesday night bible study, Youth group, Women's group and Men's group meetings, Friday Night service, Saturday Day, choir rehearsal.

My point is, there was always an opportunity to go, hear about God, and meet new, like-minded people.
And if you were shy, they seemed to be understanding and tried to make you feel at home if you were new and unsure.


But now I go to Masjid when I can for Khutba and i know Saturday the Masjid has their community night after Fajr Prayer....
But I never get to go since i'm currently working in the retail industry.
That generally means Friday, Saturday and Sunday are taken up by work most of the day and/or evening.

I've tried to make other Prayers during the week on my days off, but have found, there are no women.

I want to learn, I want to be a part of the community, I want to make new friends.... But i cant find the community.
The few times i was able to make it for Khutba, everyone rushed out hurriedly and and weren't talking really. I felt odd hanging around.

The most anyone has said to me was after my shahada when they welcomed me into the faith. I haven't had a Hug, hand shake or as much as a hello since that day.

I dont know the protocol. I dont know how to pray. I dont know how to act. I dont know how to meet these women.
Which makes it more saddening for me because i desperately want to.

My understanding is that you should surround yourself with people you aspire to be like, but how can I when i dont know how to fit into this circle.
when i see them, I try to speak and be polite.
I try to ask questions or start a conversation.
But it gets me now where fast.
I know its my fault too. I have an introverted personality. I'm really a very shy person.
So when i approach people and see i'm getting no where, it scares me. :shymuslima1:
I find myself left wondering if i was being offensive since I dont know what i'm allowed to do.
I dont know how not to be rude or seen as wrong.

I'm just trying to live right.
Not hanging out with people that get drunk. Not dating anymore.
I try to teach myself by looking online and learning about Allah and His Prophets, the Quran, Hadiths...
I wear hijab, i try to dress modestly and not show anything no matter how Fat it makes me look lol
I try to live hijab mentally and not just physically... :tti_sister:

But this is the loneliest I've ever been.

I'm sorry if I just sound like i'm being a baby, i'm just so lost....

Do any other Reverts have this problem??

 

[Sakeena]

Dear Sister

Asalam alaikum wr wb dearo!!

I'm a revert to Islam, I'm not exactly new to Islam though. I reverted seven years ago (boy, how time flies by)! I reverted when I was 15. I am now 22. Anyway, yes I know how you feel.

I moved to Honolulu, Hawaii last summer (June) and I was anti-social for a while (that's completely natural for kids, teens, and young ppl).

My dad gave me a very hard time about my Islamic lifestyle and still hasn't accepted.

I met a Muslim sister on a bus down to Waikiki I'd say early November.

And most recently went to the masjid in another town far from where I live. But alhamdulilah many of the women are older or elderly. My new friend works and didn't come. I befriend the women even if they are a little older.

But I saw a sister I met at a Bollywood Party. She's from Saudi Arabia.

MashaAllah.

Even though it took me like five months to meet and make friends with other Muslimahs here, there is still hope for you my dear. You don't want to befriend just any Muslim. They have to be on the Deen.

We can be friends. I know I'm a million miles away. But I know how you feel and I have struggles myself.

PM anytime you want InshaAllah.

ALLAH is your Best Friend. Perhaps He subhananu wa ta'ala wants you to talk to Him more. Don't think He isn't listening to your cries. He wants to bring you closer to Him without any distractions. Yes, I know, it can be very lonely! I've spent years being lonely without anyone to guide me or teach me this beautiful Deen. Even years without a Qur'aan....



By the way, I would always be afraid to approach anyone, especially other Muslims for fear of them judging me (as this has happened to me before in the past)...so I would write them a quick note saying I'm a revert to Islam, my name, and asking them if we can talk...nowadays, I don't feel as scared anymore..I know...lol..

If you need anything, don't hesitate to ask and remember ALLAH loves you.

Get to know Him first. And ask Him to send you Muslimah friends of good deen who will love you for His sake inshaAllah.

HUGS!! Salaam.

 

[Aapa]

Assalaam walaikum,

Let me welcome you to the family of TTI. And there are many of us here.

One of the problems is most Muslim women are shy. It takes time for them to get to know you. They will do little things to welcome you.

Islam is not the social club that Christianity is. The focus is different. Remember, we are trying to strive for heaven. Thus, time is filled with prayer.
It is why marriage is so important in Islam.

I suggest you call the imam of the masjid and speak to his wife. Ask her for direction. At most masjids there is a sister with knowledge. She is the one that everyone will direct you to meet. Tell her you wish to learn. And InshaAllah, they will guide you to one with knowledge.

In the meantime, we are all here. Write to us. Keep posting and join the Sisters Club here. Think of your state as one who is going through growing pains. Not to worry, we are here, sister for you.

 

[alf2]

It's true, a lot of Muslim events take place on a weekend day. Can you get a day off every other week or something? I am part of a Muslimah volleyball team and I work retail too. I request every other Saturday off so I can work, but also spend time with my sisters in Islam

I am also a revert, and I have had different experiences with churches. When I used to go to churches, no one would talk to me. Even as a child, they would leave me in the back and not tell me to go to Sunday school or anything. My parents sent me to church alone and it was a very terrible experience.

I also once tried to join a women's halaqa and they actually were not very nice to me and saying "we dont think this group is for you" And iM like....you've met me for 2 minutes, how can you possibly know that?

That kind of deterred me from being active in the Islamic community. But trust me, you need it sister. You need a support group and friends who are Muslim. I was alone for literally, YEARS and it really took an emotional toll on me.

Anyway, the sisters I play Volleyball with I had to make an advancement to them. I actually emailed the Masjid, told them I was a revert and I needed to be active in the Islamic community with some sisters. THAT NIGHT, this sister emailed me and told me to contact her. 1 week later, I drove an hour to this Masjid and met them. It was SOOOOOOOOOOO blessed alhamdulilah. Everyone was happy to meet me, wanted to hear my story, and gave me gifts. Now we all keep in contact by phone and a facebook group to schedule our volleyball games

Speak to some sisters, go up to them. As Aapa said, Muslimahs can be very shy. Actually at our Masjid, we have this 1 social butterfly sister who will literally go up to anyone and say, "Salaam alaykum, are you part of our volleyball team yet? We'd love to meet you!" While others are quiet, making salaah and leaving.

Do you know what the #1 cause of people being quiet is? Shy, wanting someone else to make the first move. Dont do this dance, where you're scared, but they're also scared. Go up, say salaams, and ask about some sister's activities And if they dont have one for the week, ask if they'd like to do something during the week.

I'm sure if i was like "Sisters, there is something I want to do on a Tuesday.." They would jump for joy at another thing to do, lol.

 

[OsMaN_93]

salam alikom,

For every bit of struggle and calamity that befalls you in this world, there is a reward to make up for it in the hereafter. Feel free to speak to people here for the time being, this forum is full of friendly and helpful Muslims, and many who are in the same situation as you (just like Sakeena above)!

When you go the masjid (or mosque), tell the imam (or sheikh) that you are new to Islam and you wish to make new Muslim friends who will support you, and give him your phone number to pass on to other sisters. I'm sure he will put you as a top priority, otherwise it's a sin for him to ignore you - so don't worry everyone will inshallah be friendly and welcoming once you get to know them.

May Allah recompensate you for your hardship, remember to keep in touch with us here and we will gladly help you too inshallah.

 

[Noor El-Huda]

Salam alaykum sister Welcome to Islam :ma: and to this forum.

Sister I know the feeling, because I used to be like you described, a bit of an introvert. I was once in a new country, wasn't sure hot to go about making friends. Sister I did really making sincere prayers for the issue because life was getting pretty boring, and alhamdullilah honestly I was surprised with getting plenty. I think it can be a bit tricky thing for muslims sisters to know when and how to approach a new muslim sister, they might wonder wether the sister might get bored about people asking them how they came to Islam and stuff. Im not a revert and these things do come to my mind when I see a new muslim sister, but now from the experiences of some reverts I've learnt that quite often this is not the case. I know things should be much better than that, there should be greater awareness but until then sister, try to build up some courage and approach sisters yourself, open conversations about circles or anything.

Sister you can consider starting a circle on a day that suits you. if you get a permission from the mosque to put up a notice of all the suitable days for you and leave your number to be contacted. It would be a learning together circle, so don't worry about how much knowledge you have. If you get one interested sister, it will grow inshallah. At present I'm going around mosques trying to find circles/activities on certain days because of work too. hmmm..if only we were that bit closer. Never mind.

So I might have to do the same inshallah. I remember once me and a friend started a circle of 3 people, alhamdulllah it was really good. None of us new anything much. You can take it in turn to read parts to each other, it can be as simple as you want. Then you can invite sisters to it and have lots offriend inshallah. Take care dear sister and I hope things become easier for you.

 

[sachin4islam]

Assalamu Alaikum:

Please join this group from Facebook ''New Muslims & Non-Muslims Interested in Islam''. This would help you InshaAllah a lot. The group is run by my sister. There are plenty of revert members in the group from U.S.

There on the group you may step by step upgrade your knowledge on Islam and learn basic tenets of Islam.

Let me know if find any interest. May Allah (SWT) ease your struggle.

Regards.

 

[Janaan]

=( That was by far the saddest thing I've heard all week.. May Allaah aid you in this journey of yours, dear sister!

Any advice I can give you might not be useful as I am not a revert nor have I ever been in such situations.. But, I'll tell you that after every hardship comes ease..! A Sahaabah(Companion of the prophet) names Salmaan al-farsi spen years, after years 'searching' and searching for the truth and finally, he discovered Islaam(in the form of Muhammad, peace be upon him). And you said you've only recently moved, so it'll take time before you 'fit in' and things are going well for you.. But Inshaa'Allaah, things will get better. In the mean time, continue gathering as much information as you can from the net. Browse this very site, you are bound to come across many links that'll be of benefit to you!

And also, as Aapa suggested, try to get in contact with the Imaams wife. I find that. even here, they're the 'masjid guide' as it is their husbands who know the ins and outs of what goes on in the majid..

PS. Welcome back to Islaam and to the Forum!

Hope to see more of you around, sister!:]

 

[Tomtom]

As'alaamu Alaikkum sis and welcome to TTI, people here are really beautiful and they will all help you Insha'allah.

Like you, there are so many reverts complaining of the lack of help they receive. There are cases where reverts are looked down upon by born muslims. In your case however it could be that people are really busy, even that is no excuse I know.

I am very lucky as I am lucky to be working and living in an Islamic country. In my case there is an Islamic centre here which helps new converts. They have given me tons of books and showed me how to pray and I am currently learning Arabic Insha'Alaah. On top of all this, they are taking a few of the new converts to Umrah in Makkah in January all for free.

Sis I know that there are not many masjids in the USA and if not the members lead a busy life then they probably come a long way away and they are probably anxious to get back home. Again, that is no excuse as helping a fellow muslim should be a priority and is considered charity.

All I can say sis is just hang in there and read the Holy Quran and Sunnah daily and pray the obligatory prayers. Get close to Allah Subhana Wa Ta'ala. I too sometimes feel lonely but it fades away as I have said to myself that we do not need any human companionship if we keep Allah Subhana Wa Ta'ala close. He is all we need. That thought itself is comforting.

 

[hana*]

Asalam alaikum wr wb dearo!!


ALLAH is your Best Friend. Perhaps He subhananu wa ta'ala wants you to talk to Him more. Don't think He isn't listening to your cries. He wants to bring you closer to Him without any distractions. Yes, I know, it can be very lonely! I've spent years being lonely without anyone to guide me or teach me this beautiful Deen. Even years without a Qur'aan....

.

that part was really beautiful and very true

 

[serena77]

salaams sister and welcome ....
i plan to take my shahada this month... haven't yet... but will... honestly i'm a bit frightened ... even before doing so. I'm in a situation thats even worse than yours... there is no masjid around here. none. I live in the bible belt.. and probably in the buckle of it. so i will be doing a lot of hiding things including from my own family ....

we are all here for you.. someone else made a great suggestion, request to join the sisters group here. I have found a lot of youtube videos if your interested to look up how to pray you will find so much. There's some really GOOD videos that often pop up at the top of the search.. just a thought... and i'm sure anyone here would be more than happy to answer any questions you might would have.

Welcome to the community... and congratulations on taking your shahada, may Allah smile upon you and make things easier for you.
Serena

 

[Perseveranze]

Asalaamu Alaikum,

“And for those who fear Allah, He (ever) prepares
A way out, And He provides for Him from (sources) he
never could imagine. And if Anyone puts his trust In
Allah, sufficient is (Allah) For him. For Allah will
Surely accomplish His purpose: Verily, for all things
has Allah appointed A due proportion.” Surah at-Talaaq 2-3

“And for those who Fear Allah, He will Make their
path easy.” Surah at-Talaaq 4

“That is the Command Of Allah, which He has sent
down to you: And if any fears Allah He will remove
his ills From him, and will enlarge His reward.” Surah at-Talaaq 5

​

 

[strive-may-i]

:salam2:
Extending warm greetings and tidings of good life both in here and hereafter. You have come to a right place, Its abuzz with activity, you will get to know and hear from people around world, you will hopefully not feel lonely... Welcome here...

The forum has quite a lot of tales of reverts, its inspiring and insightful.... We too are here to please Almighty Allah with right deeds...Participate here, ask your questions do not hesitate...

 

[a_stranger]

:salam2:

Dear ,you are most welcome .....please feel free to ask any question ...PM me any time I like to hear from you.....I am sure that many muslem women will be very happy to talk to you don't be shy ask them ....talk with them they are your sisters.

 

[Ameera]

Walikum Salaam Sister New Revert and Lonely

I too have the same issues that you have, I livee in my home with my children, I was christian before. My children are still christian as I did not convert them as they are following their father. We are divorced and I didnt revert for marriage so I now find my self alone sad praying for Allah (SWT) to guide me to do the right things, I prayed and prayed but my work was always getting in the way. I worked all hours from 6am till 1am sometimes not even getting home for two days, Last year I took a break down and I am recovering slowly, I find myself now not remembering what to say in Salat what actions to perform I only remember Al Fatiha, I have no other muslims living near me no one that I can ask for help I asked in my local mosque only to be told they have no sister classes or groups, I desperately want to get back to my faith and to Allah but how can I when I know nothing. Im sorry if I sound like a moaning female but I have much medications to take daily I can barely remember how to go out of the house because it scares me.